Hi, I just turned 19 and I've been looking into radical feminism/gender critical feminism. I honestly do not understand everything that I'd like to yet, and it still feels like I'm doing something forbidden, but your blog keeps popping up and helping me to learn. I have many trans guy friends, and I'm a gnc lesbian. I told my friend that when I was a kid I used to pee standing up and I liked football and mud and science and he basically said I must be non-binary or trans and not dysphoric. (1)
Which at first made sense to me, and I decided to try out identifying as NB. I used being NB to allow myself to be non-feminine and to wear the clothes I’d always wanted to wear. I didn’t feel male or female, I’d never felt anything related to gender and I started looking into agender and similar identities. I was around 17. I was having a conversation with my mum in which she said she’d like to have a penis for the day and live as a man for the day and it dawned on me that those desires (2)
do not make you trans. They’re the result of female oppression because of our bodies. I started to identify as female and embracing myself as a butch lesbian. I didn’t know any other butch lesbians. I worked on countering my internalised lesbophobia (I was always called a dyke by my grandad growing up and I hated the word and hated myself for it). I feel so much happier being a woman and being a woman who doesn’t adhere to gender roles. I am no less a woman. I am a multidimensional human being.
I’m so glad you’re figuring yourself out, Anon! And I know what you mean about feeling like you’re reading something “forbidden”– a lot of radfem/gendercrit people come from ‘queer’ circles and have to keep their views hidden from friends. I barely know any lesbians, or GNC women at all who actually identify as women. It’s kind of a lonely existence, but we’re out there. I feel like the ‘movement’ as it were, is going to get bigger in the next few years. It seems like there are more women realizing and resisting their gendered oppression and how queer theory doesn’t really do anything to solve that, and more people detransitioning, and more people dropping their nonbinary identities. I’m excited to see what the future holds.