stab bag

And evil takes a human form in Prince Lotor. Don’t be fooled, because he may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing, slut-faced ho-bag. But in reality, he is so much more than that.

“Prince Lotor is flawless.”

“He has two Zublorg purses and a silver spaceship.”

“I hear his hair’s insured for $10,000." 

"I hear he does spaceship commercials… in Balmera." 

"His favorite movie is The Princess Diaries." 

"One time he met Lance Mcclain on a mission to get crystals…”

“And I told him he was pretty.”

“One time he punched me in the face…”

“…it was awesome.”

MJ: [to Peter] That one there, that’s Scott Lange. He is one of the dumbest guys you will ever meet. Ned sat next to him in English last year.

Ned: He asked me how to spell orange.

[Peter snickers]

MJ: That little one, that’s Tony Stark.

Ned: He’s totally rich because his dad invented Toaster Streudels or something.

MJ: [points to red head] Natasha Romanoff knows everybody’s business, she knows everything about everyone.

Ned: That’s why her hair is so big, it’s full of secrets.

MJ: And evil takes a human form in Steve Rogers. Don’t be fooled because he may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing slut faced ho-bag, but in reality, he’s so much more than that.

Ned: He’s the queen bee - the star, those others are just his little workers.


tom riddle & popular text posts

BONUS: ❛ […] and evil takes a human form in tom riddle. don’t be fooled because he may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing slut faced ho-bag, but in reality, he’s so much more than that. 

The Plastics

That one there, that’s Briana Jungleworm. She is one of the dumbest girls you will ever meet. 

And that little one? That’s Danielle Campbell. She’s totally rich because her dad invented Toaster Strudel.

Originally posted by doiwannapizza

And evil takes a human form in Eleanor Calder. Don’t be fooled, because she may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing, slut-faced ho-bag. But in reality, she is so much more than that.

Originally posted by eleanorcaldernews

And evil takes a human form in Cersei Lannister. Don’t be fooled because she may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing slut faced ho-bag, but in reality, she’s so much more than that.
—  Tyrion Lannister about Cersei Lannister, probably.ย 
Ignored - Elijah Mikaelson

Request: Hi!!! i have e request for Elijah, i saw your last oneshot with him and it was amazing!!! ok, so the reader is a Salvatore sister and she tries to avoid Elijah after he’s back in town with Kaherine for the cure. ((Anon)) 

Warnings: angst, so much angst. Crying. Sadness. Depression. The bad stuff.

Pairing: Elijah Mikaelson x Fem!reader 

 A/n: I’m so sorry I haven’t posted in so long I’ve been so hectically preoccupied with school that I just forgot to post. 

Originally posted by weirdxsensations


 “Hey, little sister.” Damon’s voice drawled from the archway to the kitchen. Your mouth was around a straw you had stabbed into a blood bag, like a fucked up juice box. 

 “What do you want?” You ask, turning around to toss the empty bag into the garbage can. Damon frowns at you with a roll of his eyes. 

 “Just to tell you that your boyfriend is back in town.” You don’t even flinch, you hadn’t had a boyfriend since 1910, and he knew that. 

 “My last boyfriend is in the ground, has been since the sixties, you know that.” Damon tsks and taps his fingers against the kitchen island as he sits down.

“Did he really make that much of a fleeting impression on you? I mean the undead one, the beast to your beauty, consumed by saving his little brother, a thousand years old? Ringing a bell?” You tense up, you didn’t think you’d ever forget him. How had you forgotten him? 

 “Elijah’s back?” Damon smiles toothily at you. 

 “Oh, Elijah’s back, and as far as I know he came back with the cure for vampirism. For Katherine.” The smile that was growing on your lips fell. Katherine, of course he came back for Katherine, you hated that bitch. 

“I want her dead, I’ve wanted her dead for one-hundred-sixty years.” You cross your arms over your chest, resembling again the little girl that could get anything from Damon with a pout and puppy dog eyes. 

 “If you can give me a way to keep her dead forever, I’ll take it.” You roll your eyes and turn around to look out the window, Stefan was throwing a ball with a dog you had taken in. 

 “She’s such a-!” You cut yourself off half way through your shout, taking a deep breath and unclenching your fists. 

 “I know, she’s a bitch, an undead skank, you’ve said it all before.” You roll your shoulders, taking another deep breath. 

 “I hate her! I don’t- I wanted to be with Elijah and I thought I could be happy with him but then she comes back and he just becomes her little bitch all over again. He basically worshipped the ground she walked on!” Your hands rested in the island and before you can think about it two handfuls of granite are in your palms. Damon lifts his eyebrows. 

 “So tell him.” Damon says, you can hear the soft tone of his voice. If there was one person he wanted to be happy it would be you, and you knew it. 

 “No, he’ll come to me, I’m not going to run after him all over again.” You cross your arms and Damon smirks at you. 

 “That’s my girl.” You smile at him before throwing the crushed granite away. 


 You could hear them talking from the open window of the living room. You were petting Frank the fluffy collie dog and reading a book. Elijah was talking about you to Damon and Stefan, asking them to let him see you. 

 “She doesn’t want to see you, not as long as your Katherine’s bitch.” You could practically feel Stefan’s sass through the walls. 

 “I don’t belong to anyone.” You snort out a laugh. 

 “Yeah, right. But hey, as soon as you stop following Katherine around like a little lost puppy you can see her. Until then, if I see you around her I’ll rip your heart from your chest.” The door opens again and Frank lifts his head only to put it back down when Damon walks through the door. He winks at you and you smile smugly.


 It had been a week and you were finally ready to go see him. You had dressed up for the party, some stupid ball that Damon insisted on throwing for your birthday. But mostly you were dressed up for Elijah. Katherine was gone, and you looked amazing. 

 “Have you been ignoring me?” You had just reached the bottom of the stairs when you heard Elijah’s voice. You smiled and turned around. 

 “Why would I ever do that? It certainly wouldn’t be because of that undead skank that constantly makes you her bitch, now, would it?” He frowns. 

“Would you care to dance?” He straightens his back and holds out a hand to you. You take it and let him pull you into his chest on the dancefloor. 

“I’m sorry about Katherine.” You roll your eyes when he talks. 

 “No you aren’t, Elijah, don’t pretend. It’s rude.” You were fed up with his bullshit, he didn’t feel bad, you know he didn’t. 

 “But I still missed you.” You look away from him and click your tongue in annoyance. 

 “Just because you don’t believe me doesn’t make it any less the truth.” He grabs your hand and you don’t try to pull it away. 

 “Let’s say you missed me, why didn’t you come back?” Your words cut through the air like a knife, you were still angry and hurt that he left you behind. 

 “It was Niklaus, I couldn’t-” Now you pull your hand away. 

 “It’s always Klaus isn’t it? You’re so devoted to his redemption, he’s a monster Elijah, he’s not the little boy you knew when you were children anymore.” Elijah looks at a loss for words and when he does start to speak you cut him off. 

“No, okay just- no. If I’m not dead by the time you finally come to your senses about Klaus then come and find me but until then- stay the hell away from me.” You turn your back on him, walking away and bringing a hand up to wipe your tears away. Damon is sitting on the couch when you come home, flicking through the tv. You wipe away another tear. 

 “Hey how did- oh no.” Damon stands up when he sees you crying. He’s pulling you into a hug in less than a second. 

“He’s never going to love me as much as he loves them.” Damon tries to shush you, putting a hand over your head as you cry. 

 “I just want him to love me like he used to.” Damon gives a nod as you cry. 

 “I know, I know you do. It’s going to be okay.” 

But was it really?

anonymous asked:

hey so it looks like you're doing requests and I don't wanna bother you but I've been feeling really down lately and there's been no taegi to feed on so could you maybe please do some mafia au hcs w/ taegi and spoiled tae/babied tae idk I relate to him easily plz baby be thsi got wild ok I'm sorry

Taehyung is the type of boy who lives for being spoiled more so with attention over actual physical gifts, to be honest. Like sure, those pretty wide doll eyes light up when he’s given a new Gucci top or shoes or belt and he’s always so thankful. Sure, he happily giggles when he’s given the most expensive camera to take his pictures or when a new gold plated gun is placed in his lap along with the new knife set he’d seen and desperately wanted. But NOTHING compares to being spoiled in attention by his usually busy boss boyfriend. 

In his eyes, there is literally nothing better than waking up early in the morning to the sound of Yoongi quietly playing his favorite songs on the baby grand piano in their room. It’s like his own literal piece of heaven really. He gets to open his eyes and just barely make out the elder’s silhouette through the canopy that surrounds their bed.  Yoongi always looks so handsome too. The elder is in a bloody white button up shirt that has been left open to show off the gun holster at his side and the many tattoos covering his skin, with Taehyung’s name straight over his heart. His mint hair is messy, held out of his face by a red bandana Taehyung gifted him back before he was a boss, when he was only running drugs in the streets, for good luck. He’s not even looking at the keys as he plays. His eyes on 100 percent on Taehyung’s form on their bed and it’s everything. 

Taehyung literally buzzes right from the beginning because he loves the attention Yoongi has for him, even when he’s asleep and unaware the elder is watching. 

Of course, Yoongi’s gone overboard even in something simple like waking Taehyung up. 

The mafia boss has filled their white plush carpet in red rose petals and has laid out the most expensive looking breakfast on their bedside table for when his baby gets hungry.  He’s set out a new silk robe, gold in color because it’s the color prettiest on Taehyung, for the younger to put on and it honestly looks like it cost more than their entire house. 

Taehyung actually giggles as he takes it all in. 

“Welcome back home, how was the business in China?” 

Yoongi moves closer to Taehyung’s spot on their bed because he knows that while the gifts are pretty, what Taehyung really wants is skin to skin contact. He gets rewarded for it with a kiss on his cheek before the younger wipes some stray white powder from his pants. 

“It was the same.” Yoongi sighs and begins running his fingers through Taehyung’s hair. “Only three people died this time, I got a surprise for you too by the way.” 

It’s just one of the smaller but best ways he spoils his prince. He showers his love in affection the best he can and it’s just great. 

Sometimes he spoils Taehyung by showing him off. 

The younger doesn’t admit it, but then again he doesn’t really need to, the elder just knows Taehyung loves being shown off. Taehyung loves being the meat that is dangled over the swamp filled with hungry crocodiles just barely out of reach.  Taehyung loves dressing up in the most expensive, shortest, showy dresses and furs he can find while his neck and wrist is filled with Tiffany’s most expensive diamonds so everyone can want to fuck him or be him. 

Yoongi makes sure his boy gets his fill of being the flashy boy the world wants to be. 

He shows up to drug trades with Taehyung hanging on his arm, wearing nothing but short leather shorts and a too big Givenchy sweater that hasn’t even hit runways yet. Smirking while everyone stares. Taehyung’s freshly died lilac hair is perfectly done and the Rolex on his wrist cost more than the warehouse they are in but what really matters to him is that everyone stares at Yoongi with envy.

What really matters is that everyone wants Taehyung on their arm too. 

Everyone wants the boy that easily pulls out a knife from the inside of one of his knee-high boots before stabbing it into a bag of cocaine.  Everyone, bosses, and runners alike want Taehyung and it’s obvious as they watch with lust filled eyes while Taehyung takes some of the drugs and snorts it before pouting. 

“It’s not real Yoonie.” 

Yoongi sighs and kisses Taehyung sloppily, making sure everyone gets a good view, and one last minute of wanting the pretty boy, before putting a bullet into everyone’s head. 

Literally, anything Taehyung wants, Yoongi makes sure his prince gets it. 

Taehyung wants the cute dog he saw some lady at the park with? Guess what? Yoongi is using his best informants to find her home and is personally sticking a gun up in her face and stealing the canines. 

It’s how they welcome Min Holly and Kim Soonshim to their home. 

Taehyung wants to walk in Milan’s fashion week? 

Damn right Yoongi is sending out his best hitters to cut off a finger from the main fashion designer’s hand as a warning until his baby is added to the show. 

Anything to see his boy smile that box grin that makes his eyes scrunch up into cute half moons. Anything to hear the way Taehyung happily screams “YOONIE BABE THANK YOU!!!” before he’s showered in kisses by the younger. Anything for the boy that always rides for him and would 100 percent die for him. 

  • Severus Snape: That one there, that's Peter Pettigrew. He is one of the dumbest wizards you will ever meet. Rabastan sat next to him in Charms last year.
  • Rabastan Lestrange: He asked me how to spell "orange."
  • Severus Snape: And that specky one? That's James Potter.
  • Rabastan Lestrange: He's totally rich because his dad invented Sleekeazys.
  • Severus Snape: James Potter knows everybody's business. He knows everything about everyone.
  • Rabastan Lestrange: That's why his hair is so big. It's full of secrets.
  • Severus Snape: And evil takes a human form in Sirius Black. Don't be fooled, because he may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing, slut-faced ho-bag. But in reality, he is so much more than that.
Damon Salvatore- I love you

Requested by Girly-Tomboy on wattpad: Really like your writing. Could you maybe do one with Damon from Tvd, idc what about just make it really fluffly and cuddly please :))

Words: 591

A/N: Thank you again for the request. Hope you like it. I wrote it on my way to my vacation. Iโ€™m also so close to 200 followers. You can send in requests :)

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NAUGHTY MOODBOARDS: Addicted to Marshmallowย (Kris Wu x Fat Reader)

in celebration of almost 900 followers and 10k views, a drabble + moodboard!

โ†’ none of these pictures and gifs are mine! Credits to the owners (everything found on google; if I took your picture without credits by mistake, or you didnโ€™t want it edited, let me know so I can fix it). Please donโ€™t remove the captions.

โ€ข fat fiction series | masterpostย 

Request by @bloodanubis (not techincally a request, but a present for you with your bias).
Tags: nsfw / +18 / smut / little bit of angst / fluff / fatphobia and prejudice against fat people / bullying / high school AU (but everyoneโ€™s 18) / first time / โ€˜hatersโ€™ (sort of) to lovers / Jackson is a jerk in this story / readerโ€™s pov (fat woman) ย 
Featuring: Wu Yifan (Kris). Other appearances: all girls from f(x) and Mark, Jackson and Jinyoung from GOT7.
Writer: CL
Comments: [ CUM COME FOR THE FOURTH TIME] If anyone start with theย โ€˜but above size _____ is not healthy, I think youโ€™re glorifying obesityโ€™ and other shit (here or in my asks like the ones I received a while ago) let me just tell beforehand to eat your own filth and stop being a fatphobic bigoted piece of trash. If you insist, you will be blocked. Thank you.ย 

ATTENTION, PLEASE READ: This is a fictional story. Any similarities to real people are unintentional. This story contains mature themes. By reading this story you agree that you are 18 years or older. The author does not authorize the reproduction, reposting, editing or any alteration of this material, fully or partially.

Disclaimer: Please note that the stories on the Fat Fiction Series tag are NOT about non-fat people, even those with body dysmorphia. Everybody is welcome to read them, but these stories are ultimately about and for physically fat people, people who have been through actual prejudice and suffer from fatphobia.

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Mean Girls x GOM
  • Murasakibara to Aomine: If you're from Japan, why are you dark?
  • Midorima: Oh my god, Murasakibara, you can't just ask people why they're dark.
  • ———————————
  • [Trying to avoid plans with Akashi]
  • Midorima: I can't go out. *faux coughs softly* I'm sick.
  • Akashi: Boo, you whore.
  • ———————————
  • Some random girl: Nice hair, Momoi. What's it made of?
  • Momoi: Your mom's chest hair!
  • ———————————
  • Akashi, to others: On Wednesday, we wear our coordinate colors to represent rainbow and Teiko.
  • ———————————
  • Akashi: Midorima, I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes & Nobles.
  • Akashi: And I'm sorry for telling everyone about it.
  • Akashi: And I'm sorry for repeating it now.
  • ———————————
  • Murasakibara: [delivering candy canes] Kuro-chin, two for you. Kise Ryouta? FOUR for you, Kise Ryouta! You go, Kise-chin. And uh... "Shitaro" Midorima. Do we have a "Shitaro" Midorima here?
  • Midorima: It's Shintaro.
  • Murasakibara: Oh Mido-chin, here you go, one for you... And none for Aomine Daiki, bye.
  • ———————————
  • Kuroko to Aomine: Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, OK, promise?
  • ———————————
  • Akashi: Why don't I know you?
  • Kuroko: I'm new. I just moved here from the third string.
  • Akashi: What?
  • Kuroko: I used to be on third string.
  • Akashi: Wait... what?
  • Kuroko: I joined basketball and got in to third string because I don't have enough talent back then.
  • Akashi: No, I know what third string is, I'm not retarded! So you've actually never been to first string in your entire life? Shut up! Shut up!
  • Kuroko: I didn't say anything.
  • ———————————
  • Kise: Oh my God, I love your shirt! Where did you get it?
  • Midorima: It was my dad's in the '80s.
  • Kise: Vintage, so adorable.
  • Midorima: Thanks.
  • Kise: [after Midorima walks away] That is the ugliest f-ing shirt I've ever seen.
  • ———————————
  • [Aomine and Momoi introducing the other members of first string to Kuroko]
  • Aomine: That one there, that's Murasakibara. He is one of the dumbest boys you will ever meet. Momoi sat next to him in English last year.
  • Momoi: He asked me how to spell vegetables. God, he hates them to the point he couldn't spell it out.
  • Aomine: That nerd one, that's Midorima.
  • Momoi: He's totally rich because his dad invented weird yet popular Kerosuke.
  • Aomine: Midorima knows everybody's business, he knows everything about everyone.
  • Momoi: That's why his hair is so green, it's full of secrets.
  • Aomine: And evil takes a human form in Akashi Seijuro. Don't be fooled because he may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing slut faced ho-bag, but in reality, he's so much more than that.
  • Momoi: He's the king bee - the star, those other two are just his little workers.