When it’s no longer me you’re excited to talk to after a long day at work, or as soon as you wake up, I will let you go. When it’s night and you can’t sleep not because we’re still talking but because someone else is still awake and her replies make you smile, I will let you go. When you blush over a photo that is not mine but someone else’s, when you smile over a post that is not from me, when you feel happy over the thought of making her happy, I will let you go. When the sun rises and I see you smiling for someone else, when the sun sets and someone else is the reason why you had a wonderful day, when it rains and my hug and my warmth are not the ones you need, when it’s stormy and you’re worried over someone’s safety and not mine, I will let you go. When you say I love you and it’s no longer for me, when your back is slowly turning for someone else to lean on, when I no longer got you like you used to say, love – I will let you go. I will let you go, just like how you made me fall for you, slowly but with honesty. I will let you go, just like how the sky changes its colors - from clear blue to pitch black. Love, I want you to always be reminded that my love will never cease, but that doesn’t mean I won’t give way if your happiness is no longer within my arms’ reach.
—  11:40//This is how I will let you go
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
The day inflates like lungs.
Exhale; lost my innocence.
Inhale; lost my honour.
Wisdom preaches: must you cast stones?
You became treacherous; I lost my innocence.
You became cunning; I lost my honour.
You showed me this path.
My desperation just walked on it.
You set the path on fire.
I had nowhere to run but doom.
As the day inflates like lungs.
Karma knows.
Fate is etched.
With each exhale and inhale.
I will become the fire.
I will become all the pain.
You will dissolve into thin air.
You will burn into ashes.
As the day inflates like lungs.
What goes around, will come around.
—  When they burn all of your paths and leave you to walk the path of desperation and negativity // Hina Syeda
I Was A Nightling
I Was A Nightling by Jimmythe Peach I was a nightling. Oh, the glories of being an addict in my alley off the Boulevard of Music, a Punk, Rockabilly, Reggae Cowboy, until daylight gave me the tr

I Was A Nightling by Jimmythe Peach

I was a nightling.
Oh, the glories of being an addict in my alley
off the Boulevard of Music,  
a Punk, Rockabilly, Reggae Cowboy,

until daylight gave me the trembles
and the novelty wore off.

My lifestyle whittled away all that was social.
Conversations disappeared, leaving lyrics
and unfinished stories, each day my longest ever on earth.
Songs got shorter,
and shorter, and

The lathe of my lousy life shaved even the words away,
and my axe and my amp and the rest of the gear,
the magic boxes of reverb alchemy, solid-state flangers,
phasers, a Cry Baby, and the chorus I borrowed from
I don’t remember who… the last to go, the Rat distortion box.

Gone, everything gone.

Then Red gave me his guitar,
an old Fender Mustang.
He’d drive us around to little clubs
and on Sunday afternoons we’d jam
jazzy at Gilardi’s, the old place
on the slow bank of the Petaluma River.

My memory of those days is dim,
but I must have been doing something right,
because the waitress would bring me
bottles ofJamaican Red Stripe beer
and she’d cook me dinners I couldn’t eat
and make the other customers wait for their drinks.

Crashing at Reds, one Sunday
he couldn’t wake me up.
I must have passed away.
That’s what I figure.
That’s what happens
if you ride the train
past the end of the line.

It’s been years since I died… those days dim.

December 4, 2016 - JUNE 25, 2017
NewMain, Virginia

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

Please, if you’re not really sure of what you’re feeling for someone, please have the decency to tell it to him/her. If you’re going to tell someone you love them but you’re still flirting with others, how can you say your feelings are real? Why? Because it’s fun to toy around someone’s feelings? Like they are being serious about you and you are not. You keep on saying things to them while you go around being sweet to others. Just because you know they will accept you still. There’s a difference between a plain conversation and conversations with subtle meanings. So please, if you’re not really into it, just say it straight to their face. If you’re confused about your actual feelings, have the courage to say it to them. If you can’t give them the assurance they need, man up and walk away. Save that person from another heartbreak. Save that person and just do your thing. Save that person so that someone can treat him/her like a priority instead of being just a reservation.
It was almost 8 PM, I promptly told you to come and see me, have a walk with me. I felt glad knowing that you’d still cross roads for me. I couldn’t contain my happiness, excitement and nervousness all at once. I was having butterflies and my voice got muted all of a sudden. My knees were shaking and my hands went cold as ice. It was unexpected and the pain was being held down on me like a nail. As we take a few steps towards our destination, under a broken postlight, I was trying my best to hold my tears that I’ve been holding on for almost a week. I was trying to keep my guard, not to fall apart and create another drama. I was trying to keep everything to myself. I was trying to hold the urge of hugging you or even getting nearer. I was holding back my selfishness for being careless about everything I do or say. I was trying to compose myself. Happily, I succeeded.
However, you warned me not to cry but I ended up bursting out in tears. The tears I’ve been trying to hold, streamed down effortlessly. The pain I’ve been trying to keep, went insane. The selfishness I’ve been trying not to do, has been already done. I made another mistake for showing you my weakness. I’ve let another piece of me break again into smaller pieces. But I don’t regret it. I never regret meeting you tonight.
You suddenly hugged me, so tight that I felt secured—and it never changed, it always felt so good and satisfying as ever. You kissed me, it was the same, and it always made me felt how deep and pure our love is. We stayed like that for a while, no, we stayed like that until my arms slowly let go. I told you how much I love you, how much I missed you, how much I longed for this to happen again. I told you to give me a little more of your time, because I know this will be the last time that I’ll be able to do this. This’ll be the very last time I could stare at your face, this’ll be the last time I’m going to hug or kiss you. This’ll be the last time, and we’ll say goodbye.
Yet, you proved me wrong. You told me that we’ll see each other again, you told me that it’s not going to be the last time, you told me that you love me too, you gave me a look of bittersweet smile, you gave me another word and memory to hold on to. And I’ll forever be thankful for that. Ever.
—  January 27, 2017; 9:16 PM
Love isn’t about how you feel about someone else.

It’s about how they make you feel about yourself.

today i noticed that life is very short. life is so short that we must follow our dreams. that we must kiss the person we love. that we must say hello to strangers. eat that creamy chocolate bar we were craving. leave our friends and family with hugs and kisses instead of just saying goodbyes. we should look at the sky. gaze at the stars and count it too. smell the flowers, pick it and give it to your neighbours. look at our lovers face and memorize the twinkle in their eyes when they talk about their day. call our mothers. call our old friends. dance the night away till your feet give up. enjoy the little things before it’s too late. before it’s too late to enjoy life.
—  S.Bashir
When I first met you, I thought that you might be something that I was going to call home.
And I was right.
—  d.p.a
My ultimate aim is not to make you fall in love with me. I want you to ring me up when everything in your life goes wrong or when everything seems to go right. I want you to give all your firsts to me, and if not all your firsts but at least the best you’ve ever had. I want to hold you till you fall asleep. I want you to share all your deepest darkest secrets- the ones that haunt you like a ghost. I want you to think of me whenever someone brings up happiness. I want to be your safe place, your family, your home, your shoulder to cry on, your anchor. And my final destination is not to make you love me back, I want to make you fall in love with yourself before making you fall in love with me.
he placed his hand over my heart and felt something I never knew.
it was purpose.
at that moment I knew I existed for a reason
and I never gave up on life
—  my second half {excerpt from a poem}
Twenty things I’ve learned in Twenty Years

1. Life will break you down until you’re crawling on your hands and knees, until you feel like you are Atlas holding the world upon your shoulders, until you feel like the raging inferno inside of your chest is going to combust. These are the moments that will forge you in a fire and make you more unbreakable than diamonds.

2. We are made of stardust, at least that’s what they say. I remember someone told me that every atom in my body once belonged to a star that exploded. At night I stare at my hands and wonder when I will erupt. I know now that I cannot trust anyone else to keep me whole in the darkest hours of the night but my own two star infused arms.

3. You will fall in love, and that is okay. Sometimes we need to fall in love to remember that there is good out there. Fall in love with the boy who opens the door for you, fall in love with your boss who works too hard, fall in love with the woman who hands out roses on that one street corner, fall in love with yourself.

4. They weren’t lying when they said we accept the love we think we deserve. I grew up being told I was a mistake and so I adopted the idea that no one could ever love a mistake. I was wrong (they were wrong) and now it’s up to me to prove them wrong. Don’t believe the things they said, you are so much more than the toxins they tried to poison you with.

5. Close your eyes, count to ten, and open them again. You are not alone. I know it may feel like you are the only one, but believe me when I say that you aren’t. I was where you are, and now I have talked to more people that have been through much worse than I than I would like to admit to. You are never alone, not really.

6. Music can save. Play it as loud as you can with the windows down as you drive (probably a little too fast). Play it while you are at work and while you are in the shower and play it when you want to give up in the middle of the day and when you want to give up in the middle of the night. Just play the music that tugs at your heartstrings, it may save you.

7. Nothing in life is easy, not really. You will catch a few breaks here and there, but the rest of the time you will find yourself fighting tooth and nail to make it back to the top. Don’t give up, I almost did this year and if I had I wouldn’t be able to witness what the sun looks like shining in her eyes.

8. You will have scars, and that’s fine. We all have them but it’s up to you if you want to hide them or show your battle wounds to the world so they know how strong of a warrior you are, so they know not to fuck with you.

9. Watch the sunrise, and watch the sunset. There is something about the sun that screams life; let the light bleed into you and consume you until you shine with it. Sometimes it’s the simple things we are missing in life that we need the most.

10. They will say they love you and then they will turn around and break your heart. You cannot compare your life’s worth to the empty spaces that were once filled around you. People will leave (willing or not) and life will go on. Let life go on.

11. If you are under the impression you are broken, then it is up to you to decide if you are or not. It took me years to admit that I was never quite whole, but when I did it was the most freeing feeling ever. Brokenness does not take away from perfection, and you are the very definition of perfect.

12. It’s okay to let people in, you don’t need to cage yourself away from the rest of the world, don’t forget to live your life while you pursue safeness.

13. Hobbies will save you when all else fails you, find a hobby and stick to it. When the world feels all too loud, a hobby can make you go deaf.

14. The moment you realize Wonder Woman or any other superhero you idolized as a child is not going to swoop down and save you is when your life changes. You have to be your own hero in this world. Stop waiting for someone to save you and go save yourself.

15. They are gone, she took her own life and he died in a car crash and she died from cancer and he left. You cannot live your life counting how many people that held a piece of your heart vanished, I’m not saying to forget about them I’m just saying that it’s okay to say goodbye.  

16. It’s okay to cry; cry in the shower and in bed and in your car, being sad is okay as long as you don’t let it consume you.

17. Smile as much as you can even on the bad days.

18. For God’s sake, don’t let them ruin you. You are so strong, you’ve made it this far and that means you can make it another day. If you can get through today you can get through tomorrow and every day that follows. If you feel like you can’t get through the day then sit down and don’t move until the light is peaking in through your window.

19. Never say never. If you think you can’t do something try anyway, this is your life, you are the main character of your own story, but you are also the author of your story. Write it however you want, but don’t give up halfway through.

20. Just don’t take your life. While this is something I learned this year I’m also writing this as a reminder to myself and to you. Don’t do it, please. There can be more to life than what you are feeling right now, don’t rob yourself of the beauty of this world. Don’t give up, no matter how much it hurts.
—  An open letter to myself, and to you. (Sometimes I write until I run out of words) ALightLitInTheDark

a message from women:
do you know what it’s like to be left alone in love?
do you know what it’s like to feel stuck in love?
do you know what it’s like to be too depressed?
do you know what it’s like to have to beg for
forever from a person who neglects your history?
do you what it’s like to lose everything?
do you know what it’s like to feel abandoned?
do you know what it’s like to wait?
do you know that i will never be too near or too far away?
honestly, i’m still waiting for closure.
i still question what this is— or what this was?
because i can’t help but hope
our feelings were mutual.
do you know how it feels to constantly chase
a feeling you’re addicted to?
do you know i’ve got the jones for you.
and an appetite. and a sweet tooth.
do you know i prayed for you?
from night ’til day.
regardless of my better judgement or dismay
time after time after promises
that never seemed impossible or too good to be TRUE.
do you know what it’s like to try
convincing yourself that— this was the truth.
like i was the woman created for you.
do you know how much i’ve craved you?
i’ve searched for you everywhere
in people, in prayer, in psalm.
in different lovers, in god.
and god— i, wish you really knew.
that i’d love you till death,
or that i’d kill for you.
or that i feel you, like soul deep, like
deeper than anyone ever will.
do you know what it’s like to feel dead inside
and see you so alive, still?

but these days i feel alive.
i’ve been able to realize
you just weren’t meant for me.
these days i don’t cry over
spilled milk.
or lost love
or things i have no control of.
these days i just love myself more.
i just know there’s a happily ever after.
these days i just — don’t see it with you.
nothing personal i think i just fell too quick for your potential.
i just wanted you to be the one.
i just thought we made sense
but now i love myself enough to know better..

—  Reyna Biddy
And sometimes love will taste like liquor, pitching all your weaknesses to a centre and destroying your strength all together.
And sometimes love will speak bitter, breaking your heart into a million pieces and wrapping you up in a pool of your tears.
And sometimes love will look like hell, causing physical as well as mental pain, drowning you in evil.
And sometimes love will sound like a ‘goodbye’ call, making you hang between leaving or staying.
And sometimes love will be everything you never would expect it to be, and it will be hard. It will be everything you’ve never imagined and it will shatter your soul apart. But you should know what kind is worth suffering for and what kind is not.

like oil in a seed 
like fire in a stone 
I search the outskirts of my soul,
looking for him

but I forget that he doesn’t live with me,
but within me

—  God 

honestly life is so beautiful and i feel like so often we take advantage of it and just go through the day never noticing the most simple, beautiful things that surround us. we are surrounded by people who are so flawed and yet so beautifully human. we are surrounded by oceans and forests and rivers and mountains and volcanoes and places so filled with life that it seems endless. we are all under a sky that is filled with changing colors and stars and planets and the sun and the moon. we are constantly surrounded by beauty and yet we constantly ignore it. look around you. there is still good. there is good in laughter and smiles and kindness and sunsets and rain and oceans. so don’t give up, there is so much good for you to take in. there is so much that is still left for you.

Sometimes I dream about living by the sea.
I dream about salty air,
I dream about days that are unattached to anything
or anyone.
The ocean would be swelling with sadness,
so much so that there would be no room for mine.
I could sleep with the sound of the water outside my window instead of the trees.
I think I could live that way.
—  h.m. {dreams}