stack of oreos

Wait, He’s Flirting? | Soonhoon

College!Soonhoon | Word Count: 2.2k | Fluffy af

Anon asked: “Hi!! Could you do soonhoon as college students? Thanks a bunch xx”

Writing this was way too fun, I hope it’s okay! Fluffy college soonhoon is a good concept 10/10

Masterlist

Originally posted by shudderme

Jihoon was okay with being more on the introverted side. He had a friend circle, he had schoolwork and music to keep him occupied, and his roommate Mingyu was extroverted enough for the both of them. Jihoon wasn’t lonely, he insisted.


“Hi!”

Jihoon jolts, snapping the lead of his mechanical pencil as he dates a new page in his notebook. He hates this required Fundamentals of Biology class, he hates the professor for always assigning projects that take way too long, and he hates that it’s his earliest class. It should be an unwritten rule that no university courses can start before 8 AM.

“I’m Soonyoung, you’re Jihoon right? I think we’re supposed to be partners for the next project.” The boy who had startled him was speaking far too quickly for Jihoon to process anything at this hour of the morning.

“Um, cool. I’m Jihoon. But you knew that.”

Soonyoung unleashes a blinding smile, and Jihoon feels like he’s been annihilated by a ray of sunlight.

“Yeah. Is your dorm okay for collaborating? I’m in a suite with 5 other guys and it’s kind of a disaster all the time…” he begins rambling about toothpaste and nunchucks. Jihoon can’t take this much energy so early in the morning.

“Yeah it’s cool. We can figure it out later, yeah?” Jihoon knows he’s being a little rude interrupting, but he didn’t have time to get coffee this morning. Besides, this Soonyoung guy doesn’t seem like he’s ever been unhappy in his life, so Jihoon probably didn’t hurt his feelings.

“Cool! I’ll get in touch with you later then. Bye, Ji!” Soonyoung beams at him again and leaves a dumbstruck Jihoon at his desk. No one has called him Ji since elementary school. It’s been a weird morning.

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How to succeed in heartbreak without really trying.
First, do nothing.
Become one with your couch eating
whole stacks of Oreos like leaning towers of feelings.
Watch Jane Austen’s adaptations until your eyes become raisins. Relish in Colin Firth emerging from the lake in a white shirt.
If you must do something, drink, but keep it classy.
Put your cheap wine in a glass, you aren’t a pirate.
Talk to yourself.
Talk to yourself in the mirror, on public transportation,
in the middle of the fountain at the mall.
Because there are things you never got to say
and you don’t have to swallow them.
Join Tinder, make your profile picture a model and talk to no one.
Just keep swiping until you got carpal tunnel,
that way you can reject 50 people a minute
and it feels like killing ants with abs.
Kiss as many people as you need
to get the stamp of his lips off of your brain.
Go to museums, realize other things have history too.
Play hide and go seek with your REM cycle.
We’re are not sure which worse to wake up from:
the nightmares about your sides are splitting open
or the dreams about him holding your jaw
like it meant something to him.
You might as well tape your eyelids to your forehead
because at least you could lie to yourself while you’re awake.
Stay up until 3, 3:30, 4. Brew tea with the bags under your eyes.
Write. Write until you lose every metaphor in your library 
you start using the same one over and over, because
there’s only so many ways to describe being destroyed.
But once you get there,
that’s just the foundation.
Next, gather up all of the chinks in your chain,
fasten them together.
Make chainmail and write that bitch into battle.
Take his name, the one that’s still hurts to say and use it as a warcry. Then actually cry,
because there is nothing shameful about clearing your eyes.
Do not pick yourself up.
Do not be okay, because
heartbreak is not being okay, 
it’s about remembering you were okay before.
It’s about saying “Fuck okay!”.
It’s about taking all of your broken pieces
and building yourself a castle, because I don’t care who you are.
You’re a goddamn queen.
It’s about saying “Fuck this poem!”.
No one succeeds at heartbreak.
I built myself a throne room out of pizza boxes and empty lunch bowls. And I can’t stop crying into my Campbell’s chicken noodle soup.
But one day I cry myself a fountain of youth.  
Let’s go back to beginning.
I’m tired of self-help tips and friendly pick me ups.
I drink a bottles, bottles and bottles,
pretending their mouths belong to someone else.
But I’m done feeling sorry for myself,because
why apologize for loving until you burst?
My capacity to feel needs no pardon.
My heart needs no mending.
I am not broken.
I’m just a little more…explosive!
—  How to Succeed in Heartbreak, Victoria Morgan
Jet Wolf Summarizes Act 27

The manga and I kind of hate each other. This is unfortunate, but still, I’m determined to come out of this with something. Rather than spend energy on a liveblog that’s increasingly negative, I’m reading each manga act (mostly) silently, and then writing up summaries at the end. I won’t pull my punches. There’s going to be criticism and snark about the manga, either wholesale or in details. If that isn’t a thing you feel like reading, please skip this post!


*sniff* Smell that? It’s New Arc Smell! It comes with the beginning of each new segment of story, and carries the full-bodied richness of unfulfilled potential, accented by notes of disinterest and neglect, a strong floral undercurrent of inexplicable plot elements, and all bound by the overwhelming musk of unwarranted male lead importance.

BREATHE DEEPLY KIDS

We open with someone talking about lights, with the kind of intensity usually reserved for newlyweds picking out new fixtures at Home Depot. There are a lot of words used for basically saying “ominous”. I am positive we could’ve substituted all dialogue for “GWOOO” and saved ourselves a lot of time. It turns out that our narrator is Pharaoh 90, and immediately I’m concerned. When the manga introduces the arc with a multi-page P90 soliloquy and the anime only has it show up as a planet-sized eldritch abomination visible for a few frames in the arc’s climax, I know I’m in for a very different time.

Mamoru is awoken by the ~ominous~ of it all. He gets to wonder what the fuck is going on before Rei even gets to react. I hope some my righteous screaming will reach back through time and wake Takeuchi up from a beautiful dream she’ll never again recapture. I’m soothed by the knowledge that it might just, BECAUSE NO ONE IS GUARDING THE FUCKING TIME GATE

Usagi dreams of marrying Mamoru. Usagi needs a fucking sticker book or something for a new hobby, jesus wept. It’s really just Usagi sleeping through her alarm again, because she gets one fraction of the first issue every arc to be “normal”. But it’s okay! Five years of yelling in my Ask Box assures me that resetting things is only a problem in the anime. Being so late for school, Usagi skips out on the local news bulletin from KPLOT about people at Infinity Academy turning into “a primitive state”. Despite this being large enough to make it onto the news, no one will give a single shit. “Is Tokyo really worth saving at this point?” I ask the universe. The universe says, “I dunno, I stopped reading the manga twenty issues ago.”

As she runs up, Mamoru yells at Usagi for being late. That seems to me like yelling at your dog for licking its own asshole, like if that’s a deal breaker for you, maybe don’t get a dog, but anyway. BONUS PROTIP: next time have five or more conversations with someone before deciding to embrace a decision you made in a past life.

The next five pages are excruciating “cute” as Chibi-Usa interrupts Usagi and Mamoru time and Usagi is jealous and please god if you’re listening kill me now. We are twenty-two pages into this issue and the only non-Usagi Senshi to show up so far is Rei AND MAMORU STOLE HER JOB.

By the way, we get this moment:

and then on literally the next page, Usagi’s talking about how there hasn’t been shit going on since the Black Moon (WHICH WAS HOW LONG AGO ARE WE TALKING MONTHS YEARS IS THIS SINCE TUESDAY WHAT), and I just can’t stop thinking on how THIS IS THE LITERALLY THE WORST FUCKING TRAINING SITUATION POSSIBLE AND EVERYONE LOOKS LIKE AN IDIOT.

Meanwhile, in an impossible penthouse with an entire floor devoted to a swimming pool, Michiru swims alone and then orders a yacht from room service or something, and I want so much to enjoy that this is ridiculous but I know – I KNOW – I’m not supposed to see the ridiculous in this I’m just supposed to be impressed by it and I’m so sad because I even get a goddamn Sea Whisperer moment

BUT I WON’T BE ABLE TO KEEP IT WILL I MANGA I’M NOT ALLOWED EVEN THIS

Of course not, because on the very next page we get Haruka’s introduction, AND IT’S A MILLION TIMES MORE RIDICULOUS THEY HAVE THEIR OWN INDIVIDUAL HELICOPTERS NAMED AFTER THEMSELVES ENTIRE CROWDS ARE GATHERED TO CHANT THEIR NAMES BUT I’VE SEEN THIS SITUATION HAPPEN APPROXIMATELY 109482083 TIMES IN THE MANGA SO FAR AND IT’S SERIOUS IT’S ALWAYS COMPLETELY SERIOUS

My screaming aside, here’s what I’m actually taking away from the manga: the certainty that every single read I had on this in the anime

was completely, 100% absolutely correct, and it actually makes me love it EVEN MORE.

Usagi (with Naru in tow) arrive at the arcade, where Rei is grumpy and for a moment, my heart remembers how to love. Minako and Mako want Usagi to play the new racing game which is for reasons unknown to all NOT called “God Driving”, and there’s this:

Which I actually enjoy for a few seconds! Is Minako forcing Usagi to wear a helmet for the immersion, meaning Minako wore the helmet FIRST for the immersion, which means Minako went and got a crash helmet from somewhere to increase her video gaming pleasure which is a delight from start to finish. Or did Minako make Usagi wear the helmet because she has zero faith that Usagi wouldn’t fall out of the damned seat and crack her skull open, which still leads us to the winding trail of Minako obtaining this crash helmet for this purpose in the first place. TWO DELICIOUS ANSWERS THIS IS WHAT FUELS YOUR JET WOLF AND WHY SHE HAS BEEN SLOWLY STARVING TO DEATH

But no. No.

Because Haruka has a fucking helmet too, which means either the helmet is part of the game, or we only have helmets for the dramatic reveal of *gasp* Haruka Tenoh Is Hot, and I deflate like a bouncy castle at a canceled birthday party manga why do you hate fun and also me.

WAIT WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO FUN YOU MEAN LIKE THROWING UP IN YOUR MOUTH BECAUSE JUST WAIT

Michiru so far has been shown as Haruka’s accessory beautiful girlfriend, and now in her third appearance, she’s YET ANOTHER vehicle for talking about how awesome Mamoru is. Somewhere, Actual Michiru is screaming. Silently, and while plotting her slow revenge plan that will bear fruit years from now, but screaming.

OH NO WAIT I CAN EMPLOY A NEW REFERENCE I FINALLY GET

*Kill Bill siren*

As Haruka and Michiru leave, everyone talks about them behind their back. Umino arrives from nowhere to fulfill his mandated exposition component. We get two more pages about how awesome Haruka is. Somewhere, Actual Haruka is reading this and nodding while stacking three Oreos on top of each other and opening wide.

Outside, the ginzuishou reacts to a passing girl in a Mugen uniform, whose entire back rips open and a monster comes out, AS YOU DO. But she’s fine. Minako feels like someone’s watching her. “I don’t even get to be the premonition of the ‘premonition’ chapter, but you get this,” Rei grumbles. Minako isn’t listening. She’s too busy posing dramatically for the benefit of her secret audience.

“Maybe this all has something to do with Mugen,” Luna brilliantly concludes later.

“I think–” Minako thrusts her hip to the side. “–we should go and–” A toss of her head fans her hair out behind her in a dramatic arc. “–investigate Mugen Academy.” She clenches her fist and stares into the distance, the sounds of imagined clicking cameras echoing in her ears.

Usagi gets home just as Chibs is finishing up her date plans with Mamoru. Remember how in Black Moon I said I was actually kind of enjoying Chibi-Usa and how glad I was that it wasn’t reliant on the Mamoru-centric antagonism between her and Usagi? THE MANGA HEARD I LIKED SOMETHING AND WENT THE EXTRA MILE TO TAKE THAT AWAY

Ikuko actually has a line that says “I’m going to my weekly mother’s meeting so I can’t supervise [this child I’ve been brainwashed into believing is mine]”, and despite not intending to be funny, I laughed pretty hard. Chibs is going to a new amusement park at the place where all these people are turning into demons, and I really hope that comes up at Ikuko’s weekly mother’s meeting and everyone there is like “Oh that sounds great, I’ll send my kid tomorrow!”

Kaolinite is hanging out with Pharaoh 90 and chatting about, you know, stuff. She says she’s going to turn the Senshi into daimons, and she’s going to use the Witches 5 to do it. For some reason, Eudial doesn’t have a cupcake. The Witches are going to compete for P90′s phone number or something. I’m genuinely entertained by the fact the anime instantly did not give a single shit about any of this and just dropped it.

The next day, at Mugen, Rei says she senses things, and the realization that she’s happy she got even that much makes her die a little more inside. Ami talks about density readings of the building without a single hint of her visor or computer because I guess she can just fucking do that now. Mako says the wind is giving her an omen, and both Michiru and Haruka are like “can you not”. Minako again feels like someone is watching her. She performs a spontaneous dance routine she was up all night practicing. Everyone ignores her.

At The New Amusement Park At The Place Where People Are Turning Into Demons But It’s Fine, Mamoru is on a date with his fanboy. Why is his fanboy around at all? IT HAS BEEN LITERAL PAGES SINCE SOMEONE TOLD US HOW WONDERFUL MAMORU IS DON’T YOU KNOW THE IMPORTANCE OF THAT INFORMATION. Chibi-Usa has her own Umino and I am not even remotely kidding.

Chibs and Momoko are on a roller coaster when Chibs’ Hotaru-finding hat blows off. Chibs dumps her old friend to go find her new one, and again I’m pretty sure it’s not meant to be as hilarious as it actually is, but it really really is.

Meanwhile Usagi and the others are investigating Mugen Academy. Usagi uses the disguise pen to make her a Mugen student so she can go inside. The other girls have to sit outside doing nothing, because god forbid we have an extended scene requiring group dynamics which might actually be interesting and provide character depth. THIS IS THE MANGA YOU FOOL.

Still, both groups follow the sound of violin music. Usagi comes upon Michiru, while the others are intercepted by Haruka. Both are super threatening for literally no reason. WAY TO WORK BELOW THE RADAR LADIES SURELY THIS CAN ONLY AID YOUR MISSION

Usagi somehow gets noticed as not actually being a student, and she runs, bumping into Chibs, whose Hatdar has led her to Hotaru, collapsed outside of Tomoe Laboratories. As they try to help, a monster shows up. Meanwhile, from afar:

JESUS FUCKING WEPT IS HARUKA ONLY WEARING A CAPE TO PERPETUATE THIS MYSTERY ABOUT HER BEING A SENSHI AND WHY LIKE THIS BECAUSE I COULD OTHERWISE JUST ENJOY THE IDEA THAT HARUKA WANTS TO WEAR A GODDAMN CAPE BUT NO

As a side note, was this issue like three thousand pages or what, this write-up took for-fucking-ever.

Roots: Introduction (Judgement)

So…I’m trying to write another long fic? Am I crazy, overly ambitious, or unrealistic? Most likely, all of the above.

But if you like murder, pizza, hacking, female friendship, romance, bad matchmaking, gay slow dancing, bat puns, drama, family bonding, two idiots getting their shit together under…shall we say…unforeseen circumstances, and above all, Barbara Gordon being the hero of her own story, then this labor of my impulses may be for you.

Happy Oracle Day, everybody.

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anonymous asked:

STORYTIME. So when I was a teenager, my youth pastor at church liked to start off Wednesday meetings with a game to get everyone involved and paying attention before he started teaching. (He also liked pranks, which will become relevant.) One week, he had four stacks of four Oreos each set out on a table, and asked for volunteers. The person who could eat all four of their Oreos fastest would be the winner of the game.

(2) I raised my hand, bc if there’s anything I can do well, it’s scarf food. I don’t remember who two of the other contestants were, but the fourth was a huge, beefy dude known for eating anything that wasn’t nailed down and then asking for seconds (actual nickname: The Beast). Some damn stiff competition, for realsies. Everyone was excited to see how this would turn out. The pastor counted down.

(3) And we were off! Snarfing down the cookies as fast as we could manage. Crumbs /everywhere/. No time to twist and lick here, folks; these puppies were going in whole. By the time I got to the fourth and final one, I was a whole Oreo ahead of my nearest opponent. But something wasn’t. quite right. with the cookie. I pulled it apart, and the creme has been replaced with TOOTHPASTE. I whipped around and looked at the pastor, and he was cracking up.

(4) But The Beast had caught up, and was just beginning to discover what had made me stop. I couldn’t let him win! I wanted those bragging rights! I steeled myself and shoved the Oreo in my mouth. As I chewed, foam mixed with crumbs in an awful, spearmint/chocolate explosion. Swallowing was a disgusting adventure. But I horked it all down, and I WON.

(5) Unfortunately, I also spent the entire following night in a state of severe gastrointestinal distress, with cramps from my collarbones all the way down to my hips. Bodies do not like it when you eat toothpaste. So pls do not do the thing. This has been an educational story from an Oreo gobbling nonny.

OH MY GKJFDGJFK

I don’t even have any commentary to add, this was such a wild ride I’m screaming??? I’m glad you won, but more importantly I’m glad you ended up ok lmao!!

Prompt: Hey! I adore your writing! I was wondering if you’re still taking mini prompts? If so, could you do something with Chloe getting her super pink lipstick all over Beca during a makeout session? And then Beca seeking it or someone else seeing it and just the reactions? 


I feel like this anon definitely gets what brand of trash writer they’re dealing with here, so A+ kudos. I went with the idea of an established Bechloe that’s still trying to keep things quiet because Beca doesn’t want to cause drama and wants to do everything on her terms because she’s a tiny, idiotic, control freak. Hope you like it. 


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hellaevildeva  asked:

Erica had showed up at Sleips house to ask him something about Narfi. He wasn't there so she sat on the couch with a book and a blanket inevitably falling asleep on his couch.

Sleip found Erica on his couch a couple hours later, and instead of waking her up, he had decided to take the opportunity to stack Oreos on her. He had managed to get a tower of the cookies on her forehead, mouth, and and neck after about twenty minutes of hard work.

why deprive yourself of the pleasures of life, when you can eat whatever you want and then work out? i had this huge brunch and then i burned 182 kcal with 30 minutes of step, i feEL INDESTRUCTIBLE


fluffy whole wheat vegan pancakes with blackberry soy yogurt, strawbs, banana and OREO! the usual green tea on the side

i’m so joyful right now, i ate all the things that i love more ^-^

karatam  asked:

one day Danny walks into Laura's dorm room to see Laura building a giant stack of Oreo cookies where she has sandwiched the fillings of an entire box of oreos between two of the actual cookie bits. Danny just turns around and walks right back out of the room.

laura texts her 10 minutes later saying she’s made a big mistake