Remember when the American government hired more than half a million college kids and other people off the street to do the census last year? Those kids faced abuse from hundreds of paranoid nutjobs believing Glenn Beck’s conspiracy theories about the census being used to send us all into concentration camps. What the hell do you even say to that? How do you reassure that person?

I could name examples all day, but to find the Punching Bags, you need to look no further than your last frustrating experience with customer service – they’ll be at the other end. Ever try to call UPS (or whatever courier you use) about a package that failed to arrive? You quickly find out that the person on the other end of the phone has no ability to contact the driver of the truck, and no knowledge of where your package is other than what you yourself could have found on their tracking website. So, presumably they spend their entire day as a sponge for complaints from angry customers (or, worse, crying customers talking about how the next dose of their kidney medicine is in that box).

They’re Punching Bags. Go easy on them.

9 Types of Job that Will Destroy Your Soul

anonymous asked:

Can you do one of soldier 76 or reaper (your choice) taking care of his crushes kids and find out they are masters at doing pranks? Ps I love your blog ;v; keep being awesome

I’m gonna do both bc why not

Soldier 76: Once he finds out, he takes them under his wing and teaches them his old school amazing pranks, which the kids absorb like little fucking sponges, and they prank everyone at school. When they get in trouble and Morrison is ratted out, his crush has to hold back their surprise before demanding that he apologize and pay them back with a date.

Reaper: Is in h e l l. He hates pranks and hates prankster kids but he’s doing this bc he’s seen a lot of babysitter porn and is hoping for the best so he suffers through it. Glares at the kids until they stop pranking him, then he settles down to a Disney movie w the baby. Little does he know that the movie is full of homemade jumpscares, and the neighbors call the cops bc of his screams.

allvatan  asked:

I have an oily t-zone and then my cheeks are red and bumpy from keratosis pilaris and rosacea. I am currently using Mary Kay moisturizer (just bought Aveno daily moisturizer that helps with redness in 2 weeks), Mac Pro long wear and applying it with a dense brush, then air spun powder with a smaller somewhat dense make up brush. My nose gets oily but not too oily but my face does look cakey after awhile. Is there any tips or products I should try out? Please let me know!!

The Aveno Calming is great, I use it daily before makeup for my rosacea as well. If you like the Pro Longwear, after applying it with your dense brush for coverage, go over it with a damp Beauty Blender or Real Techniques sponge to absorb any extra foundation, especially in your t zone. You can also dust the air spun over your face with a fluffier brush in the places your not as oily. Take that same damp beauty blender to apply the air spun to your t zone, then dust off the excess with the fluffier brush too. And finally a setting stray will help lock it all in and settle the powder. Hope this helps!

I have a cheese shredder at home. That’s the positive name for it, cheese shredder. They don’t call it by its negative name because nobody would buy it, sponge ruiner! Because I wanted to clean it, but now I have little bits of sponge that would melt easily over tortilla chips.
—  Mitch Hedberg

mirkstrolls  asked:

So Pheres... I heard you're dating a feral and a rainbow drinker. What's the deal with that, bro???

Excuse me?

Well. Heavens! I have to say, the fact you’d start a question with such troubling insinuations is a tad inexplicable: if these accusations were based on sound reasoning, then I suppose I would be forced to be offended, but the ideas you’re putting forth are merely bordering on the fantastical again. Shall I derail once more into a discussion of why rainbow-drinkers are a myth best left to wriggler tales?

.. mm, no. I think I’ll spare both of our auditory sponges, and give us a reprieve from such an obviously self-evident spiel. Especially since you’re clearly making an attempt at humour. A bit absurd, but I suppose I appreciate the effort!

Emerel and I are.. ah. I suppose that dating might be a bit of an overstatement? We are going on dates, but the former term has a certain amount of.. mm, expectations associated with it, I believe, that may not entirely make it accurate. An insinuation of a sort of formal engagement which has yet to come up! And I’m not entirely certain he - that is to say -

.. ah. Well. Dating is a bit of a strong word, that’s all! We’re friendly, that’s all. Friends. Pity-friends.

Which is more than can be said about miss Ureyet.I have to say, wherever would you get the idea that she was a feral? Such accusations may appear to have a seed of truth to them at first glance, given her choice of home and attire, but I assure you, I am relatively certain it’s false. And, my good miss, I must tell you that that is a rather untoward accusation to put forth, regardless of the actual truth of the matter! Miss Ureyet is a touch too aggressive to truy be a model of her caste, but the fact remains that she is olive. There is a certain amount of respect that ought to be allotted to her, regardless of her behaviour.

To answer the question: no, for heaven’s sake, we’re not dating. We are acquaintances of the most shallow variety. To say that we were even hate-friends would be a gross over-step, to be entirely honest. And my desire to extend that acquaintance - given her, mm, charmingly rustic attitudes and approach to life is.. well.

We shan’t say zero, how about that?

All artwork should be credited!

Out of respect to artists, I avoid reblogging artwork that is posted by someone other than the artist. I use reverse image searches and such to find original sources, but sometimes it’s impossible. It’s even more frustrating and infuriating when some of those gorgeous pieces have been cropped or edited to remove signatures. 

On behalf of artists out there, I am pissed at this behavior. And additionally, as petty as it is, today, I’m pissed at those people for my own stupid wasted time. There are a couple gorgeous images that I love enough that I searched for like an hour to find the source, only to come up with nothing. The art is fantastic and I long to shower the artists with praise and share their work with proper credit. But I can’t because of the stupid people who sponge out the amazing creators that share their talent.

If you appreciate the art, appreciate the artist!

Aster's Guide to the Cheapest Fishtank Ever

For the purposes of this post I’m gonna assume you want a betta. if not, you can probably adjust my advice to suit whatever species you like.

1. Find Yourself A Fishtank
Make sure it’s at least 2.5 gallons. check Craigslist or an equivalent before going to a pet store. if you do go to a pet store, get your tank during the dollar per gallon sales, or get a tank that is just the tank- no heater and no filter.

2. Find Yourself A Heater
eBay is my preferred way to go on this one. 5 watts per gallon roughly. you can get a decent heater for under $5 if you look hard enough.

3. Find Yourself A Filter
Better yet, get a few sponge filters and a cheap airstone. sponge filters are great and so cheap.

4. Substrate and Decor
Just leave it bare bottom, honestly. substrate isn’t necessary. or buy pool filter sand at a place like Home Depot. that tends to be quite cheap. For decor, small clay pots work fine and are either cheap or already owned. Flexible craft mesh can be cut into a medium sized rectangle and tied into a cylinder to make tunnels. silk plants on eBay and Amazon tend to be quite cheap also.

5. Everything Else
Don’t skimp on water conditioner or food if you can. Prime is my preferred water conditioner. high quality and lasts a long time. check eBay for cheaper prices than at chain stores or local fish stores. For food, omega one is a great brand and is what I feed. hikari bio gold is also good I believe. I think @jayce-space made a post once comparing fish food brands.

6. The Fish
Get your fish from wherever you want. Craigslist, eBay, aquabid, chain stores, local fish stores. take good care of your fish and it doesn’t matter all that much where it came from


Kind of a Witch Problem?

I end up Googling very strange things for the classes I teach. Today was, “soporific sponge death like sleep” and “hemlock and Mandragora soporific sponge” and “Jesus soporific sponge false resurrection.” Yesterday it was “Atropa belladonna allopathic medicine” and “LD50 caffeine”, as well as “Datura stramonium somnambulant state.” I think the number of watch lists I’m on is likely growing.

anonymous asked:

what are the bros favorite memes

I like rick rolling, its so innocent and i like the song.

Osomatsu: Sponge bob meme, and the futurama one.

Karamatsu: Chuck Norris meme, or Jojo’s bizarre adventure roundabout.

Choromatsu: DAT BO I and pepe meme.

Ichimatsu: Grumpy cat meme.

Jyushimatsu: Thomas the train, The Bee movie.

Todomatsu: Gay seal, and can I haz cheeze burder cat.