sports joke

College!AU in which Dean and Cas play for rival baseball teams

bonus:

  • <p> <b>Edgar Allan Poe:</b> Quoth the raven "Nevermore"<p/><b>Student Athlete:</b> Nevermore?!😵🙁🤕When you on the grind💪👌 it's ALWAYS💯🕞 more!!✔can't stop🔥won't stop🙅🚫 #D1bound💯🙏Alma 32:12 rip💀😔 grandma👵<p/></p>

So I know that “Sportacus” seems to be more of a title than a real name BUT just take a moment to imagine papa elf Íþró, master of terrible puns, holding up his newborn baby and going “His name is Sportacus!!! :-}D” and the rest of the elf village is just like “are you fucking kidding me dude”

4

Golden State Warriors’ Andre Iguodala fined $10K for joking about working for the “master”

  • The NBA fined Golden State Warriors small forward Andre Iguodala $10,000 for making racially charged remarks to the press after the team’s loss to the Minnesota Timberwolves on Friday, per the Root.
  • After the Friday night game, Iguodala was asked if he knew whether teammates Steph Curry, Klay Thompson and Draymond Green were going to be sitting out for Saturday’s game.
  • “Nope, no clue,” Iguodala said. “I do what master say.”
  • Iguodala explained his remarks, saying he meant no disrespect and that it was based on a locker room joke. Iguodala also reportedly used an anti-black slur during his press conference on Friday.
  • Before the NBA announced the fine, Iguodala expressed his regrets on Monday night for making the off-color “master” joke. Read more (3/14/17 12:18 PM)

follow @the-movemnt

P-ORN
  • Kuroo: hey tsukishima
  • Tsukishima: *sighs*yes?
  • Kuroo: what begins with p and ends with orn?
  • Tsukishima: *gives a disgusted look*
  • Sugawara: *overhears* gives a disapproving look at the potty language*
  • Kuroo: Hah!dirty minds theres popco-
  • Hinata: *from a distance* ORANGE?
  • Tsukishima: ....
  • Kuroo: ...
  • Sugawara: ...aww bby boy
Masculinity

Why is there such an issue on this site with masculinity? Like I have never seen so many people push men to be more feminine.
“Wear make up!”
“Wear dresses!”
“Fucking cry and be open about your emotions!”
“You are oppressed by patriarchy, be a fucking woman!”
Like… What’s wrong with a man wanting to be a man? What’s wrong with men not being open about how they feel? Men aren’t wired to understand their feelings as well as women, plus testosterone doesn’t help much.
Why are you all so dead set on feminizing men and crucifying the ones who want to happily stay masculine?
Why do you all fixate on “toxic masculinity” without approaching “toxic femininity”?
Let men be men. Let the ones who want to be more feminine be feminine. Let the men who wanna be masculine be masculine.
There is nothing wrong with being a guy who thinks about sex a lot, because women do it too. There is nothing wrong with men who enjoy sports and getting dirty. There’s nothing wrong with making offensive jokes, most jokes are founded ondark subjects anyway.
Let men be masculine if they want because I don’t wanna have a boyfriend who’s afraid to talk about his masculine interests, or a boyfriend who’s scared to ask if he can go to a game with me. I want masculine men to comfortable with themselves just as much as any feminine man.
Please. Be kind to masculine men.

A customer walks into a hunting store.

Customer: Where’s the guitars?

Employee: What guitars?

Customer: The guitars your store sells. Your store sells guitars right?

Employee: we don’t sell guitars.

Customer: Then why is this store called Bass Pro!?

The employee stares at the customer. The customer smiles.


Employee: This is a Cabela’s you jerk.

Customer : Still funny.

UNBELIEVABLE : PART ONE

RACE X READER

[NEWSIES]

REQUEST(S):  “Any Race imagine but if it could be funny that would be amazing because I love Race and I’m in the mood for funny. Thank you for doing this!”

“If you wrote race x reader I would love you forever”

SUMMARY: Y/N is breaking one of the most important and enforced newsie rules. And, worse than that, she’s got a crush on her way too attractive selling partner that simply won’t go away.

A/N: okay so apparently i’m incapable of writing short imagines because this’ll have a part two coming soon. there’s not too much race x reader in this one because it’s more of a buildup, but next part will have more of that. i tried my best to make it funny, i guess? and by that i mean i just let the narrator (reader) go with barely any filter on their thoughts so, enjoy!

__________

When it came to being a newsie, there were rules in place that really should be followed. I had never been one to really favor breaking the rules without necessary, so I followed as many as possible:

1. Pay for your papes
2. Do whatever it takes to sell them
3. Don’t steal anybody’s anything
4. Do not come back with papes left unless you want to be eating them for dinner

There are some rules, however, that just have to be broken. Such as lucky rule number five:

5. No girls allowed

This rule in particular was bullshit in my opinion, and really it was there for no reason. Why would The World deny having more papers sold just because a girl was selling them? Honestly, it’s like these guys know nothing. But, you know, it wasn’t too much of a setback. It just meant getting up earlier than all the other boys to make sure all my hair stayed tucked in my cap, wrap up my chest a little bit (since boys aren’t exactly supposed to have breasts) - oh, and no talking. Ever.

Me attempting to imitate a boy’s voice was just too pathetic, and this way I would never slip up. Sure, it takes a lot of restraint to not scream at some of the boys sometimes, but it pays for the food. Plus, the minute the boys found out I was “mute” they rejoiced - according to them I was a gold mine. All I needed was a selling partner, and we’d make easy money.

Race had jumped at the opportunity. Sometimes I wish he hadn’t. It’s much harder to pretend to be a straight boy when your partner’s smile is so cute you’re pretty sure it’s not even legal. And, God, that damn smirk of his. How’s a girl supposed to stay in control when he’s making some dumb joke, sporting that smirk with his hair all messed up from a day of selling papes? It’s just unfair.

And of course I had wished for someone to confide in. I hadn’t talked at all in months, and I could barely remember what my voice sounded like. When I got time alone, sometimes I would whisper to myself under my breath just for relief purposes. There’s just so much to talk about, and I haven’t gotten to say any of it all because of some stupid rule that says I can’t be a girl if I want to sell papes. From the very beginning I had been dying to find someone who I trusted enough to tell without them blabbing to everyone, but I just hadn’t worked up the courage yet. I certainly hadn’t planned to have Katherine find out because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.

She was walking with me on the way back to the lodge and she was working on an article, thinking out loud at she wrote. “Ugh, I need a good synonym for amazing. I’ve used that word like five times already.” She ran a hand over her face, obviously in distress, and it just kind of slipped out.

“Phenomenal.” Her eyes widened and she looked up from her paper at me slowly, shock overtaking her face. I slapped a hand over my mouth as I felt the panic start to take hold of me.

“You - you can talk? Oh my god, oh my god. Were you just pretending to sell more papers? That’s some damn good commitment you got there…”

“Please don’t tell anyone!” I squeaked, which was very much the wrong thing to do, because up until this point she had only heard me say one word - and gender is kind of hard to determine from four syllables. However, when you’ve said an entire sentence in your much-higher-than-a-boy’s voice, that kind of gives it away. For a second time, she freaked.

“You’re a girl! That’s why you don’t talk! That’s hilarious!” She broke out laughing as I stood there, still scared out of my mind but a little bit calmed by her lack of anger. “I won’t tell any of the boys, promise,” she breathed, smiling. “Oh, but this is so great! Finally, another girl I can talk to about these damn boys!” I laughed at that, and soon we were both giggling like idiots.

Suddenly, her face lit up. “How long has it been since you got to, you know, lose the getup?”

“Don’t know, lost count.” I shrugged and she squealed. Grabbing my arm and dragging me in the opposite direction of the lodge. “Kath, we’re going the wrong way.”

“Nope, you’re not going to the lodge.”

“I’m not?”

“No, you’re staying at my place and you’re going to get to be a girl again for tonight.”

__________

“Hey! Anybody seen Mute?”

A chorus of ‘no’s came as a response, and Race sighed. He’d left his partner with Katherine, but they had yet to make it to the lodge and it was already dark. Jack was worried as well, both of them concerned that something had happened. Mute was a great selling partner with all the sympathy he ignited, but he was a scrawny guy and if someone had attacked them, Race wasn’t sure Mute would’ve been able to fight them off. Eventually, it got too late, and both he and Jack fell asleep.

__________

An hour before the boys woke up for the morning, I came sneaking through the lodge door, already prepped and ready for the day (hair clipped in place thanks to Katherine, and breasts securely flat). I’d spent the night with Katherine sharing stories and finally talking about all the things I’d been dying to say. Saying Kath was excited when I went on a rant about how annoyingly attractive Race was was an understatement - the reporter was ecstatic. I tried to calm her down - “it’s never gonna happen, Kath, to him I am and always will be a boy. And even if he’s gay, I can’t even speak” - but it was no use.

We hadn’t actually ended up sleeping. Instead, we’d spent the early hours making me look like a boy again, with some added improvements. Before I’d left, Kath had given me a book, so when I arrived back at the lodge and there was a little while before the morning bell would ring, I sat on my bunk and read.

The minute the morning bell rang, the lodge filled with noise. All the boys were waking up and fighting for space. In order to avoid the chaos, I walked outside, leaving the book on my bunk. I was enjoying the small noises of a New York morning when suddenly someone was standing next to me.

“You and Kath get back alright last night? Didn’t see you before I fell asleep.” The mere sound of Race’s voice made my face heat up and I hated it. The fact that he had noticed my absence made my heart skip a beat, even though I was sure it was more of a brotherly type of “this kid can’t even talk he needs to be protected” kind of way. I nodded as a response and he gave a little nod of his own.

After the previous night I wanted more than ever to tell Race everything. Maybe if he knew I was a girl things would be different. Maybe if I could actually talk to him, this whole thing would be easier.

“Mornin’ boys!” Jack came up behind us with Crutchie beside him. “Hey Mute, Kath get home okay?” Before I could respond with a nod, Race was talking.

“Why don’t you ask her yourself?” He pointed down the street a little where Katherine appeared to be sprinting toward us at full speed. When she reached us she was panting heavily, attempting to relay what must’ve been important news.

“The Delanceys… they’re coming here… heard something about a girl Newsie,” she said in between breaths. I felt my heart stop in my chest. Being discovered as a girl by the boys or Katherine was one thing, being discovered by the Delanceys was another. They wouldn’t hesitate to take me away for breaking the rules, and I don’t think the fact that I’m a girl would stop them from roughing me up a bit.

“I think we would’ve noticed if one of was a girl,” Romeo said, causing all the boys to laugh. By now everyone was up and gathered. Katherine kept glancing around and I could tell she was panicking. I made brief eye contact with her and I’m sure she could see the fear in my eyes. She was doing a better job at hiding it. I was about to start shaking uncontrollably. In the distance, The Delancey brothers could be seen walking in our direction.

“You smell that boys?” Race called out, smiling as the Delancey brothers scowled. “It smells like we got the bad kind o’ company!”

“I’d shut your mouth if I were you,” Morris growled.

“We got reason to believe one of you maggots has been breaking the rules. Youse hiding a girl in that lodge of yours.” Jack stepped up to Oscar confidently, no hesitation  in his stance.

“What - you sayin’ we wouldn’t be able to tell if we’s had a girl selling papes with us? We ain’t hiding no girls.” I wondered what would happen if Jack knew that he was lying. More importantly, what would happen if the Delanceys started poking around? They so much as knock my cap off my head an I’m a goner. It was too late to pull it down to hide my face more, it would be too suspicious. Plus, it was already blocking my face some, as usual.

I tensed as the brothers started walking through the crowd of boys. They were met with plenty of laughs and jeers, and quite a few jokes made. The world stopped.

And then started again as the Delancey boys begrudgingly left, not having found what they were looking for. The newsies taunted them as they walked away and I let out a sigh of relief.

“That was a close one,” Katherine gave a little laugh.

“Whaddya mean?” Jack asked, and I froze again. “Why was it a close one?” I watched as Katherine tensed up, trying to form some sort of explanation the wouldn’t give me away.

“Well, you know, I - uh…. I thought that, maybe, he was gonna… hit you? Yeah! I thought he was gonna hit you, but he didn’t…. So it was a close one?” Jesus Christ, Kath, really?

Murmurs were starting to get louder throughout the crowd as everyone began to search for the supposed girl among them. Race wasn’t looking at me at all, and I really don’t know whether I was relieved or offended. Maybe he trusted me too much to think I would lie. Not that I ever actually said I wasn’t a girl. Or, you know, said anything at all. If I was any of these boys, I would honestly choose myself as suspect number one. Who trusts someone you know nothing about because they can’t tell you? Ridiculous.

“It’s only a close one if one of us is actually a girl,” Crutchie spoke up. I could tell he was trying to save Katherine, God bless his pure little soul, but Kath and I were in deep shit now.

“Well, I mean…” She shot an almost unnoticeable glance my way, as if asking if it was okay. I almost nodded yes. Almost. Except then Morris Delancey was back and standing behind Katherine, and I was ready to just drop dead because this entire situation was one big piece of shit that I was not planning on when I didn’t sleep at all.

“You got information you’d like to share?” Morris asked Katherine. Her face contorted with anger as she spun on him.

“If I did I certainly wouldn’t tell you!

“I think we left a little too soon earlier, didn’t get a chance to really check.” Oscar Delancey was standing directly behind me and his voice sent chills down my spine. How the hell did he even get there? It’s not even noon and this has got to be the worst day of my life.

And then Katherine did exactly what she shouldn’t have done. She glanced at me. And Morris saw it. In seconds, he was walking towards me. As I prepared to exposed, or maybe even hit, Race stepped in front of me quickly. He stood defiantly, staring Morris down.

“Move out my way.”

“Leave ‘im alone, he ain’t done nothin’ wrong. He can’t even speak.” Okay, maybe not the worst day. Some good things have happened. For instance, Race has showed that he cares about me twice already. Plus, if I looked down just slightly I’d have a great view of his ass (not that I’m thinking about that at all).

“Aw, have we got ourselves a poor little mute?” Oscar taunted from behind me. He was closer to me now, making it much harder to stay calm.

“I said leave ‘im alone,” Race spoke, his voice much more demanding (which was damn attractive but now’s not really the time for that).

“Whatchya gonna do 'bout it?” Oscar Delancey’s hand came down on my shoulder and my entire body tensed up. And then I was off. I sprinted past Race, Morris, and Katherine. I heard the Delanceys shouting and running after me, and I was sure the boys were in absolute chaos because by now they would’ve realized that I’m the girl who broke the rules and became a newsie.

As I reached a familiar alleyway I took a sharp right and tucked myself against the wall, watching as Morris and Oscar ran past my hiding spot. I headed further down the alley, coming to what appeared to be a dead end, but really it wasn’t. Race had shown me this place our first week as partners. After a little bit of squeezing, I was through the other side and strolling leisurely down the street, headed in the direction of the lodge. I wasn’t sure what would happen when I returned, but I really had nowhere else to go.

As I got closer I could sense the commotion. I was positive at least some of the newsies had gone out to sell papes, but Race and Jack would’ve stayed behind to question Katherine. Davey would be there by now, and I wondered if he’d been filled in yet. As I walked into the lodge I got five pairs of eyes all suddenly on me. Race, Katherine, Jack, Davey, and Crutchie were all sitting and talking.

“Mute! Thank god you’re okay, we were so worried!” Crutchie was smiling at me and I couldn’t help but be confused. It was Crutchie after all, but even he seemed a bit happy considering he should’ve just found out that I’d basically been lying to him. No doubt Kath had explained that I wasn’t actually mute, and I had a real name that definitely wasn’t Mute.

“Oscar sure scared ya, but you’re safe with us,” Race smiled at me (and my heart melted).

“Sorry I missed it, Mute,” Davey gave me an apologetic smile. “I can’t believe the Delanceys really thought one of us was a girl,” he laughed.

Wait, what?

I caught Kath’s eye and she winked at me. No way. Absolutely no way. I sprint away while they’re talking about a girl secretly being a newsie and they still don’t figure it out?

“Unbelievable.”

__________

side note: I don’t mean to offend anyone with the picture of what a girl is painted in this imagine, I’m basing it more off standards/expectations of girls during the time period