Underappreciated Things About A Series of Unfortunate Events
I’m rereading the series right now and I have a lot of thoughts
the time Lemony Snicket wanted you to never, ever do something so he typed never on one page and ever over and over on the entire next page
he once disguised himself as a dustpan
the Cafe Salmonella
Captain Sham because his disguise is a sham geddit
667 Dark Avenue
not really underappreciated but “If you are allergic to a thing it’s generally not a good idea to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if that thing is cats.”
describes a dark place with two solid pages of black ink
““I’m your waiter, Larry,” said the Baudelaires’ waiter, Larry.”
Sunny once said “Busheney” to mean “You’re an evil man with no concern whatsoever for other people.” (this book came out in 2003. think about it.)
Lemony apparently knows Robert Frost
“There is a writer who, like me, is often assumed dead. His name is William Shakespeare.”
this isn’t within the ASOUE text but once in an interview Handler was talking about times when people have been mad about the series and this one woman took umbrage about him once saying that there are times when it’s better to lie and she was like “can you name one” and he was like “nice sweater”
Mr. Poe was the Vice President in Charge of Coins
then he was the Vice President in Charge of Orphan Affairs
puts so much thought into the naming relationship between the siblings and Olaf but then “his name is Dewey cuz he works in a library I’m clocking out”
legit though why the fuck does a count/actor have a massive fuckin tower in his suburban backyard
I’m pretty sure he mentions picnicking at least once in every book and just like. why. that’s a weird coincidence. someone take the poor man on a picnic.
also of the like three time he mentions animals living somewhere he uses the word condominium twice and just. it’s not that notable I guess but why that specific word.
also remember when he stopped mid sentence and was like “I’m gonna relay a fairy tale because the message I need to say is too complex to just write down” so he tells this story about some brat prince wanting diamonds for his birthday and the end is just. lions are dangerous sometimes. like. that’s it.
he just fucking namedrops Mikhail Bulgakov and Haruki Murakami and just. to what end.
in the town infested with crows that perch on the Nevermore Tree Olaf is disguised as Detective Dupin
honestly the amount of literary references here are wild
he once wanted to illustrate deja vu so he put in the same page twice
the way he defines stuff
this is still one of the most subtly sarcastic books I’ve ever read
he once used littering as a way to identify evil people
honestly the messages in this book are the best
having a rough past doesn’t excuse being a shithead
morality is complicated but you’ve got to try your best
you can stop being an ass and change if you want to and good people will be kind about it
like the most infuriating people are the ones who are too scared to stand up to evil stuff (Mr. Poe, Jerome, Hector, Aunt Josephine, etc.)
“well-read people are less likely to be evil”
there’s this bit in The Vile Village where the siblings are thinking about running away with Hector in his self-sustaining hot air balloon and they’re just like yeah everything sucks but we can’t just run away. there’s stuff we want to do on the ground. and I don’t know but that just shook as a kid like that has legit kept me from killing myself three or four times now.
the cathedral of the alleged virgin
there’s tons more but that’s all I can remember right now
Requested by anon: I
would like to request a Sherlock x reader where he has been drugged and how
he’s really cute and a little dirty towards her in front of John. Haha like
while “high”. Just super fluffy and cute and maybe a little smutty/implied
smut/ a little dirty haha. I get if you’re too busy or don’t feel like writing
it, no problem. Love you. & anon: I have a request for you (if youre still taking..?) so sherlock
and john gets drunk and sherlock starts hitting on (and gets kissy and touchy)
on reader which has been her girlfriend for months xD
Pairing: Sherlock x reader.
Word count: 2,026
Warnings: Just like in “The sign of three” this things gives a lot of twists.
A/N: Drunk Sherlock and Watson are my fave, I loved this so much!
Sherlock and John weren’t the kind of men to get drunk
every week, however and because of the stress they had been put through in
their last case, they decided to go to the bar together.
At first it was just beer and talking
and complaining, but then, someone recognized Sherlock and decided to put a
little something on his beer which, added up to what he had already drunk,
ended up turning him into a dizzy, slurry mess.
John was drunk as well, but for a
different reason: he had mixed tequila with beer.
They walked – stumbled – their way back
to Baker Street. It wasn’t even ten o’clock when that happened, so both (Y/N)
and Mrs. Hudson were up and sharing a cup of tea while the boys came back,
doing all kinds of strange noises as they walked in that called both women’s
“What are you two doing here?” Mrs.
Hudson asked as she and (Y/N) walked out to the stair case where John and
Sherlock were laying. (Y/N) couldn’t help but to laugh at the image and the
sound of her laughter caught Sherlock’s attention.
“(Y/N)!” He cheered drunkenly, “AREN’T
YOU THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BEING ON EARTH?”
“Wow, someone’s loud tonight.” She joked
and Sherlock walked to her and held her tightly against his chest.
“You are sooooo beautiful!” He slurred,
“And so hot, would you be my girlfriend?”
“I am already your girlfriend, Sherlock.” (Y/N) spoke
clamly, unable to contain the giggle that left her lips.
“I’m such a lucky man I’m jealous of myself …”
Sherlock cupped her face and started kissing her passionately, like never
before. (Y/N) tried to pull away but Sherlock’s grip was tight and it wasn’t
until he needed air that he let go off her.
“You’re so drunk!” She giggled.
“And you’re stunning.” Sherlock mumbled,
“Delightful, splendid, a Greek muse right in front of me! DATING ME!”
“Sherlock Holmes is a poet when he’s
drunk, what are the chances!” Watson spoke from behind, right before he bursted
in a dry laughter. Mrs. Hudson laughed with him and then both women dragged
Yeah ok ok I get that the guidance counselor could have done more to help I guess but like before we call him the Absolute Worst let’s sit back and consider things
• Hannah wouldn’t tell him who assaulted her and idk about y'all but I literally can’t think of a single thing that ANYONE can do to change anything if you are giving them nothing to work with. I know sexual assault is so so so awful and I completely understand that it’s difficult for victims to talk about their experience but I also am failing to understand why clay and Hannah both get so angry about the fact that the counselor is unable to take action on it. Should he have called her parents? Probably. But that doesn’t change the fact that if he doesn’t know who raped her, he can’t do anything to eradicate the issue. She seems ready enough to tell him until he says that he can’t ensure that Bryce will go to jail (which is to be blamed on the legal system and not the counselor), and even though he says he will do everything he can to protect her and keep her safe, she still refused because he can’t promise the endgoal of Bryce ending up in jail. And yes, I know the big issue everyone has is his “move on” comment….he could have worded it much better but honestly what else could he say at that point? She doesn’t seem to want to take action on it and any sound person would advice someone to move on from bad things rather than let it fester inside them and dominate their lives. Hannah also can’t seem to grasp that “move on” doesn’t mean “get over it.” He’s suggesting that she try to work through this and put it behind her but she responds as if he tells her it wasn’t a big deal and just to forget it happened.
• Hannah basically expects the counselor to read her mind. She gives him almost no insight into what she’s thinking and what she’s been to and then is driven over the edge when he doesn’t come running after her when she leaves. You have to talk to someone about things for them to understand. People don’t have ESP and can’t just intuitively pick up on what’s in your head. Therapy didn’t work for me for years because I wouldn’t tell my therapists what was on my mind, I didn’t want to talk about it, I wanted them to just know. But like you can’t do that. I hate Hannah’s mentality of “I just want someone to save me!!!” because it just does not work that way. You have to let someone know what’s happening if you expect help to be given.
So anyway chill out w the guidance counselor I feel like he did his best considering the circumstances
Inspired by THIS POST about gay Disney Princesses.
When the old beggar comes to the door, Addy knows better than to let her in. She doesn’t look at the rose or the woman too long; she shuts the door.
Some will call her arrogant or selfish, but what is she to do? No guards, parents in the capital (not, here, not here), and the knowledge that she is the damsel in all those fairy tales weighs heavily on her mind. Oh, little princess, far from home and alone, so alone.
The Enchantress (for they do not call her witch) makes sure that she stays that way.
Alone except for her wilting rose.
(She did not want it, would not take it, so she was bound to it. Such is the way of Princesses.)
Addy used to have frightful bursts of temper. Her face would turn red, fat tears rolling down her cheeks, mouth screwed into an upside down kidney bean. Anything could set her off; a too tight corset, a walk ended too quickly, another toy sword taken away. She’d wail and scream, kick her feet and punch the air, tear and rend anything within arm’s reach.
The first time she has a fit in her new form, it’s after Mrs. Potts reads the King and Queen’s decision on her…condition. She’s to stay here, on the outskirts of their kingdom, until a Prince comes to release her from her spell. Alone until a different sort of bond is forced on her, until she is made to change from princess to beast to bride.
Addy know why they refuse to save her. It’s because she’s always been too big, too strong, too ill-tempered, too–
In her rage, Addy upends the tea tray, forgetting, forgetting, forgetting.
She is reminded when fine china falls to the hard ground, when it rattles, when it shatters, when it screams.
“No!” Addy falls to her knees next to her dishes– no, her friends and frantically rights them, apologies tumbling from her lips, eyes brimming with tears.
“Temper,” Mrs. Potts murmurs, more out of reflex than anything, looking obviously terrified. She hops from her side to her base, better able to control her new body than any other castle resident. Her lid is sitting askew and her eyes are wide (so wide) as they dart from one cup to another. “Daniel? Daniel!”
Addy cuts herself on broken porcelain and flinches. She–she’d killed him, she’d been so thoughtless, how could she? “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry–”
“I’m okay,” a little voice says. “I’m okay, Mom!”
Addy sobs as she locates him under the silver platter, on his side, trapped. She throws the platter too hard, lodging it in the wall, and takes Daniel in her paws.
“It’s okay, Princess Addy,” Daniel chirps at her. He’s a little older than her, just a few years, and he’s always trying to be strong. His eyes are wide (too wide), but he offers her a tremulous smile. “I’m okay.”
“Thank goodness,” Mrs. Potts says and her china clinks as she hops forward.
Addy’s eyes lock on the horrible, huge chip in his rim.
I did that.
She’s across the room before being aware of setting Daniel down, of standing, of leaping away.
“Princess,” Mrs. Potts says from her low, low position on the floor. “What–”
“Don’t call me that,” Addy grits out. Her huge body leans heavily against the door, making it groan, as she desperately tries to wrap her paw around the handle. She can’t stop looking at the chip, the proof of harm, the proof that something much worse can happen so easily. “Don’t call me– I’m not–I’m not the Princess. I’m the Beast.”
The door crashes open and she disappears.
It’s weeks before the servants realize that she’s never going to answer to her name again. She no longer sleeps in her princess bed or attempts to wear her princess clothes. She wears pants scavenged from the servants’ quarters, tunics from her father’s closet, ties her mane back with twine instead of ornaments.
Warnings: Swearing cause when don’t I ever swear..
Word Count: 1,900+
A/N: Mr. Holland will be updated Tuesday, Thursday, & Saturdays for now. I do attend college so if I don’t update on time, know I’m probably studying or working on HWxx
Yes Louis Tomlinson is your Roomie ^
Let’s get started xx
Taking a sip of your tea you rest the mug back down. Your fingers clicked against the keyboard as you typed a new document. It needed to be done by this evening and you knew you could finish it. After what happened at the hospital you were in higher spirits. Seeing Jaelynn smile like that warmed your soul.
Tom being the cause of her smile made you admire him even more. You don’t know what Marie was talking about he truly has a good side to him. The way he acted around kids was so natural. Moving your mouse to the plus adding another tab you click the search bar. Typing in ‘Tom Holland visiting Hospital kids’ and hitting enter after.
The screen loads showing tons of videos on Youtube. Scrolling through you click on one of them. Looking at Tom then vs now he looks practically the same. Wondering if he sold his soul to the Devil to look young. He’s handsome without even trying who are you kidding?
Apparently wherever he filmed he would stop by a hospital to see the kids. The videos you watched made your heart melt. When he pulled off his mask in front of a teenage girl her reaction was priceless.
“Woah you’re really cute!”
Smiling at the video admiring how much Tom gave back as a celebrity. Still giving back now with The Holy Trinity Foundation. A loud ding fills the air making you snap back to reality. Searching your desk you locate your phone picking it up. Looking at the text you quickly open it and respond.
Bitch this place is fancy…
What’s your office number?
Just come to the second to last floor, Mr. Holland’s home from home penthouse is on the top floor. Ask the woman at the desk and she’ll point to his office cause I’m literally right next to his office.
See you soon love xx Can’t wait to hear about your first day so far xx
Setting your phone down to the side you get back to work. The office phone rings loudly making you pick it up immediately. Raising it to your ear there was a brief silence. Doing your answering the phone line they finally answer.
“Hey this is Jacob Batalon, is Tom in his office?”
“Yes sir, he’s currently working on signing some papers I can patch you through” you say pressing the number one button on the option sending it to Tom. Resting the phone back down you look back at your computer screen.
Looking over at time in the corner of the screen you’re wondering where Louis is. Rolling your eyes because he probably got lost. Typing for another five minutes you stop when you hear a knock on your door. Getting up from your chair you walk over opening the door.
“I’m here, you have so many attractive people in this office.. I had a chat and took some pictures with people, sorry love” he gives you a kiss on the cheek before heading inside your office. Turning around you close the door eyeing the bag he was holding. You were starving and needed food before your stomach roared like the kraken.
Louis sets the bag on the ground taking a seat across from you. Taking out boxes he sets yours down in front of you and his where he’s sitting. Placing a pair of chopsticks on your box he does the same with his. Pulling out two tea bottles he hands yours over. Opening it up the smell of green tea relaxes you.
“Soooo, what’s it like working for the legend himself?” Louis asks opening up his box of sushi. Breaking the chopsticks so they split you place them in your hands.
“Actually quite lovely to be honest.. he took time out of his morning today to surprise Jaelynn in the hospital” picking up a roll you lightly dip it into the sauce.
“He actually went to see her? that’s amazing, she loves Spider-Man”
“I know she does.. she’s jealous that I moved in with you years ago cause you have all the cool superhero stuff littered around” you were lucky that you became friends with Louis ages ago. Jaelynn loves hanging out with his son. Right now his son is currently with his mum for the week and Louis’s been sad.
“I bet she would love a visit from you, maybe read her a comic like you used to?” his face perking up at your suggestion.
“We have to talk about this though, is he just as good looking in person? Any man would be look envy with him.. he looks so young for his age.. I look like age punched me ten years into the future” he acts dramatically putting his hand to his head leaning back.
“Louis shut up you idiot” you let out a loud laugh at how he’s acting. Sometimes you wonder if he’s just still a child.
The door next to you opens making your pause your movements. Setting the sushi back down you turn to see Mr. Holland in the doorway. His eyes looking between you and Louis. You nervously look over at Louis who had a prominent smile on his face. The silence was killing you.
“I didn’t know you were having a -“
“boyfriend, hey I’m Louis Tomlinson.. probably heard of me, I was in a famous boy band called One Direction”
“It ended so clearly I haven’t heard of you, well you and your boyfriend have a lovely time” he turns around closing the door a little harder than normal.
“Fuck you Tomlinson, why the hell did you say that?!” you point your chopsticks over at him almost wanting to stab him with them.
“You should have seen the look he gave me… he’s into you babe” his laughter filling the air making your cheeks turn pink.
“Now he’s going to th-“
“He’s rude saying that to me, I’m Louis Tomlinson.. bitch” he huffs out running his fingers through his hair pouting before putting a piece of sushi in his mouth.
“You’re such a handful.. I don’t know how I put up with you”
“You do because I’m your best friend and cause I got you that Coach bag sitting right there” he points over to your bag hanging behind you.
“He wouldn’t like that now would he?” a smirk not leaving his lips.
“Mr. Holland I finished the papers you wanted me to finish” setting the papers down he looks up at you. The tension growing in the air making you gulp nervously.
“Is he really your boyfriend?” he asks setting the papers aside in a tray. You step back nervously as he stands up.
“No he isn’t Mr. Holl-“
“It’s Tom, please call me Tom” his brown eyes looking a shade darker. Your heart beat was raising erratically.
“Louis isn’t my boyfriend we just live together” your chest tightening because that sounds just as bad.
“You live with him?”
“I couldn’t afford a place of my own and Louis is a family friend and has been letting me live with him..”
“So you need a place of your own then?” Tom stands in front of you then leans slightly against the desk. His arms were crossed over his chest and you couldn’t help but see how the shirt clung to his biceps.
“I’m fine Tom, I’m saving up now thanks to you helping out with Jaelynn..”
“Stay at my penthouse upstairs” your eyes widening His penthouse? Why would he offer for you to stay there? Maybe he doesn’t like you like living with Louis.
“I couldn’t possibly stay there Mr. Holland..”
“You will stay there.. plus being here you’re closer to the hospital… I can order a moving service to move your stuff in the guest room there”
“But don’t you live there too?” You ask looking at him as his lip swipes across his lower lip quickly.
“I do but only when I have late nights so it will be all yours, now I’m not going to say no because you have these files now to do and you’ll be here over night” He unfolds his arms reaching for a file. Sticking out his hand he hands you the thick file.
“Y-yes sir..” your eyes wide from the thickness of the file, holy fuck this was a lot of paper work.
“Come get me when you’re finished and I’ll show you around the penthouse” turning around he returns to his chair going straight onto his computer. His eyes focused as he started typing quickly.
Walking into your office you stressfully plop the file down onto your desk. Leaving you go and make some coffee for the long night ahead. Once you’re back you set up a playlist to listen to while you work. Your fingers typed as quickly as they could transferring the files manually into the system. Typing side notes on what could have been improved or what things were lacking in the company.
Hours went by as you tried keeping your eyes open. Minutes felt like ages as they ticked by slowly. Every time you blinked your eyes hurt even more. You were three cups of coffee in and your hands felt jittery. Backspacing on the error you just made you finish the last paper you had to do.
Turning your computer off you stretch your arms over your head. A button coming undone form your top exposing more of your chest. Not giving a single fuck at this point you pick up the file of completed work. Standing up you feel the blood rush to your legs and let out a sigh of relief after sitting for so long. Picking up your phone you see a spam of messages from Louis.
Locking your phone so the screen turns black you stick it in your purse. Once you have your purse on, you then head to the door opening it. Stepping through you see Mr. Holland tapping his pencil against his chin. He turns his head to look at you with a surprised look on his face. Sticking out the file you let out a little yawn.
“Alright love, lets get you upstairs.. you look like you might pass out from exhaustion” he takes the files from you setting them down. Walking next to you he places his hand on the small of your back.
The two of you lock your office doors before heading down the hallway. Once down the hallway you turn the corner towards the elevator. Associates looking at the two of you with raised brows. Mr. Holland looks over at them making their heads turn away from you two. The elevator dings opening the doors signaling to walk in.
The ride up the next floor was dead silent. A buzzing sound goes off making the elevator stop. Mr. Holland reaches into his pocket pulling out a key. He sticks the key into the hole that was next to the buttons and turns the key.
The elevator doors open revealing a gorgeous foyer. Your eyes taking in the beautiful surroundings. The glass windows surrounding showed the city lights that immediately caught your attention.
Stepping into the living you turn around in a slow circle gazing at everything. Looking back at Tom to see him smiling at you. Blushing from how stupid you must have looked. You’ve never been in a home that looked so extravagant. He walks over taking your hand giving it a small tug.
(A broken coffee machine is sitting on top Mr. Lancer’s desk)
Mr. Lancer: So, who broke it? I’m not mad, I just want to know.
Jazz: I did. I broke i–
Mr. Lancer: No, no you didn’t. Baxter?
Dash: Don’t look at me! Look at Fenton.
Danny: What? I didn’t break it.
Dash: Huh, that’s weird, how’d you even know it was broken?
Danny: Because it’s sitting right in front of us, and it’s broken.
Danny: No, it’s not!
Sam: I-if it matters, probably not, but, Paulina was the last one to use it.
Paulina: Liar, I don’t even drink that crap!
Sam: Oh, really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Paulina: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles, everyone knows that, Sam!
Jazz: Ok, let’s not fight, I broke it, let me pay for it, Mr. Lancer.
Mr. Lancer: No! Who broke it?
Danny: Mr. Lancer, Tucker’s been awfully quiet.
(Everyone starts arguing, cut to Mr. Lancer standing outside as Mikey records)
Mr. Lancer: I broke it. It burned my hand so I punched it. I predict ten minutes from now they’ll be at each other’s throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. *looks back into the room, everyone is still arguing* Good, it was getting a little chummy around here.
a/n: hi guys, thank u soooo much for all of your requests and positive feedback. i’m currently working on writing all of them to the best of my ability so stay tuned!
warnings: swearing, smut, the usual
you and your best friend, clay jensen, had gotten called down to the front office. you were pretty sure that neither of you were in trouble, but you couldn’t help but to be nervous. why did they need you? both of you?
you walk into to the office to be greeted by the counselor, the baseball coach, jeff atkins, and montgomery de la cruz. “oh fuck.” clay mumbles. you giggle and bump him with your elbow. “be nice!” you whisper to him before giggling again. jeff is staring into space, while monty takes the time to look you up and down before smirking. you turn your attention away from him and tug at the hem of your skirt that suddenly feels shorter than you need it to be.
"y/n, clay, have a seat. i assume you know why i’ve called you down here?“ mr. porter says. “uhhh no. we don’t actually. please enlighten us, because we’re not psychic.” clay says as we sit down. you nudge him with your knee and give him a look that screams, “shut up!” he sighs and slumps down in his chair.
"well,“ the coach booms, “these two knuckleheads are my star players.” he says motioning towards jeff and monty. “the team
is nothing without them, but they can’t seem to get their heads out of their asses and into their books.” you gasp at his use of language and then clear your throat. monty adverts his gaze to focus on you and jeff is still staring at the same spot on the floor.
"yes, what coach cole said.“ mr. porter speaks up. "since you two happen to be the smartest in your class, i’ve decided to assign you to be their tutors.”
“this is bullshit.” monty says standing up.
“mr. de la cruz, sit down and watch your language please.” mr. porter says. “um, but coach cole just said a-” you start and porter gives you a stern look. “never mind.” you squeak at look away from him. monty looks at you with a smile on his face.
“it’s not bs montgomery, you know the rules. no pass, no play. got it?” porter questions. you try to focus on his words, but monty’s eyes burn holes in the side of your face. “yeah, got it.” monty answers without taking his eyes off of you. you don’t want to look at him, knowing that your cheeks are already burning hot under his gaze.
“okay well then, that settles it. y/n, you’ll tutor jeff. and clay, you’ll tutor montgomery. no if’s, and’s or but’s about it. thank you all, and have a nice day.” porter smiles.
you beeline out of the room and into the restroom. you let out a breath that you didn’t know that you were holding, and look at yourself in the mirror. your face was flushed and your eyes were wild. you took a few deep breaths, not knowing why monty had this affect on you, and then silently thanked god that you weren’t his tutor.
you inhale sharply, take one last look at
yourself, smile, and exit the restroom. clay was waiting on you with a pout.
“monty? out of everyone in the entire school, i get montgomery de la cruz.” he complains. “i mean it can’t be that bad,” you start. “plus, he’s kinda cute.” you say and smile to yourself. “never say that again. that’s like saying a scorpion is cute, and then it kills you.” clay scolds you. your laugh rings through the hallways. “c'mon clay, you can do this. it’ll be a great experience for the real world.” you tell him, suppressing another laugh. “you’re only saying all of this because you, little ms. lucky, get to tutor jeff atkins. he’s honestly one of the nicest kids in school.” clay says. you sigh as you approach your classroom.
“this is my stop jensen. goodbye and good luck. i’ll see you after school.” you say to him as you hug him. “love ya.” clay hugs back and rolls his eyes. “yeah yeah love ya too.” he answers you. you walk into the classroom and close the door behind you.
*time skip to 2 weeks later*
"yes, i do remember when you poured chocolate milk on bryce walker’s head for me in second grade!“ jeff exclaims and you both crack up. "well someone had to do it, he was bullying you. plus i may or may not have been still mad at him for ripping my coloring sheet like 3 days before that.” you say as you and jeff walk towards your locker.
“well i have to go y/n, but we’re still on for that test review after school right?” he asks. “yeah, definitely.” you answered. “ok then, i’ll text you.” jeff says while walking backwards down the hallway and pointing to you.
you laugh to yourself and put your combination in your locker.
clay comes up to you and closes your locker. “well good morning to you too, angel.” you say with a confused laugh. “switch with me.” clay says bluntly. “what?” you question while opening your locker again. “please y/n. i can’t be around him for one more second. it’s been 2 weeks and he hasn’t even bothered to learn my name. he’s called me every name in this world that starts with a ‘c’ but not mine.” clay rushes.
"okay woah dude, chill, it’s monty we’re talking about. the only name he cares to know is his own.“ you snort. clay grabs your shoulders and shakes you. "switch with me PLEASE. you’re literally the nicest girl in school. monty’s like a tiger, and i’m just the helpless gazelle with the broken ankle. he’s just waiting to pounce on me. you? you’re a like a fuzzy, cute, baby tiger. he wouldn’t lay a hand on you.” you laugh at clay’s comparisons.
"please y/n. i’ll do anything.“ your answer was already yes, but you stare into space like you’re contemplating. "go on…” you tell him with a smirk. “i’ll give you half off of movie tickets and free snacks at the crestmont for a year.” clay says. you squeal and hug him. “i’ll do it!” you exclaim. “you’re the best y/n, i mean it!” clay tells you. you laugh at him and flip your hair over your shoulder. “well what can i say, i try.” you say laughing even more.
you both go into a fit of laughter only to be interrupted by yelling.
"hey caleb!“ monty yells to clay from down the hallway. he approaches you guys and speaks again. "i got practice today so my place at 5, okay cameron?” monty says. “it’s….it’s clay dude.” clay says to him, but monty is on his phone texting away. “uh yeah whatever, conrad, i’ll see you tonight.” monty says before looking at you. he watches you for a second, winks, and then heads to class.
"goodbye and good luck.“ clay mocks you with a smile. you roll your eyes, hug him, and then walk towards your class, which monty happened to be in.
you muster up every ounce of confidence that you have in you and walked to the back of the classroom, away from your usual spot in the front, to sit right next to montgomery. he stares at you with his eyebrows raised and then grins.
"y/n, right?” he asks with his signature smirk. you nod your head and look him in the eyes, taking a moment to admire his freckles. “montgomery, right?” you mock him. he pauses for a second before responding. “to most, yes, but a pretty girl like you can call me anything that you’d like to.” he says to you, still smirking.
“okay look dude, clay got….reassigned to jeff, so i’m your tutor now. i’ll be at your house at 5, like you said. okay?” you say while writing. “okay.” monty tells you with a smile while nodding his head. he watches your pen fly across the paper while you copy the notes. “monty?” you ask. “yeah?” he replies. “do your work.” he laughs, and then answers you. “no thanks babe, i can do you though.”
throughout the rest of the lesson, monty cracks numerous jokes just to hear you laugh. your heart was swelling but you’d never let him know that. at one point he rested his hand on your thigh and began to inch upwards. the bell rang and you both got up to leave without a word. the spot where he came in contact with your skin tingled for the rest of the day.
*time skip through the rest of the day*
you start watching people’s snapchat stories when you catch a glimpse of the time. 4:45. it was gloomy outside but your energy was high, and you were ready to see monty. you hadn’t stopped thinking about sitting next to him. you grab your stuff and start walking to his house.
on your way there, the skies decide to open up and pour down on you. you run the rest of the way to monty’s house, banging on the door when you arrive. you hear a voice yelling and then someone rushing down the stairs.
“welcome to casa de la cru-” monty starts until he notices that you’re drenched. “y/n get in here! are you crazy? you’re gonna get sick.” he exclaims while grabbing your wrist and pulling you into his house.
“why did you walk in the rain? you could’ve texted me. i would’ve picked you up.” he says while looking at you.
“you see the thing is: 1. i don’t even have your number, and 2. it wasn’t raining when i left my house. i walked because you only lived a street away but now i see that that was a terrible idea.” you explain to him. “take your shoes off and follow me.” he tells you rolling his eyes. you walk up the stairs and into the bathroom with him. he puts a shirt and some shorts on the counter for you. “thanks.” you tell him, hardly above a whisper.
you start to peel off your wet shirt when you realize that monty is still at the door, watching you. “um, can i help you?” you turn around and say with a laugh. “i’m just enjoying the show, baby.” he says. your cheeks start to burn again and monty starts walking away. “you know, you look cute when you blush.” he calls out to you with a laugh evident in his voice. you shake your head and roll your eyes at his comment.
the shorts that monty gave you kept falling down, so you walked into his room wearing nothing but the shirt that he gave you. given the height difference, it stopped mid thigh on you. he looks up at you with wide eyes before licking his lips and smirking. you hand him your wet clothes and he walks next to you before whispering in your ear.
“you know, my clothes look good on you, but i bet they’d look better off.” he casually strolls downstairs to put your clothes in the drier and the blood runs to your cheeks once more.
you sit on the edge of his bed, taking in your surroundings. his walls are covered in movie posters, band posters, and his baseball pics.
you move to sit criss cross on his bed and you open the history book. monty runs back up the stairs and then stands in his door frame admiring you. “what?” you ask him.
he responds by walking over to your spot on his bed and then sitting in front of you. you look at each other in the eye and monty tucks a piece of hair behind your ear gently.
“monty?” you ask innocently. “hmmm?” he hums in response, focused on your lips. “if you’re gonna kiss me, then do it already.” you say with a cheeky grin.
his eyes light up and he smashes his lips against yours. your hands rest on his chest, and you move your lips to his neck. he groans and shifts himself to lay you down.
“god… you’re so sexy,” he says as you look up
at him. he climbs on top of you and starts kissing you roughly. you fumble with the buttons of his shirt and take it off. “someone’s impatient,” he mumbles while smiling against your lips. “shut up de la cruz.” you say to him. “make me.” you kiss monty with even more force than before, and you reach down, gently grazing the waist of his sweats. monty pulls away from you and you whimper.
"not so fast, princess.“ monty says while tugging on the hem of your (his hehe) shirt. he pulls it over your head and stares at you in awe. "damn i was right, they do look better off.” he tells you. monty begins grinding on you while kissing from your jawline to your neck. “you have no idea how long i’ve been wanting to do this baby.” he says into your neck.
monty reaches down to grip your thighs and spreads your legs slightly. he dips into your wetness with his fingers and starts moving at a slow, steady pace. his touch gave you a feeling that you’ve never experienced before, and it drove you crazy. you try to hold back your moans, but a few escape.
"let me hear you,“ he whispers into your ear. you moan his name and buck your hips against his fingers to create more friction. monty chuckles darkly and starts moving faster. he curls his fingers inside of you and you’re about to lose it. "f- fuck oh my god.” you moan breathlessly. your eyes screwed shut as you were coming up on your high, and monty suddenly pulls his fingers out.
you gasp and then turn angry. “what the fuck was that for?” you say and he smirks again. “i couldn’t let you have all the fun now could i?” he says as he pulls down his pants.
you smile as you stand up in front of him, pushing him back on the bed gently. you straddle him as you kiss all the way down his chest, getting slower and sloppier as you reached the waistband of his boxers. you place a kiss on the waistband, and then move back up his neck. you grind slowly against his erection, and the feeling of the cloth against your naked sex caused you to moan.
“shit y/n, stop teasing.” monty says. he grips your hips to stop your movement, so you reach into his boxers and start pumping him. monty throws his head back and grunts in pleasure. your hands glide up and down smoothly while monty groans your name. he grips your wrist and looks at you with dark eyes.
"i need to be in you. now.“ he growls. he flips the two of you over and positions himself at your entrance. monty slides into slowly and you hiss. you had been with a couple of guys before, but monty was definitely the biggest.
he rolled his hips and started thrusting into hard and slow. with every thrust, he went deeper and deeper. "fuck mont, faster.” you moaned. “you like that huh, baby girl?” he teased you. you tried to arch your back up off of the bed, but he held you down. he was still moving excruciatingly slow and you couldn’t take it anymore.
you were whimpering and monty spoke up again.
“look at me y/n. tell me what you want me to do.” you make eye contact with him while he moved in and out of you slowly. “i want you to fuck me montgomery. fast and hard.” you begged him. your dirty words made him
twitch and groan.
he propped your legs up on his shoulders and started speeding up. “fuck, you feel so amazing babe.” monty tells you. your eyes roll back as you curse his name. “you’re mine y/n. no one else can have you. no one can touch you like this.” he tells you, bringing his hand to rub circles on your clit. “y- yes monty. i’m yours. oh my god.” you say with your eyes closed. “look at me baby. come for me.” he tells you. you look him in the eyes and feel your walls clench around him as your orgasm approaches at his words. after seeing you come undone, he comes too.
he rides out his high and pulls out of you. you whimper and he lays next to you, caressing your cheek. “remind me to thank clay for having no patience.” monty says with a smirk. you raise your brows and start stuttering. “remi- you- what?” you question. “i knew his name the whole time. i just thought that if i annoyed him enough, i’d get to work with you, and i was right. he took longer to crack than i expected him to though.” he says still smirking. “montgomery, i hate you.” you tell him with a laugh.
“your mouth says that, but your body said otherwise.”
a/n: i feel like i always say this, but that was so fun to write. i genuinely enjoy writing and making these scenarios come to life for you guys.
I just love how American Gods depicts moc as being so… gentle and soft. Not weak, but tenderhearted, kind, and loving. Shadow being sweet with Laura before her death and comforting her friend in the graveyard; Salim’s touching one-night stand with the Jinn; Mr Jacquel guiding Mrs. Fadil to the afterlife. Not all the moc are like this - looking at you Mr. Nancy - and Shadow, the big puppy, has his moments of aggression. But I appreciate any time a piece of media lets moc be emotional and vulnerable; not just cold, hard brutes all the time.
I screwed up on a lot of things here (anatomy you no give mercy). Originally part of a larger image that includes all The Dead Men members, this part was the most done and so ehhh, I’ll drop it here. Can’t muster the courage to delete it.