So we all know that in Spiderman: into the spider verse, they all come from universes which are like, different . What if they had different political leaders as well.

Peter B parker’s universe is more like ours so he’d have Trump as a president and can you just imagine the conversation…..

Peter B finds out that they have different political leaders.

Miles: of course Michelle Obama is the president. She’s awesome! Who do you have?

Peter B: *almost starts crying *

Spiderham: our president’s a horse in a hospital!

Everyone else: what?

Spiderham: our president’s a horse and he lives…in a hospital.

—this is dumb lmao—-

dan’s comedy at vidcon closing: a summary (with commentary)
  • this motherfucker really just walks out and stands there laughing while everyone’s screaming for him he’s so soft and i love him 
  • “where my lesbians at”, “any confused straight boys out there (that was me aged 13-JUST A PHASE)”, “any lowkey bisexuals out there” - a list of beautiful phrases that each came out of dan’s mouth at the beginning of this standup routine 
  • his first bit, which he claims is Not Funny, is the fact that they printed danisnotonfire on his badge
  • “i am back, and it turns out i was a massive queer the whole time” thank u dan very cool 
  • dan’s not allowed to be soft right now stop talking about how coming out was like rebirth and u feel all happy and new again
  • “i am babie. really. big babie. on the inside i am smol babie. physically i am very tol babie.” 
  • now he’s just complaining about people who think he’s Not awkward thank you dan 
  • dan talking about 2019 being this being 10 years since his first video…..i’d just like to talk about the fact that literally nobody has even thought about that until right now because we’re all too focused on ten years of “dan and phil” 
  • “i have commitment issues” -dan attempting to explain how he doesn’t want to upload constantly because he needs his time 
  • “a year without uploading he comes back with a fORTY FIVE MINUTE LONG VIDEO” 
  • dan’s making fun of his own coming out video….honey no it was perfect i promise 
  • dan fucking going on about something in his personal life that he did that he never told anyone as if it’s such a big deal and will change all our lives and then it turns out being him signing up for a marathon (and dropping out of said marathon) baby seasons change but people don’t 
  • unsurprisingly, dan joked about how he never exercises (other than ddr) 
  • dan attempting to run a marathon for charity (and to look good) and then giving up the night before is honestly the mood for us all 
  • “stomping on gay trauma with chunky running shoes” is the eventual and collective goal 
  • “this is a past tense story i’m telling right now” don’t call me out howell 
  • carb-loading and then not running, otherwise known as Just eating a bunch of carbs, is something i do quite often 
  • dan actually having to tell people he wasn’t gonna run i’m :( 
  • serious time dan talked about how it’s good to be able to say “no”, whether it’s accepting that you can’t do something or that you just don’t want to. thank u king 
  • a whole existential crisis occurred wherein dan wondered what would have happened had he not uploaded hello internet 
  • he keeps randomly talking about being gay and i think we can all relate to that
  • “what is better than just suffering? monetizing that suffering! no im kidding
  • dan thanked everyone there and everyone watching for making his life better on the internet I STAN ONE MAN 
  • “as for what’s next for dan? you wanna know? BITCH I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M HAVING FOR DINNER-” some things really Do never change we love a cryptic queer 
  • dan did say though that even though he doesn’t know what’s next for him, he’ll always be awkward dan who tells stories about his life on the internet. so we can all assume he’s got plenty more in store for us :) 

underrated john mulaney quotes:

  • “he never forgets a bitch ever
  • “…and he was almost impressed!”
  • “because we’re delta airlines / and life is a fucking nightmare”
  • “SCATTER!!!!!!!!”
  • “…which is some racist-ass bullshit, but also incredibly well coordinated for a group of thirteen year olds”
  • “i’m a little fat girl”
  • “the best thing about that was that after that, cars were pulling up and looking over to see who just did that piece of shit move, expecting to see like a 100-year-old blind dog who’s texting while driving and drinking a smoothie, instead they see a 28-year-old healthy man trying his best”
  • “and i was the ONE pre-y2k asshole going ‘and also with you!’”
  • “Don’t you have to do a shift at school tomorrow?” *drinking like it’s the end of the world* “Ehhhh, I’ll just show a video.” “That’s why teachers show videos?!”