5 stages of grief after watching Avengers Endgame

1- Denial :” Nope that did not just happen..right? RIGHT? MARVEL?

2 - Anger: “ WHY MARVEL WHY?”

3 - CRYING: “ what are we going to do WITHOUT HIM”

4- Bargaining: “ It is the end of 10 years….he might be gone..but he will live in our heart and our imagination” 

5 - Acceptance : “ Right…. no one really reach this stage.. seriously… ”

I WILL ALWAYS BE BETWEEN DENIAL AND ANGER

thoughts on endgame

if you haven’t seen endgame yet please turn away now because this is full of spoilers.

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tony who doesn’t sleep, can’t sleep, can’t stop thinking about everyone he couldn’t save. tony who lies awake while pepper sleeps, body cocooned by the covers, curled around his wife. tony with his forehead pressed to pepper’s waist, eyes shut, hand on the bump, breath steady.

tony who babbles, anything and everything, get used to my voice, sweetheart, your mother says i don’t shut up. tony who theorises, bet it’s a girl, pep, my eyes your smile. tony who goes to check-ups, records the heartbeat, plays it back, a reminder—of hope, happiness, something.

tony who spends sleepless nights in the lab, invents bots, cameras, safety protocols; doesn’t admit every invention is born from fear that he won’t be good enough. tony who tells his daughter he loves her long before she’s able to hear it, makes sure she grows up knowing it, howard never told me he loved me, never even told me he liked me. tony who encourages every hobby, interest, you’re doing great, honey, my little genius, my dad never really gave me a lot of support, i’m just trying to break the cycle of shame.

tony who learns every rule to every game, every name for every imaginary friend. tony who plays dress up and sits for tea and buys her tools and teachers her how to use them. tony who reads with her, does puzzles with her, makes her her own baby-proof lab. what do you mean three year olds can’t learn physics? i did!

tony who’s awake for the crying, the late nights. tony who holds her, bounces her, feeds her until she calms down, sits in a rocking chair with his baby girl secure against his chest and breathes, just breathes, just the two of them, voice soft, us against the world, baby. tony who’s selfish, sometimes. who disturbs her just to hold her, keeps her bundled in blankets and listens to her coo. tony who puts his forehead against hers, whispers to her while she sleeps, sweet nothings, promises, i’ll always be here for you, sweetheart.

tony who makes sure his daughter will always know she was loved by her father, even when he’s not around to tell her. 

while my heart is broken for tony and he didn’t deserve that much pain… it could’ve been worse. at least he didn’t turn into a joe biden who ditched his friends and sat on his ass while bad shit was going down or into an intergalactic hobo who abandoned his people.

tony left this world as he came into it: a fucking badass iconic bitch. this movie solidifies that, without a doubt, tony stark is the hero. a tragic one, but the true protagonist of the marvel cinematic universe all the same. 

Seeing Endgame in a movie theater seating 1000 people, and having the opening scene be Clint teaching Lila to shoot while Laura is preparing sandwiches for Cooper and Nathaniel - Nathaniel asking for ketchup and it being the cutest, most domestic scene ever was so incredible because people reacted vocally to Nathaniel’s cuteness.

And when the family disappeared, it was all 1000 people in the cinema who expressed their feelings vocally, as Barton runs around on the pathway in his homestead, yelling for his kids, for Laura, and even whistling to see where they went.

HONESTLY, having that scene be the cold open for Endgame was such a GOOD choice. We haven’t seen Clint since 2016, and having it be the primary, main entrance to the story and tell exactly how terrifying the Decimation was for those who weren’t in Wakanda was such a genius stroke of story-telling and it made it even harsher to watch, especially the second time around.

I’ve said it before and I’ve said it again, Renner does such a fantastic job in this movie. He finally got scenes where he could put his incredible acting skills to use and boy did he. 

In the opening scene, he has 5 minutes to tell a whole story, and he does so perfectly. 

All his scenes were amazing - Japan? telling a story with his eyes like he did, under the rain? Speaking of hope? Volunteering to do the test run? The scene on Vormir, both the fight and when he’s hanging by the grappling hook? And then, the scene by the lakeshore, where he’s telling off Thor?

Just as the last battle scene?

I can’t wait to see him work again. I have loved his work for so very, very long that I am finally happy on his part, that he got to play Clint with all the skills he has as an actor. I feel like a proud mother, and I kind of feel like that’s what I am.

He did so good. He did so good.