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A reading of my poem “Cities” for TDoR

“Bullet Points On Your First Date With A Trans Woman”

1: Since your gonna ask yes, some trans women have dicks,
no, you cannot ask us about it,
we will tell you if we are comfortable.
So if you got buns and you don’t want none but our anaconda
then save your money and run out and buy a dildo.
Hit up Venus Envy*, they got you.

2: What you’ve seen in porn: forget it.
If all you know of us is wet skin flicks
of trans girls sucking dick
you can just stick to that and leave us alone.
Or at least watch good trans porn.
Hit up Courtney Trouble, she got you.

3: Know your date will be cute.
All trans girls are cute, I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules.
So whether she’s short or tall
hold her close and call
“You’re so gorgeous, baby doll”
cause she’ll be putting button eyes to shame.

4: If you’re going to take us out
please make an attempt for it to be fun.
Cause if it is you’ll see the sun
rising up in the column of her chest
to beam through her teeth like morning’s break.
Date idea? I dunno, cheezy bread? Hit up Dominos, they got you.

5: Now, there’s a good chance your girl might be a bit awkward,
cause for some of us believe that this is tough too.
So if she’s shy just tell her “Boo,
its ok that it’s just me and you”.
She going to need to learn to trust,
cause she’s probably been burned before.

6: If you’re out and someone says something, yells something,
try not to start a fight.
Because the wrongs of your fist won’t make it right,
not tonight, bloodshed and might
won’t break transphobia like an eye socket;
won’t fold it like a broken nose.

7: If you’re out and someone says something, she might get quiet
and even if whispered, trust, she’s heard it,
tranny, heshe, shemale, faggot,
and that casts her deep inside her own pit
of funhouse mirror and screaming voices repeating
every time those words have been said to her.

8: If she withdraws understand it’s not you, she’s just human.
Realize that some of us have spent our lives
standing on bridges over water trying not to dive
because riverbeds looks soft like graves
and quieter than the streets and schools
and jobs and houses and even our own minds.

9: Hold her. Let her know its ok.
Take her home but not to bed, kiss her on the head
and thank the stars that she’s not dead .
Cause you got a glimpse of what’s been said,
and what she’s lived through and suffered through
and survived for so many days to even date you.

10: Try again.
It won’t always be like this.
Don’t shy away just because
the world is spiteful and cruel and wrong.
There is so much love that can be given
when we don’t give in to hate.

So hit us up.
We got you.



*Venus Envy is a local feminist bookstore/sex shop. Replace with your own local awesome store.

hey, it’s been like two months since we’ve spoken. I miss you a lot. not in the ‘oh i still have a crush on you’ type of miss, i miss our friendship. i miss our late night talks and inside jokes. fuck, we could’ve been really good friends. sorry that things couldn’t work out.
—  a letter to my almost ii // @openedjournal
10 Pieces Advice to Give Yourself.

1. We all fear the things we might not know. And that’s okay. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Put your best foot forward and trust in God. Remember everything happens for a reason. It might not make sense now, but eventually all the puzzle pieces will come together and you will see the bigger and clearer picture. 

2.Take time out for yourself. Period. Follow your passion. Learn new things. Pursue what you love. Give your soul that serenity that it needs, and express your true self 

3. Surround yourself with positive people. Remove any toxic people from your life . Sometimes to add to our life we need to subtract. 

4. Your mental health is more important than work. Your mental health is more important than school. Your mental health is more important than anything. 

5. Listen to music. Open yourself up to new songs, new genres, and new artists. Find yourself in the lyrics. Disconnect from the world and connect to the music. 

6. You have a voice. Use that voice. Stand against injustices. Say your opinion. You have the right to be heard.

7. When life gets hard, just take a moment. Step back and breath. You will get through any struggle that comes your way. Just believe in yourself. 

8. Talk to new people. We learn a lot from our experiences with others. 

9. Not everyone you meet is going to stand with you. Life is a rollercoaster. People come on the ride with you; some may be there for the whole ride and some might be there for a period of time. Learn from every individual who chose to ride with you; wether they affected you positively or negatively. 

10. Love Yourself. self love isn’t selfish. self love is important. Always remember that you are good enough.  

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It isn’t that you don’t like boys, it’s that you only like boys you want to be.

My condolences to anyone who has ever lost me,
And, to anyone who got lost in me,
Or, to anyone who ever felt they took a loss with me.
My apologies for the misunderstanding or the lack thereof.
I’m sorry you missed the God in me,
And I’m sorry you missed the light.
I’m sorry you forgot the way I arose like the moon,
Night after night with the burden to forgive,
Eager to feed you everything.
See, I’m a holy woman.
I know what it’s like to give life to a being without ever needing to press skin against one another.
I’ve practiced how to hold my tongue long enough,
I’m afraid I forgot to say goodbye.
I’m afraid you’re under the impression,
That I was made to please you.
I was under the impression you understood me better.
The truth is, I’m a superwoman,
And some days I’m an angry woman,
And some days I’m a crazy woman,
For still waiting, for still loving harder even if I’m aching,
For still trusting that I’m still worth the most,
For still searching for someone to understand me better.

- @reynabiddy

1.) complaining is overrated. life will always seem mundane and dreary if all you ever do is soak up negativity like an old sponge.

2.) having an immense amount of appreciation for the world is not “taboo”. it’s mandatory. the world is a beautiful place and so often people are blind to it because they fail to open their eyes and really look.

3.) there are good people, everywhere. there is good inside of everyone. but there are also people who will be rotten to you and make you feel awful. those are the types of people you must forgive and be the kindest to. sometimes cruel people just need a little extra love and don’t know how to ask for it.

4.) we, as humans, are wired for imperfection. we are wired for bad days, flaws, and mistakes. but we are also made for loving, forgiving, and enjoying.

5.) no life is perfect. nobody has it perfect. you never know what happens behind closed doors. some people put up the most believable, tough front but in reality, they’re crumbling. make sure you’re extending a hand for those who need it, even if they don’t always ask. be observant and considerate. it could save someone’s life. for real.

6.) say thank you, often. be polite. go out of your way to be as nice as possible. smile at random people in public. pay it forward. compliment people. the smallest things can make someone day, life even.

7.) believe in yourself. you are filled with an immense amount of potential just waiting to be drawn out. do things you like. do things that make you happy. there’s never any shame in taking time for yourself. fueling yourself is mandatory and the key to survival. you cannot give away all of your life force and expect yourself to thrive still. be kind to yourself, you deserve it.

- 7 things i’ve finally come to terms with.

I often fantasize about how life would be like with you.


I can’t wait for the windy Friday afternoons when we’re both lying on the couch and have conversations about our day, then have our pass time. I’ll be on one side with my gold-rimmed glasses that you call Harry Potter glasses either reading a romance novel or trying to make one with my coffee not too far from me. You’ll be on the other side either drawing or sketching designs for architecture while listening to music or you’ll be watching your favorite movie Avatar on Netflix, the one with the blue people.


Which will roll into the quiet and intimate Saturday nights where the light is dim, it’s only the two of us, and we send waves of passion down each other’s spine as we roll around on the bed sheets stripped bare. You hover over me looking as beautiful as dawn, and as dominant as the sun––half mast in bliss. Lying under you I––open and receptive to be touched. The silence lingering among us averting to hitched breathing and our cries being heard from far and wide. Eye contact is made. In that moment one thought is in our minds, that everything we need right now is between our thighs.


To the early Sunday mornings when the birds are chirping and the rays of the sunshine spill through the window. Our legs are tangled, hands entwined, and you kiss me on the forehead and tell me how radiant I look in the morning. It’s just that post-lovemaking glow mixed with euphoria. You go to the kitchen to prepare breakfast, and I walk in, with your shirt on. The sounds of the pitter-patter of my feet are heard, and I sit on the island watching you cook, as the richness of Marvin Gaye’s voice fills the room and you sing along. Silently, I smile and think to myself I would’ve never thought I’d get you.


So, thank God that I have you.

—  quality time.
do i still love you?

When you lose someone you thought you’d spend forever with, you lose yourself too, because that person was a part of you. When you genuinely believe that, that person is the “one”, that you have so much faith and hope in your relationship that when it’s gone it breaks you so much. When that someone says they love you and want to spend the rest of their life with you to the very next day telling you they don’t feel the same and leaving you, that’s the kinda shit that fucks someone up long term.


I often wonder what you’re doing or if you wonder the same thing, I wonder if you still have reminders of me, if you’ve deleted the pictures or the texts because I know too well I haven’t deleted a thing. If you struggle to listen to music like I do because I can’t listen to a single song without tearing up because every fucking song is a reminder of you. If you cry over me or miss me, if you feel anything close to the pain I feel or if you even feel anything at all, because the way you left me was so cold and heartless.


I’ll find myself looking back on texts or photos, looking back on memories and smiling but then it hurts and I remember that I really should not be looking back but I can’t help it because you truly meant something to me and I thought it was forever. My perfume reminds me of you because I wore it when i was with you, I’ve torn the wallpaper off my walls because I remember looking at it when you’d call, I’ve stopped wearing certain clothes, even my nice ass underwear because i ended up wearing it for you because i knew you loved it. Everything is a reminder of you because you still live in my fucking mind.


My friends and family say “You’ll move on, you’ll find someone better, you’ll be happy again” but how can I ever believe that when the happiest i’ve been was when I was with you, then they’ll say “you can’t rely on someone else for your own happiness” but how could I ever rely on myself to be happy. I cry so much that I begin hiding it because people get sick of me crying, people don’t know what you meant to me because to them it was only “young love” and i’m “too young to love” because I have my whole life ahead of me. I pretend i’m okay because I can’t deal with another lecture on “stop crying over a boy”, I lost the love of my life, But they’ll never understand that’s what it was.


I keep waking up filled with anxiety, like i’m living in a constant panic attack, because I miss you so fucking much. When other people call me baby I feel a little sad, because that’s what you called me. And the love songs that made sense when I was with you make me feel physically sick, other people’s relationships make me sick and that’s not because I’m jealous, it’s because I remember having that with you and now its all gone. The anxiety of losing you haunts me, I can’t eat without throwing up, I can’t sleep, I can’t cope. I think there will always be a part of me that wants you and that has hope that maybe just maybe in the future we’ll be okay.


When I think of you I get this anxious, sick feeling in the bottom of my stomach, I want to text you but know the chances of you replying are so slim and I know if I did i’d feel so horrible that you didn’t care enough to text back. I think of you of as this cold, heartless monster that hates me but when I hear your voice I know that’s not who you are. Sometimes I want to hurt you and I know I could so fucking easily, but then I realize I want to hurt myself more, I wonder if you’d even care, if you’d notice, if you’d want to help but are too much of a coward to reach out, or if you just wouldn’t give a damn at all. Maybe the best way to hurt you is to hurt myself and if I do, I’ll write your name on the bullet so everyone knows you were the last thing that went through my mind. Goodbye.


-24th September 2017