Dean Winchester's Eight-Step Guide For Making Pop Culture References To Your Friends In The Middle Of Casual Conversation
Hello everybody! Bakasara with our guest of honor Dean Winchester here and tonight we’ll tackle how to insert witty references in the middle of chatting with your buddies and how to behave in front of your friends during casual conversation in general.
For accessibility’s sake, we’ve split this guide in two: easy level for Platonic Friends, and hard level for Totally Platonic Friends (that’s more platonic than Platonic Friends).
P L A T O N I C F R I E N D S
For our first example, we’ll have Dean letting his Platonic Friend Charlie take charge during a case.
Step 1: Listen attentively to your Platonic Friend talking. Act politely interested in her eyes and nose. You accomplish this by looking at the general space between the aforementioned. Good friend.
Step 2: As she suggests she should do the talking during interrogations, give her the Universal Condescending Look Of Knowing Exactly What She’s Getting At. You are a little shit.
Step 3: Ponder.
Step 4: Look down while striking with your pop culture reference for maximum effect of Step 5. “Lead the way, De Niro”. At this point, you have no reason to be particularly emotional about the situation, and the looking down is mainly a set up for what’s coming next.
Step 5: That’s it! Go back to looking at your Platonic Friend and give her the Smug Look you earned via your incredibly witty one liner. All fucking worth it.
Step 6: Look mildly amused. Likely at yourself. Also your Platonic Friend is a very nice person, which is known to make interaction pleasurable.
Step 7: Prolong complacency. That was pretty funny. You’re pretty funny. Looks like someone deserves a pat on the back.
Step 8: Go on with your life.
Sounds easy, no?
Next level, then!
T O T A L L Y P L A T O N I C F R I E N D S (THAT’S MORE PLATONIC THAN JUST PLATONIC FRIENDS)
Our second scenario sees Dean in the act of giving his Totally Platonic Friend Cas advice on how to score with his lady friend and sending him off to his date. We thought of this because this activity is generally agreed upon to be Very Platonic™.
Before you start the eight steps, take these two preemptive steps to make sure the conversation happens with the right mood:
Step A: Upon arriving at your destination, show support for your nervous Totally Platonic Friend by sighing a resigned “Okay…”. This should be done with a cheerful expression to show lack of sadness, disappointment and frustration on your part. Like in the picture above. That’s what we have freakin pictures for.
Step B: When he thanks you, offer a wide grin of encouragement. You are as totally excited with the prospect of your friend going on a date as your friend is totally platonic. (This is the right time to mentally contemplate ice cream pit stops you might wanna take later on the road back to the motel, as that much enthusiasm often induces those kind of cravings.)
Now that the atmosphere is just right, the eight steps!
Step 1: While suggesting your Totally Platonic Friend fixes his clothes, look. Just, openly look. Look at his chest. You’re gonna have to take a nice, unashamed look at where he should unbutton. Fuck yeah, that’s your jam. You wanna make sure it’s all still there. Good friend.
Step 2: Your Totally Platonic Friend is being a little over-eager. Don’t fixate on the term ‘over-eager’. Instead, use the occasion to strike with your witty reference. “That’s far enough, Tony Manero”. As you’re saying this, look down with a sheepish expression. Obviously, that is for… Added gravitas, and they can fight you on it.
Step 3: Look flustered.
Step 4: This step is dedicated to taking your time to get back to the topic. You will tipically experience the impression that 'there’s something you were saying, you’re sure’ and that 'there’s something you’re supposed to get back to’. Don’t rush it.
Step 5: Now that you’re done being cute, I mean now that you’re done with your clever reference and back on Earth, check the final result with a practical once over.
Step 6: Declare yourself satisfied. Remember: eloquence is of the essence.
Step 7: Give your best Appreciative Look Of Approval mixed with Longing Look. That’s right, your Totally Platonic Friend looks damn fine… Is what his lady friend’s gonna think.
Step 8: Look once more. Just do it, just fucking go for it. Ain’t nobody gonna judge. Just one last time. It’s justified. You’re being thorough in his interest. In fact, you haven’t averted your eyes once while he was fixing his clothes if not to actually blush, you’ve been so thorough. Of course, if you were helping your Platonic Friend pick clothes, you wouldn’t check out the merchandise once. Even when blessing the final result, you’d look strictly at her face, give your thumbs up in sign of approval, and no particularly sweet or longing looks.
But that’s because she isn’t your Totally Platonic Friend. You wanna make reeeeal sure he’s got everything in all the right places. (He does).