100 ways you know you’re a Swinger!
;) ;) ;)
1. You are wearing wristbands in most of your vacation photos.
2. Half of the numbers on your cell phone are listed only by screen names.
3. You are running out of reasons to tell your coworkers why you can’t go out with them this weekend.
4. You have over 50,000 frequent flyer miles on Air Jamaica.
5. You know most of your friends’ by their first names (Rich & Jen, Frank & Beth) but you don’t know their last names.
6. You have more lingerie than a hooker.
7. You had already seen pictures of your friends naked before you ever met them in person.
8. You position the computer screen in such a way your children can’t sneak up on you.
9. You can’t remember the last time you had pubic hair.
10. Before traveling somewhere, you look up couples in that area.
11. You worry about explaining to the neighbors why 10 couples show up on a Saturday night carrying over night bags and don’t leave until Sunday afternoon.
12. Your spouse asks you if you want to have sex, and your first thought is”With who?”
13. Your gynecologist wonders why you’re asking for birth control when he knows that your husband has had a vasectomy.
14. Your hot tub has never had a bathing suit worn in it.
15. Your sex toy collection costs more than your china set.
16. Your wife has a shirt that says: “I Like Girls Too.”
17. You have a stripper’s pole in the middle of your den.
18. You giggle at the golf course when someone asks if they can join you for a foursome.
19. The last thing you typically do at a party is search for your wife’s thong.
20. You’ve hugged your friends goodnight while naked.
21. You hear the word “Playmate” and your first thought is NOT “Playboy”
22. The word “slut” has become a term of endearment.
23. You remember to bring lube before you remember to bring lipstick.
24. Your choice in new carpeting is heavily based on which type won’t give you rug burns.
25. You’ve taken your Liberator with you to a dinner party.
26. The term Vanilla isn’t just a flavor to you.
27. You bet your wife who can score first with that cute girl.
28. You are constantly encouraging your kids to spend the weekend at friends’ houses.
29. You don’t think twice about wearing a short skirt, high heels and fishnets when it’s freezing outside.
30. Your wedding reception has an after party.
31. You get dressed for a party and don’t worry about comfort because your clothes won’t be on for very long.
32. You panic when your friend’s digital camera goes missing.
33. You’ve invited friends over and watched porn.
34. You’ve invited friends over and made porn.
35. You’ve watched someone do a tequila shot off of your wife’s breasts.
36. Your friends know what brand of condom you prefer.
37. You wake up in the morning and find that half of the cloths on the floor don’t fit you or your wife.
38. Your kids think it’s normal for adults to have sleepovers.
39. A hot tub is considered a necessity not a luxury.
40. You believe in Unicorns… Because you’ve actually ridden one.
41. You leave the kids at home when you go to the toy store.
42. You take photos of yourself with your head out of the frames, on purpose.
43. You can’t decide which of your three naughty schoolgirl outfits you should wear tonight.
44. You always keep a supply of condoms, lube and clean hand towels by your bed… And your guest bed… And your couch in the living room.
45. Every day is “Hump Day”, not just Wednesday.
46. You frequently use the term “Friends of friends” when explaining how you know certain people.
47. You know which of your outfits looks best under a black light.
48. You have an entire closet devoted just to themed outfits.
49. You place a ad that reads: “Wanted: Reliable babysitter who is willing to stay till sunrise and doesn’t ask any questions.”
50. You choose furniture based on which best repels semen stains.
51. The staffs at Hedo and Desire send you birthday cards.
52. You come home with that, “There’s Something About Mary” hairstyle.
53. The babysitter wonders why you are always already wearing your full-length coat when she arrives, even in summer.
54. In the gym shower you’re the only guy with shaved balls.
55. You know the most flattering angle at which to photograph your genitals.
56. All of your vacation photos were taken inside your hotel room.
57. You have free places to stay in almost all the fifty states and several cities in Europe.
58. You’ve ended e-mails with “Bi-Bi”.
59. You can expertly identify the differences between every type of breast implants.
60. On Christmas, there are certain presents that can’t be opened in front of your family.
61. You know exactly which of your friends are allergic to latex.
62. Your vanilla friends ask why they are never invited to your parties.
63. The movie “Swingers” was a huge disappointment to you.
64. It’s an unwritten law that you can’t call any of your friends on Saturday or Sunday until at least 3 p.m. so you don’t wake them up.
65. You’ve become especially good at operating your digital camera with one hand.
66. You actually installed a lock on a bedroom closet door that holds your sex-swing and other fun stuff.
67. You’re constantly afraid that visiting relatives will turn on one of your home videos you forgot to hide.
68. You make bets about how long it will take to “convert” your vanilla friend.
69. You’re in a public place and you swear you hear someone shout your screen name.
70. Before introducing them to your visiting family, you pull your friends aside and decide …” Here’s how we know each other…”
71. You start having withdrawals if the swinger’s web site is down.
72. When someone asks where you’re staying on your trip to Cancun, you pretend that you can’t remember the name of the resort.
73. You ask a guy to teach you “That thing you do with your fingers that my wife enjoys so much.”
74. In the middle of sex with your spouse, you ask someone else to take over for a minute while you go to the restroom.
75. You are more concerned about a pimple on your privates than on your face.
76. You come back from vacation and you have a tan, but no tan lines.
77. The first thing you do checking into a hotel is to ask for a lot of extra towels.
78. All the men bring their wives to your bachelor party.
79. Making it an early night means getting home before 3 a.m.
80. You’ve handed out business cards that have nothing to do with your occupation.
81. Your sexual fantasies never last very long… Because they keep coming true!
82. You are hanging around vanilla friends and you absentmindedly squeeze their butts.
83. You erase your computer’s browser history and cache every time you leave your office.
84. You buy lap dances for your wife… And vice versa.
85. You own a double-headed dildo.
86. You’re still smiling on Monday morning about something you did on Saturday night.
87. You’re at the market, and the only things in your basket are condoms, lube and Red Bull.
88. On vacation you set aside time to take pictures that are actually acceptable to show to your family.
89. After 25 years, people still ask if you’re newlyweds.
90. You’ve had sex with more people since you’ve been married than you did when you were single.
91. Going to vanilla bars ranks right up there with a root canal.
92. The only time you go out with your vanilla friends is when you’re on your period.
93. Your husband has lipstick on his collar and he smells like another woman’s perfume and it brings a smile to your face.
94. On Monday morning you are glad to go back to work so you can get some rest.
95. You tell your friends not to call while your parents are in town.
96. You never make it to the drive-thru before they quit serving breakfast, on your way home.
97. You have an entire external hard-drive devoted to nothing but your party photos.
98. You spouse is having an orgasm, while you are busy in the other room discussing the stock market.
99. You spent twice as long on your profile than you did on your resume.
100. You laughed out loud at 25 or more of these
Getting a variety of questions about bone staining…. You can use anything you want to stain bone, old coffee grounds and tea bags, to spices you have tucked away in your kitchen cupboards…. from dried flower petals to boiled vegetable skins…. the possibilities are endless.
All you need to do is find a container you can soak your bones in ( i use old mason jars) make sure bones are fully dry before you start the soaking process ( wet bones will not absorb color as much) and know that the outcome of the bones will vary heavily on each individual bone and each batch you do. Sometimes things turn out deep and rich in color, other times its a light coated hue… Variations of bones, bone cleaning process,age and environment all have a sway on coloration and staining.
Personally i never measure when staining, i just boil water, throw a bunch of dried herbs,grounds,teas or spices in a container, throw in the bones and cover with hot simmered water…. the larger the container and amount of water… the more ‘stain" i throw in. Then, you distract yourself and leave the bones to soak anywhere from a few hours to a couple days.
If after a couple days your bones are still too light for your taste, air dry them ( over a night or 3) and re-soak with a fresh batch of water and stain.
It is important you let the bones fully dry, just because the bone feels and looks dry on the outside doesn’t mean its dry on the inside, so its best to let them dry for a longer time rather than short, the larger and thicker the bone, the longer the drying period .Another thing that helps stain, is sun. I have found than sun bleached or sun dried bones tend to absorb color much more intensely than others… no clue why. I am guessing it has to do with the sun wearing on the smooth natural finish that bones have, leaving more texture for the stain to attach to….. i just pulled that out of my ass so there is a very good chance that is not technically why sun bones stain better, but thats what ive got.
Another common question lately is why teeth wont stain when staining skulls…. i am going to blame enamel for that, teeth have that natural gloss and coating of enamel which ends up acting like a shield against stains, one thing you can do to increase your chances of tooth staining, is to gently sand away some of the enamel coating.
Sometimes you will get different coloration on the same piece of bone, this is usually due to grease or moisture, if your bone was not fully dry when thrown into the staining concoction, chances are that a section was still wet which lead to less stain absorption… if that makes sense. The other reason is grease, sometimes bones retain a bit of grease after decomposing, the grease is some what repellent to stain, so make sure you check to see if there are any darker grease stains on your bones before throwing them in a batch of stain.
Personal recopies for stain are hard to share since i literally grab handfuls of whatever i have around and throw them in a jar…
Coffee grounds are always a great 'natural stain’ teas offer a nice rustic/lightly antiqued stain Dried hibiscus petals and lavender offer a rich deep purple blue stain just lavender can stain purple or even at times a deep grey color turmeric and cinnamon create a really potent nice deep yellow/orange color Blackberries are a vibrant purple/blue cherries are a pinkish sometimes red color coffee and blackberry re a deep bluish black-ish
Mix a little bit of everything, and you will come out with a dark strange brown our blackish coloration….. just have fun with it
Summary: The girls notice that Minako’s being uncharacteristically studious lately…which obviously can only mean that she’s plotting nefarious things. This is the Reinako origin story that leads into oathkeeper-of-tarthThe Snitch Thief and the collective HPSM AU universe. Hints of MakoAmi and HaruMichi, of course.
Eh. I tried. Working out these writing kinks is hard. But it was fun, and now I feel hella good for having finished it, so that has to count for something! Obligatory tags for fortythousandth, rocketonthemoon, worldsubmerge
AND SHOUT OUT TO moonlight1130 FOR BEING THE ACTUAL BEST AND EDITING MY SHIT FOR ME.
Clothing and accessories that were made for the outdoors
With spring in sight and New Year’s resolutions still (somewhat) fresh, it’s the perfect time to start planning all those outdoor excursions you’ve been thinking about. Unleash your adventurous spirit and start exploring your backyard or the world, with top-quality gear fit for the ultimate REI guy. Whatever your choice activity may be, we have all of the essentials, from windbreakers and hiking shoes to a camping backpack and a digital outdoor watch. Shop our 20 outdoorsy picks below from Patagonia, The North Face, Canada Goose, Nike and more, and you’ll be ready for whatever your next feat brings.
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