st-xi

can you imagine sulu freefalling off the drill and just thinking to himself like

“NONONONONONONO GODDAMN FUCK IT WHY DID I LEAVE SAN FRANCISCO WHY DID I LEAVE THE ENTERPRISE I SHOULD’VE BAILED WHEN I LEFT ON THE PARKING BRAKE

WHO HAS COMBAT TRAINING HE ASKED ME I SAID WOW GREAT GOING SULU BRILLIANT. ABSOLUTELY GENIUS FENCING DOESNT HELP WHEN IM FUCKING FALLING INTO A BLACK HOLE I CAN’T FENCE MY WAY OUT OF A BLACK HOLE WHAT AM I GONNA DO STAB A VULCAN BIRD

DOES VULCAN EVEN HAVE BIRDS

THIS IS SO NOT WORTH IT THAT CUTE NAVIGATOR IS NOT WORTH THIS SHIT GOD I’M NEVER TALKING AGAIN NONONOONONO

NO

JESUS CHRIST WHO’S GONNA WATER MY PLANTS

NONONONO”

3

you’re not as brave as you were at the start / rate yourself and rake yourself / take all the courage you have left / wasted on fixing all the problems / that you made in your own head

imagine jim staring into the face of the man he has started to call father; imagine jim slowly and stuttering telling chris about his past, how tarsus iv had pillaged his soul and turned in blacker than the cosmic oceans jim holds so close to his heart.

imagine jim slowly breaking down into tears but sitting straight and his face blank as chris just slowly stands from his hair, and jim is terrified because he thinks chris is about to chuck him from his office because he thinks jim is disgusting.

but chris doesn’t, he gets to his knee in front of jims chair and rests a hand on jims quivering shoulder and says; “it’s going to be okay, son,” and he laces a hand around the back of jims neck and draws jim into a hug, feeling how jim shakes and wets his shoulders with his sobs and chris has to bite his lips to stifle his own tears.