standing up peeing

not being born with a penis..

is really hard :

-i just want to be able to feel something in my pants where the emptiness lies

-i want to be able to pee standing up and not be afraid of going into bathrooms

-i want to be able to TOUCH myself and feel natural and comfortable

-i want to be able to have SEX and not want to cry or be so angry that I am so uncomfortable

Somedays i sit here and i think… I really cannot wrap my head around why I wasn’t born with a penis when I physically and mentally know I am supposed to have one.

you know what I really like about contemporary Japanese Residential architecture? Some of it is like “fuck the outside, my house is more black than my soul, fuck windows in the front” *angry cat noises*  and then , some of it is like “what about a facade, but it’s like cheese , yea with them holes in it, made out of the most transparant construction materials u own,  please come in mi casa su casa u know”


I remember being told at a young age to put my shirt on at sleepovers, that I wasn’t one of the boys.
I remember trying to pee standing up at age 8 and making an absolute mess.
I remember the envy I felt and couldn’t explain over my guy friends’ Adam’s apples
And voices
And muscle tone.
While my body softened, though never became quite womanly, during puberty.
I remember my grandmother telling me to stop slouching
And never knowing why I wanted to hide my chest.
I remember starving myself to prevent any curves from staking claim on my body.
Looking back I remember these things, but it would be years until I came out.

I came out as queer (at the time, a lesbian) at 18 when I was out from under my parents roof.
I thought I had finally found my niche, my thing, my explanation to a lifelong unnamed unease.
I chopped my hair off, I loved women openly, and they loved me.
I was “happy” in my newfound confidence as a masculine of center person.
But I wasn’t.

Sometime around 20 I discovered that people could transition.
That gender wasn’t black and white
Or just what was assigned.
I came out as trans for the first time crying on my bathroom floor,
my girlfriend at the time tried to console me.
I never came out to my twin, she just knew
And though it took time, eventually she came around.
The first time I told my mother we were in Vegas
And I’d say it ruined the trip.
The first time I told a stranger my new name was at Starbucks
I was thrilled to hear someone call me Christopher
Even if they didn’t know any better.

It would take me the next two years to come out slowly
First to the my close friends
Then to strangers
And eventually a post on social media to address everyone else.
I had been going by Chris in private for about two years before the day I actually “came out” (again).
Some of us take time, and that’s alright.

Happy National Coming Out Day.

Things Trans Men should remember to help combat their dysphoria
  • Majority of cis men have breast tissue, and it is clearly visible when they wear any kind of shirt. 
  • Most cis men, unless very well endowed, do not have very noticeable bulges in their pants. 
  • Cis men with large, muscular pecs almost always look like they have breasts.
  • A lot of cis men cannot grow full beards. 
  • A lot of cis men only grown patchy facial hair. 
  • Not all cis men stand up to pee. 
  • There is no right or wrong way to dress and if you’re emulating cis men, their styles vary just as much as anyone else. 
  • You’re you, and you’re awesome. 

“Yeah I mean it’s been crazy. I never thought I’d be stopped by anyone. So at this moment I’m [filming in this] tiny, little Spanish-speaking town and I went out on Saturday and I got stopped so much. [But this one time] I was having a pee, you know, just minding my own business, and this guy – who’s also having a pee – stands up next to me and turns his head and is like, “WAIT, ARE YOU?“”

Sir rules
  1. You come to Sir for full obedience and service. Service and obedience are not only « in the bedroom », but in each aspect of life.
  2. Slave doesn’t come to Sir for his own pleasure, which his only Sir’s pleasure when slave serves on the appropriate way.
  3. Hygiene and appropriate clothing are always required. If Sir doesn’t give special orders, slave wears only chastity device and collar at home (sometimes jockstrap if ordered). Kneepads if ordered. Hygiene includes clean ass in each moment, adapted haircut and neat shave (face, ass, balls, dick). Beard can be authorized by Sir.
  4. Slave must obey in each moment to Sir’s orders. Infractions are always punished.
  5. Silence is the rule, exept when Sir orders to talk or to answer a question.
  6. Slave has his regular place in the house : on his knees, in the corner, when not in service.
  7. Appropriate talking with respect is always required : « Yes Sir », « Please Sir », « Thank You Sir ». « No Sir » shouldn’t exist.
  8. Full service includes : house cleaning, ironing, cooking, arranging Sir’s bed, shoes and feet service, sexe service.
  9. Slave must respect hours ordered by Sir, include curfew : Sir says at what time he will wake up the day after. Breakfast must be ready when Sir wakes up.
  10. Slave is required to anticipate when he disobeyed : if he has commited an offense, he says it immediately. He doesn’t wait Sir discovers it.
  11. Smoking and drinking alcohol are not permitted for slaves at Sir’s house.
  12. Cuming is not for slave. He will be put in chastity during his stay at Sir’s home.
  13. Slave must sit when he pees. Stand up is for Sir, and slave mustn’t smear Sir’s lavatory.
  14. Sport and gym are Sir’s way of life : must be the same for slaves. Slave will take care of his body for better service. He will go to gym when Sir orders.
  15. Slave is required to always tell the truth to his Sir : includes medical problems, impossibility to follow an order, fears, etc
  16. DISCIPLINE must be your way of life and your favorite word in each moment.
  17. Punishments can be : corporal punishments with hands and implements (belt, strap, cane, tawse, whip, wooden hairbrush or bathbrush, paddle,…). Generally on his ass, sometimes on his back, on his chest, on his abs or on his hands. Slap face. Silence. Cornertime. Ear pulling. Copy lines. Mouthsoaping, Cold shower. Bondage, handcuffs. Sleeping on the floor…

Sir’s limitations (and will never broken) : drugs, bareback, FF, blood, scat.

Sir will have regular interviews with his slave, to make a point and to fix new goals. It’s the moment to talk about your attitude, your progression, your fears, your wishes.

Sir promises totale security, protection and appropriate discipline for slave’s progression.

You will come to the first training session with a notebook. On this notebook you will copy 3 X those rules, to make sure all is understood before your training session.

If after some training sessions, a total slavery (24/7/365) is decided by mutual agreement, new rules can been added.

hey ppl should know that the simpsons screencap going around of marge saying “just cause you’re a lesbian, it doesn’t make you less of a bein” is from a super super transmisogynistic episode where a “man” “dresses up as a woman” and tricks marge’s sister into almost marrying them. they get caught when marge sees them pee standing up and later rips off their collar at the altar in front of all the guests, revealing their adam’s apple

This Step is Hard Too Part 1

Winchester Brothers x Sister Reader, reader is 15 years old 

 Warnings: Language 

 Word Count: 1,369

Summary: The reader is going through some rough challenges with her sexuality and Charlie is there to help. But before they can fix the problem, a hunt gets in the way.

Originally posted by cupcakesam

Originally posted by inacatastrophicmind

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I was wondering if anyone who has had bottom surgery would talk about the way it feels? Does it become erect naturally? Morning wood? Is standing to pee hard? What's the sexual sensation like? I know they're kind of weird questions but. I'm curious about the little things

Hopefully some people will feel comfortable talking about their own personal experiences, but to answer some of your questions:

Does it become erect naturally?
It depends on the type of lower surgery that you opt for.  Phalloplasty, which uses a skin graft from either the arm, abdomen, or less commonly, the thigh, cannot get spontaneously get erect as there is no erectile tissue.  In order to get an erection with phalloplasty an erectile device is required, taking the form of either a pump or a bendable rod inserted into the phallus.

With metoidioplasty the existing “growth” from testosterone is released and freed up, so the erectile tissue remains the same, allowing it to get erect on its own just as it would before lower surgery.  This means that it would be possible to wake up with “morning wood”.

Is standing to pee hard?

There can be a bit of a mental barrier against standing to pee initially, as your body is trained not to let you pee standing up to avoid you wetting yourself.  After a while your subconscious catches up and realised that it’s now okay.  Some people also find that they get quite pee-shy if they’re using urinals, but this isn’t a problem unique to trans people.

Some people can have issued with dribbling after urinating as there can be some urine left in the new part of the urethra.  Running a hand down the length of the urethra to milk it out can help.  This is more commonly an issue with phalloplasty than with metoidioplasty as the urethra is much longer.

Due to the shorter length of metoidioplasty it can take a little trial and error to find a method of peeing standing that works best.  It can sometimes be too difficult to clear the fly, but most people find that they can pee standing by undoing the top button of the trousers as well.

What’s the sexual sensation like?

Again, this depends on the type of lower surgery.  With phalloplasty they try to hook the existing nerves up to one relocated to the new phallus, where possible, to give sensation down the length of the penis.  There are also a couple of options for what can be done with the original growth, either burying it under the skin where it can still be stimulated, or leaving it nestled between the penis and the scrotum where it can be accessed easier.

With metoidioplasty, as things are rearranged less, sensation should remain very similar to how it was prior to lower surgery.

~ Alex

J.’s passing tips for FTMs

Um hello there.
After reading several guides myself, practicing, finding out what’s comfortable for me and so on and so forth, I decided to write a passing guide myself, for all those FtM people out there who need a bit of help.

First: Clothing.
✘ Clothing is a very important point. Feminine clothing obviously will not help you passing as a male. Keep that in mind when you are out shopping (on your own, or with a person who knows about your mental state - a little help from a second pair of eyes is worth more than rubies.)
✘ Despite what people say - rather stick to bigger sizes! I’ve made this experience myself. Look, your body shape is the one of a woman. (I know it’s hard, I fvck up myself because of that every single day again, but it just is a fact you shouldn’t forget about.) You need to cover up this shape and this won’t work when you buy men’s clothing in your very size (mine is - German -  M/L, idk what sizes are existing over the whole world), because then you just look like a butch girl in men’s clothing. But don’t break the limit of oversizing. I’ve noticed that one to two sizes over your normal are enough in the most cases. Bigger clothing will not only help you correct your body shape in front of others, it’s also super comfortable and, depending on your style, it can really look cool. (I will soon upload a photo series of my favorite outfits, some that made me help pass in front of curious cis males, friends, and random ppl like in the train.)
✘ I highly recommend wearing T-Shirts with a round cleavage, sweaters, hoodies, and, most important of all, men’s trousers. This is hella important. At the beginning, you might think “Oh that’s a woman’s trouser, I can wear that one since it is a little to big for me” - don’t do that. Just don’t. Woman’s pants are always cut to fit your female body shape, so it points out your curves - thighs, ass, and nearly everything else covered with it. Whatever you try, in a woman’s trouser, you will always look female in some way. It doesn’t matter if it’s oversized it still has the same effect. Therefore I recommend to get yourself men’s pants with a regular leg or a straight leg cut. Mine hide my ass (which is quite large since I’m riding a horse 2-3 times per week), straighten my thighs and overall give me a straighter body shape - and that’s just what you want to look like, right?
Be super careful with hats. By that I do not only include hats, but also beanies, etc. You really need to try them on in front of a mirror and do some positioning chances in case you really want to wear one. Beanies usually are good (maybe if you have quite long hair and can’t get a haircut at an instant?), but sometimes, they make your head appear bigger than it is, which lowers your change of passing because all the attention is drawn on your face (I will talk about the face thing below!). Here, you need to go check yourself what is comfortable for you and what you really want.

Second: Packing.
This is the point I always hate the most. I have not tried it yet, but I have already ordered my STP packer and then, I will post another text about his topic. But still, I will explain my opinion and thoughts to you here.

✘ PRO PACKING: Well, that’s obvious, isn’t it? A packer can reduce some of your weaknesses caused by your female body. I wouldn’t go that far to say those are “defects”, but I refer to transsexuality as a defect in genetics, where boys are born with a X chromosome to much and a Y chromosome missing. I have noticed myself on journeys or festivals that going to loo can be extremely hard and distressing and even depressing (depends on the person tho) when you lack something a cis male is born with. (An STP can help there, that’s why I’m going to try it.) Plus, some transmen I know like to see the small bulge the packer creates in their pants. For optics, it just looks like there really was the stuff you are still bodily lacking in your pants! That always depends on the packer and on the person. You may like it, or you may feel like you’re carrying a boner around.

✘ CON PACKING: Where there a pros, there always have to be cons. Some may regard packing as unneccessary and I can totally understand that. You can walk around with that bulge or pee standing up or you don’t, that’s up to you. It is not neccessary to pack. You even might be reminded of what you biologically lack and that can be suuuuper depressing and discouraging. Besides, nobody looks your crotch closely anyway. (A good packing is not catching the eye anyway since you don’t want to look like a molester with an erection, right?) And people who might see you in underwear are also in the most cases likely to see you naked, so there basically is no need to convince them of something you really don’t have. And, on top of it all, a really good, hand-made packer, that doesn’t only consist of a GoGirl & a Mr Limpy, but is one piece in fact, can be really expensive. (And you are most likely to need a harness to wear your packer, which creates more costs and can also be quite difficult to handle in reality!)

Third: Face.
Keep in mind that, despite what you think, your face just has no edges like cis guys have them. You mostly rather have a rounded face, because that’s what’s typical for AFABs. On T, those edges may show, but not before. So whatever you do, whatever you like, do not wear make-up. NOT. EVER. I cannot keep repeating this loud and often enough. It’s something different for eyebrows, but you should leave your skin clean. Even concealer or powder will be noticable, and people will think you are a girl playing guy for fun. If you are very good with make-up, you might try shades to point out edges, but that mostly looks super artificial and won’t help you pass.
✘ It can be super hard to tame your eyebrows. Therefore, I recommend: Let them grow, and then give them a form. And use an eyebrow pencil fitting your haircolor if you like (as for me - my natural hair color is blond, so my eyebrows are blond, but my hair is dyed black and so I’m using a black pencil). Cis males usually have thick eyebrows, and you can create this impression yours are as well by using the pen’s color en masse and then combing the brow’s hairs upwards with a neat comb. Everybody can decide for themselves, but that’s the thing that helped be the most. About the kink (? is this the right word? idk correct me if I’m failing the English language), I solved this problem ( it in fact is a problem, only females have this very kink, males don’t) by letting the eyebrows grow and then shaving/plucking off the hair from above. And then the comb thing. It’s up to you, I’m just sharing my personal experiences.
Shave off your peach fuzz. Peach fuzz is something only guys in puberty have - and females of course. Grown males either have a beard - which will come with the T since you choose to apply for it - or nothing, because they’re shaved. So cut it off. The skin will feel ticklish and dry, but you will get used to it. Cold water directly after shaving, or a skin cream (I have own for sensitive skin, an after-shave care cream), can help.

Fourth: Body.
✘ Sports are important. Also, like every other thing, it’s up to you if you do it or don’t, but I highly recommend it. You might not have a muscular body yet, but you can start building up one with some easy workouts. (T increases your muscle building even more, but starting pre-T will give you the routine!) I’m not saying that you should go to the gym and work out 4 times per week. No. There are many practices you can do on your own at home. (Personally, I am doing 10 - 40 pushups per day, and it significantly changes the line of my arm for I am building muscles there.) You can also check the internet for specific workouts, I’ve seen some on tumblr already.
Be sure you get enough food. The skinnier you are, the more frail you look. But males aren’t really frail (I know some, but those are exceptions.) Eating is important, healthy and tasty. I love food. And everybody else should. When you are starting to work out, you should also supply your body with the energy to do so. What food you eat, is irrelevant. Healthy food of course is the best (but I don’t do that myself, I love sweets). There are some foods that are applying on your bodily testosterone/estrogen levels, but let your fingers off those - it’s not that much that it will significantly change your body.
✘ Never ever take pills that are supposed to make your body super strong and muscular. Or skinny. Those are mostly fake and super dangerous!

Fifth: Hair.
✘ Hair is also one of those personal things, and I am not quite sure what to recommend. From talks and personal experience, I can only say that FTM guys with short, “boyish” hair are most likely to be passing.
Some guys can grow super long hair without looking stupid, most FTMs can’t do that, because it ruins the passing. I have quite long hair myself (ca. 20 - 30 cm), but I want to have dreadlocks and that’s why I’m letting it grow. If your hair matches your face in a way that does not make you totally feminine, you can also keep your long hair.
Do not - EVER - tuck hair behind your ears. Even if you have long(er) or annoying hair that’s always in your face. Just don’t do it.
✘ When you want to make a ponytail, there’s one thing I can recommend: Make the ponytail the lowest that is possible, place the hair tie right over your neck. Also, take all hair strands, and brush them from the from to the back before doing so, so that all the hair is compact in one ponytail without loose strands. Do not let loose strands flutter around or fall in your face. Makes you look feminine. (And don’t use hair slides, but I guess that’s clear.)

Alright, that’s all I can tell you for now.
I hope those tips will help you, at least a little bit. 
Remember, it takes some time to find out what’s good for you. Do not rush yourself.
As I said, I will soon post some pictures referred to in this post.
Liking & Sharing always appreciated.

Best wishes to you from Germany.
~ Julius