standing up peeing

You know what bothers me? Those posts praising single dads for working out how to do their daughter’s hair. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for praising people for raising their children but there is a big discrepancy. Single mother’s don’t go viral for raising a son, it’s not a big deal if they teach their son how to pee standing up or any other things associated with being male or having ‘male’ genitals. It’s expected that women will raise children, it’s praised when men do.

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I remember being told at a young age to put my shirt on at sleepovers, that I wasn’t one of the boys.
I remember trying to pee standing up at age 8 and making an absolute mess.
I remember the envy I felt and couldn’t explain over my guy friends’ Adam’s apples
And voices
And muscle tone.
While my body softened, though never became quite womanly, during puberty.
I remember my grandmother telling me to stop slouching
And never knowing why I wanted to hide my chest.
I remember starving myself to prevent any curves from staking claim on my body.
Looking back I remember these things, but it would be years until I came out.

I came out as queer (at the time, a lesbian) at 18 when I was out from under my parents roof.
I thought I had finally found my niche, my thing, my explanation to a lifelong unnamed unease.
I chopped my hair off, I loved women openly, and they loved me.
I was “happy” in my newfound confidence as a masculine of center person.
But I wasn’t.

Sometime around 20 I discovered that people could transition.
That gender wasn’t black and white
Or just what was assigned.
I came out as trans for the first time crying on my bathroom floor,
my girlfriend at the time tried to console me.
I never came out to my twin, she just knew
And though it took time, eventually she came around.
The first time I told my mother we were in Vegas
And I’d say it ruined the trip.
The first time I told a stranger my new name was at Starbucks
I was thrilled to hear someone call me Christopher
Even if they didn’t know any better.

It would take me the next two years to come out slowly
First to the my close friends
Then to strangers
And eventually a post on social media to address everyone else.
I had been going by Chris in private for about two years before the day I actually “came out” (again).
Some of us take time, and that’s alright.

Happy National Coming Out Day.

“Yeah I mean it’s been crazy. I never thought I’d be stopped by anyone. So at this moment I’m [filming in this] tiny, little Spanish-speaking town and I went out on Saturday and I got stopped so much. [But this one time] I was having a pee, you know, just minding my own business, and this guy – who’s also having a pee – stands up next to me and turns his head and is like, “WAIT, ARE YOU?“”

I was just telling someone that I was obsessed with attempts to pee standing up as a kid and just got pee all over my grandmother’s horrible CARPETED bathroom many times so I just. Blamed it on the dogs. Those dogs did nothing wrong smh

I keep getting messages and seeing posts from people freaked out about using the men’s bathroom because they don’t have an STP/suck at using one. As someone who can’t use an STP reliably, this is my universal response to it: 

You can sit down to pee in the men’s room. It’s okay. No one pays attention or cares. If you’re worried just play on your phone for like a minute so they think you’re taking a shit. There’s tons of reasons why someone might sit down to pee and “there’s a trans person in the bathroom!” is very low on their list of assumptions. 

Also, go girls can be found at Walmart for like a few bucks. They’re easy to use and it’s even less suspicious to pee standing up in a stall. 

Things that can help ease my dysphoria

- Wearing my packer without pants around the house
- Shaving my face
- Going on Grindr
- Wearing my favorite shirts
- Wearing a binder
- Playing the ukulele
- Darkening my eyebrows
- Peeing standing up
- Doing pull-ups
- Doing push-ups
- When someone uses my correct name
- When someone uses my correct pronouns
- Playing with my dogs
- Eating really good food
- Taking a nap
- CBD oil
- Listening to my favorite music
- Talking with my best friends
- Cheek kisses
- Flexing in the mirror while my love holds my chest back
- Taking good selfies
- Using my correct restroom
- When I am treated like a normal guy and not just being humored

When I was 6 years old I went to a waterpark and wanted to swim shirtless to “pretend” that I was a boy to this other group of boys I was with, but at some point I was told that it was weird of me to do since I “wasn’t”. 

So I went home, super upset, I tried to teach myself to pee standing up, and just thought about what it would feel like to magically wake up as a biological boy and feel comfortable with my body. After a while I gave up on hoping because I assumed it would never happen. 

Today, I’m just months away from having the first stage of bottom surgery and it feels so fuckin’ surreal to think that one day I’ll fall asleep and a few hours later wake up with this part of my body that I’ve been desperately wishing for for 15+ years. And that’s all because I took the risk of coming out and being honest with myself, and pushing myself to stay alive through the hundreds of times I didn’t want to.

I wish I could go back to my 6 year old self and just tell him that what he’s missing will come back to him, and that one day he’ll be comfortable enough to go swimming as one of the boys and one day he’ll be able to pee standing up no problem and one day he’ll be able to look at his body naked and see what’s meant to be there.

i remember when i was 11 tried to figure out how to pee standing up and would sometimes wish i had a penis.. later on in middle school as i would wish lie in bed at night and desperately wish i would wake up as a boy but that seemed really connected to my sexuality because what i really wanted from being a boy was the ability to love girls openly… i used to want to cut off my breasts though too and i remember in high school feeling really really jealous of the physiques of the guys i knew.  and for a long time i tried to emulate a sort of stylish gay boy look by the way i dressed. i picked out “boy names” for myself. meh. thats all mostly gone away now.

scriptorsapiens  asked:

Also, tell him that every time he pees standing up he creates a fine mist that gets into everything in the bathroom (which is why boy's bathrooms smell so bad), so tell him every time he does that he is effectively peeing on his toothbrush

tHIS is the worst fact you could have told me cause that means he is also peeing on /my/ toothbrush!!! 

fefhsdlkghlh (potentially TMI)

I am so light-headed and hungry. No amount of broth will sate my hunger, and it’s annoying! I keep almost-passing out just by standing up to go pee, which is happening a LOT since I’m having nothing but liquids. I hate this stupid fucking bullshit-ass prep work! And I can’t take pain meds because they just flush through me without giving me any relief and GAH! *screaming* I HATE THIS. KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILL MMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! *whistles again*