seen a lot of people just finding out natasha lyonne is straight and i just wanna let y'all know you can get through this. there’s 6 stages of grief and the sixth is reading every article where she says she’s had sex with women and realizing that she’s not straight it’s just internalized biphobia.
One year ago exactly, my dad died
and in his place was a soar so deeply imbedded it grew legs and crawled around
in my chest. It left spaces of hatred and sadness in my nasal passages that
pooled at the surface every day, every week, every month, every long road trip.
It transformed a year of life into a year of death. It gave a whole new meaning
to the phrase “dead of winter” and a whole new reflection on what it feels like
to miss someone. But one year is one year in which my mother and I breathed
steadier and farther away from the fact. We have started reshaping our personal
plots and deconstructing the characters we lost. Habits have been created and
shattered and formed like ice sickles because let’s keep with the winter theme.
And we have not become better people, just different ones. I have learned that
the five stages of grief are bullshit and are meant as a blindly intentioned
blueprint for the people trying to understand us while we cry. Lemony Snicket
had it right, “If you have ever lost a loved one, then you know exactly how it
feels. And if you have not, then you cannot possibly imagine it.”
I’ve mastered hide and seek though
my thoughts are often very obvious and sitting just below the bed. There are less
jump scares and boogie men playing Bonanza on rerun, and mostly just scents and
colors waiting for me to breath them in. I can feel how solid my stiches are
these days but sometimes it is necessary to pluck at the first cross hatch just
so you don’t forget the beginning notes of Tiny Dancer.
One year starts to create the element of
choice. I can choose to remember what it felt like to see him laid up on the
couch after knee surgery, and how it felt to see him bring me ice cream as I
hid in the dark with a migraine. I can choose to get closer to the moments of
life that were his and step away if I can’t quite make the hike. My head has
stopped bouncing his name around when I’m alone in my car or in my bed. It has wrapped
it away in a soft cloth that is far less threatening and jagged.
I have been through my own five
stages of grief and the sixth one is living with a hole in my lung. At first
the hole was shocking and made my breathing disharmonic and shallow, but after a
while, the second lung caught up and gave the first some time to repair itself.
If I’m not careful sometimes one lung can forget to be kind to other and make
breathing just as difficult no matter the years. There will always be a hole
buried there, I’ve just gotten better at breathing through it.
Marcel Kittel withstood punishing heat to win the sixth stage of the Tour de France as leader Chris Froome and his general classification rivals emerged unscathed.
As the Tour made its way on a 216-kilometre route from Vesoul to Troyes in temperatures that slowed the average speed, it was Kittel who had the energy and power to reach the line first.
A gutsy three-man breakaway from Perrig Quemeneur, Vegard Stake Laengen and Frederik Backaert was overhauled late on, with Quick-Step Floors rider Kittel edging out home hope Arnaud Demare (FDJ) and German compatriot Andre Greipel (Lotto-Soudal) to win his second stage of this year’s race.
With renowned fellow sprinters Peter Sagan and Mark Cavendish having been ruled out of the race, Kittel will have his sights set on the points classification that has been dominated by the Slovak.
In a stage featuring two category-four climbs, breakaway rider Quemeneur took the honours on both summits for Direct Energie.
At the end of it all, Team Sky’s Froome remains in yellow.
GOOD DAY/BAD DAY
Kittel looked to be struggling in the final dash for the line as he failed to grab a wheel, but an 11th Tour stage win was secured in typically explosive fashion to mark a good day for the 29-year-old.
The controversy that unfolded on stage four when Sagan’s elbow knocked Cavendish off his bike ultimately sent both home, leaving Kittel in a strong position claim the green jersey.
It was a tough day, though, for the three-man breakaway and perhaps most of all for Laengen, who was named the most aggressive rider at the end of the stage.
The UAE Team Emirates man deserved to be in the thick of the action in the closing stretch, but an energy-sapping day of leading from the front took its toll as he finished way down in the bunch.
1. Marcel Kittel (Quick-Step Floors) 5:05.34
2. Arnaud Demare (FDJ) +00s
3. Andre Greipel (Lotto-Soudal) +00s
4. Alexander Kristoff (Katusha Alpecin) +00s
5. Nacer Bouhanni (Cofidis) +00s
1. Chris Froome 23:44.33 (Team Sky)
2. Geraint Thomas (Team Sky) +12s
3. Fabio Aru (Astana) +14s
1. Arnaud Demare (FDJ) 170 points
2. Marcel Kittel (Quick-Step Floors) 143 points
3. Michael Matthews (Team Sunweb) 96 points
KING OF THE MOUNTAINS
1. Fabio Aru (Astana) 10 points
2. Daniel Martin (Quick-Step Floors) 8 points
3. Chris Froome (Team Sky) 6 points
From Troyes the riders will head south to Nuits-Saint-Georges on a 213km route, with the headline sprinters again expected to be in the tussle at the end.
The one category-four climb comes just past the halfway point and is a forgiving 4.2 per cent average gradient over 2.5km.
Rebecca believes that if we end the stigma surrounding child sex trafficking, we can truly change the world.
Rebecca started a major billboard campaign in her city, spreading messages of awareness. “Being a prostituted teen isn’t a choice — it’s slavery,” read the billboard. “Teens sold for sex aren’t prostitutes — they’re rape victims,” read another.
“We need to love our children. We need them to understand that we love them. And not just your own children, but all children in this country,” she says. She also details different types of “pimps” — guerrilla and romeo — who target young women.
“We need to show women of color and empower them and have them know that they don’t need to allow their bodies be there for the sexual exploitation of men,” she says. “The greatest impact we can have is in our own communities. Sometimes we just need to dig our feet into the soul of the Earth…because we can make the greatest impact right here at home.”
Rebecca Dharmapalan is a 19-year-old artist. She had a friend in high school whose boyfriend used to pimp her out in order to pay his cell phone bills. When she finally refused, he beat her so badly that Rebecca never saw her friend again.
“I was on a mission to change the way people saw child sex trafficking in America. That it was a real, tangible thing. So what I did was make film…I realized that art was extremely powerful,” she says.
Oakland, California is one of the most diverse cities in the country, but as any city, “with diversity comes this harsh underbelly of violence.” So, Rebecca used art to change a major city problem.
“100,000 children are trafficked in the United States. And hundreds of thousands more are at risk of having their bodies sold,” she says. 12 is the average age of entry. “Girls were being sold ten to fifteen times a day…these are girls in the United States of America. In our own backyards. In our communities. This is right in front of us.”
denial, anger, bargaining, sadness and acceptance. those were the five stages of grief, to which raphael could testify.
having simon lewis betray him was not something raphael had expected. he knew, deep down, that simon loved the shadowhunter girl. he just didn’t expect it to happen like it did. he tried to bend, tried to appease simon where he could, but it turned out that it wasn’t enough in the end.
simon still betrayed him, and it hurt.
raphael didn’t expect simon to forsake him, and he didn’t expect the pain that followed either. he couldn’t believe the sweet boy who’d made his home inside the hotel has turned his back on them. he tried to deny it, tried to ignore it, but even he couldn’t deny the truth looking in his face when it happened.
he was furious. so very, very angry. it was the kind of anger that had built slowly in his stomach, and made the base of his teeth ache inside his gums. it made his restraint slip, because raphael wanted to hurt simon like simon had hurt him. he wanted to make him burn, wanted to teach him regret, but he couldn’t.
he tried to reason with himself then, tried to tell himself that he would of done the same, would of acted the same. it wasn’t true. raphael put those in the hotel first, because no one else would. no one else cared enough.
then came the overwhelming sadness. raphael had trusted simon, had thought he’d finally accepted his past, had thought he was becoming part of the family. it hurt that it wasn’t true, wasn’t real. ‘monster’, raphael heard, and did simon really think it was true?
it took him time, took him pain, but eventually raphael accepted what had happened, because it wasn’t his fault. simon hadn’t accepted himself, hadn’t accepted the clan’s open arms, and raphael couldn’t change that. he couldn’t make simon love himself. couldn’t help him realize the truth.
unfortunately simon didn’t respect the five stages of grief, because he stormed back into raphael’s life with impudence. it turned out that the timeline of grief wasn’t so linear, wasn’t so set in stone, and simon wanted him to reach the next step. simon wanted his forgiveness.
raphael raged and raged at him, how dare he ask so freely for something he didn’t deserve. ‘i’ll make myself worthy’ simon said, and he tried, oh how he tried. raphael couldn’t turn him away for much longer, and both of them knew it.
it turned out that there could be a sixth stage, and that forgiveness was much sweeter than grief.
raphael knew it wasn’t perfect, knew it wasn’t exactly right, but it didn’t hurt as much anymore, and maybe one day it could be right. maybe one day it could be perfect. with simon lewis by his side it seemed easier. seemed brighter.
Kai and Sehun’s Injury from MBC’s Gayodaejaejun performance
First: “Jongin oppa injured himself :( I think he hurt his hands during the waist/back dance move (Growl) because there was something on the floor”
Second: “I hope its only a minor injury. I don’t know how serious it is because after he got hurt he didn’t finish the performance and just left”
Third: ”I am at the venue of Gayo Daejaejun, I heard that jongin was in great pain because he injured his hands”
Fourth: “Sehun was completely off beat and Jongin couldn’t even get up. The members were surprised..”
Fifth:“Summing all of this up: during the waist/back dance move.. All of a sudden Sehun couldn’t get up and Kai as well. Kai massaged his hands, shook it off then stood up. He left the stage whilst massaging his hands”
Sixth:“Even though the pre-recorded stage is being broadcasted, at the actual venue they perform for the audience”
Seven: “Yes. They did organise it like that at Gayo Daejaejun and during the performance, Jongin’s hand landed on the sharp glass floor”
There are a few stages to missing someone. They start with realising not everything goes away when someone does. Hannah knows a few weeks isn’t too bad, between both of them, but she sits behind her laptop and feels many things breaking dams in her when she realises Sarah forgot to take her sun-screen lotion and phone charger. Hannah stands, putting aside the editing for a bit. As she makes her rounds, winding through an empty house, she goes on an adventure, a quest for the few other things Sarah must have forgotten, like an inflatable neck-pillow, bedroom slippers and silence. Hannah realises she left the silence behind, though Sarah’d been, previously, so apt at removing it, at making it disappear even when neither of them spoke. Hannah doesn’t want to seem needy at this stage, but she rings Sarah up and asks if she forgot the silence. Sarah smiles into the phone, says she didn’t forget it, and that it’s right with her on this trip. Hannah listens to her breathe and falls asleep to white noise and a living rhythm.