standing on the ashes

For so long, I had believed / that to hold something close / is to break it even more easily // this way your body does not shake nor does it / collapse like sandcastles in their hands / your body only moves an inch farther from their grip and then / it breaks into shards of glass / once I was held by someone I / almost loved / each sweat-soaked night I longed for their / fingers to wrap around my hollowed-out body / I knew I had needed that warmth but / I had forgotten how mother warned me / never stand too close to a fire / I was burning until I was spitting ashes from my mouth / I cannot remember how long it had been / since my body became a cramped space: / a tunnel of locked ends / only letting my own arms reach for my narrowing chest / and nobody else’s hands to lay me in creases / there were nights when the cold air had / risen high enough to freeze my throat / shutting me in desolate silence when I screamed for help / a few years back I sent my lover a letter / I wrote I am sorry for letting you go when you asked me to stay / the rest of the page was painfully blank / no, the rest of the page was the whirling fear of / being held close enough to break into cinnamon dust / so slowly I walked away from a love that could have lasted / now I carry with me nothing but my own severed bones / and I do not want to lie / I still want to be held / and I still tremble when I think about breaking / yet nothing in this world has not been built whole on once fragmented parts //

                                                        —  To Break Is To Build Again 

                                                              a spoken word poem (Valerie T.)

Flora for the Zodiac

The signs as various myths and legends surrounding the origin/creation of certain flowers (not the flowers directly associated with each zodiac sign).


ARIES // Amaryllis (Greek) – A love struck maiden longed for the handsome Alteo, but he was cold to her. In a desperate gesture, she pierced her heart with a golden arrow and walked to visit him every day. On the thirteenth day, beautiful scarlet flowers bloomed along the path from every drop of her blood. Alteo fell in love with her, and her heart was healed.

TAURUS // Rose (Greek) – Chloris, the goddess of flowers, found one of her beautiful nymphs dead in the woods. She cried, and turned body into a flower. She asked her husband Zephyr, the wind, to blow the clouds away so Apollo could shower her in sunlight. Dionysus added nectar for fragrance, and Aphrodite added pure beauty, then named it for her son, Eros, and hailed her the “Queen of Flowers”.

GEMINI // Foxglove (Celtic) – Foxgloves from “Folks Glove”, as in fairy folk. Fairies would hide in the bell blossoms and wear them as petticoats, caps and gloves. If you pluck the foxglove, it angered them and they may play tricks in revenge! Fairies would give the flowers to foxes so they wouldn’t get caught raiding chicken coupes. With the magic gloves on, they could steal eggs without making a sound.

CANCER // Pārijāta (Hindu) – Pārijāta was a princess who fell in love with the sun god, Surya. However, he left her for another. When he deserted her, the princess became hopeless and committed suicide. From her ashes grew a tree. Unable to stand the sight of the lover who broke her heart, the flowers only bloom at night under the eyes of the moon, and she sheds them like tear-drops before the sun rises.

LEO // Sunflower (Greek) – The nymph Clythia was in love with the God of the Sun, Apollo, but he shunned her and courted a princess. Jealous Clythia told the king who, furious at the princess, buried her alive. Saddened, Apollo went back to heavens without a word. She lay on the ground distraught for nine days, watching him, hoping for a single glance. Clythia wasted away and became a flower, whose petals still follow his chariot across the sky each day, waiting for forgiveness.

VIRGO // Aster (Greek) – When the god Jupiter decided to flood the earth to destroy the men constantly at war, the goddess Astraea was so upset she asked to be turned into a star. Her wish was granted, but when the flood waters receded she wept for the loss of lives. As her tears turned to stardust and fell to earth, the beautiful aster flower sprung wherever they landed.

LIBRA // Anemone (Greek) – Chloris, the goddess of flowers, was married to Zephyr, the god of the west wind. Zephyr fell in love with a beautiful nymph that served Chloris named Anemone. Jealous and angry, the goddess banished her to keep them apart, and Anemone died of a broken heart. Zephyr resurrected her as a flower. She withers every winter but returns every spring to greet Zephyr with open petals.

SCORPIO // Peony (Chinese) – Queen Wu was disheartened to see only winter jasmine in her garden. She wrote a poem to the goddess of flowers asking her to make everything bloom that night instead of waiting for spring. The next morning, all flowers flourished except the peony, which refused to bloom out of season. She was offended and banished it. Once gone, it bloomed beautifully. Furious, she ordered it to be burned – however the next year, the burnt peony grew back. With black petals.

SAGITTARIUS // Pa'u-o-Hi'iaka (Hawaiian) – When Hi'iaka, the goddess of island nature, was a baby her older sister, the Volcano goddess Pele, left her on the beach while she went fishing. Due to a storm, Pele was gone for a very long time. When she returned, she found flowering vines had grown over the baby to shield her from the sun. Hi'iaka now wears them as a skirt to protect her on adventures and in the forests.

CAPRICORN // Aconite (Greek) – As one of his twelve labors, the hero Hercules was sent to fetch the three-headed dog Cerberus from the underworld. With the help of Persephone, he was successful. The spittle of the beast dripped upon the rocky earth, and from it sprang the first aconite plant. The purple wolfsbane flowers are elegant, but it’s leaves and roots are deathly poisonous.

AQUARIUS // Iris (Greek) – The goddess Iris would bring messages to the gods across the sky, appearing to mortals as a rainbow. She acted as the link between the heavens and earth, where she left irises of many colors, the three upright petals symbolizing hope, valor, and wisdom. If purple Irises were planted over the graves of women, it would summon the Goddess, who would guide the dead in their journey.

PISCES // Water Lily (Brazilian) – When the moon goddess, Jaci, hid behind the mountains, she’d take beautiful girls with her and turn them into stars. Naiá, a girl who loved the goddess, dreamt of becoming a star, so she roamed the mountains every night. While resting by the lake, she saw the moon’s reflection, dove into the water and drowned. To reward Naiá for her sacrifice, Jaci turned her into a star different from all the others – the star of the waters.

Since I’ve been traipsing around a different continent for the past three months, I haven’t even seen the rest of the season and the finale… but let me tell you what happens anyway after last night’s Apparent Clusterfuck:

As Dean Winchester stands next to his prone angel, morbidly fascinated by the ash wings burned into the ground around his feet, he feels completely and utterly numb. He’s only had the presence of mind not to step on them, an easy thing given the fact that they’re so bare of feathers.

Carefully, and still without thinking, the hunter lowers himself to his knees, brow furrowed and lip trembling as he attempts to process what is clearly right before him.

Castiel is dead.

Still, Dean can’t help extending a shaking hand. His fingers gently trace the curve of Cas’s cheekbone in a way he never would have allowed himself if the other was still breathing, and despite the fact that his mouth feels like sandpaper and he can feel Castiel’s skin turning cold he asks the question anyway:

“…C-Cas?”

Dean can feel Sam staring holes through his back, but that’s the extent of any response to his query.

“Cas, wake up.”

His voice is a broken croak, but Dean keeps speaking anyway, turning bolder and more desperate with every second that reality sinks in.

“Cas? Castiel, wake up. Wake up, Cas! Cas!”

He’s pawing at his angel now, vision blurring until he has to blink to clear it. He all but throws himself across Castiel’s torso to uselessly slap at his cheeks in an attempt to rouse him.

“You stupid son of a bitch, wake up! Wake up, Castiel! Don’t you dare leave me, don’t…”

Castiel is still motionless when Dean collapses against him. “Don’t go,” the hunter whispers pitifully into his angel’s neck. He squeezes his eyes shut and swallows a sob. “Please. I… Cas, I…” His heart is in his throat as he turns his head to press a light kiss behind the other’s ear, moving to put his lips against Castiel’s own for the first and last time. “…I love you, you dumb angel,” he murmurs. “So you gotta wake up. Cas. Cas, I love you, so you hafta…”

When nothing happens, Dean curls himself over his angel and cries.

Sam joins him after a time, crouching to put a hand to his shoulder and blinking back tears himself. Soon, though, they have to go. “Dean. Dean, we have to get out of here.”

“Sammy, I–”

“I know. It’ll be okay.”

But when they both turn away from Cas for the first time, God isn’t who they’re expecting to find. In all honesty, they’re not expecting to find anyone… and yet, there he is: Chuck, dressed in a robe and stained pj pants.

“You love my son?” Is all he asks, piercing gaze boring into Dean. Dean takes a step back as if to protect Castiel’s form from his own father, and that apparently is good enough. Chuck nods sagely. “I don’t play favourites, you know,” he says. “I did that once with Lucifer and it didn’t end well… but Castiel is, different. He’s everything I didn’t know I wanted angels to be. He makes mistakes. He learns. And yet every time I bring him back, he ends up risking his life for you.”

Dean holds his breath. Chuck sighs. “I love my son, I would give him the world if I could.” There’s a beat, and Chuck tilts his head to the side. “But we’ve both seen what happens when he has unlimited power. Besides, at the end of the day… I think he really just wants you.”

And then God is gone.

Dean is confused for only a moment before there’s a gasping breath from behind him and a hacking cough, Castiel sitting upright and flushed and so very alive that Dean can do nothing but throw himself to the ground. He tackles Cas in a kiss before the other has time to say a word, pressing him to the floor and putting everything he is into the contact.

When he pulls away, Cas is bright red and smiling with the approximate wattage of the sun. “Dean,” he murmurs, awed. “I’m… I mean, I…”

Dean presses a finger to the other’s plump lips. “I love you,” he says simply.

And Castiel moves to kiss him again.

Bubble Bath with Negan

For Ash’s 2k writing challenge! As you can probably guess by the title, I chose the bubble bath prompt. I hope you all enjoy reading it, and let me know what you think! Also, I’m not sure why on some, the “keep reading” thing isn’t visible. So if you can’t see it, just go to my blog. The full post is there. 😉

Summary: Negan has been stressed out lately, so you decide to give him a night of relaxation… ;)

Warnings: NSFW, Smut, Swearing, Unprotected Sex.

Characters: Negan & You

Words: 1977

Originally posted by negandarylsatisfaction

Living at the sanctuary was usually great. Most everyone here got along pretty well, with the exception of a few ungrateful workers. As one of Negan’s wives, you had no right to complain. Life was pretty much as great as it could be, given the circumstances. Negan and the Saviors had found you in the woods one day, half out of your mind and very sick. They brought you back, gave you a place to stay, food, medicine, and well, exactly what it’s called. They gave you a sanctuary.

Keep reading

Villain or Hero Edition:

-“You’re going to save them and for what? They don’t appreciate you!”

-“You spill your blood for this city/village and for what? So they can never know the name of the man/woman who saved their miserable lives?”

-“How many times are you going to bleed for them?”

-“Aren’t you tired yet? Haven’t you had enough?”

-“Despair, misery, and chaos. It’s like air to me. But to watch them suffer is much more entertaining.”

-“Look at their miserable lives and tell me what you see. They’re just begging for you to end them.”

-“You’re conflicted I can see it. You don’t want to be the hero but you’re not evil enough to be the villain. So what are you?”

-“You can’t be nothing because you have to be something.”

-“You can’t be nobody you have to be somebody. They need you. Help them.”

-“You’ve shed enough blood. It’s time to stop. You’ve avenged their deaths enough.”

-“You’ve fought until your face was bloody, your ribs cracked, and your soul broken. How much more can you give to them!”

-“You won’t be satisfied until your dead.”

-“This city/village has torn you apart. They don’t deserve anymore saving.”

-“You’d give your soul to them? They won’t ever be satisfied until you’re dead.”

-“You give and you give and give when is it your turn to take?”

-“You’ll burn this city/village to the ground. Murder its people. And then will you be satisfied?”

-“I can’t watch you tear yourself apart anymore for these people.”

-“You’re cruel.”

-“You’ve been caught. There’s nothing more you can do so why are you still fighting?”

-“It’s over. It was a long war filled with countless bodies and bloodshed. So stop…it’s over.”

-“I know you. You aren’t this terrible person people see you as and made you become. There’s still some light within you. I see it…”

-“What has the world done to you to make you feel this broken that you feel the need to hurt other people?”

-“You hurt others because they hurt you.”

-“I can see the torment within you. I can especially tell by the way you mangle the bodies of your enemies.”

-“You don’t owe people anything else.”

-“You’re like the sun and moon. You can either be the light that guides peoples lives to a better world. Or you can be the moon and darken their world. Or- you can be an eclipse and be a little bit of both good and evil.”

-“What do YOU want to become?”

-“You’re the only one who can give others hope.”

-“If it wasn’t for you we’d all be dead.”

-“The histories will never know who really saved us because he/she didn’t want to be known as a hero.”

-“Don’t die for our selfish selves.”

-“You brought this upon yourself.”

-“You can either save lives or take them. So which is it? Who will you become?”

-“You say you’d burn the city/village to the ground. But what happens when you’re standing on a pile of ash and smoke with no subjects to rule?”

-“Your mentor molded you to be a monster.”

-“Your mentor molded you to be a beckon of hope for others.”

-“They will never bow to you.”

-“You’re nothing but a usurper from a foreign place to us. We will never call you King/Queen.”

-“You hide behind a mask all the time and I don’t mean the one upon your face.”

-“Of all the things to have happened to you are you still capable of love?”

-“You were born a villain but you will die a hero.”

-“You were born a hero but will die a villain.”

-“You’ve changed since we first met. You’re becoming something I don’t recognize anymore.”

-“You’re no longer a man. You’re a beast.”

-“Greatness was thrust upon you but you decided not to take it. Why?”

-“We don’t choose these roles they just happen.”

-“I won’t watch you die.”

-“What are you fighting for?”

-“Fates can be changed there’s still time.”

-“Your fate isn’t set in stone.”

-“There’s pain in my chest every time I see you in anguish.”

-“You never meant anything to them. So you turned into the thing they feared the most to leave an impression upon them.”

-“I wish you could see your worth.”

-“Your life is not worth the weight of gold they will pay you for helping them.”

-“I won’t watch you become someone I don’t recognize.”

-“I can’t even say who are you becoming because I don’t even know what you are anymore.

-"When they write of your history they will say it began on this day.”

-“Your scars are a reminder of who you were. So never forget who bled for this village/city. Who it was that saved the damned and the good. Who it was that almost died for them. Who it was that became a legend in their eyes. A legend to be remembered a thousand years from now.”

hopeless fountain kingdom sentence starters

THE PROLOGUE

  • ❝ civil blood makes civil hands unclean. ❞
  • ❝ i am a child of a money hungry, prideful country. ❞
  • ❝ hands so bloody, tastes like honey. ❞
  • ❝ i’m finding it hard to leave ❞

100 LETTERS

  • ❝ i find myself alone at night unless i’m having sex. ❞
  • ❝ i don’t let him touch me anymore. ❞
  • ❝ i’m not something to butter up and taste when you get bored. ❞
  • ❝ i have spent too many nights on dirty bathroom floors. ❞
  • ❝ please don’t go away ❞
  • ❝ it’s too late. ❞
  • ❝ i can’t stop thinking that i almost gave you everything. ❞
  • ❝ i can’t stop wishing that i never gave you anything. ❞

EYES CLOSED

  • ❝ i know where to lay. ❞
  • ❝ i know what to say. ❞
  • ❝ it’s all the same. ❞
  • ❝ i know how to play. ❞
  • ❝ if i keep my eyes closed he looks just like you. ❞
  • ❝ he’ll never stay, they never do. ❞
  • ❝ if i keep my eyes closed he feels just like you. ❞
  • ❝ you’ve been replaced. ❞
  • ❝ i’m face to face with someone new. ❞
  • ❝ tell me where i went wrong. ❞
  • ❝ tell me how to move on. ❞
  • ❝ he don’t realize that i’m thinking about you. ❞

HEAVEN IN HIDING

  • ❝ no time for wishful thinking. ❞
  • ❝ i can put up one good fight. ❞
  • ❝ i can put on a show. ❞
  • ❝ don’t you see what you’re finding? ❞
  • ❝ this is heaven in hiding. ❞
  • ❝ i don’t have no time for conversation. ❞

ALONE

  • ❝ i’m still alone in my mind. ❞
  • ❝ i know you’re dying to meet me. ❞
  • ❝ baby, as soon as you meet me, you’ll wish that you never did. ❞

NOW OR NEVER

  • ❝ i don’t wanna fight right now. ❞
  • ❝ we’re running out of time. ❞
  • ❝ i’m calling it a night. ❞
  • ❝ trying to talk to a wall, but you could never tear it down for me. ❞
  • ❝ i want you to love me now or never. ❞

SORRY

  • ❝ i’ve missed your calls for months it seems. ❞
  • ❝ i still know your birthday. ❞
  • ❝ sorry that i can’t believe that anybody ever really starts to fall in love with me. ❞
  • ❝ sorry i could be so blind, didn’t mean to leave you and all of the things that we had behind. ❞
  • ❝ i run away when things are good. ❞
  • ❝ it seems i broke your heart. ❞
  • ❝ someone will love you, but someone isn’t me. ❞

GOOD MOURNING

  • ❝ there’s a place where love conquers all. ❞
  • ❝ don’t trust the moon, she’s always changing. ❞
  • ❝ she begs to be loved. ❞

LIE

  • ❝ breakfast is cold. ❞
  • ❝ i’m watching you choke down the words that you said. ❞
  • ❝ i get the message you wish i was dead. ❞
  • ❝ if you don’t love me no more, then lie. ❞

WALLS COULD TALK

  • ❝ i’m about four minutes from a heart attack. ❞
  • ❝ i think you make me a maniac. ❞
  • ❝ damn, if these walls could talk. ❞
  • ❝ shit is crazy, right? ❞
  • ❝ that ain’t your baby no more. ❞

BAD AT LOVE

  • ❝ he’s calling me a bitch again. ❞
  • ❝ i believe that we’re meant to be. ❞
  • ❝ jealousy got the best of me. ❞
  • ❝ i always make the same mistakes. ❞
  • ❝ i’m bad at love, but you can’t blame me for trying. ❞

DON’T PLAY

  • ❝ i don’t give a damn what you say to me. ❞
  • ❝ i’m moving on. ❞
  • ❝ motherfucker, don’t play with me. ❞

STRANGERS

  • ❝ she doesn’t kiss me on the mouth anymore. ❞
  • ❝ she doesn’t look me in the eyes anymore. ❞
  • ❝ we’re not lovers, we’re just strangers. ❞
  • ❝ she doesn’t call me on the phone anymore. ❞
  • ❝ i must’ve crossed a line. ❞
  • ❝ i must’ve lost my mind. ❞
  • ❝ i miss the mornings with you laying in my bed. ❞
  • ❝ i miss the thought of a forever, you and me. ❞
  • ❝ all you’re missing is my body. ❞

ANGEL ON FIRE

  • ❝ nobody seems to ask about me anymore. ❞
  • ❝ nobody seems to care about what i think. ❞
  • ❝ look at me. ❞
  • ❝ i’m faded away. ❞ 
  • ❝ you know, i used to be on fire. ❞
  • ❝ i’m standing in the ashes of who i used to be. ❞

DEVIL IN ME

  • ❝ i scream too loud if i speak my mind. ❞
  • ❝ i don’t wanna wake it up, the devil in me. ❞
  • ❝ you said i’m too much to handle. ❞
  • ❝ now i gotta wake it up, the devil in me. ❞

HOPELESS

  • ❝ boy, you make it look so easy. ❞
  • ❝ sorry, baby girl, but i can’t tonight. ❞
  • ❝ you know the truth hurts, but secrets kill. ❞
  • ❝ you and all your friends hate me. ❞
  • ❝ it’s easy to forgive. ❞
YOI Fan Rec Friday

Thank you for all your recs this week! Since I will be away for two weeks after June 17th, please send in ALL your recs (the more the better haha!) so I can pre-make them before I leave :) Thank you!!

Rec’d by anonymous:
The Last Dancer by StarryKnight94, Teen, 18k (WIP)
In which Victor is the chosen one, a dancer gifted with the powers of the Ice Goddess to protect her people at any cost. Amid the rising threat of the Fire God, Yuuri wants nothing more than to protect him. But when Yuuri awakens to a great power himself and goes to meet his idol, will Victor welcome his support or does a hidden darkness lurk behind that beautiful facade?

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
Dissonance by Mats, Explicit, 32k (WIP)
Yuuri takes it for granted that Viktor will always meet him where he is. So when his coach and lifelong idol suddenly plants a very public kiss on him at the Cup of China, Yuuri takes it as a signal that his and Viktor’s relationship is about to undergo a major (and welcomed) change. But he may be wrong, and that might change everything, too.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
Dark Angel of Mine by vanialex81, Teen, 40k (WIP)
When Yuuri’s heavenly light manages to catch the attention of the demon lord Viktor, Yuuri will learn that the demon will stop at nothing to claim him. Something that starts as desire turns into an emotion that Viktor had not foreseen. To what lengthens will he go to have the angel?

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
why am i still here? by OedipusOctopus, Teen, 22k (WIP)
Yuuri finds himself in his fifth year at university, dreading taking a freshman level math course. He imagines his Russian TA to be a curmudgeonly hardass, only to find he’s a total hottie! Yuuri isn’t suave, attractive, or exceptional in any way, but somehow Victor takes a liking to him.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
Between Periods by caitwritesstuff, Mature, 9k (WIP)
Yuuri is a history teacher out of a job due to recent cut backs. It just so happens that Phichit works at a school that’s needs a new history teacher. In walks Victor Nikiforov, the undeniably beautiful yet eccentric literature teacher from across the hall with a bit of an obsession with Russian lit and a certain adorable history teacher.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
What Lies Beneath Our Feet by HQ_Wingster, Gen, 19k (WIP)
At the YoI Farm, all animals are given the happiness that they deserve. When ex-battery chicken, Yuuri, comes to the farm one day after being set free, he relearns what it means to be a happy animal with a life ahead of him.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by @stevietomybuck :
winners in a losing game by xylophones, Teen, 19k
Don’t believe the rumors, international popstar Viktor Nikiforov is totally not using his new album as an excuse to flirt with the cute dancer that stole his heart last year.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
To Boldly Go by xylophones, Teen, 29k
A year in the life of badass science officer Yuuri Katsuki, Captain Viktor “Team Mom” Nikiforov, and simultaneously the best crew and worst crew in Starfleet history.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
Snow & Ashes by natiwati, Mature, 5.4k (WIP)
They stand in silence, and Yuuri isn’t brave enough to ask him for his name, strike up any form of conversation. They gaze at the moon above together, two waves pulled by its astounding gravity. And when he finally gleans the courage to part his lips and suck in a breath to inquire, the man steps on his cigarette, extinguishing it, and leaves. Yuuri takes another drag, pretending not to feel so disappointed.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
High-Flying, Adored by terra_incognita, Gen, 26k
Being a superhero is hard. It’s even harder when you’re desperately in love with the most famous figure skater in the world, who never seems to notice you. Of course it doesn’t help that he’s a superhero too–and he’s head over heels for your alter-ego.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by @blusocket :
marker in the sand by faelicy, Teen, 10k
Victor has always been with Yuuri. No one understands the consequences better than Yuuri himself.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
On (Online and Offline) Love by AlexWSpark, Mature, 32k
In which Yuuri and Victor are gamers, head over heels for each other, and hoping to one day come face-to-face. Of course, when two whipped, adorable fluff-balls are involved, shenanigans ensue…

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
Law Firm of Katsuki, Nikiforov & Chulanont by nerdlife4eva, Not Rated, 12k (WIP)
Yuuri, Victor, and Phichit are long-time friends who decide to form their own law firm. The trio has found remarkably success, despite the constant bickering between Yuuri and Victor. When the sexual tension between these two best friends erupts, bringing them crashing together in a drunken one-night stand, the fate of their new firm becomes uncertain.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
let’s go steal an ice rink by FullmetalChords, Mature, 28k (WIP)
That one AU where Yuuri is a grifter, Victor is a criminal mastermind, and somehow they end up saving the world together. Also featuring catburglar Yuri, hitter Otabek, and hacker Phichit.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
Setting Sun by LittleLostStar, Explicit, 66k (WIP)
Just before he skates at the Hot Springs On Ice, Yuuri receives a photo of his drunken GPF banquet antics; consumed with humiliation over a night he can’t remember, he loses the competition. Victor goes back to Russia with Yurio, and Yakov comes to train Yuuri in Japan. One night, frustrated and miserable, Yuuri posts some personally relevant song lyrics on Instagram—and wakes up the next morning to find that Victor has posted lyrics that seem to be a reply.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
Only You by quesadiaz, Teen, 59k (WIP)
In the year 2021, Victor Nikiforov, retired professional figure skater and Number One Husband, steps into a taxi to make his way home from the grocery store, arm full of vegetables and fruits to bring home to his beautiful husband and loyal old dog. A sharp sound and a blur of color is the only warning before Victor wakes up in the year 2016, sitting in a first class seat on an ascending airplane headed for Fukuoka, Japan.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
Katsudon for Gold by cROAissant (RoamingShadow), Gen, 4.5k
Somewhere along the road, “I might never like you” morphed into “I would die for this child”, and Yuri Plisetsky would be six feet under before Victor fucking Nikiforov would lay his thirsty hands on his precious student.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
Void by copperwings, Teen, 14k
When Yuuri is discovered to be Void and his home town turns against him, he escapes into the world of figure skating. On the ice he can play the role of anyone and not be restricted by what he actually is, but off the ice it’s a constant battle of trying to hide his true nature from the world.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by @mmeishi :
Wound Up by Temptalia, Explicit, 24k (WIP)
Victor Nikiforov, face of popular idol group Agape, is at the top of his career, but a low point in his life. His reckless and sometimes self-destructive tendencies cause endless worry for his fellow group members: Yurio, Chris, and Otabek. When the time comes to go in a sexy new direction for the group’s image, Yuuri Katsuki lands an audition and knocks Victor off of his feet. However, Victor has a strange feeling he’s met Yuuri somewhere before.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
Ah, deceit. by Nikiforlove, Gen, 11k (WIP)
Viktor is the head of the Russian Mafia, charming, sleek and confident. He’s a very hasty man, and he prefers fieldwork over office work, and Yakov’s pissed. Surprise, surprise! Yakov signed a contract with the JP Mafia without Viktor’s consent, to get him a consigliere who would maybe, make up for what Viktor lacks. Oh boy, Viktor is pissed, he’s fuming. Damn, all he wanted was to go on a date with that bespectacled cutie he met the other day at the cafe.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
A Tale Carved on Ice by Adora, Teen, 2.6k
A bittersweet tale about the magic we lost and the one we found again.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
Bottle Me Your Smile by Ncj700, Not Rated, 35k (WIP)
In a tiny village on the edge of the kingdom, Yuuri Katsuki – common as mud Pharmakeia owner – embarks on a goal to achieve a childhood goal. With the help of the world’s greatest magical, and a missing potion ingridient, he will achieve it.

✧·゚: *✧·゚:*    *:·゚✧*:·゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
The Stars Incline Us, They Do Not Bind Us by AuraJenkins, Gen, 4.4k
Yuuri has always known that he was different, he was fairly sure that being born with the ability to see everyone’s red strings of fate, tying soulmates together, wasn’t normal. Stranger than this is the realisation that his string extends past the sky.


Thank you for all your recs! ₍₍ (̨̡ ‾᷄♡‾᷅ )̧̢ ₎₎

The amazing “YOI Fan Rec Friday” banner was created by @omgkatsudonplease! I love them a lot, check out their blog!

My Top 100 Favorite Sasusaku Stories - SMUT EDITION

Because we all need a little smut in our lives. If it wasn’t obvious by the title, all the fics in this list are rated M for MMM DELICIOUS;D

All of these fics are wonderful so seriously READ THEM ALL. At the bottom I’ll give a subtle plug to my own M rated fics ~

You can find my normal top 100 favorite sasusaku fanfic rec list HERE.

Some of my favorite smut authors include:

DeepPoeticGirl

WellHowAboutThat

BlushingLotus

Lady Momo

JinnySkeans (although most of her stuff isn’t explicit)

hangmeuptodry

Alright, so in no particular order:

1. Wasted - Queen of Pascalities (AU. Multi-chap. Incomplete)

2. Once More, With Feeling - JinnySkeans (AU. Multi-chap. Softcore. Complete)

3. We Did It - DeepPoeticGirl (Drabbles; ongoing)

4. skinny love - theeflowerchild (Post-canon. Oneshot. Complete)

5. In Nine Days - cutecrazyice (Multi-chap. Complete)

6. A Full Circle - Lady Momo (Multi-chap. Complete)

7. Hot Water - WellHowAboutThat (Oneshot. Complete)

8. Folklore - BlushingLotus (Fourshot. Complete)

9. Togetherish - DeepPoeticGirl (Multi-chap. Complete)

10. almost infidelity - hangmeuptodry (AU. Oneshot. Complete)

11. Aftermath - SprayPaintzz (AU. Oneshot. Complete)

12. Rocket Queen - sasukes (AU. Oneshot. Softcore. Complete)

13. parting the clouds - in cages (Au. Oneshot. Softcore. Complete)

14. The Age of Innocence - coconutmandarin (AU. Oneshot. Complete)

15. 200 Days of Summer - cutecrazyice (AU. Oneshot. Complete)

16. Quietus - AngeLhearteD - (AU. Multichap. Incomplete)

17. A Breathless Sort of Attraction - WellHowAboutThat (Oneshot. Complete)

18. Hot Water - BlushingLotus (Two-shot. Complete)

19. love month - Sasusaku Forever and Ever (Oneshot. Complete)

20. We’re Gasoline on Fire - DeepPoeticGirl (Oneshot. Complete)

21. Sick Cycle Carosel - KineticFairy (AUish. Multi-chap. Complete)

22. We Do the Dance Electric - Lady Momo (AUish. Oneshot. Complete)

23. Aphrodisiac: At His Limits - Prodigy Uchiha (No Plot. Just Smut. Oneshot. Complete)

24. Hot Nights - LoveYumi (Oneshot. Complete)

25. In Finis - Sexcaliber (Oneshot. Complete)

26. Laundry Day - rainbow p3nis (Oneshot. Complete)

27. Orgasms - Zephyr Hearts (Au. Multi-chap. Complete)

28. the fire’s out but it still burns - DeepPoeticGirl (Oneshot. Complete)

29. Consume - AngeLhearteD - (Oneshot. Complete)

30. Seducing My Killer - Asha3 - (AU. Three-shot. Complete)

31. Finding Mr. Perfect - Rapture-Taylore (AU. Multi-chap. Complete)

32. Stay - SouthSideStory (Oneshot. Complete)

33. Schneewittchen - angel puppeteer (AU. Multi-chap. Incomplete)

34. Rise and Fall - Details (Oneshot. Complete)

35. Indulge - little sasuke kun (Multi-chap. Complete)

36. Bound - Jav-chan (Multi-chap. Complete)

37. Sakura Crisis - angel puppeteer (AU. Oneshot. Complete)

38. Intimacy - DeepPoeticGirl (Oneshot. Complete)

39. Just Persuasion - Silvershine (Oneshot. Complete)

40. love at first sight - theeflowerchild - (Multi-chap. Incomplete)

41. Kaleidoscopes - twilightdazzle (AU. Multi-chap. Complete)

42. In Times of Peace - SouthSideStory (Post-canon. Multi-chap. Complete)

43. Resentment - Luffoverhate (AU. Oneshot. Complete)

44. Let Go For Tonight - Tsugi no mai hakuren (Oneshot. Complete)

45. Catch the Light - Szki (Multi-chap. Incomplete)

46. One Touch - Clearheart (Oneshot. Complete)

47. Enervis - Kanryu (Two-shot. Complete)

48. Fatuous Resistance - bacatlover (AU. Oneshot. Complete)

49. relax sasuke - Krickitat (Oneshot. Complete)

50. La Petite Mort - Sexcaliber (Two-shot. Complete)

51. Cupiditate - hangmeuptodry (Oneshot. Complete)

52. A Lot Like Love - 3shells (Oneshot. Complete)

53. Study Session - exposedx (AU. Oneshot. Complete)

54. i’ll leave you breathless - DeepPoeticGirl (Oneshot. Complete)

55. Fire Blanket - ohhhthatgirl (AU. Oneshot. Complete)

56. Drabbles. - WellHowAboutThat (Oneshot. Complete)

57. Venom - BlushingLotus (Oneshot. Complete)

58. Risque - river of the sand (Oneshot. Complete)

59. Manscape - neko-hime21 (AU. Oneshot. Complete)

60. One Night of Passion - Hazel Roses (Oneshot. Complete)

61. And He Decided to Stay - Awsaya (Oneshot. Complete)

62. Bullseye - 716799 (Oneshot. Complete)

63. For the Love of the Amaryllis Flower - theClosetPoet7 (Post-canon. Oneshot. Complete)

64. Ferris Wheel Lovin’ - Obscurities (AU. Oneshot. Complete)

65. Magnolia Perfume - Porcelin.Memories (Threeshot. Complete)

66. Salvation - jenl821 (Multi-chap. Incomplete)

67. Close Encounters - Jinnyskeans (AU. Multi-chap. Incomplete & discontinued)

68. Shelters from Ourselves - Szki (Oneshot. Complete)

69. Self Control - the.terrorist (Oneshot. Complete)

70. The Awful Daring - the general girl (Multi-chap. Incomplete)

71. dreamscape - dreamscaprenymph (Oneshot. Complete)

72. Stand My Ground - you.broke.a.promise (Multi-chap. Complete)

73. Change in Direction - Tasha Ashes (AU. Multi-chap. Incomplete.)

74. Haunted - nicthepunk (Oneshot. Complete)

75. Unrevealed Mistakes of a One Night Stand - DeepPoeticGirl (Multi-chap. Complete)

76. make me scream - keiris (Oneshot. Complete)

77. That High School Desk - halfkyuubikat (AU. Oneshot. Complete)

78. you make my heart beat faster - ohwhatsherface (RTN AU. Oneshot. Complete)

79. Brave New World - EWHH its Kenna (AU. Multi-chap. Complete)

80. Time Can’t Heal - ohwhatsherface (Oneshot. Complete)

81. a little death - windsilk (Oneshot. Softcore. Complete)

82. Nothing But Time - Unicorn Paige (Multi-chap. Incomplete)

83. One Touch - Clearheart (Oneshot. Complete)

84. sniffing paints - theeflowerchild (AU. Three-shot. Complete)

85. With Every Beat - halfdemonfan (Multi-chap. Complete)

86. The Last Will and Testament of Uzumaki Naruto - Blushing Lotus (Multi-chap. Complete)

87. Rumor Has It - Nessa67 (AU. Multi-chap. Complete)

88. the rainbow - the blanket (Oneshot. Softcore. Complete)

89. Inconcessus - Strings of a Puppet (Multi-chap. Incomplete)

90. Of Silent Prayers - A m r a k l o v e (Oneshot. Complete)

91. Never Let Me Go - Mrs Scorpius Malfoy (Post-canon. Oneshot. Complete)

92. Gravitation - Kiwako (Post-canon. Oneshot. Complete)

93. Dream - xxredemption-love-and-liesxx (Post-canon. Oneshot. Complete)

94. Yours and Mine - blossom13 (Oneshot. Complete)

95. Surprise Sex - merinxD (Oneshot. Complete)

96. Seven Veils - An Engineer (AU. Multi-chap. Incomplete)

97. House of Cards - JaneDoe39 (AU. Multi-chap. Incomplete)

98. Sisterly and Brotherly Love - K and Jazz (AU. Multi-chap. Complete)

99. Sexcapades - Zephyr Hearts (AU. Multi-chap. Incomplete)

100. Truth or Dare - K-chu (Multi-chap. Incomplete)

My own sasusaku smut fics:

euphoria (multi-chap. incomplete)

Beyond This Illusion (multi-chap. incomplete)

first time (post-canon. oneshot. complete)

defne: friends (oneshot. complete)

HEY WHY NOT. one more.

part 1 / part 2 / part 3

He isn’t listening. He knows he isn’t. He should be going over these armory stocks more closely with Bobby, trusty Rufus propped up against his leg, but his attention is drawn elsewhere.

Dean sits as he always does in the corner, with his face drawn and his shoulders squared like he’s expecting a fight. He cleans and puts together guns so quickly that you’d know on sight he’s been doing it his whole life.

Castiel narrows his eyes at him, searching beneath the surface.

“Hey. Earth to Castiel?”

Castiel looks up. Bobby is giving him a Look that he doesn’t really appreciate but he bites his tongue, knowing that he’s in the wrong. “Sorry. Go on,” he says.

Bobby rolls his eyes, contorts his mouth a little, and continues what he was saying earlier.

Dean doesn’t look up once. His hands don’t slow or shake.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

For the meme: The skywalker twins

Headcanon A: what I think realistically

They never really have a conversation about Anakin Skywalker. They try, a few times, but it devolves into Leia shouting or Luke getting angry—angry in that black, festering way he has, when Leia can feel it in the air, choking as smoke from a chemical fire. He makes her cry once, even though she tries to hide it from him, and it’s the worst thing either of them has ever done to the other. (They’ve hated one another sometimes, but neither of them has ever hurt the other. Not once.) They do try to talk about it—this, more than anything else, the blood that unites them—until it’s too horrible to keep trying, so they stop. 

Headcanon B: what I think is fucking hilarious

There was a solid eighteen standard days on Hoth when Luke and Leia turned the entire base into a madhouse—it might have been longer, but Mon Mothma intervened and sent them on missions at opposite ends of the galaxy. This is still known colloquially as “The Great Prank War of Echo Base”, and whenever it’s mentioned, Han looks haunted.

“Listen,” he tells Ben once, very seriously. “If you ever have to pick sides between your mom and your Uncle Luke…the only correct answer is to run really fast in the opposite direction.”

Headcanon C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

They only tell a handful of people about the fact that they’re brother and sister. Luke has spent the last five years telling anyone who would listen that he’s Anakin Skywalker’s son, and since Cloud City has been—almost—as open about the fact that Darth Vader is Anakin Skywalker, to the point that it’s not much of a secret that Luke Skywalker is Darth Vader’s son. (It serves to make him even more of a figure of myth, even among the Rebellion. Darth Vader’s son, the Jedi, who is going to kill his father and win the war.)

On the other hand, while most of the rebels who knew Bail are aware that Leia was adopted, Bail and Breha always insisted she was just an orphan of the Clone Wars, and honestly, what are the chances that Darth Vader had two secret children? (Yeah, right. This is real life, not some daytime holodrama.) Leia wants nothing to do with her biological origins, anyway; she’s happy to let Luke be the object of whispers and worship, to be tinged with the fear of those who don’t know him.

Still, sometimes Han has to nudge Leia, pull her away from Luke, because what is affectionate between brother and sister looks dangerously like infidelity in any other context.

Sometimes Wedge gives Luke pitying glances, because Leia and Han are whispering to one another, smiling the sort of smile lovers are entitled to, and Luke wants to protest, no no stop, let me have this complicated uncomplicated thing, for myself.

Sometimes Leia gets asked what her relationship to ‘Skywalker’ is. In all the intervening years, Leia has perfected an empty smile, to say warmly, “Luke is one of my oldest friends.” Sometimes, if she’s feeling vicious and/or guilty, she adds, “I consider him almost a brother.”

Headcanon D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

Being children of the Living Force is stranger than you might imagine, an embodied a war between your humanity and the weight of the galaxy. Leia sometimes wakes up inside Luke’s skin—just for half a second, her eyesight sharper and the world written in neon light because oh, that’s the Force, that’s what it means—before she’s slammed into her own body again. Luke has dreams of Aldera, where he walks along broad avenues and up into the mountains and every person he meets is on fire, burning up to ash, but he still must carry them, all the same.

Leia cries once for no reason, standing in the middle of a Senate session—so hard she has to excuse herself, and she screams her grief in the refresher, collapsing to her knees. (Luke is on Tatooine, standing over the ashes of his homestead.)

Luke jolts awake in the middle of a pile of rubble and bodies and feels all the blood drain from his face because he doesn’t know if this was him, or if this is something he can never, ever ask Leia.

(Neither of them die. This is not their inheritance as the Living Force, but what they inherited matrilineally. Surviving—that’s something human.)

Kingdom Hearts Fic Masterpost

I’ve churned a fair few of these out the last few weeks, so as with my DA one, it’s time to make a masterpost! Mostly Soriku with lots of others thrown in.  Updated 15/08/17 with Home.

Axel/Roxas

Runaway - Lea knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that somewhere out there Roxas is alive. Soulmark AU, sequel to Yearning.

Sunset - He is Roxas, lost and adrift, only he doesn’t know who Roxas is. He is Ventus, in charge of his own mind, though it doesn’t much feel like it. Lea is whole, a heart beating in his chest, but he’s beginning to wish he didn’t have one.

Sora/Riku

Yearning - Riku is fourteen when Sora gets his Soulmark, one year and three months before the Destiny Islands fall to the darkness. Soulmark AU.

Yield - A dark heart is a liability, when it surrenders to sky-blue eyes and paopu fruits. Or, the one where Sora and Riku share a paopu fruit after the race.

Temerity - AU where Riku realises he’s in love with Sora and leaves early for his mission to find Aqua. Post 3D. (background Terra/Aqua)

Twisted - Ventus isn’t certain of much at this point, but he does know that the boy, the one whose heart had offered him shelter, has lost himself to the darkness. AU where Ansem takes over Sora’s heart at Hollow Bastion.

Revelations - He hadn’t meant to say it. But now they’re standing there, awkward and unable to speak, and Sora’s rejection tastes like ash in his mouth. Post 3D AU.

I’ll dream you wide awake - Sora’s fingers close around nothing but air, and Riku disappears on the breeze. AU where Sora finds Riku in his dreams during the year of sleep.

Moonlight - They bring him in three hours before dawn. He remembers nothing. Post 3D Soriku & Terraqua.

Zexion/Demyx

Corruption - The pain exists from the moment Ienzo opens his eyes. Or, the soulmark AU where Demyx is a vessel of Xehanort.

Terra/Aqua

Home - Aqua feels as though her world is sundering, and she’s the only one sane enough to see it.

halsey sentence meme.
from hopeless fountain kingdom.
part two.              (   part one.   )

lie.

  • breakfast is cold, as cold as our bed.
  • i’m watching you choke down the words that you said.
  • i watch you devour, mistake me for bread.
  • well boy, is you fed? or are you misled?
  • i gave you the messiest head.
  • you give me the messiest head.
  • you turnin’ red.
  • you wish i was dead.
  • see you ‘bouta break a sweat.
  • i won’t let us finish yet.
  • please don’t take this as a threat.
  • if you don’t love me no more, then lie.
  • i heard what you said.
  • i know that it’s fire flame.
  • your mouth make a hurricane.
  • you notice that we in love.
  • there’s something we cannot change.
  • it’s the plans we should arrange.
  • treat her right and she won’t complain.
  • bring back the title.
  • got no one to lie to.
  • there’s no need to lie no more.
  • bring me a trial.
  • every move’s vital.
  • what you gon’ die for, when everyday you told lies.

walls could talk.

  • been about three days, and i’m comin’ back.
  • i’m about four days from a heart attack.
  • i think you make me a maniac. 
  • we’ve both been seventeen.
  • fist fight in a limousine. 
  • but they don’t know.
  • we both hope there’s something.
  • we both keep fronting.
  • it’s a closed discussion.
  • i’m thinking, ’ damn, if these walls could talk. ’
  • shit is crazy, right?
  • i ain’t your baby no more.
  • been about two weeks since you went away.
  • i’m about half way through a cabernet. 
  • i’m wasting a saturday.
  • you’re so damn good with a bobby pin.
  • now you’re gonna play me like a violin.

bad at love.

  • it tastes like jack when i’m kissing him.
  • so i told him i never really liked his friends.
  • now he’s gone and he’s calling me a bitch again.
  • he told me we don’t make it ‘til we graduate.
  • i told him the music would be worth the wait.
  • he wants me in the kitchen with a dinner plate.
  • i believe that we’re meant to be.
  • jealousy gets the best of me.
  • i don’t mean to frustrate.
  • i always make the same mistakes.
  • i’m bad at love.
  • i’m bad at love, but you can’t blame me for trying.
  • you can’t blame me for trying.
  • you know i’d be lying saying you were the one that could finally fix me.
  • looking at my history, i’m bad at love.
  • i thought that she could really be the one this time.
  • i never got the chance to make her mine.
  • she fell in love with little thin white lines.
  • we never told no one but we look so cute.
  • i always think about it when i’m riding through.
  • i know you’re afraid i’m gonna walk away.
  • each time the feeling fades.

don’t play.

  • lookin’ as fine as a damn monet.
  • everybody thirsty, drinks on me.
  • tryna take back what you say to me.
  • i don’t give a damn what you say to me.
  • there ain’t no time for games and me.
  • i’m moving on.
  • i’m getting paid.
  • i’m on my own.
  • i had some space to deal with it.
  • it’s getting late.
  • go and grab someone and find a place to deal with it.
  • motherfucker, don’t play with me.
  • i am not the type to be out past dawn.
  • i am not the type to admit i’m on.
  • women don’t play no games.

strangers.

  • she doesn’t kiss me on the mouth anymore.
  • it’s more intimate than she thinks we should get.
  • she doesn’t look me in the eyes anymore.
  • too scared of what she’ll see, somebody holding me.
  • when i wake up all alone, and i’m thinking of your skin, i remember what you told me.
  • we’re not lovers, we’re not strangers.
  • we’re just strangers with the same damn hunger to be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all.
  • she doesn’t call me on the phone anymore.
  • she’s never listening.
  • she says it’s innocent.
  • i must’ve crossed a line.
  • i must’ve lost my mind.
  • i miss the mornings with you laying in my bed.
  • i miss the memories replaying in my head.
  • i miss the thought of a forever, you and me.
  • all you’re missing is my body.
  • you lost it.

angel on fire.

  • i woke up to another mess in the living room.
  • they came again in the night under crescent moon, didn’t wake me in my sleep.
  • they talk and drink and laugh ‘bout things and fall in love in my backyard.  
  • i hide and cower in the corner.
  • conversation’s getting hard.
  • nobody seems to ask about me anymore.
  • nobody seems to care about anything i think.
  • nobody seems to recognize me in the crowd in the background screaming,  ‘ everybody, look at me. ’
  • i’m faded away.
  • you know, i used to be on fire.
  • i’m standing on the ashes of who i used to be.
  • i used to be a darling starlet like a centerpiece, had the whole world wrapped around my ring.
  • i flew too closely to the sun that’s setting in the east and now I’m melting from my wings.
  • i’d talk and drink and laugh 'bout things and fall in love in my backyard.
  • now it’s my own anxiety that makes the conversation hard.

devil in me.

  • you said i would’ve hit the ceiling.
  • you said i should eat my feelings, head held high.
  • i won’t take anyone down if I cry tonight.
  • i still let everyone down when i change in size.
  • i went tumbling down trying to reach your high.
  • i scream too loud if I speak my mind.
  • i don’t wanna wake it up, the devil in me.
  • gotta wake up.
  • come back to life.
  • you said i’m too much to handle.
  • you said i shine too bright.
  • i burnt the candle, flew too high.
  • now i gotta wake it up, the devil in me.

hopeless.

  • you make it look so easy.
  • promise that I’m gonna call you back in five.
  • sorry baby girl, but I can’t tonight.
  • you make it look so simple.
  • i’ve known that girl for like my whole life.
  • back in my hotel and I’m alone inside.
  • the truth hurts, but secrets kill.
  • can’t help but thinking that i love it still.
  • there must be something real.
  • the good die young, but so did this.
  • it must be better than i think it is.
  • gimmie those eyes.
  • it’s easy to forgive.
  • you and all your friends all hate me.
  • you think i’m better when i’m not around.
  • hear me on the radio and turn it down.
  • i can’t help the way you made me.
  • hope that she believin’ in the truth you found.
  • i can’t find out.
  • i hope hopeless changes over time.

Mercurial

I’ve been listening to Glass Animals a lot lately and I was ~inspired~ so I spat this out… idk how I feel about it but here you go.

Pairing: Solangelo

Summary: Nico di Angelo has a voice like charred cinnamon and Will Solace is addicted

Word Count: 2,099

Warnings: Vague nudity… kind of smut… but not really…… at all………..


Will remembers the night like a dream or a backward hallucination.

It starts in a bar made of low lights and swaying bodies. Lazy disco lights that filter through fingers like something sticky.

The music makes the atmosphere what it is. The band that’s performing is just starting out, and Will doubts that anyone in the room is sure of what their name even is, but they fill up the room with their noise. It’s a hazy timbre of electronic sound, it breathes and pulses, controls the fibers of everything it touches.

Their lead singer has a voice that’s so soothing it turns Will’s limbs to waste. He exists only front and center on the stage, crooning, hangs from the microphone like he wouldn’t be standing otherwise. He’s less dancing to the music and more singing to the dance. His movements control the way the words are breathed from his lips.

Will hasn’t been so mesmerized by someone before in his life.

After they finish performing, he finds the melodist at the bar, throwing back a drink and settling it back down onto the counter with a gentle exhale. His lips part slightly, face tilted toward the ceiling and catching a glowing serenade of lights. He’s made of everything soft and lovely in that moment.

Will’s first words to him can barely be heard over the second band of the night.

“I’d like to know your name.”

When this stranger sets his gaze on him, Will feels his fingers go numb. His eyes are just as dizzying as everything else about him. The smile that he offers is enough to jolt into action an earthquake across Will’s ribs.

“Nico,” He breathes it like a secret. Will leans forward like he wants to hear more, like he has to, and so Nico leans forward too, “di Angelo. Nico di Angelo.”

Later, when Nico pulls him into his hotel room, Will whispers it against his thighs, feels fingers twisting into his hair and hears Nico curse and whimper. It’s vertiginous, like standing at the edge of a drop-off, watching tiny pieces of earth crumble away and drop into the abyss.

Will kisses every inch of him, shivers and curls his toes at the feeling of Nico’s hands moving over him, his breath against his ear, his words the only important thing that exist in that moment. They’re all that is.

And afterward, Nico lays in his arms and sings into his hair and then against his neck, and Will tells him that he’s beautiful, because he is.

He’s not there in the morning.

Will would suspect he dreamt it, but the marks scattered across him prove otherwise.


Two years later, Will hears news of Nico’s band coming back through town and after arguing with himself for days on end, he gives in to the part that insists he needs this. So, he gets himself a spot front and center in the audience, the place he knows Nico di Angelo comes to life.

He slips onto stage like a shadow, the way he makes his way forward tricks Will’s mind into believing that he belongs there, that he’s just an extension of the rickety ceiling fans and loose floorboards.

His band is still small enough that a part of Will thinks of him as a secret to be kept from everyone else.

Will watches Nico’s fingers curl around the mic stand with such exact fascination that the breathy, “Hey,” uttered from above him makes him startle slightly before flicking his gaze upward; Nico stares straight back at him, all eyelashes and tight jeans.

The smirk that works its way onto Nico’s face as his band starts in on the first song of the night is dangerous and he practically makes love to the microphone, pulling his hands down it and letting his knees go weak. Will wants to stand in its place, let Nico utter the lyrics onto his lips.

As soon as the performance ends, Nico slips off the stage and lands right in front of Will, drags him into a kiss that’s all slow fire and Will’s brain blinking out.

That night, they dance against each other for hours and Will tries to memorize the paths his hands take. It’s not surprising that he wakes up to find Nico tangled in the sheets next to him. It’s also not surprising that he closes his eyes once more and when he opens them again, the other side of the bed is vacant.


It becomes habit. Every time Nico’s band goes on tour, they find their way back to a certain town huddled off to the side of a city that screams loud enough for the entire world.

There’s a point that Nico recalls vaguely, a restless night where it’s four a.m. and he’s thinking about a boy. A boy that lives all the way across the country. He’s wondering how he walks because they’ve never really been together long enough for Nico memorize something like that, to even pay attention.

Will Solace’s hips are the only consistency that Nico knows outside of the band. He knows the shape of him as well as he knows the shape of his guitar and it aches low inside of him, the way nothing else makes him feel quite as whole. So, even when his band is hitting top 40s lists, he gets them into the venue nearest to the boy with the freckles and he utters a cryptic greeting into his microphone when he finally spots him in the crowd, as close to the front as he can get.

Will knows where to find him after every concert. And he does, despite telling himself that he won’t, that this is the year he won’t find himself trapped in the singer’s web.

Nico stands out back next to the trash cans where no one else wants to venture, lazily pulls at a cigarette while he waits. Just like every other time before.

When Will catches sight of him, he frowns. “That’s going to kill you one way or another, di Angelo.”

Nico just tilts his head back and blows smoke into the night, “I only smoke once a year, Sunshine.”

The meaning is clear, but Will is not flattered. “I don’t believe that. You could just stand out here.”

“That’s not nearly as fun.” He drops the cigarette and smashes it beneath his boot, creeps up to Will with a look on his face like vengeance flipped upside down, catches his belt loops and drags him closer.

Will sighs, lets their lips find each other in the dark. It’s too familiar, Nico’s hands slipping beneath his t-shirt.

Nico’s kisses tell a story.

His lips are soft and quietly desperate, they caress and move with such care that it feels almost irrelevant to breathe and disrupt their dance.

His tongue is pleading, it nudges against Will’s lips and slides against the edge of his teeth, he’s not afraid of being wounded.

His hands are tragic and tumbling, they don’t know where to rest and the shivers across Will’s nerves chase them.

Nico di Angelo is a drifter, nothing about him is quite certain, but when he kisses him, Will thinks of rainfall. He remembers sun breaking through clouds. He feels petals across his fingertips, breathes the sweet smell of honey and kicks up clouds of sand.

Nico is a summer breeze, he’s always welcome and never there for long.

Will always, always wants him.

So he drags himself away, holds Nico at arms-length, “No.”

Nico’s expression is more viable then than ever before, “What?”

“Tonight, we’re going somewhere. I’m… I can’t just have you for one night anymore, Nico, I just can’t.” He face crumbles as he says it and he pulls Nico slowly closer again, but more tender this time, just his hands against Nico’s biceps and their foreheads touching.

Nico closes his eyes, they’re so close that it would be difficult to just look away. “You know I can’t stay.”

“I’m not asking you to. I’m just…” Will sighs defeatedly, kisses his cheek softly because it’s the only way they’ve communicated for so long, in touches and feeling. He wants to convey: I want so much more of you than what I have.

Nico’s breath catches. People are not tender with him, they do not want more, it’s always been one-night stands and coiling smirks and emptiness. He’s just a thing to be discarded.

But Will has always been different, softer.

He proves it now, nudging his nose against Nico’s, pushing hair from his face and muttering a quiet, “Hey,” into the wind.

Nico smiles a bit, “Hi.”

That makes Will laugh, but then they’re quiet again and it’s just their breaths and hands against skin and over clothing; tentative.

“We’ve known each other for years, Nico. And I don’t even know your favorite color. I don’t think I’ve even asked… I want to talk to you. I want… I want to know you. Really know you.”

Nico is already nodding, without even thinking it over really, because it’s always been what he wants too.

Will lets out a breath, “Where do you want to go?”

Shaking his head, “I can’t… We can’t go somewhere where I’ll be seen. I don’t want to deal with that tonight, Will.”

Will makes a face like he’s berating himself for forgetting such a simple thing. Oh. Yeah, of course. We can… Just…” He opens his eyes, brushes his fingers over Nico’s cheek to get him to do the same, “Come to my place?”

Nico’s breath catches. Being invited into Will’s home feels symbolic.

“Okay.”

Will pulls his jacket off and drapes it over Nico’s shoulders instead, pulls the hood up so it shades his face, and then guides him into the parking lot by the hand. Nico keeps his head down and holds his breath when they walk past large groups of people, but Will does his best to guard him from view and no one bats an eyelash.

Will Solace’s car is such an obvious reflection of him that Nico laughs. It’s an old, red pickup truck. The kind that belongs in the country, trundling over long and serene views of endless hills. Will just shoves him playfully, saying that he can walk if he’s going to disrespect his truck, and Nico shakes his head. “No, I just… I should have known that you’d own something like this.”

The look Will gives him makes Nico’s face flush enough to match the car. (It’s wondering and awed and lovely.)

Will turns the radio on as soon as he starts driving, and Nico watches as he taps out beats on the steering wheel and sings along off-key, flashing him sideways grins in between verses. It’s endearing because he’s not quiet about it. This a windows down, all or nothing afair, and Will Solace is giving it his all.

Soon enough, Nico joins in, and Will’s voice falters in the second afterward, because it seems almost disrespectful to sing over something that beautiful.

They keep up their chorus all the way to the door, though, even without the radio backing them up. It’s all laughter and Nico knocking their shoulders together, trying to shush Will, who’s not discouraged in the slightest. He only shuts up when he gets shoved against the door and Nico yanks their mouths together fierce enough to make his heart give out.

“Goddamn,” he chokes, and Nico laughs and laughs, pulls the keys out of his weakened fingers and opens the door for them.

Everything between them is as natural as breathing. A small part of Will recognizes that it probably shouldn’t be, but he doesn’t really care.

They sit on the floor in front of the couch with a vast assortment of junk food and just talk. They find things out about each other that are so mundane it’s hardly believable they didn’t know before. Suddenly, they’re more than just bodies, they have souls.

Nico reaches out and curls his pinky finger around Will’s.

“Just come with me. Come on tour with me. I’ll stow you away in the bus and we can just be together, you know?” He says it sadly, looking down at their hands. He knows it’s not really possible.

Will sighs, “I wish. I wish.”

Nico just bites his lip, lets out a shaky breath. “At least promise me that you’ll be here. You’ll be here.”

Will nods. He knows that Nico means, Tell me you won’t find someone better.

He lifts his hand a little, pulling Nico’s with it, “I pinky promise.”

Their laughter fills up the apartment, gives life to the walls, and when Will wakes up the next morning, Nico is curled up with his head in his lap. He closes his eyes once more and when he opens them again, it’s because of the soft press of lips against his own.

Okay as promised, here is the (probably in)Complete List!

Compiled with the help of the amazing Aly @aquamarineoblivion

We saw the show on Wednesday, July 12th. We sat in the right hand box seats, with the 39 dollar rush tickets. Here is our (long!!!!!) review!

-At the beginning an ensemble member with an incredibly intimidating Russian accent said “Anyone with their phones out will be found by the KGB. Repeat offenders will be sent to Siberia!”
-During “Moscow” Marya SHOVES Sonya out of the way to go touch Natasha on the cheek and Sonya looks,,, a little offended
-During “The Private and Intimate Life of the House” both Mary and Bolkonsky pull audience members onstage
-Also I was really surprised but a lot of people found the line “They are there upon his head” really funny? Guys… it’s not that funny…
-Anatole’s Incredibly Dramatic Entrance™ in The Opera which he flung his head from side to side and walked in through the door in a way that, yes, would have been amusing had he not been s o g o o d l o o k i n g
-In “The Opera”, when they say “and took his place in the front row next to Dolokhov,” Anatole and Dolokhov do this elaborate bro-hug-handshake (think The Parent Trap with Lindsay Lohan) 
-Oh god in “Natasha and Anatole” whenever Anatole looks away from Natasha for like a second, Natasha would wrench open her locket and gaze into it like “don’t cheat, don’t cheat, don’t cheat”
-Then in “Charming”, Helene just… straight up rips the locket off Natasha’s neck and replaces it with pearls
-Literally everything about The Duel
-For the first like 2 minutes Anatole was just… lying in Dolokhov’s lap
-The Intense Strobe Lights
-The dancers got glow sticks and bracelets like it was a rave
-Halfway through a lady with glow sticks dripping off of her lay down on our staircase and asked us if we were enjoying the strobe lights as much as she was, then proclaimed, “I love glow sticks… Okay I’m sleepy I’m just going to lie here now”
-I didn’t see this but @aquamarineoblivion tells me that there was a guy on Stage Right wearing just chain link pants and humping the ground????
-Okay people talk about the people in BDSM gear but it’s not just like a guy with handcuffs, it’s (I think) Marya(!!!) in full-on leather straps with a whip and 2 (female) ensemble members in jet black bras and lingerie like, acting it all out kind of graphically almost?
-In “The Duel” Pierre walks towards Dolokhov after shooting him and then when Anatole says “Pierre STAND BACK!” he just stands there with his arms out like a target looking so hopeless which would have been heart-wrenching had I not thought of that “reverts into a T pose” thing because that was EXACTLY what he did
-As “The Duel” is transitioning into “Dust and Ashes,” when you can physically feel Pierre’s existential crisis, the two ensemble members in BDSM gear push past Pierre and Anatole (standing on the stage left stairs), almost knocking Anatole down 
-”Dust and Ashes” was… incredible and Oak sings it SO WELL oh my god
-In “Sunday Morning", Anatole positions himself at the side of the stage so that Natasha sees him in her mirror
-”Charming” is even gayer in person
-Oh god “The Ball” was a trip and a half
-EVERYONE except Natasha and Anatole were wearing elegant 19th century fursuits (the guys wore bear and wolf masks, the ladies wore either cat ears and tails or wings)
-After they danced the ecossaise, guys started dancing with guys and girls with girls
-During “Letters” when Dolokhov goes “a letter which I composed!”, Anatole looks at him exasperatedly like “BOI”
-I didn’t notice much of “Preparations” because it’s hard to pay attention to a song when an Incredibly Hot Lady with a violin wearing just a black bra and short skirt is twerking on the staircase near your box
-Although I did notice what might have been The Funniest little detail in the show- Anatole says “lend me fifty rubles,” and then when Pierre takes out his wallet and removes the 50 rubles, Anatole takes his wallet instead like GET FUCKIN PLAYED PIERRE and he (Pierre) is just like standing there like “that bad man just took my wallet”
-Balaga is incredible. Just. Incredible.
-Sonya is dancing in Balaga? Like? Why is you here sister
-Anatole and Dolokhov kiss in Balaga!
-Marya and Helene kiss in The Abduction!
-It’s two totally different dynamics though- Anatole and Dolokhov aren’t really making a big deal about it, it’s almost like “oh hey everyone’s focusing on Balaga, we should have a goodbye kiss”. However, Marya and Helene just like stand there for a minute and a half sucking face and then come apart looking so… shell-shocked and just kinda hold hands and stare into the middle distance for the rest of the song
-If you think Lucas Steele is hot, let me assure you that Lucas Steele with a violin is… also hot
-”The Abduction” was the Best song but I won’t say too much about it because of the Tonies performance
-In “Pierre and Anatole” when Pierre says “besides your pleasure” he motions towards Anatole’s crotch (and not subtly, either)
-Also Anatole looked so scared when Pierre was threatening him with the paperweight that you kinda almost felt bad for him?
-Oh god the saddest moment in the show wasn’t Dust and Ashes, it was in Pierre and Andrey. At the end, Mary runs towards Andrey to hug him, and Andrey pushes her away, and walks away just like his father. ;_;
-Of course after the show in case you were too sad everyone comes back on and dances in a circle to the “whoa-oh” melody (from The Duel + Balaga) 
-Dolokhov was wearing eyeliner (I know nothing about makeup, but according to Aly, it was on point)
-Just… the whole thing was such an INCREDIBLE EXPERIENCE???????????????????????????
-Oh yeah and then at stagedoor, everyone’s sharpies were kind of dying except for Lucas and Oak (of course.)
-Oh yeah and Natasha was played by Shoba Narayan who was SO SO SO GOOD? I was a little sad at first but she filled the Natasha role PERFECTLY???
-All in all: a life-changing experience. I would rate it 1812/10. Made me appreciate the plot, soundtrack, cast, and crew so much more.

Would Never Call It Love | Finale

After many many many weeks of me being gone, I’ve finally gotten the courage to write the finale of a story that I’ve had so much fun writing, and have had so much fun seeing you guys reactions to it. This story is now my most popular with the most notes I’ve ever gotten on a post, and I can’t thank you guys enough for always pushing me to be a better writer. Sad to end this one, but I have ideas in store for a new story, can’t wait to share it with you guys hopefully soon :-). Enjoy.

(not my photo)

Previous parts: 1 2 3 4 5 6 


This day had to come. This day was bound to creep on us sooner. This day may not seem huge to some people, but it’s huge to me. 

The last show of their first leg of the tour. Also known as, the day I’ve decided to go back home to my lonely, small, quiet home…all by myself.

When did I decide this? Probably about 5 hours ago at 7 am when I impulsively bought a plane ticket, while at breakfast with Luke, Ashton, and Arzaylea. While the couple talked throughout breakfast, Ashton kept nudging me and bugging me about what had me so fixated on my small screen, but he leaned over a little far at one point and gave an annoyed sigh before throwing his share for his own food and walked out of the eatery. Luke and Arzaylea still haven’t figured it out.

Now here I am, packing my things, the memories of the last couple of weeks with the boys coming down on me. I picked up a black and white stripped shirt that I wore the day of their 3rd concert, the one where Michael spilled a little too much water on me backstage after the show, and my bra peeked through; of course he didn’t seem to mind though. I then started placing the different colored bracelets Ashton gave me within the second week of tour inside a little pouch in my suitcase. They made me smile because they matched his, so I’d always have a little part of him.

Then it got to my lingerie and undergarments, many of which I wore when Calum was over. I held back tears, my throat becoming itchy, as I packed them deeply away underneath anything else I could. 

I heard a knock at my door, and saw Ash standing there, leaning against the door still looking displeased.

“You know they’re asking about what happened at breakfast right?” 

I only rolled my eyes. “Why am I not surprised.”

“I’m not telling them, you are.” He strode toward my suitcase and began taking out the nicely folded clothes and even took things out of the pouches. The room went silent when he saw the colorful bracelets, and even the same bra from that night when everything took a turn for the worst. He bent down and studied them both, the memories hitting him hard as well.

“After all these weeks, you still have these bracelets?” He questioned quietly. I only gave him a nod. “And this…I remember this little number…everything felt so right that night.” He smiled sadly at the moment that practically changed everything; the friendship, the relationship, his ability to forgive himself for one mistake.

“Well, at least for one person it did.” He threw it back down next to the bracelets and began striding out of the room. I took two big steps before pulling him by the cuff of his sleeve, stopping him.

“Don’t do that to me. You don’t get to be mad at me for the decision I’m making. So what if I’m leaving? So what if I don’t want to be here anymore? It is not my fault that because of my stupid mistakes I don’t want to be in a place where I am not welcome anymore Ashton. Sorry that you don’t have a choice. You’re a part of this band, these are your best friends and even though you’re having a fight with one of them doesn’t mean you can take it out on me because you can’t run away from it like I’m doing.”

“You’re being selfish. You’re thinking of only yourself. Which is exactly what Calum said the other night when you tried talking to him right?” Slap. Instantly my hand landed on his right cheek, making it head and hair whip to the side and cover his face. My breathing was heavier and louder, the feeling of my cheeks getting red growing. He turned his head back slowly, his eyes like dagger stabbing into my skin. I could just the anger dripping off of him.

“Y/N look…” he tried to sound sympathetic, but I only held up my finger and pointed it at the door.

“Just get out.” He knew he was defeated, and that he hit a spot in me that stung. Before I shut the door on him, he turned back slightly and whispered, “Just call me when you get there, please. I need to know that you’ll be safe.” I hummed in response, and shut the door, leaning my back against it. 


Hiding my suitcase backstage behind a bunch of curtains was surprisingly easy. It was easy access, and since I would be leaving 15 minutes before the end of the guys show, nobody would really know that I had left. The only person I’d truly have to say goodbye to is Ashton since he was the only one that knew, or so I thought.

Arzaylea caught me at the snack table and tugged on my jacket, getting as far away from the boys as possible. I gave her a confused look, waiting for her to tell me what was going on since she looked so worried.

“Arz, w-what’s going on-”

“I bugged Ashton for hours about what went wrong this morning, and he finally told me.” She crossed her arms staring me down, while I was looked down messing with my fingers.

“Look, please don’t be upset with me-”

“Oh, you think I’m just upset. That’s rich. I’m more than upset with you Y/N. You’ve become like a sister to me, I thought you were stronger and had more integrity than you’re showing right now. You’re letting a stupid boy get in the way of you living your best life. You think you’ve fucked up? You think I haven’t fucked up either! This-this is all just so disappointing.”

“You have to understand that I’m miserable here now. There’s never a day that goes by anymore that I don’t blame myself for how things have laid out the past couple of weeks. I’ve only made things worst since being here, when I wasn’t even suppose to be in the first place!” I felt the water prickle in my eyes, but clenched my fists to help make it go away.

“If you’re mad because you feel like once I’m gone you feel like we’ll never see or talk to me again, then I can make a promise that that won’t happen.” She only scuffed, but in an amusing way.

“That’s partly why.” She pushed my shoulder playfully as we both smiled at each other.

“I’ll still text you, facetime you and call you. Just because Calum and I can’t get along great doesn’t mean I have to give up some of the best people in my life. I just have to…give him some space. It’s for the best.” I peeked over her shoulder slightly to see Calum biting into a green apple, water bottle in his other hand. I couldn’t help but shutter at the veins popping out of his neck and how defined his jawline got when it jutted out to eat the piece of the apple. It’s the simple things Calum did that got under my skin.

Arzaylea pulled me into a tight hug then pulled back to smile at me, and proceeded to do what most girls do with their best friends, take a snapchat. She pulled up a funny filter to get me to calm down and smile, but after the picture was taken, something slimy and runny was piled on top of my head.

Arzaylea and I jumped back from each other as some of it did get on her too, then we turned around to find Nia with a smirk holding the big plate that was dead center of the snack table that was labeled “Spaghetti.” The crew and everyone stopped doing whatever they were doing, and watched to find out what was going to happen next.

“Nia what the fuck!” Arz yelled, wiping off the bits of tomato sauce that was now on her clothes and hair.

“She deserved it.” She came up close to my face, trying to intimidate me however I held my ground and stared her right back down.

“That’s for making Calum break up with me.” She chuckled. “You think he’d really eventually end up falling for you? Oh girl, you’ve got it so wrong. He told me all the awful things you’ve done to him, but don’t worry, I fucked all the bad feelings out of him.” Before I could hear another word, I pushed past her walking fast toward the curtain where my suitcase was located. Sure, I’d have to wait in the airport for almost 2 hours, but I couldn’t stand to be in anybody’s presence anymore. I felt an arm tug me around, and the same husky voice from before rang through my ears.

“Y/N what are you doing, you can’t leave now!” He yelled in my face.

“Ashton! Stop trying to make my decisions for me. You may love me but you don’t know what’s best for me.” His grip instantly loosened and I took the chance to take my arm from his hand. “Now let me go.” And grab my suitcase hoisting it up from the ground and running toward the back exit.

I didn’t see it, but I left Calum standing there with his food now sprawled across the floor at his feet, a dumbfounded look on his face, and for the first time in a while, an aching heart. 


Calum’s POV

The last show of this first leg of the tour was thrilling and exciting, but once my body left that crowd of energy and happiness, reality snapped back into me, and all my confusion and frustration came out of me when I chucked my water bottle at the nearest wall, and it exploded everywhere. Michael’s soft voice could be heard right behind me, telling me to calm down and to not take my anger out so aggressively like that because who knows, I could’ve hit a person instead. 

“Look, I know MIkey, I’m sorry…I just-I’m so confused right now.” We both plopped down on the couch in our dressing room, my hands coming up to my face.

“What did Ashton mean by ‘you can’t leave now’ when he was talking to Y/N? And what was in her hands when she was running away…”

“She left.”

My hands came down from my face, hoping and praying I’d see a laughing MIchael after that statement. It just couldn’t be true. But after a few seconds had passed, he continued to nod his head, as if he was still trying to make the situation seem real.

“She left Cal. She went back home tonight. Ashton told me before we went on stage tonight. He couldn’t tell you because he knew it would only distract you more. He just doesn’t want to keep making you mad mate, he cares for you so much even after everything.” His hand came up to my shoulder giving it a friendly squeeze. My chest sank lower in my chest trying to piece together just how bad everything had gotten, my life outside of the lights and music, was falling into shambles.

“I need to go make up with him first.” Michael smiled and agreed, both of us quickly grabbing our stuff before heading out. He informed me that Ashton had drove straight to the hotel we were staying at right after the show ended, and that Luke and Arzaylea were spending some time together tonight out and about. We headed straight after to him to patch things up. Even though that was the first thing on my mind, I was secretly hoping Y/N just might be there.


We raced up to the elevator and impatiently waiting until it reached our floor, only to find Ashton just closing his door as if he was leaving. I ran up to him and tackled him in a big hug, his weight leaning against mine to stop us from falling. I was holding him so tight the indents in my arms were showing through, and my hand veins were popping out. 

“Ash, ash I’m so sorry for everything dude. You come before anyone else and I shouldn’t have blamed you for everything happening.” We pulled away and he smiled so big his famous dimples showed, and the crinkles near my eyes accompanied my own smile.

“Cashton, always man.” And we did one of those bro handshakes, Michael leaning against the hallway wall watching this beautiful moment unfold. My eyes slowly drooped after things quieted down. Ashton could read my mind, and his arms reached out to gently rub my shoulders.

“So, she’s really gone?”

“I just got off the phone with her. I raced back here to see if she’d still be here but, no luck.” I shook my head in disbelief, disappointed in myself for being as stubborn as I was and almost losing my best friend, along with the girl of my dreams. “Her plane should be taking off soon, I’d say text her Cal. She needs to hear from you that you at least don’t hate her.”

“But that’s the point. I don’t hate her at all, I feel so strongly for her, more than I ever thought I could for someone…” Michael came behind me and leaned his head on me sighing. The weight of her gone now upon all of us. The atmosphere seemed different, the vibe between all of us was still off, as if the Earth was off its axis and everything seemed…wrong. 

“Why don’t we get some rest now guys, we’ve worked hard these past couple of weeks. Let’s enjoy these next few days before our next leg? Am I right?” We all agreed and they decided to walk with me to my room and stay the night, just so we knew that we were all there for each other if one of us needed something throughout the night.

As we entered the room, I walked in first to see a familiar jet black sleek suitcase sitting next to the door. My eyes widened and I looked up to see Ashton holding back a small grin, jutting out his chin, telling me to go see what I was already thinking. My legs quickly carried me past the small curve of the room into the bedroom, seeing a small Y/N sitting crossed legged on my bed in the first t-shirt I ever gave her to keep when I wasn’t around her, my Maine t-shirt.

She stood up upon hearing my loud strides and the shirt fell to just above her privates, her hair disheveled and her makeup slightly streaky, like she had been crying.

“Calum…” her voice croaked. I looked back at the boys, watching them in awe as Michael’s face lit up at the sight of her, Ashton looking proud. And they both walked slowly out of the room, leaving us alone.

“They told me you left…” I said in disbelief.

“I couldn’t…I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t get on that plane and fly away from you, not without fixing things first.” She walked closer to me timidly. I had to bring her closer, so I pulled her in by her waist, wrapping my large hand around the back of her head and placing it underneath my chin, my other hand tightly wrapped around her waist. My breathing became heavy, my heart beat racing, my head filling up with euphoric memories.

“You’re-you’re heart is beating so fast Cal…”

“It’s because it’s happy to be close to you again.” She pulled away to look up at me, her eyes glossy once again, a happy yet sad look in her eyes, as if she didn’t know how to feel in his moment.

“Y/N I am so sorry for never letting you have a chance at explaining things to me, or never giving you a chance to speak and finish your sentences. And I’m sorry that it took me so long to realize it and that it took you almost leaving for me to realize that I never stopped feeling for you. But I promise if you stay, right here, with me, you won’t ever have to go through something like this again. We could have the love we’ve always wanted.” I pleaded. Without hesitation she reached up and brought my face to meet hers, her lips lightly pressing the softest kiss we’d ever shared. I couldn’t help but deepen it, feeling her smaller frame pushed up against mine again. We rested our foreheads against one another as she brought her hands to rest on my chest, lightly rubbing her thumbs over the material.

“I wouldn’t have ever called this love before.” Gesturing to the past complicated relationship we had.

“What about right now?”

“It’s the only word I can use to describe it.”


YAY IT’S FINISHED. I was going to add smut but this alone took me 3 hours so I’m extremely tired you guys ;( request smut though if you want it! Again, thank you so much on the love for this story! I put up a ‘would you rather’ post so if you could, please look at it and tell me which story you’d like to write next. Btw GGMOW will be up soon as well!