square pool

Let’s look at this another way.

Barbara: James, honey, I think Bill from our canasta club stole my wallet out of my purse.

James: Why do you think that?

Barbara: Because it’s gone and Bill did the same thing to Arlene last year, ruined her credit, and now basically runs her life.

James: Bill is a good guy, he wouldn’t do that.

Barbara: Maybe you’re right but we should call the cops to investigate. By the way, where did you get that new watch?

James: Oh this? I won this fair and square from a lottery pool at work.

Barbara: Doesn’t Bill work there?

James: Yeah, he was really excited when I won it. I told him he could borrow it sometime.


Barbara: James, honey, the cops found Bill’s fingerprints on my purse.

James: That doesn’t mean he stole anything dear. It could’ve been any of the people playing canasta that day. You know we have a few couples who are jealous of us.

Barbara: Security says they can see Bill on surveillance footage near my purse. His back is to the camera, but don’t you think it’s suspicious? And one of my credit cards was used at the places where he hangs out.

James: We may never know for sure. You know you can’t trust the police. I’ll ask him myself.

[[[[still later]]]]

James: Bill, did you take my wife’s wallet?

Bill: No.

James: Great, that’s settled.

Bill: We should start a security protocol for the canasta club to make sure this never happens again.

James: Wonderful idea. I’ll tell Barbara.

[[[[and then hopefully]]]]

Barbara: Are you out of your mind? I’m divorcing you and moving in with Canada. I mean, the neighbor.

“Edward Norton introduced us to Thom and Jonny on Tuesday. They were so nice to us, considering we were just fans who won the Radiohead lottery. We ended up showing our sketchbooks to Jonny, and both of them asked us if we could do drawings for their kids. (They were both very excited that Cory worked on Spongebob. Thom didn’t know Adventure Time by name, but as soon as he saw my drawing, he told us his daughter loves the show.) We were just glad we could do something for them in return for being so generous with their time and playing an amazing show. #ConservationInternational#Radiohead “

ig: jsrednicki

The Island (part 4)

Apologies for the long absences between parts. I want to catch up with some other fics from other writers as well as writing more but my real life is very real and just a bit crazy. You’ll know when it gets less busy, you’ll see me post more!

Short update. Amelia’s POV is in italics.

1 - 2 - 3

We’ve been in London just over a week now. My job, the thing that dragged our asses out to the UK, is going particularly well if we look past how difficult Owen Hunt has made every meeting. My son loves it in the hotel, has revelled in the small snippets of time and attention his father has given him, and has even picked up the way everyone says ‘water’ here which is pretty cute. This city is immense and has everything we could possibly want or need.

“Christian, please,” I say down the phone to my unreliable ex. I knew it was only a matter of time before I had to break the news to Theo that his father is actually a piece of crap rather than the amazingly successful actor the six-year-old thinks he is. He’s successful enough for an actor, but can’t afford to turn down a bit of work to take his son swimming so… “You promised him.”

“Is he nearly here?” My son’s big brown eyes fill with excitement. Fuck.

“I know I have the day off but that doesn’t mean-… No! Look if you-… Ugh, fine,” I resign, hanging up the phone. Here it is: Theo, your father is a piece of crap. “Teddy, come here,” I gesture, opening my arms for Theo to fold into. “I’m really sorry but your Daddy had to go to work today so he can make sure he has enough money to take you swimming next week. So we’re going to have to do something instead. Just the two of us.”

Keep reading

  • you tell the designated target that you have a character based off them. they ask excitedly, “really, what are they like??” you reply simply, “you” with a hair flip, only to find that your hair is caught in your glasses.
  • you print out night vale proverbs from the school’s printer, cutting them out very precisely and hand them to the designated target. they happily take them, and you are left wondering if you should have explained.
  • it is valentines day. you come up with an especially witty card that while offering celebration for the holiday, spices it up with communism. you print the designated target a valentine, the phrase crudely inked onto it in comic sans and depicting vladmir putin with sunglasses. 
  • you lie to your mother that other people will be there so you can spend time alone with the designated target. you have only lied to your mother four times in your life. half of them have been about the target. you question whether this makes the designated target a bad person. you question whether being a bad person makes them desirable. 
  • you decide to make punnet squares of the gene pool for your potential offspring with the designated target. it turns out that the children have a ¼ chance of being intelligent. the rest of the day you are silent.
  • tag the designated target in jokes throughout the day. if they don’t respond, tag them again.
  • if all other attempts for their attention fail, offer to do their homework. 
Goo or Gaa?

Chris Evans x Reader
Imagine: chris as a dad to a 5 month old baby boy and seeing how cute he is with him.
A/n: I am squealing like…..so bad right now. Fluff shall ensue. WRITE ALL THE FLUFF!!!!
Genre: Fluff, Family, Romance
Rated: Everyone
Warning: IT’S SO FLUFFEH, swearing
Author: Chris-Evans-Imagines
You were watching Chris from the couch as he sat in the square, small pool that acted as a play area. It was high enough for you 5 month old son Grayson to see over but not climb over. Chris was playing with your son as you took secret pictures. Chris rolled onto his back, picked up your son, and lifted him into the air while making cute sounds.
You giggled and Chris looked over, smiling and he glanced at your pregnant stomach, you just starting to show. Chris went back to playing with Grayson as you rubbed your stomach. Grayson gave a loud laugh as Chris gave him rasberries and kisses all over his face. You smiled affectionately as Chris asked.
“Do you think he’s gonna be a good boy when he’s older?”
“Definitely going to be a heart throb. To answer your question, he is your son.”
Chris smiled and picked up your son, throwing him into the air and catching him. He set Grayson down and quickly made your way to you. Chris kissed you softly before putting a hand on your stomach and kneeling. He stated.
“Hello, mini me…or mini (y/n). This is your father speaking.”
You laughed as Chris started saying.
“I must say your mother is absolutely fantastic in bed-”
“-don’t tell our son or daughter that!”
“-but is also the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. I do have to warn you, your mother makes a sexy Captain America. ”
You blushed and laughed, smacking hus shoulder before snapping a picture. You said.
“I recorded you playing with Grayson. I uploaded when you set Grayson down and there’s already a thousand comments and likes. It’s still growing. What the fuck.”
Chris smiled and stated, grabbing Grayson and cuddling up next to you
“I am never letting go.”
“Neither am I.”
You both smiled, Chris kissing and rubbing your pregnant belly while you held a sleeping Grayson.

Gradence Star Wars AU cont’d

Previously on gay wizards in space (thanks for the prompt, dear anon, even if it wasn’t meant as such)!


Graves set out to explore the Temple gardens.  Moderate exercise, as prescribed, and good policy:  learning the lay of the land in new terrirory had more than once saved his skin.  His wandering led him to a reflecting pool, a silvered expanse fringed by fern-leafed trees.  A viewing deck stood beside the pool, and who should Graves find there, sitting all alone, but his new friend.

He waited, prepared to retreat rather than disturb, but then Barebone opened his eyes.

“You still meditate,” observed Graves.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hey! Firstly, I'm in love with your blog, your writing, and you. Secondly, can I request a blurb where Harry and his lady are looking to buy a house together? And they're both a bit nervous? A little fluffy, maybe a tiny bit smutty? I LOVE YOU xx

You and Harry had been dating for about a year.  Maybe more.  To be honest it had all gone by so fast,  you weren’t sure.  Though if you were to ask him he’d know the exact amount of seconds, minutes, days, weeks and months that you’d been together.  You were terrible with dates.

So when he came home and announced it was time for the two of you to find a house where you could live together, it was hardly a shock.  He’d been complaining about having to constantly cart belongings back and forth for the last couple months.

Your Real Estate Agents name was Gemma.  Harry especially got a kick out of that being that she was the polar opposite of his big sister.

Keep reading