stabbed by a cactus

younow

I’m uploading my live shows to my side channel ‘LessAmazingPhil’ now so you can catch up whenever you like! Make sure you’re subscribed to see when they pop up. Here’s the first one where I unbox a gift from YouTube, tell the story of my burned finger and stab myself with a cactus. Enjoy!

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@spaghettisaurus-rex 

Reasons to be happy today (based on my new theory that Damian really likes plants!)

  • Damian with his own, very tiny herb garden that he uses to make tea. His room smells like lemon thyme.
  • Damian being lowkey upset every time Alfred mows the lawn, because it cuts down all the wildflowers
  • Damian with very strong opinions about which plants should go in the Manor garden this year
  • Alfred decides to let him help manage it because hey, it’s cool that he’s interested, right? Damian drags him around the plant nursery for an hour before he’s prepared to make a selection. He has to see all his options first. Also research them. This is important.
  • Why does Todd think it’s hilarious that he’s looking for a shrubbery
  • Bruce has a small pond constructed in the yard after Damian says he wants to study water plants too (and maybe paint them like Monet?)
  • Tim buys Damian plants as apology presents sometimes like ?? I don’t know why you like these so much, but sorry I was spying on you. Have a cactus. It’s tiny and it stabbed me while I was trying to buy it, so I feel like this is an appropriate gift
  • Bruce lets Damian plant climbing ivy outside his window (A mistake. Sneaking out just got 835603807% easier @ father who’s grounded NOW aHHhahaha)
  • Damian trimming his tiny bonsai (B&R #18)
  • Damian having a 100% serious conversation with Pam about proper plant care while Bruce rolls his eyes in the background. They are in the middle of a firefight. Why is his son like this

anonymous asked:

phil's liveshow was so cute, he really is very good at making people relax and smile ! loved all the opinions, the funny stories + i felt like he was a bit more open with the dan/"we" mentions (overall he's just so precious bless phil )

it was really lovely. there wasn’t much to analyze in a lot of depth, but there were a lot of insights into domestic life and a good number of cute anecdotes like you mentioned. as i’ve said before, phil is great at establishing a very serene atmosphere in these live shows, and making us feel as though he’s really inviting us into his lounge to chill while he talks about his last few days. but interestingly, today we caught a glimpse of what’s behind his computer when he held up the golden play button, and it looked like he actually had his filming light set up? 

i thought that was fascinating, at least as a reminder that no matter how comfortable the live show feels, it really is still somewhat a production on phil’s end. in that vein, just like last week, he had some props ready to show us, he had a few items prepared that he seemed like he definitely wanted to discuss (promo’ing their vids, & the dapg video they’re releasing tmrw, doing the unboxing of the plaque, talking about the anime-face app, merch shop sale, etc.) and in traditional phil fashion, he rounded out the rest with lovely little stories that were sweet and funny and generally uplifting. 

we learned a few things about phil himself: his voice has a very high range when talking about dogs (girl, we know). he wants nothing more than a red velvet cake for his birthday (i loved when someone in the chat said he couldn’t have one and he said ‘whYY?’ in such a funny voice). HIS BRAIN IS CREATIVELY WIRED AT THE MOMENT AND HE HAS ‘IDEAS IDEAS IDEAS’ to the point that he can’t sleep well. interesting. someone called him an angel and he immediately tried to contradict that ( “do angels snore? i probably snore.”) end the angel trope ffs he has the same or similar photo anxiety as dan i think. but instead of doing peace signs, he does that horrifying deer-in-headlights face. but of course hardly anyone gives him shit for it bc it’s phil and he could probs kill someone on camera and everyone would still call him an angel. his whole face lit up when someone asked him to give uni advice. he genuinely loves feeling helpful. my soul was warm at that part. 

i want to do justice to all of phil’s quirky little phil™ moments like naming a cactus fergus and stabbing himself with said cactus, or “corn on the cob is wild,” or “i don’t just want a tiddly (thought he made this word up. he didn’t) little bag [of popcorn] which is flavored with tarragon or whatever.” bc phil is so funny and his personality is lovely. but today i was really fucking enchanted by the domestic anecdotes, because i felt like there were more than usual and they were all nauseatingly sweet. so i’m gonna discuss them. 

  • first we got to hear about a netflix and chil(i) night gone wrong. fill in the gaps of what he shared with us a little and it’s just such a cute story–phil trying to cook them a meal he wouldn’t normally make, leaving the kitchen to set up netflix (which sounds like he was just getting everything ready for dan which is cute af), coming back to the kitchen to find a disaster (bc of course that would happen to phil), panicking and trying to mop everything up but making it worse by throwing chili sauce everywhere, dan walking in at that exact moment to check on him. it sounds a lot like a situation in which they would just be reduced to uncontrollable giggles, much like the terrarium smashing. i love the idea of phil trying to create this lovely evening for them and making a huge mess instead. 
  • then the story of them trying to buy cupcakes (or cookies? he said both and it was unclear what the actual intent was) at the bakery was also just some soft and fluffy and adorably awkward shit that i would probably scoff at in a fic for being too cliche. but this is actually their lives. they go to buy little sweets together and are too awkward and courteous to say no to the extra ones that the lady behind the counter is trying to give them. love that dan somehow ended up w a pot of jam. what the fuck. love that, once again, they probably left and immediately started laughing at each other. they’re constantly navigating the trials of basic human interaction, but at least they generally do so together. so fucking cute. 
  • phil later mentioned tidying his room to the la la land soundtrack, which, interestingly, dan also mentioned doing in his live show. and then phil started humming the exact song dan has been working on playing on the piano. can’t help but imagine that they clean their rooms together or at the very least, each do their own room at the same time w their doors open, playing music from speakers so they can feel like they’re doing it together. and phil humming the specific song that dan’s been practicing made me imagine him just lounging on dan’s bed (à la that little clip from the making of tabinof vid) and scrolling on his computer or reading, while dan plays. it seems like, in general, this january has been so warm and relaxing for them. they’re nestling into this domestic cocoon that they had to leave behind so frequently in 2016 and they’re only venturing out for little cute dates like cupcakes at a bakery or dinner+movie nights. it makes me so happy. 
  • phil’s passing mention that he (probably meant “we” there) has been watching the tatinof documentary “out of nostalgia” was also so lovely, bc the thought of them watching that (either together or alone) to reflect on the last year, to reflect on everything they made together, the places they traveled, the things they accomplished, and the amount of work it took. that is like. unbearable. jfc. they must be so proud of themselves and all of their success. i hope they are. 
  • and then i really loved hearing phil’s side, however brief, of the terrarium story. the way his face lit up when he was talking about it and the soft way that he said it was the “saddest smash he’d ever heard because [dan] was so into making it.” fuck. my heart. i just love how despite the tragedy of it, it sort of became this funny, happy memory for both of them. they’re so good for each other. 

other casual dan mentions that weren’t full anecdotes: he loved dan’s yandere selfie and called it amazing; he said “our house” a fair few times; he “absolutely loved” watching dan’s memes vid and the way he described it was so funny and so phil (“it’s so nice how he just reminisces on the entire year”) bc of course he would make it sound like some sort of lovely and wholesome reflection that’s perfectly paired with a mug of tea. it made me wonder if he really thinks that dan reflecting in this fashion is a good exercise for him? like what does phil actually think about dan intentionally opening himself up to tens of thousands of submissions from fans and then proceeding to make fun of himself for 45 minutes? there’s no way he thinks it’s good for dan’s mental health, so i wonder whether he is protective or defensive of dan, if he tries to discourage him from doing things that could be bad for him, or if, at this point, he respects dan enough to let him make these decisions for himself, but is there for the aftermath, with smiles and laughs and gentle suggestions for him to take a day off and do the things that will bring him peace and calm. probably that. my heart aches. 

people have sent me a not insignificant number of asks about the way that phil uses “i” and “me” phrasing so much and never talks about sharing experiences with dan, and, relatedly, too many people have this twisted idea that dan depends on phil far more than phil depends on dan. but dan is written into every story phil tells, into the very fabric of his life at this point, and the amount of care and concern and respect and pride he demonstrates for dan every time he talks about him literally overwhelms me. dan is his whole world and i’m so emotional about it. this live show felt like a perfect testament to that. 

(live show: giant youtube gift unboxing (live) - 01.19.17)

ifyouarelookingforbabynames  asked:

Okay but what if Sherlock used to keep count of the no. of times John called out Sherlock’s name in a day and whenever at the end of some random day the count amounted to less than the usual no. of times, Sherlock would actually get sad and sulk over it?And oHH imagine after John got married, how difficult it would been for him not to hear John call his name even once…for a whole month

WHY.

IT ONLY HURTS BECAUSE IT’S SO FUCKING TRUE. WHY DO THEY HAVE TO LOVE EACH OTHER SO HARD. WHY.

👻 phil’s younow march 20, 2016 👻

read on google drive with links

-dan’s editing undertale on phil’s laptop so phil is broadcasting from dan’s laptop
-happy 1st day on spring
-excited for sun
-been an edity day
-dan’s putting finishing touches on undertale and it will be up TONIGHT (probably)
-hydration
-he’s drinking blood
-he saw 10 cloverfield lane this weekend
-it was great
-nobody was talking at the cinema
-one woman had her very bright phone out sometimes though
-hung out with some buds and got greek food
-it was good
-the ambience of the evening was a 3 hour playlist of beyoncé, nicki minaj, and rihanna
-he played more camel up
-he sang a lullaby
-fabrice has moved hair salons
-he either needs to get a new hairdresser or travel
-squid boy
-he hates picking profile pictures
-a pop up from younow came up telling people to not inappropriately report them for nudity
-he hasn’t thought of who is going to take care of his plants on tour
-pun of the day: today i SPRANG out of bed!
-we aren’t getting an explanation for that pic of dan
-some things are left better unexplained
-caspar and phil vids tomorrow
-it’s been a video fest weekend
-he obviously had the most important role in the tomska sketch
-SPOILER: phil dies in the sketch
-he fell on a duvet thing but was scared he was gonna hit his head on the table or something
-his favorite death he’s had has been in the star wars vs star trek video from 2013
-he exploded in that one
-there’s no snacks in the house
-tomorrow will be snack central
-more tour practice things tomorrow
-didn’t die last practice
-“say something inspirational” “Dogs”
-mom
-he should have a filter app called Philtergram
-nah he’d probably get sued by instagram
-phil regrets not buying the squid hat
-dan watched a bit of f1 this morning
-gogglebox lady who keeps wearing d&p merch
-the cactus was in an accident
-the leaning tower of poe
-phil just got stabbed by the cactus live
-he’s picking the spikes out now
-why would poe do that to their dad
-he’s peed 3 times today
-zayn’s got a beautiful face
-phil’s actually a dan clone that just got made wrong
-the light in the office melted and it smelled like dog food
-there’s no light in there it’s just a dark cave
-his video with hazel is going up in probably early april
-and the louise collab
-rock lobster
-skin glow
-isn’t it weird that humans have to fill themselves with liquid to survive
-itchy nose
-the mini tree plant is coming back to life
-he’s going to head off in a bit
-he’s never wearing dan’s leather shirt again
-irish accent
-he’s gona HEAD OFF
-look forward to ut vid tonight
-goooooooooooooooodBYE!

Welcome Home

Hello! This is my first phanfic, inspired by this post made by fireworksphan and yeah!! Please give me feedback, I’d appreciate it. ^_^ 

Word count: 1,824

Warnings: Teeny bit of swearing

Genre: Mainly fluff

Rating: G

Summary: Phil brings up the topic of moving into a house to Dan. They start looking for one, before settling down and thinking about the near future.

It was three months ago when Phil first had mentioned it.

“A house?” Dan asked, looking up from his laptop.

Keep reading

**Don´t delete the text or we´ll stab you with a cactus**

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