This is the one that started it all. I didn’t even know we were recording an album when I wrote and recorded this. But, I knew it was a great starting point for an album, just in case. It can get pretty dark in here.
‘Double Negative, Part 1’ from 'Lazarus’ by Rusty Redenbacher and SPStar
I really couldn’t give a fuck about shit no more.
You could stand, fold your hands, or hit the floor,
You could say “He sucks”, walk out and hit the door
I get the urge to spit and doubt stands to shout, “What for?”
Future got me feelin’ nervous
I wanna let you under the surface, for what purpose?
Big tree, empty forest, no one to hear me
Count my rings and know I died thinking very clearly
See, my drinking nearly caused my demise, more than twice
And I ain’t learned my lesson, I cut it with ice
Till I realized I had a mission like my addiction
A clear vision, insistin’ I quit burying and ditchin’
My truth, my suspicion, my needs and desires
Fuel and ambition feedin’ my fire.
I’m lost on days like today.
That subtle grey washes over me and has its way
You may feel you ain’t pay to hear me complain
You get accustomed to the sunshine and can’t stand the rain
Well, this new edition of Rusty comes equipped with pain
Pre-installed, hate it or love it, it’s here for the public
Consumption and perusal, pick my brain
I’m on the internet with questions to entertain.
The game done changed three times over,
Ballers, hustlers, gangsters, and soldiers,
Trap-boys, hangers-on, fakers and poseurs
The pressure can fold ya, you gotta hold ya
Composure, even though the odds are stacked
I’m gettin’ back on my investment, I can’t close my yap
It’s like I’m supposed to rap, a divine gift.
All these years I tried to give you a lift, but what if
I took this chance to riff, would you lend me your ear?
Cuz I got some blues that I would love for hear.
Why’s it been so many years? Man, I don’t know
But I can tell you that these labels can’t wait to grease you, bro
So, I sat with it. Worked a gig and such…
Lost some friends, made some new ones, old buddies are back in touch.
(Did you miss it?) Not so much, not like you’d think
(Can you do it?) Yeah, sure as bear-shit stink
I’m on some great mission, not a level above you
Pants, one leg-at-a-time, the same with the shoes.
Look, I wanna kick my raps and keep on recording
I’ll bet as soon as I get what I want, I’ll find it very boring
It’s the Libra in me, so desperate to be a Scorpio
Wishin’ I could master the man in me I sorta know
The strong, intelligent.. Not this 'woe-is-me’
Kid up in front of the class, chewing his poetry.
Happy, supposedly. Not today,
I’m just trying to find my way up outta the 'grey’.
(No one will ever make me feel like that again.)
Respect and Grace,