stab me in the eye lmao


Victuuri Week Day 3: Goblin AU

in which Viktor is this 937-year-old goblin who’s looking for his bride and Yuuri is fated to his bride and can see ghosts:

It was the strangest kind of attraction.

Even Yuuri, with his rather dull intuitive perception, had been very much cognizant – at that precise moment of meeting the stranger’s gaze – of the sudden electrifying chemistry between them, transpiring ever so briefly yet imparting a long-lasting effect on his consciousness.

It felt to him as though the world around him was so abruptly thrust into an eternity of quietude, blurred by the hollowness of nonexistence, except for the figure of the man who captivated his undiluted attention, a defined entity against the illegible backdrop, like a distinctive gleam of light in a vacuum of disorienting darkness.

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Neil Josten | [playmoss]

Neil Josten, nineteen year-old recruit from Millport, Arizona. Born March 31st, five-foot-three, right handed, stick size three. Starting striker for my Foxes and most improved freshman striker in NCAA Class I Exy.

No, Wymack said, getting louder when Neil started to interrupt. Look me in the eye and tell me if you think I care who you used to be. Hm? Wymack stabbed a finger up at his face, then jabbed it into the table. I care about how you are right now and who you can be going forward. I’m not asking you to forget your past, but I am telling you to overcome it.

anonymous asked:

Idk this might just be me but sometimes I wish I was a trump supporter just so I wouldn't want to stab my eyes out everyday of this fking administration lmao

hard same, i wish i could be that blissfully ignorant 

Winchester Sister- Hero

Originally posted by marilynmay

Request: Hey!! Think you could do a Winchester sister imagine where reader bonds with the brothers in different ways (eg: Dean music, Sam books) and the other gets jealous..?
Title: Hero
Parings: Dean x sister!reader, Sam x sister!reader
Words: 978
Summary: Dean gets jealous that his sister is spending more time with Sam than him.
(A/N: I was on vacation this week & it was hella fun, I even made a vlog that I’m hesitant about posting on youtube or something (should I? what do y’all think?) anyways I also have some shitty friends, so if you have those too message me & we can talk about them and we can get our anger out lmao   I feel like this one could be so much better but I am too tired rn to fix it -JC)
“Ew Dean, are you seriously eating that for dinner?” You say, your features showing disgust as your brother, Dean, takes another bite of his burger that drips with grease.
“Yeah, so what?”
“Dean, that is so unhealthy. You’re going to have a heart attack.” You tell him, rolling your eyes and stabbing another piece of your grilled chicken with your fork.
“(Y/N)’s right. You should start to watch what you eat.” Sam says as he sits next to you with a plate of the chicken. “Here, you should try some. It’s actually good.”
“No!” Dean interjects, jerking his plate away when Sam tries to put a piece on Dean’s plate, “I’m not having any of you two’s health-crazed, metabolism-boosting crap. I don’t understand how I am even related to you two.”
“Oh, come on Dean,” You say, letting out a laugh, “You need to stay in shape and eating that preservative filled patty isn’t going to help.”
“Where’d you get that from, Dr. Oz?” Dean snickers. “Listen, you can eat your carrot sticks and crackers all you want, just don’t drag me into it.”  You flip him off and you all finish eating your meal.

You and Sam head to the library after the three of you clean the kitchen. You two sit in front of his laptop and he teaches you how to program new software onto the hard drive, just like he promised he would earlier that day. “Okay and then after you type in the domain you click this button and it should start to download.”
“Oh, that was way easier than I thought,” You say, smiling at your brother as he lets out a laugh. “So then after it downloads it should be up to date?”
“Yep.” Sam nods and you two sit back and watch the laptop process and download.
“Hey (Y/N),” You look up to see Dean walking towards you, “How would you like for me and you to go for a ride tomorrow morning?”
You look from Dean to Sam, who is looking at you with his eyebrows raised, “Gee I’d love to Dean, but me and Sammy were already going to go to the bookstore after our run in the morning. I need to get the last book of the series I’m reading.”
“Didn’t you just get a book a couple days ago?” Dean says, his voice clearly annoyed as he crosses his arms.
“I’m a fast reader…” You say and Dean rolls his eyes, “but we can go another day?”
“Nah, just forget I even asked.” Dean huffs and turns around and walks back to his room.
“Dean,” You call after him, but he ignores you. You throw your head back and sigh in defeat. You look towards Sam, “What do I do now?”
“Just go talk to him, see what he’s upset about.” Sam shrugs and you nod before you get up and head towards Dean’s room.
“Dean?” You ask as you tap on his door.
“It’s open.” You hear him say and you open the door and see Dean lying on his bed with a magazine in his hands. You look around his room awkwardly, having not prepared anything to say.
“You want to talk about it?” You finally say, glancing at your older brother, who peeks his head above his magazine.
“Talk about what?”
“What just happened…” You sit at the corner of his bed. You hear him sigh and he tosses his magazine to the side.
“Look, I told you to forget about it.” Dean says in a stern voice.
“No, Dean, there’s something you’re not telling me! Tell me what it is!” You snap, getting angry at Dean.
“Fine! It just seems that you like Sam more than you like me…” Dean says strongly at first then gets more embarrassed the more he talks.
“Why the hell would you think that?” You ask, shaking your head. How could you ever favor one of your brothers over the other?
“No, it’s stupid, just go.” He says but you cross your arms and give him a firm look. Dean grunts in annoyance that he has to go on, “I don’t know… You and him are just so much alike. You like the same foods, you geek out over the same things, and you two basically have a book club together. You spend so much time together; it just seems as if you’d prefer to be with him rather than me.”
“Are you kidding me?” You let out a small laugh, “There’s no reason for you to be jealous, just because me and Sam both like fruit and certain books doesn’t mean that I’d prefer him over you. You don’t see Sam getting mad when me and you go to concerts and stuff! And anyways Sam has always been my dorky older brother; you know the one that was a mathlete in high school and was fascinated by insects as a kid. You, Dean, you’ve taught me everything I know. You taught me how to ride a bike, how to shoot a gun, how to even cook damn pasta.
“ You know why I always come to you with my problems and not Sam? It’s because I know you will always be there for me no matter how little the situation is, you always have been. I mean hell, I’ve looked up to you ever since the day I could walk. You’re my hero, Dean.”
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry,” Dean smiles to himself, thinking about what you had said. You move closer to him and Dean wraps his arms around you. “If I had to choose, you’d be my favorite.”
You laugh and look him in the eyes, “I’m going to cancel my plans with Sammy and then me and you can have all day tomorrow to ourselves, okay?”
“Sounds good.” He says and ruffles your hair.

Things I’ve Written In Fanfics
  • “You are the wind beneath my carcass.”
  • “I am Shakespeare and I approve of thy message.”
  • “I just popped my kneecap and my life flashed before my eyes.”
  • “If it was legal I would make love to this hamburger.”
  • “Pretty sure life’s problems can be solved with a Mickey Mouse waffle.”
  • “When you die can I dissect your body?”
  • “In another life I want to be a barbarian that knits doilies.”
  • “I appreciate your concern but a stuffed reindeer’s not going to ward off intruders.”
  • “I like the idea of being a majestic whale that screams ‘MOTHERFUCKER’ as I cannonball on my enemies.”
  • “I’m positive that stealing a swimming pool would make Santa sad.”
  • “I drink juice boxes while judging people.”
  • “I’m working on my Disney princess name. How does ‘Snow Gay’ sound?”
  • “Why do you have a tattoo that says ‘Kittylicious’ on your butt?”
  • “Sweet dreams you burnt turnip.”
  • “I have achieved the ultimate state of animu.”
  • “Crying for twelve minutes after watching Pooh Bear is perfectly normal.”
  • “Why did you stick a rose petal up your nose?!”
  • *squints eyes* “I want to say that that…. is a finger.”
  • “What does LMAO mean? ‘Laughing my anger out’? I do that often. And then I want to stab someone.”
  • “That is illegal everywhere.”
  • “When someone sends me an emoji I have to send the same one back more times than they did. Otherwise they’ve asserted their dominance and I can’t have that.”

anonymous asked:

Hello! I'm a fellow Gakushuu/Karma shipper :3 I just love these two dorks together <3 I imagine that on valentine's day, Karma would purposely give a box of chocolates which is exaggeratedly decorated with pink bows and all while the chocolates inside had been mixed with all kinds of things that shouldn't be mixed with chocolates(?). And Gakushuu was like seriously contemplating whether to throw it out or eat it (because damn, Karma's puppy eyes actually works)--

OMG LET ME THROW CONFETTI AT YOU YOU SHIP THE SUPER RARE SHIP TOO THIS IS SO GREAT I CANT. and lmao, i love this headcanon, i can’t get over the fact that Karma’s canonically good at cooking (we assume; his tastebuds might simply be shot all to hell) Karma just leaves them lying around and hides just to watch Gakushuu pop a blood vessel in rage and possibly stab one of his underlings; instead, when Gakushuu finds it on his desk, he smiles fondly and mouths Karma’s name to himself. His henchmen come to ask what his Valentines’ haul is like so Gakushuu quietly slips the hideous box in his bag while discreetly showing off the chocolate he got from everyone else. 

And ofc Karma, who was expecting to cackle with petty glee, is just  blushing so hard, like who does Asano think he is, being that cute. Nagisa finds him later perched outside Class A with his face in his hands, hyperventilating, and just asks him, “Asano-kun?” and karma nods into his hands.

And Gakushuu doesn’t know any of this, just goes through the day being a perfect(ly manipulative) honor student and school idol, accepting chocolates and confessions and turning everyone down gently.When he visits Class E on student council business, though, Karma’s lying in wait, smirking. He gets all up in Gakushuu’s face, asking about the chocolates and trying to get Gakushuu to blush, but Gakushuu just calmly draws the box out of his bag and says, as if i’d trust you not to make it with soy milk, I have allergies

This takes karma a little aback, bc he’d thought they were past trying to kill each other (he doesn’t know that the worst Gakushuu’s had was a rash) so it takes him a second before he can snap a comeback, and in that second, Gakushuu blinks at his face and realizes that a) Karma knew about his allergies, and B) he purposely avoided making anyting that might seriously harm Gakushuu, so before Karma can say anything he opens the box (grimacing; that was a lot of pink) and pops a chocolate in his mouth. 

Ugh, coconut; of course it’s coconut, what was Gakushuu expecting, really, after he’d ranted to karma earlier about what a crime against nature coconut filling was. He makes a face, grabs Karma’s blazer and yanks him in for a kiss. karma’s bewildered at first, but then he tastes chocolate and grins against Gakushuu’s mouth, and when they part he’s pleasantly dazed. 

Gakushuu’s blushing hard, but pretends to be totally calm. “That,” he says, touching his thumb to his lip, “was a travesty. I demand better.” 

And that’s the story of how akabane karma  began dropping into Class A on a daily basis to share homemade food and make out with Gakushuu. 

Got7 as things I’ve said

JB: why am I here I did not sign up for this // i’m getting another cat one isn’t enough

Mark: *silence* // someone take me to a vape shop // *high pitched giggling*

Jinyoung: i want to stab someone // my natural reaction to everything is to roll my eyes

Jackson: i shouldn’t have eaten those chips i need to gym RIGHT NOW // these eggs aren’t organic though

Youngjae: WHERE IS THE NEAREST PET SHOP // *proceeds to pet EVERY dog*
Bambam: i love clothes so much i’ll buy the whole of h&m thanks // i’m 16 why does everyone think i’m 12

Yugyeom: skinny jeans make my legs longer than it already is // i’m supposed to be nice to my cousin cuz he’s older but tbh age is just a number

3 guys asked for my number today and like they all annoyed th shit out of me i wish i could stab my eye out. th first one clocked me lmao and he was a old cha$er, th scnd was so damn clingy i actually wish i punched him in th face all he talked about was being lonely like i gave a shit nd th last guy was actually nice but he led me th wrong way home so i walked for an hour jus to get to my dads but i was trying to get to my friends but buses stopped running and ugh melbourn is jus so spaced out i.can’t.even

harrysofluffy  asked:

Hey Sydney, just felt like telling someone this but today at my work sott played for the first time and I couldn't really hear it to begin with then he started singing and I stopped concentrating on what I was doing and almost stabbed myself in the face with a pair of scissors and then I just started hysterically laughing over it and one of my friends just walked past staring at me oddly and I was just like 'Harry' and she just rolled her eyes. So that was the first hour of my work today.

Lmao me AF. Every time I hear it I freak out without even meaning to. It’s bad.

Orchestra AUs
  • I think the conductor is a douche bag and you love them to death so we’re fighting it out
  • You instrument is always just a little bit flat and it bothers me so much that I’m going to confront you about it after rehearsal 
  • You found me crying in the back hallway because I didn’t get the chair placement I wanted and now you’re comforting me 
  • We sit right across from each other and I accidentally stare at you for like half the rehearsal. I swear I’m not creepy I just need to look towards the conductor and your cute face is in my way. wait
  • I’m trying to learn this new instrument and you’re the best person here that plays it. So would you please be my private instructor? Also you’re really cute hello
  • My string fucking broke and now my hand is in a lot of pain and you ended up getting me some ice to put on it. Who are you btw you’re really nice
  • You perfected your solo on stage so after the concert you kind of just kissed me because you were so happy. Now we’re getting ready for the next concert and it’s really awkward between us maybe we should go get dinner tonight or something??
  • We’re stand partners and the song this time is really hard. Maybe we should practice together at my house to get through these really hard measures??
  • I’ve never talked to you before but you just stabbed me in the eye with your bow, watch where you’re swinging that thing jesus
  • You just moved here and you want to be first chair but I’m first chair and you’re NEVER GOING TO GET IT FROM ME NERD
  • I always have to borrow a tuner/rosin/rag from you but I don’t really need those things I’m just really shy and this is the only way I can figure out how to talk to you
Closed Starter with Sansgst


Of all things Sans expected while on sentry duties, it wasn’t the appearance of… himself? The skeleton decided not to question it, settled at the sentry station with the typical grin adorning his face. 

However, the closer the other got, the more a sensation started to build in his chest- the absolutely need to flirt with this guy. He had to admit, if he was half as adorable as this other Sans, he should practice pick-up lines in the mirror. He glanced away, feeling his cheeks get slightly brighter the closer the other got. There was only so many chances in the world to flirt with himself, and he had to seize the opportunity while it was there. Besides, who knew- maybe it’d lead to something great. And if not, at least it’d be a good story to tell one day.

“Hey there, Sans. Ya tired? You’ve been runnin’ through my dreams all last night, so ya must need a rest- here, you can have my chair.” The native skeleton had stood up and everything, offering the poorly-constructed chair to the other Sans, winking at him and giving him a thumbs-up. “Though if ya keep looking at me like that, you might need to give me a map- I’m gettin’ lost in your eye sockets.”

Sure, Sans wasn’t great at flirting, but at least he took a stab at it. 

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doing this until i get bored and eventually close my ask box.. if this doesn’t get notes, i’ll stab my eyes and you’ll pretend this never happened :-)