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Dean Winchester's Eight-Step Guide For Making Pop Culture References To Your Friends In The Middle Of Casual Conversation

Hello everybody! Bakasara with our guest of honor Dean Winchester here and tonight we’ll tackle how to insert witty references in the middle of chatting with your buddies and how to behave in front of your friends during casual conversation in general.

For accessibility’s sake, we’ve split this guide in two: easy level for Platonic Friends, and hard level for Totally Platonic Friends (that’s more platonic than Platonic Friends).

P L A T O N I C  F R I E N D S
For our first example, we’ll have Dean letting his Platonic Friend Charlie take charge during a case.

Step 1: Listen attentively to your Platonic Friend talking. Act politely interested in her eyes and nose. You accomplish this by looking at the general space between the aforementioned. Good friend.

Step 2: As she suggests she should do the talking during interrogations, give her the Universal Condescending Look Of Knowing Exactly What She’s Getting At. You are a little shit.

Step 3: Ponder.

Step 4: Look down while striking with your pop culture reference for maximum effect of Step 5. “Lead the way, De Niro”. At this point, you have no reason to be particularly emotional about the situation, and the looking down is mainly a set up for what’s coming next.

Step 5: That’s it! Go back to looking at your Platonic Friend and give her the Smug Look you earned via your incredibly witty one liner. All fucking worth it.

Step 6: Look mildly amused. Likely at yourself. Also your Platonic Friend is a very nice person, which is known to make interaction pleasurable.

Step 7: Prolong complacency. That was pretty funny. You’re pretty funny. Looks like someone deserves a pat on the back.

Step 8: Go on with your life.

Sounds easy, no?
Next level, then!

Our second scenario sees Dean in the act of giving his Totally Platonic Friend Cas advice on how to score with his lady friend and sending him off to his date. We thought of this because this activity is generally agreed upon to be Very Platonic™.

Fundamental premise:
Before you start the eight steps, take these two preemptive steps to make sure the conversation happens with the right mood:

Step A: Upon arriving at your destination, show support for your nervous Totally Platonic Friend by sighing a resigned “Okay…”. This should be done with a cheerful expression to show lack of sadness, disappointment and frustration on your part. Like in the picture above. That’s what we have freakin pictures for.

Step B: When he thanks you, offer a wide grin of encouragement. You are as totally excited with the prospect of your friend going on a date as your friend is totally platonic. (This is the right time to mentally contemplate ice cream pit stops you might wanna take later on the road back to the motel, as that much enthusiasm often induces those kind of cravings.)

Now that the atmosphere is just right, the eight steps!

Step 1: While suggesting your Totally Platonic Friend fixes his clothes, look. Just, openly look. Look at his chest. You’re gonna have to take a nice, unashamed look at where he should unbutton. Fuck yeah, that’s your jam. You wanna make sure it’s all still there. Good friend.

Step 2: Your Totally Platonic Friend is being a little over-eager. Don’t fixate on the term ‘over-eager’. Instead, use the occasion to strike with your witty reference. “That’s far enough, Tony Manero”. As you’re saying this, look down with a sheepish expression. Obviously, that is for… Added gravitas, and they can fight you on it.

Step 3: Look flustered.

Step 4: This step is dedicated to taking your time to get back to the topic. You will tipically experience the impression that 'there’s something you were saying, you’re sure’ and that 'there’s something you’re supposed to get back to’. Don’t rush it.

Step 5: Now that you’re done being cute, I mean now that you’re done with your clever reference and back on Earth, check the final result with a practical once over.

Step 6: Declare yourself satisfied. Remember: eloquence is of the essence.

Step 7: Give your best Appreciative Look Of Approval mixed with Longing Look. That’s right, your Totally Platonic Friend looks damn fine… Is what his lady friend’s gonna think.

Step 8: Look once more. Just do it, just fucking go for it. Ain’t nobody gonna judge. Just one last time. It’s justified. You’re being thorough in his interest. In fact, you haven’t averted your eyes once while he was fixing his clothes if not to actually blush, you’ve been so thorough. Of course, if you were helping your Platonic Friend pick clothes, you wouldn’t check out the merchandise once. Even when blessing the final result, you’d look strictly at her face, give your thumbs up in sign of approval, and no particularly sweet or longing looks.

But that’s because she isn’t your Totally Platonic Friend. You wanna make reeeeal sure he’s got everything in all the right places. (He does).

Just finished rewatching 5x16.

Apart from the absolutely delicious way John is framed in that episode, which is 100% my jam, I’m still not sure I get where the ‘soulmates’ interpretation for Sam and Dean comes from. I’m aware it’s an old discussion, but since I’m fresh out of the episode, why not add some to it.

The things we learn about the nature of Heaven are:

- That there is a path that runs through it called the Axis Mundi

- That in certain special cases, like for soulmates, people can share a Heaven

- That normally, people are stuck in their own Heavens, however it’s still possible to hack the system and find ways to travel trough Heaven using its paths, i.e. it’s still possible to travel via the Axis Mundi and get access to other people’s Heavens that way

- That personal Heavens are places where you relive your happy memories

At the beginning, Dean is reliving the memory of one of he 4th of July’s he spent with his brother. Cas contacts Dean and leads him to find his representation of the Axis Mundi, that is a road, and through that reach Sam, who is in another part of Heaven, reliving a different memory. When Dean gets there, he is ignored by the other people in the room, by the people in Sam’s memories. From now on, we see the boys relieve different memories, all of which are either Sam’s or Dean’s. In Dean’s memories, the real Sam is not present and is ignored, and viceversa for Sam’s memories.

Their memories are what constitutes their Heavens, but all of them are separated. Even though they travel in them together, they are never really together in their Heavens, they are simply visiting together different rooms that either belong to one or the other using the Axis Mundi to move from one room, or memory, to another.

Dean even gets pretty offended that Sam seems to have a very different idea of Heaven than him, and accuses Sam of thinking of Heaven as all the times he left his family (and therefore left Dean, in Dean’s eyes), though it’s not how Sam interprets his happy memories, which for him have more to do with finally being independent and “away from Dad”.

In the end, Dean has concluded that Sam doesn’t feel about Dean the same way that Dean feels about Sam, considering how their happiest moments look so different.

So not only they don’t share memories, which are what makes up people’s Heavens, which therefore already means that Sam and Dean don’t share a Heaven, but Dean’s even upset about the way Sam’s Heaven looks. This is the last straw for Dean, who gives up his faith in the relationship with his brother, and in the end makes a point of throwing away the Samulet before Sam’s eyes, as if to show Sam that to him it has lost its meaning.

So I feel that the B-plot point of the episode that refers to the state of Sam and Dean’s relationship is pretty much sustained by the fact that Sam and Dean don’t share a Heaven.

Road Trip first impressions, or: everything about 9x10 made so much sense I can't even

Watched episode. Haven’t seen any 9x10 post. Might explode if don’t comment masterpiece.

So, uh. Wow?

There you have the connection between the first half of s9 and the entire s8.

You have the ones who do not choose:

  • the demon who plays both sides, Crowley and Abaddon. She dies, ‘cause it can’t work like that. It’s aut-aut, either one of the other.
  • Dean, who’s now been forced to take responsibility for his actions before Sam and could have decided to follow Sam’s lead and end the toxic bond between them right there on that bridge, instead he removed himself from the problem. He didn’t solve anything that way.

You have the one, Gadreel, who chooses:

  • a false partnership over honor, loyalty, freedom, happiness and love. All words chosen carefully.

And finally, you have a shitton of parallels (and implications so unsubtle they might just reach Repo Man levels)?

Metatron tells Gadreel that Gadreel has to respond to his orders without questioning them. There is a huge power imbalance that is constitutional to the fulfillment of their mutual needs. In other words: both need something out of their relationship, but the only way they can get it is if Gadreel submits to Metatron’s will. Just like this, it’s impossible for Dean to protect Sam the way he was taught - and internalized as the right and only way to love Sam, and for Sam to receive from Dean the reassurance and guidance he needs, unless the power imbalance between Dean and Sam is mantained. In other words: Dean and Sam’s is a false partnership, and the only way to keep their relationship as it is as a whole is if Sam keeps handing decisional power to Dean.

For Gadreel, it’s an easy task when all he has to do to continue the deal with Metatron is kill an old enemy. It’s less easy when he has to compromise on his principles by killing an innocent, first, and then hurt someone he cares about on top of that by killing his old lover.

I meant his best friend! Kill his best friend. My fingers slipped on the keyboard. Was my ambiguity in your face enough? Still not as much as 9x10.

This mirrors Dean’s situation. Where normally the brothers are able to pretend the codependency has no overly influential bad effects, once the downsides are exposed Dean is forced to give up his values and the people he loves if he wants to preserve the toxic bond with Sam.

Gadreel’s old lover, I mean best friend, tells him there is no way to win everything. You have to give something up in any case, even to pursue happiness - for “the structured pursuit of meaningful happiness” that characterizes “a life well-lived”, Jeffrey from Repo Man would say. You win in the sense that it’s worth it. His ex lover, I mean friend, found happiness in a healthy relationship with his family. Interestinlgy, that is opposed to the one his abusive asshole vessel had.

So Gadreel keeps giving up what he wants (to do the right thing, to fulfill his loyalty towards someone he loves) to have what he thinks he needs (the false partnership with Metatron).

In the meanwhile, you have:

  • a Sam who, by the end of the episode, has realized the poison is there but it isn’t Dean, who understands he can’t just coerce Dean into something, and knows walking away from the problem is not the solution.

  • a Cas who’s been on his own for a while and has finally completed his process of individuation. Or, if you prefer: Cas got his own car! (Bonus points: Cas was out of gas, I mean grace, but is now back on the road.).

And- ah, the perfection of the last scene! Sam and Cas are both waiting for Dean on that bridge to cross it together, when Dean finally decides to get there.

Additional stuff:

Yes, I keep bringing up Repo Man! Because there’s no way Abner was first referred to as Gadreel’s “boyfriend” and then his “best friend” by mistake! Especially when Gadreel’s reactions to all things Abner in the episode just demand that you make your own deductions! Like when he practically growls in his torturer’s face at the mention of Abner! Or is angrier that the guy hurt Abner than him! Or makes a face that rivals Dean’s seeing Emmanuel with Daphne when he finds out Abner has a family of his own! And the implications are so unsubtle they remind me of how in your face the Jeffrey-Demon and Dean-Cas parallel was in Repo Man!!!

Additional additional stuff:

Look at what you can do when you have five exceptional actors!

Look at what you can do when you leave Misha and Mark to their own devices!!

For all the people who ever said Jared is not as good an actor as Misha and Jensen, not only can he be stellar at playing multiple characters, he can also be as convincing at homosexuality!!!

So, I was rewatching the finale, and, let me get this straight. Heh.

Metatron tells his new angel servant at the beginnning of 9x23 that he is writing a story about “Love, and heartbreak… and love”. In fact, he is writing the same story he was writing in 9x18: his version of the angels’ story this season, featuring himself and Cas as the protagonists, Cas in the role of the villain and Metatron in that of the humble, self-sacrificing hero. His goal in this story, however, is not simply to put up an act so that the other angels will believe him. He’s been shown to be envious of Cas, and we now know he wants to mock him and hurt him in the worst ways he can manage.

Metatron goes back to Earth, performs some minor miracles, keeps up the whole Jesus charade, he’s the good guy, etcetera. Then he enters the building, he sits, and waits.

At this point, he knows Cas and Gadreel are being detained in Heaven. It was him who let his army know they would come, after all. As we learn later, when he disappears in front of Sam, absolutely nothing is stopping him from going upstairs and killing Castiel, and winning. He could become God right there and then.

Instead… He sits and waits for Dean Winchester to come kill him. This makes no sense, unless, of course, he is trying to make his characters (himself included) follow some kind of plot. He and Dean do fight; at some point Dean is on the ground, bloody and battered, and Metatron has his hands around Dean’s neck, ready to snap it.

There’s a pause when he does this, and I so expected him to kill Dean in that moment. I remember when I watched it live, I covered my face with my hands and started screaming “Oh God, no no no, don’t do that, please not like that!”. Except that Metatron gently turns Dean’s neck back to a more natural position, only making it crack softly.

At this point, my brain is pretty much contorting into a question mark. Metatron might be an idiot, but even he knows to take an opportunity when it’s right there in his hands (literally). Apparently, once again, eliminating the immediate threat is not Metatron’s primary objective. He’s going for something else. He punches Dean again, Dean even has the time to regain some advantage, calling the blade back to his hand, but Metatron finally extracts his angel blade and stabs him.

He doesn’t even kill Dean on the spot, and he doesn’t try to fight Sam, who has come to Dean’s rescue in the meanwhile: he quickly leaves for Heaven, where he finds Castiel sitting “in his seat”. He gives Castiel another one of his beloved “rousing speeches” (rousing, indeed. Let that stuff get some nice sunlight for the whole summer) about how Castiel just destroyed the most powerful instrument in the whole universe, and once again, it wasn’t for Heaven or the greater good but, deep down, just to save one human. Dean Winchester, specifically. You know, just in case somebody had a doubt. And then, his coup de théâtre: it doesn’t matter anymore, because that man is dead.

It’s after this shocking reveal that Metatron decides it’s time to wrap things up with one last blow that will make everybody gasp and cry, and for the hero villain to prevail. It’s here that his little convoluted plan suddenly makes sense, as we understand how he made his strategy to obtain his final goal into another part of his dramatic, trope-ridden, feels-inducing story.

Significantly, he tells Castiel: “You’ve never learned how to tell a good story”, exactly at the same time as he’s taking out his weapon of choice in front of his eyes, which just so happens to be the same blade that killed the love of Castiel’s life minutes ago.

If the rest of the season wasn’t enough, the tragic love narrative that Metatron tries to force on our characters in this episode - which from our POVs sees Dean and Cas as the ill-fated lovers and Metatron as the Big Bad that utterly wrecks their love story - suggests Metatron must believe that he, on the other hand, is a master storyteller. In fact, look at the amazing story he just crafted! From his intended perspective, of course, the plot sounds more like the Big Hero trumping his enemy by exploiting his greatest weakness (as promised), and rubbing it in his face, and just to make sure he adds enough of that insult to injury, cursing him to die from the same device that killed the one man that mattered, with his blood inside his body. Indeed, as he told his servant at the beginning, definitely not like the Notebook. More a tragic love story from classic literature, than a bittersweet happy ending.

We know by now, however, that Metatron actually sucks at storytelling, he thinks he’s much smarter than he is and keeps missing fundamental details and, unsurprisingly, it’s a little detail that betrays him in the end.

But the point is, yes, Metadouche definitely read too many stories. And he’s officially a sick, twisted individual and ugh, can we all agree he should never again be allowed to write his version of Destiel, ever?

Ok, I’m officially annoyed by myself. It’s 3.30 in the morning here. I’ve been in bed for one hour and a half and wanting to sleep. Am I sleeping? Hell no.
I’ve been reviewing all Thompson episodes and praising the guy’s writing in my head for at least half an hour.
I’m not even creating fan fiction or anything, I’m just in a state of being perpetually gobsmacked. Mentally metaing, getting mind-boners, the family business.
But has my brain finally decided to go on stand-by? Hahaha, that would be cute. No, after much in-depth discussion with itself over the most genius bits in three seasons of Thompson brillance, it’s finally decided to set itself on my never possibly getting over the fact that in 8x11 Charlie literally put her crown on Dean’s head, then five minutes after she looked Dean straight in the eyes and told him ‘it’s good to be queen’, all in the one episode where Dean allows himself to live one of his geek dreams and feels great doing it and starts to actually accept that alright, he does like that stuff and maybe, /maybe/ that’s ok and he feels good like that and damn, there’s a reason I call 8x11 ‘Dean’s “coming out” episode’ (and while we’re here fuck Thompson’s apparent inability to write something that is not fundamentally queer, bless that man).

Not to mention the fact that it lead me to consider how Dean’s queerness and his geekiness have always been tied together, somewhat linked to each other, which really culminated in the allegorical masterpiece that 8x11 arguably was.

I mean, Dean has a geeky passion for Dr. sexy MD, tv series, and a much different kind of passion for Dr. Sexy, character.
He has a geeky passion for the Old West, and a very ambiguos fetish for all things cowboy.
He has a geeky passion for Ness, but when he meets him he serves as a lesson that maybe the model of the hypermasculine man - see: manly man who bottles everything up and is really tough and detached - is a tiny bit overrated (by ‘tiny bit’, I mean ‘hella’).
It’s no secret that he looooves his porn in a very carnal sense of the term… To the point that he fanboys over a rare vintage edition and keeps it all in perfect order in a true collector’s fashion.
His strong, innate connection to Charlie is immediately established via her (also) being a geek and queer, something that keeps being reestablished subtextually through the themes explored in their relationship and that, as far as indicators go, started when Dean found her drunk adventures at ComicCon relatable and helped her flirt with a man in a manner that can’t be described other than a smooth-as-fuck teamwork experience.
And of course, he’s presented with the opportunity to dress up and, for once, be carefree and enjoy something he’s always liked if he’ll just let go of his preconceptions about socially acceptable male behavior. And he manages to take a step exactly in that direction, and right when he’s an example to Charlie that you can have the courage to be a fearless knight, a real-life hero, she’s an example to him of how confident you can be in being yourself openly and how good about yourself it can make you feel.

If you need me you’ll find me crying about metatextual analysis in my usual corner. Now even more pissed because it’s 4.30