i was watching a video on my phone and it said “more than 80% of teens use their phone every day” and i was like “wtf lmao thats dumb i dont do that” and for a good second-and-a-half i was so blinded by the fact that i was so cool and different that i forgot that i was literally using my phone to watch the video

anonymous asked:

Holy shit how do u manage to be so polite yet firm w 2 discourses at once while you're clearly feeling shitty? Good job

the trick is when ur about to kermit sewercide u just go for a walk in the middle of the night and smoke cigarettes with weed mixed in them. if u havent got hit by cars by the time ur done, at least ur high now 😎