stab-me-in-the-FACE

8

” You must know that such love is impossible.”
“ Impossible loves, I’m very much afraid they can become an addiction. “

Fire Bad

This is a dnd campaign set in multiple dimensions while the party hunts down a god killer who’s going to destroy the world.
So my character is a Rakshasa fighter with a 6 for wisdom. Her backstory was that she was found and raised by humans that she refers to as “Hoomans” and insists she is human quite emphatically. The party has a Teifling rogue, a half-elf bard, and a necromancer, and a monk. They ended up in Castlevania where they met Sypha, Trevor Belmont, and Ayesha M'aiq. The Teifling rogue had a special dagger that can inject charges per stab wound.

The rogue challenged Death to a game of limbo, and while Death was mid-swing, he dumped a whole vial of holy water on death, dealing enough damage to instantly force death into his second form.

My character went invisible because “NOPE FUCK THAT” and I sat there trying to figure out what would be the most reasonable and quickest way to kill Death.

DM: alright Hooman, what are you planing on doing?
Me: I’m gonna use fireball!
DM: *stupefied* you wanna- in an enclosed room? You do know that will burn you too right?
Me: yes. My wisdom is 6 and I’m a Rakshasa “Fire good!”
DM: oh yeah… fuck! *turns to the teifling* roll a listen check.
Teifling: *passes and hears me casting fireball* EVERYBODY DUCK!
Me: *deals enough damage to kill the skull* yay we won!

After the party explains that “fire bad” we heal up and go meet Dracula. My character saw him first, had a secret conversation with him, and he made an offer to have her join him. At the beginning of the fight, she disappears.

Midway through the fight:
Me: I roll to attack. I hit Rogue’s armor class.
Teifling: What the fuck?!
Whole party goes wide-eyed. Several people try to explain it as mind control as I go, no I’m actually just being a rakashasa. DM is grinning.
Me:*rolls a nat20* [to the rogue]: I’m really sorry about this.
Teifling: no you’re not!
Me: you’re right.
DM: you punch him so hard he goes spinning and hits the ground hard. The whole fight stops and everyone stares.
Me: can I steal his dagger now?
DM: yep. Dracula puts his hands on your shoulder and says “well done.” What do you do now?
Me: Imma stab him in the FACE!
DM: you stab him in the face and the blade sinks down to the handle, releasing all the charges straight into his head. Anything else?
Me: I rip his heart out and say “all I need is the tongue of a dragon and the flesh of a well ridden horse” before giving it to the necromancer.
DM: [to necromancer]: congratulations, you’ve just been given the recipe to turn you undead

As the explanation for why she acted like she was turning on the party, my character with absolute seriousness said one thing.
“Fire Bad”

anonymous asked:

Sherlock shuffles over to the sofa and flops down with his head in John's lap. His husband startles, staring down at the damp curls, eyes softening at the edges. He puts his book away, turns on the telly, and strokes Sherlock's hair, humming softly under his breath. They stay like that until it goes dark, the only interruption when John eases himself up to get the take-away at the door. When they head to bed, Sherlock kisses John softly, holding him close. "Thank you." "Anytime, my love."

Yes, hello, I went to school for 3 years and spent 50 grand so that I could have a minor freakout and make a gif when my ship is referred to in the Established sense, thank you.

Oh wait, there’s more…

50 Grand Well Spent.

*dead*

internet friend!tom headcanons

for my girls over at spiderjizz, especially ruby who came up with this and let me steal the idea for this, larb you rubs!
tags: @grant-valdes-holland @sunrisehunny @spideyboys @lil-spidey @peterletmebeanavengerparker @captainswriting @quacksoff @spideryr00s @spideyyss @tomhollandisthicc @underoosie @marvelsdaughter @ladysnowren @spideyyparker @rooyeun @focused-on-holland @toms-spidey

  • okay so to start you had no idea it was tom to begin with
    • his username was “marvels-biggest-fanboyxx”
    • and he obviously didn’t go by tom but by his middle name stanley instead
    • there was never really a tip-off that it was tom
  • you just knew whoever was behind this screen made some badass edits
    • seriously they were some of the best gif edits you had seen
  • you also knew he posted some photos and videos of tom that no one had really seen before
    • “where’d you get that picture of tom? i’ve never seen it before?”
    • “oh i got it from a friend.”
    • “i’ve never seen that video before, where’d you find it?”
    • “i had to search through a lot of youtube videos”
  • anyways, you messaged whoever this stanley was because he seemed cool and you were really just looking for friends
  • you would have been building this friendship for months
    • he had basically become your best friend on this website
    • you send “stanley” pictures of tom all. the. time.
    • “snslsnsos did you see tom’s hair in his latest ig story like stab me in the fAcE”
    • “ahahahahah yeah same”
    • “tom had such a nice ass i wonder what it feels like”
    • and tom is laughing at this, thinking “real nice. it feels real nice.”
    • but you just get “i bet it feels really nice” in response
  • aside from him being your best friend, you don’t know much about him personally
  • and you totally respect his privacy about that
  • and one day “stanley” finally asks if you wanted to skype
  • and you of course jump at the opportunity because you had become so close to each other
    • you told him practically everything
    • he told you everything he could without giving away the fact that he was actually tom
  • you swap skype users and very soon after you call him
  • and you’re sitting there waiting for it to connect and wondering why the hell you’re so nervous about this
    • he’s one of your best friends for crying out loud
  • anyways it connects and you don’t see his face instead you see Tessa
  • at first you’re thinking “stanley what the hell”
  • and then it clicks like “wait a minute, i know that dog” and your eyes widen and the only thought in your brain is “no way, this must be a joke”
  • tom them pops onto the screen, holding tessa all “hello darling!”
    • mainly because he knows how much you love it when he says that
    • and you definitely ranted to him about how badly you wanted him to call you that
  • you just kind of sit there somewhat in shock going on and on about how “this is a joke. this is seriously a joke. there is no way i am on a skype call with tom holland”
  • and tom just laughs and says “it’s not a joke, darling, it’s actually me”
  • and you’re feeling so flustered and slightly embarrassed because you had basically talked about him all the time to him
  • lots and lots of blushing from you
    • tom finds it completely adorable
  • after your first initial call you guys become skype buddies
    • you’d try to call nearly everyday when you could
    • it took you ages for you to stop blushing at the SIGHT of him
  • it took a while for you to be calm around him and not blush every time he looked at you
    • tom found this absolutely adorable
  • you soon realize you don’t really have much to talk about
  • mainly because all you did was talk about him with him
  • so you talk about spider-man and all the other avengers because he’s such a marvel nerd
  • you take quizzes online to see who’s better and smarter with their avengers trivia
    • there’s lots of teasing afterwards from the winning party
  • after a while, tom gives you his phone number which is a huge step for him
  • just so he can call you and have late night calls over the phone
    • you always want to talk but you don’t want your phone bill to be absolutely insane
    • “tom i really wanna talk but my phONE BILL”
    • “pfft i’ll pay for it now please just stay on the phone with me, i wanna talk to you”
  • you guys fall asleep on the phone quite frequently because neither of you want to hang up
  • okay and hear me on this
  • tom would definitely be the type to surprise you by paying a visit to your hometown
  • and not telling you a single thing about it
  • he just sits and waits for you to figure it out
  • you’d be sitting at home in your pajamas having only woken up a few hours ago
  • and tom would skype you while he’s walking around your city/town
  • and you’re just casually talking until “hey wait a second I KNOW THAT THE CAFE”
  • he just laughs at you and probably winks
  • you’re in a slight bit of denial and don’t think twice about it before running out on the streets in your pajamas
    • which typically consist of spandex shorts and a hoodie most nights
    • it didn’t matter if it was two miles away you ran the whole entire way there
  • and your first real life meeting you run into him, knocking him backwards because you had been running so fast
  • you just stand there in front of him in your pajamas, red in the face and out of breath with your hands on your knees
    • “i just ran…two miles…to see if you…were actually here”
    • he laughs because there’s his adorable girl in front of him in her pjs who ran into town just to see him
    • he feel pretty flattered
  • it’s a little awkward though
    • he goes for a hug and you go for a handshake
    • you both kind of awkwardly laugh and switch the roles
    • more awkward laughing ensues because we’re good friends but we’ve never actually met in person before oH nO
    • but he just pulls you into a tight hug and your cheeks flush and you realize that he smells really good
  • tom offers to talk you out to breakfast in your pajamas
    • it’s pretty adorable to say the least
    • he definitely makes a comment about them
    • “by the way i love the outfit darling”
    • you just sit there pretty mortified
    • “alaodjsosnSHUT UP TOM”
  • and after he takes you to breakfast he begs you to show him around
    • “please y/n i really wanna see where you grew up”
    • “tom”
    • “please please please”
    • “tom i’m iN mY pAJAMaS”
    • “i don’t care, cmon please”
    • “!!!no i’m at least going back home to get actual pants”
  • and toms pretty confused and he’s like “what am i supposed to do then?”
  • “you come with me doofus”
  • he’s pretty shook because he actually gets to see where you live
    • even if it is for two seconds while you change
  • you get to your house and go to change completely forgetting about the old baby, school, and family photos hanging on the walls
  • he’s completely enthralled by them all
    • “aw y/n look at you! you’re so cute and tiny”
    • “jsksl thOMAS NO STOP”
  • you’re completely mortified because all of  those are the worst photos of your entire existence
  • and when you actually change you have to physically drag him out of the house
    • “aw but i wanted to see more pictures”
    • “you can see more later”
    • that’s a lie you don’t ever want him seeing old pictures of you again
  • the whole time you’re showing him around he never stops smiling
  • because you’re actually glowing when you explain things and tell him your different childhood stories
  • and then you suddenly remember that time you talked about how nice his ass is
    • you just stop in the middle of the sidewalk and tom’s looking at you so confused
    • “oH mY GOD IM SORRY ABOUT THAT ASS COMMENT I MADE BEFORE”
    • he just sits there and laughs at you
    • “it’s okay love i promise”
    • you’re still mortified by it
  • so!! much!! blushing!!
    • not just from you but from him too
  • overall you spend the entire day together creating so many new memories and inside jokes
    • you take lots of silly pictures together
    • and of each other
  • you’re pretty bummed when he has to leave to go back home
    • “do you have to leave?”
    • “unfortunately love”
    • “i’ll miss you this was fun, next time warn me though”
    • and he laughs and nods and promises he will
  • “i’m serious though i’m really going to miss you”
  • “i know darling i’ll miss you too”
  • and wow i need tom as my internet friend right now
softer world sentence meme.

❛ we buried truth under playgrounds. ❜
❛ it’s hard to get rid of people who don’t know you hate them. ❜
❛ you make me want to pretend to be a better man. ❜
❛ those who can, do. those who can’t apparently run this fucking place. ❜
❛ live and learn, or die and teach by example. ❜
❛ there should be a word for the things we do not because we want to, but because we want to be the kind of person that wants to. ❜
❛ you won’t live forever in their memories. the way you treated them will. ❜
❛ one day i’ll be me. ❜
❛ nobody dies before their time. that’s what ‘ their time ’ means. ❜
❛ some people aren’t books, they’re poems. ❜
❛ there’s a darkness on the edge of town. ❜
❛ it’s time to make yourself proud and everyone else a little nervous. ❜
❛ i’m tired of being my best. ❜
❛ if i could have just one wish, i would probably screw it up. ❜
❛ my resolution this year is to buy a dog and practice loving something back. ❜
❛ you’re too pretty to stab me in the face with that knife. ❜
❛ can we be friends? i would try to be a good friend. ❜
❛ nothing matters at all. might as well be nice to people. ❜
❛ what sounds better? revenge or popcorn? ❜
❛ it is easier to ask forgiveness than permission. ❜
❛ i hear smashing glass in my head, every time i laugh. ❜
❛ i would sell my soul for a soul worth keeping. ❜
❛ follow your horrible little heart! ❜
❛ who has time for perfection? ❜
❛ i don’t believe each person has just one true love, but sometimes we don’t have enough time to find another. ❜
❛ i fought my way into this world. i’ll fight my way out. ❜
❛ you are never so low you deserve to be lower. ❜
❛ when you look down at people, don’t you want to help them up? ❜
❛ well, i don’t like any of those things, but i like you. ❜
❛ i’m the best there is at what i do, and what i do is think about my mistakes. ❜
❛ the worst person you can think of gets scared sometimes too. ❜
❛ everybody dies. every single person. so, style counts. ❜
❛ if poetry could describe the way you make me feel poetry would be illegal. ❜
❛ did it hurt? when you clawed your way up from the depths of hell? ❜