A couple years ago I’ve noticed myself shift emotionally throughout the seasons. As it grows cold, I fall into a depression feeling like I’m lost, and As it becomes warm I climb out of my slump and rush into achieving the years goals.
Then the cycle continues.
Since acknowledging my roller coaster pattern of emotion, I’ve learned to beat it by making goals for myself, and keeping a constant check on whether I’m achieving those goals, or if those goals still matter enough in my life to pursue them.
I tend to weave dreams out of words and sounds. Simple hellos become complex conversations as we lay on the grass underneath the sun’s loving gaze. Sentences like ‘I love you’ become kisses underneath a star-streaked sky with the moon smiling down approvingly. Your laugh was no different. It was aquarium visits in springtime. Sunsets over tea. Winter snow and camellias. Movie marathons during thunderstorms. Warm laughter on Sunday mornings. Christmas music in June. Nothing I dreamt about made the cut for reality. Maybe we didn’t try hard enough. Maybe I was too deep inside of my head. Maybe you tried too hard to stay out of yours. I don’t think I’ll ever know. The only thing I’m certain of is the fact that things could’ve been different, but they weren’t. So it goes.
most Europeans have lost any sense of themselves, and seem to want to
be everything but not Europeans. When one surrenders their identity and
traditions, they enter the void… and most never return. But maybe this
is simply our destiny. Hopefully we shall live to see a “springtime”
after this winter of decay.“