Your pastiche is not subversive: Kingsman’s conservatism

I had high hopes for Kingsman: The Secret Service. There are gifsets of it all over Tumblr. Everybody said it was great and fun and refreshing. Even my beloved Foz Meadows praised it as ‘a biting debunk of the James Bond franchise… it takes all of Bond’s hallowed trappings – the spy gadgets, the sharp suits, the suave badassery – and explicitly removes both the misogyny and the classism that traditionally underpins them.’ So, having grown up on the Bond movies, I was eager to witness it for myself. And indeed I spent most of the film half-convinced that I liked it, or at least that I was going to, any minute now.

But despite the excellent direction, choreography, and clever humor, I was left wondering what the hell everyone else had been watching when they said it was progressive.

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The most overlooked equipment when it comes to stealth: clothes. Depending on the local weather [and even dress codes], you’ll need to plan accordingly, but for the most part follow these guidelines and you’ll be fine. You will be shot at, so invest in some lightweight bulletproof dress shirts. You’ll need to conceal all your equipment, so a good pair of pants with secret pockets or a jacket with multiple pockets will do. Pants > jackets because people usually take jackets off. Acting natural and comfortable is also part of the stealth process.

Cardsharp 2 – Credit Card Folding Knife

Super thin, ultra portable credit card sized folding knife that easily fits in your everyday wallet!

  • Ultra Thin- 2.2 mm thick
  • Lightweight- 13 grams
  • Blade edge is protected when stored in wallet or kit bag; Protective hilt appears when open
  • Surgical blade technology with long 65mm cutting edge ensures longer lasting sharpness
  • Authentic Iain Sinclair with Serial Number on each card


I want to see a story about spy gadget failures.  When the ejector seat goes off at the wrong time in a car chase, and the secret message self-destructs before it’s listened to, and the tear gas talcum powder goes off when the wrong person opens the suitcase.

The garrote wire in the watch comes loose and catches on things.  The rocket belt gets bumped in the suitcase and ruins the luggage (and sets off a smoke detector, and ruins some more things, possibly in a fancy hotel).  The voice changer sounds like it’s going through puberty. 

And honestly, who puts a laser in a wristwatch?  That’s a recipe for several different kinds of disasters.  The list is endless.

Maybe all this is because of a lack of funding, and a need to use cheap/old devices.  Maybe they’re prototypes that haven’t been tested properly.  Or maybe they’re just normal technology like in the real world, which doesn’t always behave the way we expect it to!


hahahahha - James Bond Spy Gadgets


“…and an umbrella that’s pink and fuzzy and also blocks out sound waves of people laughing at you while you carry it.”


Keychain Spy Camera – Pinhole DVR & Camera

I know people who walk around with their keys in hand instead of putting them in their pocket. Now I’m going to be paranoid about key fobs forever. Great.

  • Simple one button activation for quality JPEG 1280 x 1024 photos and 720×480 resolution video at 30 FPS.
  • Easy video playback for most computer systems whether PC or Mac.
  • Your Car Keychain Spy Camera also is a fully functional Plug & Play PC WebCam.
  • Once your footage is collected, simply connect the car keychain spy camera to your computer and organize, review, and share your videos and photos.


Black Widow's Gauntlets ☭

If she’s not using her red room reflexes and acrobatics, SNS pistols, glocks or anti-personnel explosives she may be using her Widow’s Bite! 

The Widow’s Bite is a prototype electrical weapon, created by S.H.I.E.L.D.’s Tech Directorate, that can deliver powerful shocks from two shaped bracelets for the Black Widow. They light up with blue lines when activated and allow their wielder to electrocute the enemy on contact.  No indication is given of how the wearer is insulated from it. 

 (‘Fire a ten-thousand volt of electricity that knocks down your enemy’ - MarvelHeroes.com)

 The Widow’s Bite are S.H.I.E.L.D. Issue laser weapons designed in the shape of bracelets that built for and used byAgent Natasha Romanoff.

Known Capabilities

Although it wasn’t used regularly during The Avengerssome of its capabilities where displayed. Such as:

  • Electric Charges: They can generate large amounts of electricity capable of shocking and/or stunning even the most powerful of opponents.
  • Laser Beam: The gauntlets can emit a high-frequency laser that can cut through solid matter.
  • Grappling Hook: They can launch a grappling cable that can be used for swinging distances.

__________________________________________x (connects to solid area)

** Note that this grappling hook also comes from the wrist gauntlets and is one of Black Widow’s most life saving weapons! Without the Widow’s line the Black widow would have died on countless occasions. Swinging from skyscrapers, helicopters and things generally super far from the ground tend to require a trust worthy gadget. The Black Widow’s Line has never failed her.

(“Swing forward, using a Zipline, damaging and knocking down all enemies in your path’ - MarvelHeroes.com).


  • Electrocution - The Black Widow’s Bite main function is to deliver short ranged electrical shocks to stun the target. (Volt charge is deadly)

  • Grappling Hook - The Black Widow’s Bite also sports a grappling hook able to withstand Romanoff’s weight and slow her down in case of a fall. (important)
  • Taser Disk Shooting - Black Widow’s Bite also shoots Taser Disks, which are small disk-shaped objects that deliver a electric discharge with the purpose of incapacitating and disorientating targets.

In some instances the Black Widow has reported her wrist gauntlets faulty, she’s reported that they’ve stopped working in the mist of battle and this became quite a dangerous situation for her so she decided that she’d take up the use of guns. (she was trained in gun fire anyway, assault rifles, snipers, many more from the KGB repertoire)

When the Chitauri forces invaded Earth during the Battle of New YorkBlack WIdow used the Black Widow’s Bite to electrocute several enemy troops by jamming her charged fists into them, while engaging them in her unique style of close combat.

When S.H.I.E.L.D. sent STRIKECaptain America, and Black Widow to recapture the Lemurian Star, Agent Romanoff took out a pirate guarding the ship’s engine room.

Black Widow shot her Taser Disks to disable the Winter Soldier‘s arm temporarily and disable the bomb attached to her by Alexander Pierce, allowing Nick Fury to kill Pierce.

The classic model of the gauntlets debuts in Amazing Spider-man #86 along with a new leather skin-tight suit that the Black Widowcurrently wears. S.H.I.E.L.D. implanted the gauntlets with special technology that enabled them to be used for decades. They primarily shoot a cable for swinging and fire the “Widow’s Bite”.

Originally Natasha’s gauntlets were more akin to bracelets (actually they are called bracelets by the KGB), and they had no offensive purpose. Like Spider-man’s web-shooters, they generated a piece of string for her to swing around on, but unlike Spider-man’s web-shooters, they couldn’t tie up enemies or incapacitate. Nor that they demonstrate unlikely teenage scientific brilliance.

In Age Of Ultron I hope we see;

  • Widow’s Kiss - An aerosol instant knock-out drug, pioneered by Russian Spetsnaz. When used it appears to be purplish pink fumes that can knock out a person for more than twenty hours. 

  • Tear Gas Pellets - There is also tear in the gauntlet that can cause blindness when released. It can also cause the opponent to be knocked unconscious.
  • Radio Transmitter - This enable Widow to lock on to a target and track its every move. If placed on a moving vehicle like a car or bike, it enables Widow to track down their location.

) ) ) ) )  The gantlets use of a radio transmitter is rare. The Widow is a solo survivor. But when she uses them they could be to tell highly classified information, soviet secrets or just a distress call.

The gauntlets undergone some revamps or upgrades, among the cases was when it was first debuted in Amazing Spider-man #86, where the Widow gets a sudden inspiration to try and find a way to combine Spider-Man’s powers with her own abilities. She decides to abandon her old costume and design a new one, as part of her “rebirth”. The newly designed gauntlets were described as shooting ropes and venom-sting bracelets. She fled from Spiderman, in a battle to see who’s stronger, and thinking that it was wrong to try and get the secrets to Spider-Man’s powers, and that her own abilities are unique to her and that she should forge her own destiny.

The current gauntlets and the equipments it contains are upgraded and maintained by S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Widow, by being the owner, herself. Natalia Romanova uses a number of special equipment contained in her gauntlets

So many possibilities for Age Of Ultron, I’m hoping the new design means we get to see more to the wrist gauntlets abilities. I hope we see a Widow’s Kiss. xoxo