square butte

So Penny decided it would be a good idea to jump after a bird outside the window. And her furry butt landed squarely in my garden. The marjoram was overturned, the basil stalks were broken, and there is a kitty ass-print in my peppermint.

And Penny was liberally smeared with potting soil. So on top of getting scolded, she had to get a BATH. Such mournful yowling you never did hear.

I wound up dumping the marjoram and the jalapeno peppers (the spider mites just won’t leave them alone), and replanting with borage and purple self-heal. Hopefully they’ll grow!

Prompt: “Could I request a lovely Bones/Reader where they are in an established relationship and she/he goes on an away mission and gets kidnapped? major reader whump major worried bones rescue hero kirk fluffiness abounds?” - Anon

Word Count: 2,793

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence and gore.

Author’s Notes: So, in hindsight I think I read “major reader whump” and ran with it. The “lovely” and “fluffiness abounds” parts got a little lost along the way; I think that’s why I ended it the way I did. Dearest Anon, if you are dissatisfied in any way with how this turned out, please let me know and I’ll see about writing a less serious/gory story.

It’s really long, but not long enough that I felt compelled to split it into two fics.

The aliens are supposed to be a little on the hard side to read, because of their accent. If anyone needs a translation, let me know and I’ll post something.

Aside from that, I’m proud of how it turned out, and I really hope you all enjoy!

Keep reading

*REQUEST* Seungri Scenario - ‘Giving him a handjob’

Requested by a lovely anon <3

Feel free to send in requests guys! We do Reactions, Preferences, Fake Texts, and Scenarios! Just tell us who you want, what you want, and how you want it! <3  (MalexFemale, MalexMale, FemalexFemale)

*Don’t own the gif yo*

Author: Taebaby

               “Jagi, please, I have to get to work soon-“ Seungri pleaded with you as your butt sat squarely in his lap, your hands trailing up and down his torso, unbuttoning his shirt. You pressed your mouth to the hot skin of his collar bone and felt his chest rising and falling rapidly. Even though he had begged you to stop only a moment ago, his fingers had a bruising grip on your thighs.

               “You don’t really want me to stop, do you, baby?” You purred into his ear just as you shifted on his crotch, feeling the telltale bulge underneath you. He stiffened for a second before giving a shaky reply.

               “No.”

               You grinned madly, grinding down harder onto him. His hands snapped up and took your face, bringing it to his in a sloppy kiss. He pulled away after a minute, his cheeks flushed, piercing you with dark eyes.

               “I don’t know if we’re gonna have time for much, though, Jagi.” His voice was so husky with lust it made you shake. That voice alone could wreck you.

               “That’s ok. I’ll just take care of you now Ri, and you can take care of me later.” Your voice was breathy and light as you lowered yourself down onto the floor between his legs. Your hands grabbed at the crotch of his pants so aggressively that it made him jump.

               “But-“

               “Shh.” You undid his pants and shimmied them, along with his boxers, down his hips and his thighs, his hard on springing free of its confines. You didn’t waste time as you took hold of him, already feeling him twitch in your hand. You made direct eye contact with him as you started pumping, your other hand massaging other places. His breathing got harder and faster as his eyes never left you, groans and quiet grunts escaping his mouth occasionally. One of his hands gripped your wrist, helping you to move it slightly faster as his hips bucked up to meet you with tiny thrusts.

               “You’re doing such a good job, baby, a really good job. Makin’ me feel so good…” His voice was deeper than it ever was and you felt your own legs shake as your core heated up and let loose a million butterflies in your stomach. You wanted badly to touch yourself but you focused all your attention on him. You could clearly see he was getting close and you pumped faster, squeezing a tiny bit tighter. He let out a weak whimper as his head fell back and his free hand gripped the couch so hard that his knuckles went white.

               Leaning down, you kissed his tip and a second later he came, shooting a little bit on your face, surprising you a bit. You grinned again as you watched him writhe under your touch, working him through his orgasm. You let him go and rested your hands in your lap, looking up at him with innocent doe eyes. He glanced down at you with tired eyes, taking in how pretty you look with cum on your face.

               “Don’t worry, Jagi, just sit pretty like that until I get home tonight. I’ll take care of you.”

2

Centrefire four-barrelled Large Frame Holster Model Thorn patent pistol by Charles Lancaster, circa 1881

Description

A.A.Thorn Patent oval bore single trigger four barrel pistol. The single-trigger action operates a rotating firing-pin. A side lever operates a dolls head barrel lock on the top of the frame (known as a 1st type locking latch). Plain finish with much original bluing stamped with Birmingham proof marks. The square shaped chequered walnut butt has provision for a rod butt extension and a lanyard-loop. The hinged barrels are bored with Charles Lancaster’s patent oval bores and have open-sights and a German silver foresight. The barrel cluster is fitted with a self-acting extractor star. The assembly number, 22, is stamped on the bottom of the frame.

Notes

In 1878, the firm of Charles Lancaster Gunmakers, previously run by C.W. Lancaster who died in that year, was acquired by Henry A.A. Thorn from his widow. In 1881 Thorn patented an action for two and four barrel guns, he would subsequently use this patent in the manufacture of both shotgun/rifles and pistols. 

The pistols were designed to take a variety of calibres, but in the main they would be for the four barrel pistol .455 and .476 government cartridges and for the two barrel pistol the .577 short Snider or Boxer, they were also fitted with Lancaster’s oval bore rifling.

In all about 712 four barrel pistols and about 234 two barrel versions were produced between 1882 and 1897.

This is one of the earliest, if not the earliest, known examples of Lancaster’s four barreled pistols.

Measurements

Overall Length 11 in.

Overall Length 279 mm

Overall Weight 1.085 kg

Barrel Length 6.25 in.

Barrel Length 160 mm

Calibre .455 in

© Royal Armouries

Jesus christ, I can’t believe I have to clarify this again… PEOPLE you have to accept it.

The “bug” you think they are talking about is not the waist, it’s the squared butt, that’s a problem with the rigging of the model, they will just curve that, but the waist is always the same.

It’s been like that since the beginning but you won’t listen, it was in the concept art and was USED AGAIN AND IT’S STILL IN THE GAME for the sprays, making it CANON, they only changed the device


ALSO

Pay attention

BTS reaction: you getting a bit violent

Sorry that it took a while to get this done! Thank you for requesting xx


Jin: He was excited to go home, as he knew your were waiting outside so that you guys could stop by a café for your 6-month anniversary. When he finally got outside, though, he was just in time to see you punch some guy right in the face. He was stunned at first, so he didn’t do anything. But when you punched the guy again, he as snapped out of his trance and grabbed your wrist as you went in for a third. He dragged you along with him to the café without saying a word. When you had sat down at a table and ordered, he looked at you, clearly disappointed, and asked you why. When you quietly explained your past without looking at him, his expression softened. He took your hand and waited for you to meet his eyes before he spoke.

“You’ve done so well, so please don’t let this make you go back to that. Violence is never the answer, and I know that you know that, too. You know that I’m here if you need me.”


Suga: He wanted to surprise you for once, and come and pick you up at your job. But he was met by the sight of you slapping another girl, he wasn’t as happy anymore. He immediately hurried to you to drag you away from the girl. He was quiet all the way home, and looked angry. When you got home, he closed the door and dragged you along with him to sit down on the sofa. He was unnervingly calm. He looked at you, not a single emotion showing on his face.

“You should know better than to slap someone. Whatever that was about, you shouldn’t have turned to violence. I thought you knew that.” he says, clearly disappointed. When you explained how you used to be, he would nod and look a bit more like his normal self.

“Fine. But that isn’t how you are now, and I don’t want to see you hit anyone again. There’s other ways to vent if you’re angry at someone.”


J-Hope: When he saw it, he would be among the most disappointed members. He’d take you home in silence like his hyungs, but when you got home he would look more sad than anything because he thought you’d always be friendly and calm. Seeing you punch someone would make him feel like he needed to rethink everything he thought he knew about you. You would have to be the one to reassure him that it wouldn’t happen again. You told him that you were just having a really bad day, and that person just pushed you over the edge.

“If you ever feel like that, please tell me or punch a wall or something. As long as you don’t hurt another human being.”


Rap Monster: When he saw you punch that guy, he would jerk back a bit, because he never thought he’d see you do something like that. On one hand, he would find it kind of hot to see this side of you, but on the other hand he knew that he shouldn’t find it hot at all and would be slightly disappointed, too. He would walk up to you and quietly tell you that you guys needed to talk. He would have his arm around your waist and go with you to the closest café and sit down. He would look at you in silence for a while, before speaking.

“Y/N, I remember what you told me about your past and everything, and I know that sometimes it might be hard not punching some people in the face. Believe me, I really understand that. But please, think of other ways to solve it before turning to violence. It should never have to be the answer. There’s other ways to vent your anger. We could try the bedroom next time.”


Jimin: Like Hobi, he would mostly be sad. He would take you to a place where he could talk to you in peace, and feel almost a bit nervous. He didn’t think that you would ever hit him, but who knew? Maybe you were still pissed off? But when he saw the look on your face, he knew that you were more ashamed than angry. He would take your hand and stroke his thumb in circle patterns. Then he would ask what happened, as he had never seen you even close to hitting someone. When you told him about how you used to be, and how annoying the guy who you punched was, he would sigh and pull you in for a hug.

“I can see that you don’t like what you’ve done, so let’s just say that this never happened. But please, don’t harm other people, even if they’re really annoying. Come to me to vent or something instead.”


V: He would be the member to be angry with you. When he saw the first punch he would be shocked. But when you went in for the second he would snap out of it and immediately get you out of there. We all know how much he likes people, so when you felt how tightly he was holding your wrist you would know that he was not happy. At all. When you got home, he would close the door before turning to you with a serious expression and demand to know why you did it. While you explained your past, he would walk to the living room and sit down. When you were finished, he would rub his forehead and let out a frustrated sigh. Then he would look at you, not quite as angry anymore.

“Okay. I get it. You used to use a lot of violence. And I get that sometimes you might still want to do that. But you aren’t who you were, I can see that. Please don’t turn to violence again.”


Jungkook: When you punched the guy who touched your butt square in the jaw, Jungkook would cheer on you. But when you punched the guy again, and again, he would realize that you weren’t about to stop anytime soon, so he would grab your waist and actually carry you away, to make sure that you wouldn’t try to go back to the man. When he was out of sight, Jungkook would put you back down and sit you down on a bench. He would have a really serious face the whole time when he asked you about it and you told him about it.

“It would have been alright if you had just punched that guy once, but you shouldn’t continue hitting someone. I know that you do know this, so please remember that the next time.”

Jimin keeping you company in the kitchen

You’d been feeling domestic since you woke up, cleaning up the bathroom as you got ready that morning, so you decide to make lunch. You’ve got music playing so you’re not fully concentrated on the cooking, your socked feet skating across the tile as you do a clumsy dance to the song.

The song pops off and you’re going a little too hard when the slice of tomato you’d just chopped falls to the ground. Somewhere you can hear a giggle but you think nothing of it. You bend down at the waist to pick it up but as soon as you’ve touched the ground you feel someone behind you.

Before he even speaks you know it’s Jimin, recognizing the giggle you heard earlier. He grabs at your waist with his hands, the fronts of his thighs pressed to the backs of yours and his hips squared up against your butt. “Hi,” he says but keeps his hold of you light and his body is gentle against yours.

You wiggle back against him to drive him crazy and he elicits a soft moan before you straighten up. He lets you fall back against his chest and slides his arms around your waist, pushing up your shirt just a touch so his clasped hands are resting against your bare skin. 

You turn your head and leave a light kiss on his jaw before pulling yourself out of his arms. “Come on, you need to get out of here before I burn the food.”

He gives you one of those smiles that’s all bedroom eyes and lip biting. You look away to compose yourself and when you turn back he’s leaning towards you, hands on either side of the kitchen counter behind you. He gives you a slow kiss, taking his time let his body fall close to yours and then pull away. It takes all your willpower and the faint smell of burning food to keep you from pulling on his shirt and dragging him back to you. 

Suddenly he gives you a sweet silly smile, “I’ll be in the living room.” He turns away and you go back to the food and try to remember what it was you were cooking.

Signs in PE class

Aries: treats it like the Olympics

Taurus: not athletic but does pretty well

Gemini: “accidentally” throws a ball at Scorpio’s face

Cancer: the one afraid of the ball

Leo: falls and fake cries

Virgo: doesn’t even try

Libra: trying to make truces with the other team

Scorpio: tackles Gemini and knocks them over

Sagittarius: doesn’t know what the hale is going on

Capricorn: awkwardly tries to do the activity right but fails

Aquarius: tries to juggle tennis balls

Pisces: falls square on their butt

7

Strabi:
I… You…?

Nacht:
[snaps out of weird deja vu and head butts Strabimon square in the chest]

Strabi:
hrk-…!

Reflect:
[Still really dizzy but coming to…]
So… So fast…

[Reflectmon observed the situation. This enemy was very quick and was apparently able to track their movement if the hit Reflectmon took themself was any hint. Even if they all ran, the enemy would easily follow… Geopardmon and Flamon were in no condition to fight. Strabimon was about to join them. And Flitmon… … ?]

Reflect:
…That’s it-!
[procures a card…]