spoilers: the hobbit

Unadulterated Crack Part 15

Pairing: Thorin Oakenshield x Reader

Word Count:1,273

warnings: implied smut, dragon sickness making Thorin a jerk, angst

Part 1Part 2Part 3Part 4Part 5Part 6Part 7Part 8Part 9Part 10 Part 11Part 12 — Part 13 — Part 14 — Part 15 (here)— Part 16 —


    Thorin refused to let you out of his sight, and even out of his reach except to use the restroom. He kept his arm around your waist, and pressed you snuggly into his side. Thorin kept whispering naughty and sweet nothings in your ear as he strolled around the treasury. When night fell, and the company appeared to be tired, and wanted to go to bed, Thorin yelled at them to get back to work when they vocalized this desire. You knew that they were exhausted, and really needed sleep. You knew the only way to get Thorin to let them go rest was to use yourself as a distraction for Thorin’s clouded mind. You leaned down and whispered, “Let them go Thorin, I was hoping to get some alone time with you tonight.” sensually dragging your fingers up his spine.

     Thorin shuddered, then looked at his friends and barked, “Leave us!”

      They did not move, they all had their eyes locked on you, they had an idea of what  you were doing, and did not want to get you or the baby hurt. You gestured for them to go, without Thorin noticing. They hesitantly left, but you could tell that one of them was going to hide somewhere within earshot to ensure your safety. Soon as they were gone, Thorin dragged you to a pile of furs, and silks and threw you on top of it. You managed to convince him to let you be on top, so he would not hurt you or your child. 


    After Thorin was fast asleep, you got dressed and went to the company. Soon as they saw you, they rushed you and bombarded you with questions of if you were alright. You shushed them, and whispered, “Quiet! He finally just fell asleep! I am fine, so is the baby. Now I have to hurry up and get back, I am starving, and need food.”

      Bombur ladled some healthy soup into two bowls, and he muttered, “If he wakes up while you are gone, you can use the excuse that you were getting food for the both of you.” putting spoons in it, and handing them to you. You nodded your head, took the bowls, and carefully headed back to the treasury. 

Soon as you were half way to where Thorin was sleeping, he roared, “(Y/N)!” angrily.

     You called out, “I’m right here!”

     You heard the gold coins shifting as something rushed through them, a moment later you saw a shirtless and slightly deranged looking Thorin crouched on top of a pile of gold to your left, as he glared down at you. He growled, “Where were you? Why did you leave?”

     “I’m sorry Schatz I was hungry and went to go fetch something to eat. I got you some food as well.” You replied sweetly and softly as possible as to not agitate him.

     Thorin slid down the mountain of gold towards you, and said, “Then why did you not wake me to escort you?” impatiently.

          You sighed, “You just looked so tired, and you needed your rest my sweet. Not to mention that you looked so peaceful sleeping there.”

     Thorin grunted, “you should not wander these halls without a guide, you could get lost. If you did, it would take days if not weeks to find you, and by then you would be dead.”

     “I am sorry, I will endeavor to wake you next time I wish to go somewhere.” You answered.

     He took a bowl of soup from you, and led you back to the makeshift bedding. Thorin made pleasant conversation with you as you ate your soup, however he did not touch the stew himself. After you finished, you suggested, “You should eat something, to keep your strength up my dear.”

     Thorin glared at you and scolded, “Do not think you know what is best for me!”

      Your eyes widened, but you looked away and nodded your head. Thorin sighed, and reluctantly began to eat the food you brought him after muttering an apology to you. 


    After Fili, Kili, Oin, and Bofur showed up, Thorin started to get more paranoid of everyone including you. However it was not as bad for you as the others. He never said anything, he just kept a close eye on you, and occasionally frisked you while trying to disguise it as groping. When he yelled at the company for no reason, you’d try to distract him, or calm him down. Whenever you were away from Thorin’s side and around everyone else, they’d always fuss over you in one way or another. One night after you made love with Thorin, you tried to wake him up so he could take you to get something to eat. You gently shook his shoulder, and loudly, but gently called out to him. It took a minute to wake him up, when you explained you wanted food, he smirked, and said, “Alright, let me get dressed, you need to eat, because after all of our love making you may be carrying my child already.” stroking your stomach.

     You froze, did he know? You stammered, “maybe…But we have no way of knowing at the moment.”

      He chuckled, “True, very true, but until we do, I will take care of you as if you were. I already have been actually, why do you think that I have been so gentle during intimacy, and let you have control?” as he pulled on his tunic. You tried to hide your nervous behavior under a calm facade.


    The next day, around lunchtime, Thorin seemed to remember that you had some knowledge things he did not. He pulled you aside and said, “Do you know where the Arkenstone is?”

      You felt your heart rate and stress levels skyrocket, you did not want to lie to him, but you also could not tell him the truth. You did not know where Bilbo was at the moment so technically you did not know it’s exact location. You said, “Not at the moment, but I know where it will be. And as usual, I cannot exactly tell you where. So all I can say, is it’ll be in the place you least expect it to be.”

     “Is that really all you can say?” He growled.

     You sighed, “That is all I can say without lying to you Thorin. I can say more, but the thing about that is that if I did, I would change the future. Meaning that I could not and would not be of any use when it came to giving you hints about what is to come, and nor could I prepare you for them.”

     He weighed his options, and nodded his head and left it at that.

          When Bard, and Thranduil arrived and attempted to ‘negotiate’ with Thorin the first time, you tried to calm him, and reassure him that everything was going to be alright. But that night after having sex with Thorin, and he fell asleep, you slipped away to find Bilbo. You took him to a secluded area, and said, “Look I know you have the Arkenstone, and that ring that makes you invisible. Use them to do what you think would be best!” And left as quickly as you came. When Thorin saw the Arkenstone in the hands of his enemies, he turned on not only Bilbo, but you. After he strangled Bilbo, and dangled him over the parapets, he remembered what you said to him in the days prior. His face morphed into one of betrayal and anger. Thorin spat, “You knew he had it the whole time did you not!”


Part 1Part 2Part 3Part 4Part 5Part 6Part 7Part 8Part 9Part 10 Part 11Part 12 — Part 13 — Part 14 — Part 15 (here)— Part 16 —

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TFW it’s laundry day and your one pair of trousers is in the laundry and all you have are some gloves and a thigh knife holster because the artist who draws you in this fashion all the time has a kink.

…..For anatomy practice, of course. ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

(This is…self explanatory.)