More Unusual Questions for your Muse

🦇- If your muse had wings, would they be feathered and bird-like, leathery bat-like wings, or insect-like fairy or butterfly wings?
🙊- How good are they at keeping secrets?
🎖- Is your muse the “forgive and forget” type or do they hold grudges?
⚖️- If your muse had superpowers, what would they be?
📐- Did your muse get an education? What was their best subject in their studies?
🖋- If your muse was an author/poet, what kind of stories would they write about?
📕- What “Banned Books” could you see your muse reading?
🔖- When they shop, does the price or product matter more?
🐶- If your muse was forced to get a pet, what would they get?
✌️-How often did they get into trouble as a kid?
⭐️- What’s their favorite constellation in the night sky?
🍼- Would your muse raise an abandoned orphan they found or opt to relocate them to an orphanage instead?
🏄‍♀️- What kind of leisurely sports do they partake in on their downtime?
💐- What are their favorite flowers?
👑- How would your muse react if they suddenly found out that they were the long-lost heir to a rich kingdom?
👒- If your muse were to take someone on a first date, where would they go and how would they behave?
💥- if Your muse wakes up with complete amnesia, how would they react? How scared would they be? What caused it?
🍳- What does your muse’s typical breakfast, lunch, and dinner look like after their larder has been fully replenished?
🎣- Would your muse go fishing for any reason? Would they catch-and-eat or catch-and-release?
🎼- What part in a choir would your muse sing? Soprano (½), Bass, Tenor, or Alto?
🎬- Pick three movies you could see your muse watching (and enjoying)
🎨- Find two famous pieces of artwork you think your muse would enjoy.

Aries on the house cusps

Aries on the 1st house cusp 💪🏾

  • You’re seen as someone who is very strong, intimidating and fierce
  • You approach everything in a confident bold manner
  • The face is very prominent and you probably have a very intense stare
  • Very defined cheekbones
  • Baby face looks younger than they are
  • Even though they come on strong they are also come off as very cute and innocent

Aries on the 2nd house cusp 💵

  • You fight for your material objects
  • Drive to make money
  • Might be able to make a living doing Aries related activities like sports
  • You define your worth based on how strong and confident you are

Aries on the 3rd house cusp 🗣

  • You communicate loudly and confidently, everyone hears you
  • Most of your acquaintances are very aggressive and confident
  • You like to speak on topics that get you fired up
  • You’re not the kind of person someone wants to have a debate with
  • Your voice sounds deep, throaty, and somewhat masculine

Aries on the 4th house cusp (IC)

  • You were raised in a fast paced environment
  • You come from a family of people who may have served in the military
  • Your home was centered somewhere bold and loud like a city
  • You find comfort in doing things that get your adrenaline going
  • Your mother may have been overly aggressive

Aries on the 5th house cusp 🏃🏽‍♀️

  • Your attitude towards love is that it should be passionate and intense
  • You like going on dates that are fun, like to an amusement park
  • You are a confident and funny partner
  • You enjoy doing activities that get your adrenaline going
  • You might be very interested in sports and your hobbies may consist of doing many different extreme sports
  • You like spending leisure time working out, playing sports etc.

Aries on the 6th house cusp

  • You are a very hard worker
  • You may be very competitive in the workplace
  • Your daily routine may involve working out
  • You go about your day in a fast paced manner and are always on the go
  • You are passionate about helping people
  • You may have an intense workout routine or a very vigorous diet

Aries on the 7th house cusp 💑

  • You have very aggressive and playful interactions with others
  • You like to be in relationships that are passionate and fun
  • Your marriage partner may be very confident and protective of you
  • You enjoy spending time with people who motivate you

Aries on the 8th house cusp

  • Your attitude towards sex is very intense
  • You may like aggressive and rough sex
  • You want a sex life that is invigorating
  • You think sex should be passionate
  • You may get very easily jealous and quite aggressive over sex partners

Aries of the 9th house cusp ✈️

  • You like traveling and doing fun things
  • You firmly stand by your beliefs and will fight for them
  • In college you might be involved in a fraternity or sorority because you want a fun experience
  • You could get easily injured while traveling

Aries on the 10th house cusp

  • You are seen as someone who is strong and intimidating and not one to mess with
  • You may decide to go into the law enforcement field
  • Your chosen career is based off of your need for fun and excitement

Aries on the 11th house cusp 🎆

  • You’re that friend who’s always getting into trouble and fights
  • You fiercely stand by and protect your friends
  • You love having fun and you out with your friends
  • You are likely a freedom fighter and already always trying to help those who can’t help themselves
  • You are either the bully or the one standing up to the bully

Aries on the 12th house cusp 🌚

  • In private you are a very wild, playful, loud person
  • In private you are fun and confident
  • You secretly yearn for adventure
  • When people get to know the real you, they begin to see how playful you can be

The Celebrity Magazine; Fall 2017 Issue
Chanyeol’s interview 

After a 4-hour shooting, i sat down face-to-face with Chanyeol to do an interview with him. But i see a completely different face to the one at the shoot just moments ago. A figure that is kind yet playful, cheerful yet lost in his own emotions. I got to hear what Chanyeol was up to these days.

Question: How was today’s shoot?
Chanyeol: It progressed much more quickly than i thought, so it wasn’t that difficult. I tend to enjoy being on stage the most, but i think magazine shoots have their own charm too.

Question: You’ve done many performances under the name Exo. Particularly, i’m interested in how much you trust the audience during live performances. What kind of presence is the audience to Chanyeol?
Chanyeol: I trust the audience 100%. I believe that i can show 100% of what i want to the audience. That kind of trust between the audience on stage is very important. The audience is my motivation to be on stage. I think that the more people watch, the more energy i get in a sort of explosive power. I’ve been told that from a young age i attracted a lot of attention. I liked attracting people’s attention and standing in front of them. If you look at it that way, i made a good job decision.

Question: Through the various coloured lights at today’s shoot, you showed us a mystical image, almost like a concept of good and evil coexisting. But sitting down with you face to face feels a lot different. You’re more friendly because you feel like a cheerful boy.
Chanyeol: I’m actually quite a chatterbox. I’m usually quite loud during shootings but because i’m filming alone without the members, i found myself being more quiet. I’m a lot more shy than i seem.

Question: I think that you’ve grown drastically over the last few years, not only as Exo’s Chanyeol but also individually.
Chanyeol: I think i’ve grown in many ways. Maybe it’s because it’s as though i perform everyday, but the stage has become comfortable for me. Shall we say i’ve become more calm and composed? Before, if i was busy, i felt like i had no time to do anything, but now i can find plenty of time to think to myself even in the midst of a busy schedule. I think i’ve become more mature. From my debut to around the mid point, i became exhausted because i was so busy, but now i find it enjoyable even if i’m busy to the point where i have no time to sleep. I have the positive thought that there has to be something earnt from all this time passing.

Question: I’ve heard that you’re so optimistic and positive to the point of earning nicknames such as ‘Happy Virus’, ‘handsome personality’, and ‘warm-hearted Park’. How is your personality in real life?
Chanyeol: I think my personality is about 70~80% of what fans see. When i first debuted i thought i was very optimistic, but as time has passed i think a more reserved side of me is showing. I almost never speak when there aren’t a lot of people around. In addition, because i tend to compose music alone, i’ve found myself with a lot of time to think to myself. The more i compose the more i feel comfortable being alone.

Question: What sort of thoughts do you have?
Chanyeol: Lots of thoughts, including how i’ve lived up until now, how i want to live in the future, and what i want to do now. I also try to do the things i think about. I’m the type of person who is only satisfied when i do what i want.

Question: What sort of activities do you enjoy these days?
Chanyeol: I’m really into leisure sports these days. When the schedule for early this year changed abruptly, i suddenly found myself with free time and snowboarded for three months. I also got very into bowling and practically lived at the bowling alley for 20 hours a day. I’m overflowing with enthusiasm and very competitive so i clung to bowling. I’m trying to restrain myself a little now. I’ve tried golf as well. I don’t like exercising much, but i hate losing when a scoreboard is right in front of me so i end up trying hard.

Question: The sports you’ve just named are all ones in which battling with yourself is important
Chanyeol: I admit defeat in a competition. When i lose i find myself more upset at myself than i do at my opponent. I feel ashamed, thinking ‘why couldn’t i do that?’.

Translation by fyeah-chanyeol
(Please take out with full credits)

Which baby are you

Which Baby Are You?
Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive. Down-to-Earth. Stubborn. Repost this in 5 mins and you will meet someone new in 8 days that will perfectly balance your personality.
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexiest out of everyone. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest And loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Horny. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions. Repost this in 5 mins and you will talk to someone new and realize that you are a perfect match.
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Great kisser. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Observant and assesses others. If you repost this in the next 5 mins, you will meet your new love in 8 days.
Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous. Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does work well with others. Very confidant. Sensitive. Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Able to cheer everyone up and/or make them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and others. Understanding. Fun to be around. Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive. Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and traveling. Systematic. Hot but has brains. If you repost this in 5 mins, a cutie that’s caught your eye will introduce themselves and you will realize that you are very much alike in the next 2 days.
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Shy towards opposite sex. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High-spirited. If you repost this in the next 5 minutes, you will become close to someone you do not speak too much in the next 4 days.
You’ve got the best personality and are an absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make new friends and be outgoing. You are a great flirt and more than likely have an a very attractive partner. a wicked hottie. It is also more than likely that you have a massive record collection. You have a great choice in films, and may one day become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck, you’ve got the looks for it!!! IN the next 6 days you will meet someone that may possibly become one of your closest friends, if you repost this in 5 minutes.
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. spazzy at times. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover. Repost this in the next 5 mins and your reputation will boost someway in the next 12 days
Outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on attention. No self-control. Kind hearted. Self-confident. Loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful. Easy to get along with and talk to. Has an “every thing’s peachy” attitude. Likes talking and singing. Loves music. Daydreamer. Easily distracted. Hates not being trusted. BIG imagination. Loves to be loved. Hates studying. in need of “that someone”. Longs for freedom. Rebellious when withheld or restricted. Lives by “no pain no gain” caring. Always a suspect. Playful. Mysterious. “charming” or “beautiful” to everyone. stubborn. curious. Independent. Strong willed. A fighter. Repost in 5 mins and you will meet the love of your life sometime next month.
Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have many friends. Enjoys to make love. Emotional. Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore. Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can understand. If you do not repost this in the next 5 mins, someone very close to you will become mad at you in the next 8 days.
Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of them all. repost this in 5 mins or you will not meet the love of your life for 10 years.
Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun. Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people easily and very social in a group. Fearless and independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, the greatest men are born in this month. If you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because their one of a kind. Repost in 5 mins & you will excel in a major event coming up sometime this month.
This straight-up means you are the most good-looking person possible… Better than all of these other months! Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive in everything. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to, though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Has that someone always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer.Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. One guy/girl kind of person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves music. Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive.

anonymous asked:

headcanon- uma overhears chad telling people that her sword skills are "overrated" and that those stories her crew tells about her are bs. she challenges him to a fight then and there ("gil grab the swords from the gym") and destroys him. for good measure, unbeknownst to uma, harry breaks into his room and throws all his stuff into the ocean. because fuck chad.


but in all seriousness chad learned sword fighting as a sport for leisure while uma’s gone against actual people who fight to kill lmao there’s no way he’s better than her. she indulges him in a fight (if you could call it that) and it’s very obvious after a few minutes that she’s just toying with him. chad is suddenly aware that no, the crew wasn’t exaggerating and that they really didn’t have to. 

harry watches til the end (bc he loves watching uma kick ass) and uma takes the opportunity to get in some flirtatious grins and winks bc why not. when she inevitably wins, while chad sulks pathetically, harry dumps all his things in the ocean for even daring to badmouth his captain. no one can prove he did it obviously but also everyone knows.

In modern society most of us don’t want to be in touch with ourselves; we want to be in touch with other things like religion, sports, politics, a book - we want to forget ourselves. Anytime we have leisure, we want to invite something else to enter us, opening ourselves to the television and telling the television to come and colonize us.
—  Thich Nhat Hanh
My Boys: Beneath the Surface - Chapter 1

Hey Guys, I am back :)

So, as previously mentioned, I am starting a new multi chapter. This one sets 5 years after the events of MBBD. It will mainly focus on Omelia and Amelia’s relationship with her family, how it affects the dynamics of her marriage to Owen and the repercussions her trouble past has in her life up to this moment. 

Thank you to the lovely @jia911 for proofreading this overnight. You are my team!

My Boys – Beneath the Surface: Chapter 1


“I really don’t know how to thank you enough.”

At the sound of the words, Amelia’s mother in law turned around with a sympathetic smile on her face.

“There is no need to thank me, I’ve told you that,” The elderly woman added with a gentle nod, genuinely happy for being able to help. A couple of hours before, Amelia had called her to ask if Evelyn had any idea how to cook Spanish and Moroccan food and Owen’s mother had immediately stepped in to help, driving over to her son’s house to give the neurosurgeon a hand with the cooking.

The school to which Amelia’s kids went to was having an international fair to celebrate cultural diversity and much to Amelia’s dismay each student in the class of her eight year old twins was in charge of taking local food from a few selected countries.  

“If I can’t cook our own food,” Amelia said with a teasing smile, “how do they expect me to cook stuff I’ve never even tried before?”

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Clothes to look forward this spring?

I assume you’re asking about my favourite clothing trends for spring 2018, so here we go :) First trend I enjoy is, as vogue suggests, wearing the colours, and I quote, “lavender, rapture rose, sky blue and light green”. Also, I’ve started to fall for sport/leisure clothing being incorporated into daywear, I find those shapes and patterns very nice (have you seen the puma x fenty collection? it’s so cool!!) Then, again, as vogue says, it was predicted that “plastics” will gain the spotlight, and honestly, I love how plastic skirts and plastic puffy sleeves look up there on the stage, but I’m not sure they’ll catch on on the streets. I hope glitter stays, to be honest; I’d incorporate glitter into every seasonal trend :) I’m not sure how I feel about the shapes getting looser and looser, but oh well. And I hope sheer catches on! Not too much (see, those sets where both the top and the bottom are sheer, with only panties and a bra underneath), but I like those sheer sleeve dresses. The trench comeback was predicted as well, and well, uhm, let’s say I don’t particularly enjoy trenches, and close the case there. Finally, I’ll be looking forward to dark blue denim, especially in jackets.

Announcing the next batch of themes for Finnrey Fridays!

March 10: Beginnings // Soft colors
March 31: Musicals/Theater/Drama // Artistic
April 14: Celebration! // Wish-Fulfillment
April 28: First Trailer // Reunited
May 12: Sports // Leisure 
May 26: Coffeeshop // Meetcute
June 9: Video Games // Animated
June 30: ANNIVERSARY SPECIAL!!! * // Best of the Best
July 7: Fantasy // Magic
July 28: Hot // Lazy Days
August 11: Lightness // Darkness
August 25: College/school // “Welcome back”

Since we’ve come to the end of our current list of themes, we thought it was about time to come out with some new ones!

Get excited, everyone! We know we are! :D Thank you so much, as always, to everyone who’s ever participated. We wouldn’t be able to still be going without every one of you!

* We will explain the anniversary special theme for June 30th when we get closer to the date, but basically we will put out a poll to see what the favorite previous theme(s) were and have an encore of those themes. Look out for that poll about 3 weeks or so before that date!


(170712) shilladutyfree
translation: (hello. this is shinee onew.
q1. onew’s pick this summer? mountain vs sea.
onew: sea, since i like open places. even though it’d be nice to feel like you’re in a valley in the mountains, i prefer the sea a little more. 

q2. cold noodles vs spicy noodles. 
onew: spicy noodles. i like strong flavours.

q3. activity sports vs a leisurely break
onew: a break. i really like being free. when i’m resting alone it’s the most healing for me. 

q4. purchasing in person vs purchasing from an online duty free shop
onew: purchasing at a duty free shop in person seems the best way to go about it. if you can’t see the item for yourself you can’t be sure, so i’m the type to go try it out in person before buying.)

How To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person

There is a right way and a wrong way to get to know someone for marriage. The wrong way is to get caught up in the excitement and nuance of a budding relationship and in the process completely forget to ask the critical questions that help determine compatibility.

One of the biggest mistakes that many young people make is rushing into marriage without properly and thoroughly getting to know someone. A common myth is that the duration of a courtship is an accurate enough measure of how compatible two people are. The logic follows that the longer you speak with someone, the better you will know them.

The problem with that premise is that no consideration is given to how that time is spent. Increasingly, young couples are engaging in “Christian dating,” or “Halal dating”, depending on the faith, which is basically socializing with each other in the company of friends and/or family. This includes going out to dinner, watching a movie, playing some sport or other leisure activity, etc.

Depending on the family or culture, conversations are either minimal & chaperoned or worse, unrestricted and unsupervised. When you consider these limitations it makes one wonder when exactly, if ever at all, would the critical conversations take place? Unfortunately, for many, the answer is never and they live to suffer the consequences.

If you or someone you know is in the “getting to know someone” phase, the following guide offers advice on exactly what to look for and avoid:

1) Do Not Marry Potential: Oftentimes men consider marrying a woman hoping she never changes while a woman considers marrying a man she hopes she can change. This is the wrong approach on both accounts. Don’t assume that you can change a person after you’re married to them or that they will reach their potential. There is no guarantee, after all, that those changes will be for the better. In fact, it’s often for the worse. If you can’t accept someone or imagine living with them as they are then don’t marry them. These differences can include a number of things such as ideological or practical differences in religion, habits, hygiene, communication skills, etc.

2) Choose Character over Chemistry: While chemistry and attraction are no doubt important, character precedes them both. A famous quote follows, “Chemistry ignites the fire, but character keeps it burning.” The idea of falling “in love” should never be the sole reason for marrying someone; it is very easy to confuse infatuation and lust for love. The most important character traits to look for include humility, kindness, responsibility, & happiness. Here’s a breakdown of each trait:
• Humility: The humble person never makes demands of people but rather always does right by them. They put their values and principles above convenience and comfort. They are slow to anger, are modest, and avoid materialism.
• Kindness: The kind person is the quintessential giver. They seek to please and minimize the pain of others. To know if a person is a giver, observe how they treat their family, siblings, and parents. Do they have gratitude towards their parents for all that they’ve done for them? If not, then know that they will never appreciate what you do for them. How do they treat people they don’t have to be kind towards (i.e. waiters, sales associates, employees, etc)? How do they spend their money? How do they deal with anger; their own anger and their reaction to someone else’s anger?
• Responsibility: A responsible person has stability in their finances, relationships, job, and character. You can you rely on this person and trust what they say.
• Happiness: A happy person is content with their portion in life. They feel good about themselves and good about their life. They focus on what they have rather than on what they don’t have. They very rarely complain.

3) Do Not Neglect The Emotional Needs of Your Partner: Both men and women have emotional needs and in order for a partnership to be successful those needs must be mutually met. The fundamental emotional need of a woman is to be loved. The fundamental emotional need of a man is to be respected and appreciated.

To make a woman feel loved give her the three AAAs: Attention, Affection, & Appreciation.

To make a man feel loved give him the three RRRs: Respect, Reassurance, & Relief.

It is the obligation of each partner to make sure the other is happy and this extends to intimacy as well. As long as each partner is fulfilled by the emotional needs of the other, the intimate relationship will thrive. When a man takes seriously the emotional needs of his wife she will feel more encouraged to fulfill his sexual desires. Likewise, when a woman takes seriously the emotional needs of her husband he will feel more encouraged to give her the affection, love and appreciation she wants from him. Working together in this way encourages both giving and receiving.

4) Avoid Opposing Life Plans: In marriage you can either grow together or grow apart. Sharing a common purpose in life will increase the chance that you will grow together.
• You must know what the person is into. In other words, what are they ultimately passionate about? Then ask yourself, “Do I respect this passion?” “Do I respect what they are into?”
• The more specifically you define yourself, i.e., your values, your beliefs, your lifestyle, the better chance you have of finding your life partner, your soul mate, the one you are most compatible with.
• Remember, before you decide who to take along on a trip, you should first figure out your destination.

5) Avoid Pre-Marital Sexual Activity:
[While this is a point of controversy, and I can see the pros and cons of both, ideally, saving this til after you have made a serious commitment is preferable. Though lessons in how to please one’s partner wouldn’t go astray before marriage! ]
• Recognize that there is incredible wisdom in why God has ordered us to refrain from intimacy before marriage; they are to prevent great harms as well as to keep sacred what is the most blessed part of a relationship between a man and a woman.
• Aside from the obvious spiritual consequences, when a relationship gets physical before its time, important issues like character, life philosophy, and compatibility go to the wayside. Consequently, everything is romanticized and it becomes difficult to even remember the important issues let alone talk about them.
• Intellectual commitment must be established before emotional or sexual commitment.

6) Avoid Lack of Emotional Connection: There are four questions that you must answer YES to:
• Do I respect and admire this person? What specifically do I respect and admire about this person?
• Do I trust this person? Can I rely on them? Do I trust their judgment? Do I trust their word? Can I believe what they say?
• Do I feel Safe? Do I feel emotionally safe with this person? Can I be vulnerable? Can I be myself? Can I be open? Can I express myself?
• Do I feel calm and at peace with this person?
If the answer is “I don’t know, I’m not sure, etc.” keep evaluating until you know for sure and truly understand how you feel. If you don’t feel safe now, you won’t feel safe when you are married. If you don’t trust now, this won’t change when you are married!

7) Pay Attention to Your Own Emotional Anxiety: Choosing someone you don’t feel safe with emotionally is not a good recipe for a long-lasting and loving marriage. Feeling emotionally safe is the foundation of a strong and healthy marriage. When you don’t feel safe, you can’t express your feelings and opinions. Learn how to identify whether you are in an abusive relationship. If you feel you always have to monitor what you say, if you are with someone and you feel you can’t really express yourself and are always walking on eggshells, then it’s very likely you are in an abusive relationship.

Look for the following things:
• Controlling behavior: This includes controlling the way you act, the way you think, the way you dress, the way you wear your hair/hijab and the way you spend your time. Know the difference between suggestions and demands. Demands are an expression of control and if the demands are implied, than you must do it or there will be consequences. All of these are clear indications of abusive personalities.

• Anger issues: This is someone who raises their voice on a regular basis, who is angry, gets angry at you, uses anger against you, uses put downs, and curses at you, etc. You don’t have to put up with this type of treatment. Many people who tolerate this behavior usually come from abusive backgrounds. If this is the case with you or someone you know, get help right away. Deal with those issues before getting married or before even thinking about getting married.

Beware of Lack of Openness In Your Partner: Many couples make the mistake of not putting everything on the table for discussion from the onset. Ask yourself, “What do I need to know to be absolutely certain I want to marry this person?” “What bothers me about this person or the relationship?” It’s very important to identify what’s bothering you, things that concern you, and things you are afraid to bring up for discussion. Then you must have an honest discussion about them. This is a great way to test the strength of your relationship. Bringing up issues when there’s conflict is a great opportunity to really evaluate how well you communicate, negotiate, and work together as a team. When people get into power struggles and blame each other, it’s an indication they don’t work well as a team. Also important is being vulnerable around each other. Ask deep questions of each other and see how your partner responds. How do they handle it? Are they defensive? Do they attack? Do they withdraw? Do they get annoyed? Do they blame you? Do they ignore it? Do they hide or rationalize it? Don’t just listen to what they say but watch for how they say it!

9) Beware of Avoiding Personal Responsibility: It’s very important to remember no one else is responsible for your happiness. Many people make the mistake of thinking someone else will fulfill them and make their life better and that’s their reason for getting married. People fail to realize that if they are unhappy as a single person, they will continue to be miserable when they are married. If you are currently not happy with yourself, don’t like yourself, don’t like the direction your life is going now, it’s important to take responsibility for that now and work on improving those areas of your life before considering marriage. Don’t bring these issues into your marriage and hope your partner will fix them.

10) Watch Out For Lack of Emotional Health and Availability In Your Potential Partner: Many people choose partners that are not emotionally healthy or available. One huge problem is when a partner is unable to balance the emotional ties to family members, the marriage ends up having 3 (or more) people in it rather than two. An example of this would be if a man is overly dependent on his mother and brings that relationship into the marriage; this is no doubt a recipe for disaster.

Also important to consider are the following:
• Avoid people who are emotionally empty inside. These include people who don’t like themselves because they lack the ability to be emotionally available. They are always preoccupied with their deficiencies, insecurities, and negative thoughts. They are in a perpetual fight with depression, never feel good, are isolated, are critical and judgmental; tend to not have any close friends, and often distrust people or are afraid of them. Another clear indication about them is they always feel their needs are not getting met; they have a sense of entitlement and feel angry when they feel people should take care of them and they don’t. They feel burdened by other people’s needs and feel resentment towards them. These people can not be emotionally available to build healthy relationships.

• Addictions can also limit the level of availability of the partner to build a strong emotional relationship. Never marry an addict. Addictions are not limited to drugs and alcohol. They can be about addictions and dependency on work, internet, hobbies, sports, shopping, money, power, status, materialism, etc. When someone has an addiction, they will not and can not be emotionally available to develop an intimate relationship with you!

Additional Points to Consider:
1. The fact is no one looks 25 forever. Ultimately, we love the person we marry for more than their appearance. When we get to know someone we love and admire, we’ll love them for their inner beauty and overall essence.
2. Once we find someone, we consciously or subconsciously want so badly for it all to work that we decide not to question or see what is clearly in front of our eyes: they were rude to the waiter, speaks ill of others, is rude to you, etc. We don’t stop to ask, “What does all of this mean about their character?”
3. Never separate someone from their family, background, education, belief system, etc. Asking clear questions can clarify this. Ask questions like, “What does it mean to have a simple lifestyle?” “What are your expectations of marriage?” “How would you help around the house?” Compare your definition with theirs.
4. Be flexible. Be open-minded!
5. Giving in a happy marriage should not be confused with martyrdom. It should be about taking pleasure and seeing the other person as happy because of your connection with them.
6. Morality and spirituality are the qualities that truly define someone in addition to beauty, money, and health. The morally upright and spiritual person will stand by your side during adversity and hardship. If someone isn’t God-conscience and doesn’t take themselves into account with God then why should you expect them to fulfill their rights owed to you?

The ideal partner is someone who considers giving a gain and not causing a loss. Having a mutual and shared spiritual relationship will foster a successful marriage. Furthermore, a successful marriage is one that keeps the laws of family purity which require a certain degree of self-control and self-discipline, as well as the belief that the physical side of the relationship includes the spiritual and emotional side as well.

Finding commonality and balance between the spiritual and emotional aspects of a relationship is a strong key to a healthy and thriving marriage.

The above article was [in part] inspired by and adapted from a presentation by Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A. - Dr. Nafisa Sekandari & Hosai Mojaddidi