stage prescence

people that have never seen one direction live and know nothing about them: wow that harry styles! his songs is clearly better now! and his stage prescence! what a level up! we never saw anything like this in one direction!


actual one direction fans: wow so nice to see harry is still the same :’)

I look at them, then I look at me.

Kpop is entertainment, but sometimes I forget that, and I’m not entertained.

I look at them, then I look at me.

What I’m supposed to see, is what they bring to the stage and what they bring to the screen. I see perfect, beautiful and talented people. I’m wowed by their visuals, their confidence, their stage prescence, their talent, their stage prescence. Kpop is like that for me, it’s not just music, its also a visual experience. I love it, I am entertained. But sometimes I stop…

I look at them, then I look at me.

Sometimes, I see past that entertainment, that perfect image shown on stage and I remember ‘they’re normal people, just like us, this is their career’. Sometimes I stop in the middle of being entertained by what’s on my screen and start thinking about what happens off screen. These are normal people are always working hard to improve themselves to give a better performance, a better image, always improving. Then I think ‘what am I doing with my life?’. I start criticising myself, harshly, comparing myself with these idols. I’m not hard working, I’m not good at anything I do, I’m not beautiful, I’ve got horrible personality… I look at the idols and when I compare myself to them, my self-esteem drops to the lowest.

I look at them, then I look at me.  

I mean look at these people, they really are amazing, they really are worth ‘idolizing’. They’re admired for their hard work off stage, and admired for their perfect image on stage. Always admired. We know they put endless hours into practice to give a great performance. We’ve heard of trainees and idols practicing until 1 in the morning and getting 3 hours sleep every night or travelling from long distances just to practice at the company. We’ve heard about idol groups’ schedules, how busy they are, how little freedom they have with time and how they act (what with the media and how they need to maintain their ‘image’ and everything). No dating, no cellphones, dieting… being an idol is really really tough work. They deserve to be admired.

I look at them, then I look at me.

It’s so tough but they manage somehow. They manage because they are determined, strong willed, hardworking… At the moment in life, I have no goals. I don’t know what I want to do. I’m nearing the end of high school and I have no idea what I’ll pursue in the future. Often when I find something I want to do, I think ‘it’s too much work’, ‘it’s not worth it’, I think lazily, I have weak will. I want to hide in a corner, bury myself, become invisible because I feel like nothing when I compare myself to the idols.

I look at them, then I look at me.

When groups make it big, when they stand on stage with hundreds, if not, thousands, of fans cheering, and they start tearing up with all their thank yous to the fans and the tears and thank yous really do have meaning. They can’t thank the fans enough for their support, because hard work needs an audience to be appreciated.  On that stage, with their fans, they’re having the time of their life, they’re being emotional from all the love they recieve, and they DESERVE all the love they recieve. Suddenly I feel like I’ve been spoilt, that I deserve nothing. The amount of work I do, how I treat my family and friends, my little talents… I deserve nothing compared to these idols.

I look at them, then I look at me. 

The phrase ‘hard working’ always rings in my head because I’m not that hard working. What do I have that I can give people? That I can show off? That makes me special? I think ‘nothing, compared to these idols’.

I look at them, then I look at me.

I feel like nothing. I feel small. I feel insignificant. 

Sometimes, kpop just isn’t healthy for me.