Jealous? Of Stan? Heh, of course not!  I mean, where are people getting these notions anyway?  I’ll admit, Stan was a bit more socially and, um, romantically skilled in high school, but that was ages ago.  Last I checked, he’d been complaining endlessly about this girdle he apparently shoves himself in during work.

Sure, weight doesn’t define attractiveness or unattractiveness, by any means! But the whole process sounds entirely…er, un-hunkleish.

That’s such an odd term, too, “hunkle”…a—are people actually calling him that? The whole “Grunkle” term originated because of Dipper and Mabel’s relations to him…and what relative on this planet would be calling him both a “hunk” and a “grunkle”? Seriously, that’s…that’s quite unnerving.

But perhaps I’m overanalyzing this—Are you just asking if I’m jealous he has yet another nickname?  Eh, I wouldn’t call it jealous, per say; I have a fair share of nicknames myself!  But if I were to have my own pun on the “Grunkle” business, it’d have to be something that applied to me.  Something scientific, or bold, let’s see, er…Spunk! Spunkle Ford—eh, no, that sounds odd. 

Um…Funkle Ford?  No, definitely not.  

Erm, Drunkle F—Oh, gosh, no.

Alright, for now I’m settling on “Never-Have-I-Ever-Encountered-a-Class-I-Would-Ever-Flunkle Ford.”

It’s—it’s a work in progress. And proof I can be just as charming as Stan! Also that I’m not jealous. Obviously.

Look, at least it’s much more sensible than “Hunkle,” right???

▽Stanford Pines▽