Why do I always get more gratification from ships that go from “I fucking loathe you” to “hey maybe they’re not so bad I guess they have some redeeming qualities” to “holy shit this is my person” more than regular ships why is this trope so appealing to me
So I’ve always written when I’m upset, turning negativity into creativity. Having an emotional outlet is healthy, right? At least I’m not bottling things up inside.
Well, turns out, over time it has created this unfortunate feedback loop in my lizard brain where in order to write, I NEED to be upset. And it’s rather unsettling to have to dredge up unpleasant memories ON PURPOSE just to get my creative juices going. To stir up unprocessed emotional pain from my own past that’s been buried just so I can push out a fanfic seems a questionable and unsustainable practice. I mean, I’m pretty sure that it’d be unethical to subject anyone else to this kind of thing.
Buffy’s “I love you” to Spike in the last comic issue is apparently the last straw. I didn’t realize just how much of my need to write Spuffy was hinging on that last bit of “Will she or won’t she?” angst. And now that they’ve demonstrated how to be in a healthy relationship where they support each other and communicate well, I just…don’t see the need to write Spuffy anymore? Like, I see Buffy and Spike kiss and I’m putting on my coat and leaving, going, “Well, that’s nice, but obviously you don’t need my AU world to have your ‘happily ever after’ anymore? Who’s next?” I’m happy to have a happy Spuffy in the comic, but that’s a total turnoff for the writer side of my brain apparently. I need some pain to channel and their happy two-some is giving me nothing. How twisted is that? :(
I love the “I can be alone with you here” line for a lot of reasons, but especially because it reminds me of the kind of…comfortable domesticity that I want Spuffy to have. The kind of relationship that happens when you live with a good friend, where you don’t have to worry about entertaining them because you’re in the same room or wearing pants all the time. It’s not what Buffy was referring to at all when she told that to Spike but it’s the kind of thing I see for them in the future, Buffy and Spike living together in the same space, neither of them weighing on each other, just being
I know Sarah is a #bangel shipper but what I love about her is that she never makes us #spuffy fans feel bad or say that we are wrong about how we feel. I’ve never felt disrespected by her. She understands that people love different things. She always has lovely things to say about James which is the most important thing to me.