splits down

  • me: *stumbles upon something i kno w will trigger a moodswing or will cause me to split*
  • me: *checks it out anyway*
  • me, once ive been triggered: oh no ://// im so sad ://// why do i always feel like this ://// im so miserable :///
  • me, the next day: *stumbles upon something i kno w wi-
Habits of successful students

Discipline: “discipline is doing what needs to be done, even when you don’t want to”, which means that you have to force yourself to start doing things. 

Concentration: when you make a real effort in your work (study, homeworks etc…) you will be more likely to actually focus, understand and learn. 

Organization: always set tasks and goals and organize a study-schedule. Maybe you don’t really want to plan all the week, but if you just wake up and open your agenda/bullet journal/iphone calendar and write down all the things you have to do, setting due dates and deadlines, you’ll feel more conscious and encouraged to stay on track. 

Tasks-splitting: sometimes, you write down your tasks. Some of these tasks may be very hard and complicated, and it will take a long long time to complete them. So, you can split them in smaller tasks, so you will feel satisfied after a shorter period of time, instead of studying for hours and still seeing that chapter undone on your study-schedule. 

Watch the sunrise: when I wake up late, I feel like I don’t have enought time to do my work and lose my motivation. I literally panic and then I think “whatever, I could not complete all the things anyway”. So, if you wake up earlier you will feel more positive and  controlled. 

Smart reading: try not to read your textbook just like a newspaper. For every paragraph you read, try to underline and write down key words and then your question about that subject. Literally, turn your textbook into questions. If you write down question - particularly why…? - and think about the answer, you will be more likely to remember that stuff later. 

Healthy lifestile: if you don’t drink enough water in the morning, you will be more likely to have a decrease of concentration in the afternoon/evening, so: stay hydrated. Try also to have some snaks every one-two hours: feed your brain

the signs as abandoned places

ARIES Abandoned gas stations, beholders of tumbleweeds and roadside tales, filled with dead fuel yet frozen in time, eyes on the passengers with their hands and hair out the window, haunted by old desert songs and engines revving behind it.

TAURUS: Abandoned bars, stools turned over, a ripped flyer shouting BABES BABES BABES hanging off the bulletin board, a lost motorcycle tire, glass shattered, and the spirit of hell still living somewhere inside.

GEMINI Ghost towns, at the base of old mountains, houses with shutters like eyes and doors like mouths, swallowing stories whole, convenience stores still stocked with stale bread, cabins and headstones still peeking out from behind fairy wood brambles, nature stretching into steel, ready to come alive with a shift of the wind.

CANCER: Abandoned motels, empty pools filled with deflated flamingos, the sign out front screaming VACANCY forever, each room a different anthology of guest book tales, smashed television monitors and a love note ( or goodbye note ) caught up in the rust of the honeymoon suite.

LEO: Abandoned theaters, stages dented with the ghosts of performances past, torn scripts scattered across floorboards in a mess of Playbills and shattered eyeglasses, broken lights and tattered dress hems, mannequins poised at an eternal act one.

VIRGO Abandoned train stations, cars sprayed in a kaleidoscope of graffiti, drifters still starting fires in some of the shells, grass growing over old gears, ghost conductors with no destination, rails intersecting at odd angles like flowers and bones.

LIBRA Abandoned campgrounds, rattlesnakes and desert blues, dead hot and forgotten, a shelled-out RV and the dry lake where the kids used to play, swallowing up broken toys and flat tents, showers crawling with critters, vintage t-shirts printed with campground bears promising that it’s still “the happiest place on earth.”

SCORPIO Abandoned amusement parks, soggy coaster cars paused mid-ascension, cheap thrills and screams still stagnant in the air, ferris wheels trembling in the wind, clown faces distorted and torn down the middle, a mascot head smiling out from the overgrowth.

SAGITTARIUS Abandoned renaissance fairs, an acre out of time, fake pirate ships swinging, fairy wings trying to fly, dead flower crowns tangled with bright ribbons and peasant blouses shed by the lake, empty squares and old stage buildings, Arthur’s sword caught at the entry, still waiting to be pulled.

CAPRICORN Abandoned toy stores, broken pinball machines, ghost clowns, and popped balloons, playing cards stuck to the floor, a crooked house of childhood horrors, teddy bears bleeding stuffing, and a funhouse mirror distorting the distorted. 

AQUARIUS: Abandoned piers, driftwood split down the middle, coastline the last alive thing, neon lights still calling Gatsby home from the horizon, but promising only the ghosts of mermaids washed ashore, tires and bottles filled with sand, dead trees spouting from old rocks, branches a wind chime of ripped dresses, forks, and seashells on strings.

PISCES: Abandoned waterparks, slides overlooking entire old cities, perfect for climbing, hoses and pools now scrawled over and used as skateboard ramps, kids climbing over the old towers and ladders in their bathing suits when it rains, pure want as their tickets in, yelling, “We’re still here, we’re still here, we’re still here!”

tips for people in relationships with Borderlines

and people who are very close to Borderlines, regardless of whether it’s romantic or not! I have BPD and wanted to list some things that my partner does that really help me and our relationship, in case they can help anyone else <3

  • communicate!! with!! your!! partner!! 
    • ask them what things upset them
    • ask them what things you can do to ease their brain
    • tell them what things they do which upset you
    • tell them when you need space and time alone
    • tell them when you know you’ll be away
    • check in that the relationship is okay and both of you have your needs fulfilled
    • etc.
  • set boundaries for the person initially, and explain to them why these things are important to you. we’re not good at recognising other’s boundaries or understanding them innately. you can always change your boundaries, but let them know when you do
  • when you get frustrated and angry with them - which happens in all relationships between people, regardless of how healthy - have something you’ve agreed to say to them so they know you aren’t trying to hurt them or leave them, you just need to calm down.
  • try not to leave things angry or bad when you go away - try not to make the last thing you say at night sound snappy, etc. being away from our partners is always going to be tricky for us, and if you’ve left with something reassuring, it’s more likely that we’ll cope and you’ll get your sleep/rest/work/class/appointment/etc uninterrupted by us
  • expect us to need reassurances from you, and to need them a lot. understand that this really has nothing to do with you - whether you’re distant or not, things are good or not, etc, our disorder will always try to say things aren’t good. don’t be offended when we ask for reassurance, and if it’s tiring for you, come up with a specific set phrase or code with your partner to reassure them when they need it.
  • it’s likely that your partner will split on you at some point, and if you recognise that they have done and remove yourself from the situation as soon as possible, it’s likely that they’ll be able to calm down and split back soon. check in with them every couple of hours to remind them you care.
  • to the best of your ability - unforeseen circumstances omitting of course - don’t make promises you aren’t certain you can keep, and don’t say you’ll do something you don’t know you will be able to. saying that you’ll do something for/with us and then cancelling for something that could’ve been foreseen will make us panic.
  • try to watch out for the minutiae of how you interact with us. did you put a full stop on that text? did you say something which sounded unenthusiastic or uncaring when you didnt mean to sound like that? do you seem angry when you’re not? borderlines almost always recognise the emotions of others before people without BPD do, especially anger. if you can tell you sound frustrated, we definitely can. it might help to ask us if there are any habits you have which can trigger these kinds of thoughts
  • make sure they know how much you care about them, because they’ll constantly worry that you’ve stopped. tell them you love them, tell them you hope they drive safe, tell them you’re there for them. even though they know.
  • remember that a relationship isn’t a one way street. your borderline partner has a responsibility to work on their behaviour and not hurt you, or upset you, or negatively impact things. they will mess up sometimes, they will sometimes snap when splitting, or say something manipulative, or hound you for attention. and you’ll mess up sometimes as well. talk about what went wrong, what’s hurting who, and how you’re gonna work around it.
  • be honest. be completely honest. if it’s not working, tell them. if it’s going well, tell them. if something is hurting you, tell them. if you’re worried something is hurting them, tell them.

that’s all i can think of for now but feel free to add more

Klance Headcanon

- Okay so the team is investigating the ruins of some seemingly abandoned planet bc they received a distress signal or w/e

- Keith comes across this weird device that looks sort of like a compass?? but he doesn’t recognize any of the symbols on the rim and the needle’s kind of swinging around a bit even when keith stays still

 - so he figures it’s broken and is considering just dropping it when *surprise!* they’re ambushed by galra soldiers

- fight instincts kick in and they make it back to their lions and escape miraculously unscathed etc etc

- Keith doesn’t even realise he had shoved the compass into his pocket until a few days later when he’s cleaning his suit

- This time the needle stays pointing in the same direction no matter which way keith moves 

- he shows it to Coran the next time they’re alone, who gets really excited when he sees it

- As far as he can tell, the symbols say it’s meant to point you towards whatever you most desire

-Keith finds the vagueness of that really irritating so Coran just shrugs and says that’s probably why the invention never took off on other planets

- Keith takes to carrying it around with him in his pocket anyway, and when he’s really bored and on his own he takes it out and watches it

- Usually the needle itself stays pretty stationary, even if the direction its pointing in has changed

- Sometimes though it spins around like crazy

- Keith figures it definitely has to be broken

- Until one day when the whole team is gathered in the control room to argue what the next step in their current predicament should be

- The team are pretty split down the middle, Allura spearheading her side with Shiro leading the counter argument

- it’s been going on for over an hour at this point and everyone’s extremely frustrated, even Lance is pacing back and forth

- Keith thinks the answer is obvious, especially with Shiro on their side, so he sits back grumpily and lets him handle it 

- He takes his out his compass out of habit, checking if the direction has changed since this morning

- When he realizes 

- The needle is swinging back and forth

- keeping pace with Lance’s anxious pacing perfectly

ways the gems could look more like aliens:

  • no eye whites or black pupils…eye whites are instead a darker or lighter shade of w/e color their gem is..some have no pupils. pearl n lapis would look good with this
  • homeworld gems have diamond shaped pupils like the actual diamonds do..the cgs have dif shapes ex garnets are square
  • they dont cry tears..wtf theyre not water based lifeforms…instead their eyes maybe glitch. like how their bodies glitch when theyre cracked. or their tears are of whatever element their gem is linked to…ex rubies cry lil flames, sapphires are water that trail into ice crystals, garnets are lil lightning bolts…pearls are either water or sand…rose quartzes are petals..lapises are big ghibli water tears….OR all gems have like, streaks of light in their color that trail n split down thier face as tears
  • why is gem hair like human hair?? what purpose would it have..they dont need to be warm. gem hair is its own limb(s), they can move their hair freely like tentacles. quartz soldiers have long hair for extra attack. lapises hair is messy bc she just likes fidgeting or w/e. pearl has tiny knives hidden in her hair
  • pearls ribbons are extra limbs. pearls are designed w these so they can multitask, but cg pearl uses them to hold more swords. on top of her ribbon sash she’d have like 3 more ribbons
  • remember how beta lapis melts when shes upset..all dif gems have dif versions of this. garnet gives off lil zaps. ame gets spiky. pearl disintegrates a lil into sand. etc
  • corrupted jaspers skin spikes..all homeworld quartzes have those. amethyst and rose hid theirs to not freak out humans but when theyre emotional or in battle they pop back out
  • noodley limbs like adventure time
  • weird loading/buffing symbols and glitches n zaps n stuff, like when pearl was piloting the ship in jailbreak. more reminders that theyre inorganic and robotlike
  • teeth based on gem cut and shape. quartzes have super spikey crooked fangs like geode crystals. pearls have no fuckin teeth. garnets are blocky. maybe teeth arent white either
  • pointed tongues…or at least no reddish mouths like they have in the sho wtf
2
Barn Mates - One Year On

Barn Mates was first aired exactly a year ago today… and what a monumental episode it was for both Lapis and Peridot!

For those of us who were already shipping Lapidot, it was a dream come true – and for some of those who weren’t, it opened their eyes to a whole new (and now completely canonically viable) ship.

I’ve written about this episode a few times in the past, but it feels fitting to look back on it again today; for day one of Lapidot Anniversary Week!

So, without further ado…

The episode opens with Peridot wistfully speaking into her tape recorder about sharing her new home with Lapis.  Only a couple of episodes prior to this point, Peridot had made the decision to stay at the barn by herself whilst the other Crystal Gems returned to the temple. The fact that she now so enthusiastically wants to share her home with Lapis (as opposed to going back with the other Gems or staying by herself in the barn) just shows that she already has some level of admiration for Lapis.

Peridot says:

“Why don’t we watch the sun come up and figure out what we’re going to do with all this time, eh Lazuli?”

Watching the sun rise with someone is an old romantic tradition/cliché, so the fact that Peridot specifically mentions wanting to do this with Lapis certainly speaks some volumes.   And it also transpires…

…that this line was foreshadowing a scene that came later in the show – in Room For Ruby, not only are they watching the sun rise together (just as Peridot wanted to do), they’ve actually been sat together all night stargazing prior to this point, which is another activity that has obvious romantic connotations.

After Peridot has finished speaking into the tape recorder in Barn Mates, Lapis expresses her desire to live in the barn all on her own. Steven suggests that the barn be split down the middle, with each of the two Gems having their own “side”, which leads to a very interesting shot of the pair of them:

Notice how they’re effectively framing a picture that’s behind them.   This picture is of the barn’s previous owners – Greg’s aunt and uncle, who Greg described back in Space Race as follows:

“My aunt and uncle had a great love for aviation, and each other.  They cherished the years they spent together, and they held on to every belonging they ever owned.”

It’s interesting, then, that a picture of a happy couple has been placed directly in-between Lapis and Peridot in this shot.  This becomes something of a trend as the show progresses, with the picture being placed in-shot with Peridot and Lapis on occasion in a fair few other episodes, such as these:

This could well be foreshadowing a romantic relationship between Lapis and Peridot.  The fact that Greg mentions “aviation” is also something interesting to think about, considering that Lapis can fly and Peridot was the pilot of the Hand Ship back in Jailbreak.

Lapis isn’t keen on the idea of splitting the barn, telling Steven that Peridot is the problem:

“I can’t stand the thought of looking at her everyday!”

This statement is now somewhat ironic because, in the episodes since Barn Mates, Lapis almost always has her eyes on Peridot – and gives her some extremely suggestive looks, too!

Peridot and Steven both try to assure Lapis that Peridot has changed, but she doesn’t want to hear it. Steven thinks it’s “sweet” that Peridot wants Lapis to see how much she’s changed since their last encounter, and he helps her to make an apology card which has a very interesting picture drawn on the front of it:

Steven may well have the intent of getting Peridot and Lapis to be friends, but he’s drawn them looking like an actual couple here; they’re even holding hands.

Eventually, after some persuasion from Steven, Lapis joins them – and a beaming Peridot hands over the card.  This still fails to win-over an unimpressed Lapis, much to Peridot’s disdain.

“It took me over an hour to compose [the message in the card], and I was the most sincere as per Steven’s instructions!”

The fact that Peridot put so much time into her apology message gives us an indication of how highly Peridot thinks of Lapis – and how much she wants to make her feel better. She then spends some time deliberating what she could give to Lapis as a gift (upon Steven’s suggestion), and they come up with an idea…

“H-2-Oh my GOSH!” … “It’s a gift for you!  You know, ‘cause water’s your thing.”

Peridot’s mannerisms and tone of voice here are very flirtatious.  However, given Lapis’ previous traumatic experience of being trapped on the bottom of the ocean, this is another idea that falls completely flat.

And what does Peridot do?

“A pool?!  What a cloddy idea!  Of course she wouldn’t like that!”

She actually blames herself for the mistake.  This is very uncharacteristic of Peridot, who normally has a very lofty opinion of herself and her intellectual capacity – which, again, shows how highly she must think of Lapis.  She even uses the word “cloddy” to describe her own idea; with “clod” being an insult that she usually only ever levels at other people when she’s at her most angry.

She then decides to make a very grand gesture…

…and offers her most prized possession – the tape recorder – to Lapis as a gift.

She’s very flirtatious in doing so here, as well.  With a wink and a smile, she tells Lapis:

“See, the ribbon is even blue.  I got yo’ number!”

Peridot has offended all of the other Gems at some point in the past, but she’s never been seen to perform as grand a gesture as this one in order to win them over. 

Peridot is, in a lot of ways, incredibly materialistic - she has been shown on more than one occasion to hold her very few possessions really closely to her.  By Peridot’s standards, handing the tape recorder over is essentially the biggest thing she could do for someone, which is a very clear indication of her feelings towards Lapis.

This gesture is completely lost on Lapis, however, who proceeds to crush the tape recorder in her hand.

Usually in these situations, Peridot would be distraught that one of her possessions had been destroyed (see, for example, Peridot on her knees begging Amethyst not to throw away her beloved tablet in Too Short To Ride).  However, this time, she actually seems to be upset by the fact that she’s managed to upset Lapis once again, exclaiming:

“What, were you trapped in a tape recorder too?!”

Peridot is exasperated by this point, and gives a very heartfelt speech which, I believe, really gets to the root of one of the key reasons why a relationship between Lapis and Peridot just makes perfect sense:

“Look, I get it, you know?  You’re confused!  You can never go back to Homeworld.  This place doesn’t exactly feel like home yet.  You’re alone, no one could possibly know what that feels like!  Oh wait, I do!  We’re the same, except…  you don’t have to be alone.”

She and Lapis are going through the exact same thing at basically the same time; namely, being stranded on earth with no way of returning to Homeworld.  There’s literally no-one else who they could bond with over this, except for each other – it’s a common ground that they share with each other and only each other.  It’s logical and sensible storytelling, therefore, to have these two characters stick together and share the experience with each other.  It puts them on equal ground, gives them both an acute understanding of each other, and enables them to both support one another as they adjust to life on earth.

At this point in Barn Mates, however, Lapis still isn’t having any of it.  Peridot, clearly at her wits end, asks what Lapis wants from her.  Lapis angrily tells Peridot that she wants her to leave… and that’s exactly what Peridot does.  She wants Lapis to be happy so much that she’s even willing to give up her home so that Lapis can live there instead.

As she walks away, Steven reprimands Lapis for treating Peridot so badly.  As he’s talking, Lapis folds her arms and shifts on the spot, her gaze meeting the crushed tape recorder on the floor.  Everything about her body language in this scene exudes guilt.  

Peridot comes screaming back towards them moments later, however – being pursued by a Roaming Eye that she’s convinced is after her.    

The trio flee from the ship, but eventually come face-to-face with it, which causes Peridot to cower behind Steven in fear.

However…

…Lapis steps forward, and glances back at a wide-eyed Peridot.

This scene is very important because it’s the first time we ever get to see that Lapis does actually care about Peridot, despite the pair of them getting off to a very turbulent start.  She steps up to defend the helpless Peridot from the Roaming Eye, and makes sure to specifically ask Peridot if she’s ok after the threat has been neutralised – proving that she didn’t only have Steven’s interests at heart when she took out the Roaming Eye.

What happens next needs no introduction…

Originally posted by geekylaugifs

Peridot has still, to this day, never looked at anyone else with such love.  The way that her hands are clasped to her chest makes it the typical “cartoon character looking at their love interest” pose.  That smile on her face is literally the biggest one that she’s ever given.  And Lapis’ deep blush, that she actually turns her head away from Peridot in an attempt to hide, is also a reaction from her that’s unique to this scene – and very much implies that the apparent feeling of attraction is mutual.  There appears to be some symbolism behind the sun coming out as Peridot smiles, too.  This could well be an indication that Lapis is warming up to Peridot and seeing her in a new light.  It also has a somewhat poetic quality to it, with the storm clouds (both literal and metaphorical) dissipating at this very moment.  

Originally posted by giffing-amethyst

Steven picks up on what’s going on, giggling to himself as he looks at Lapis.  It’s also very interesting that Peridot’s loving look is still lingering even after the camera angle has changed – this is no fleeting “micro expression”, it’s a very prolonged and deliberate look…

…which was the first of very, very many that the pair of them have since gone on to give each other (the above images being a small handful of examples).

All in all, Barn Mates was the start of a very beautiful relationship between these two Gems, which has well and truly endured throughout the past twelve months – and has gotten ever stronger with each episode that they’ve appeared in together.

Can I just

Comma splits.  No.  Leave them alone.  Stop using them.

(I don’t mean that.  I am fundamentally against any writing advice that gives out absolutes.  Keep using comma splits, just… maybe take a break from them? For a while? learn how to use them at least???)

Okay because this

“He frowned at the suggestion, he just wasn’t that kind of person.”

That’s clunky.  That ruins the rhythm of whatever you were saying before.  In fact, it has no rhythm.  It is rhythmless, it is useless, it is time for us to move on.

Remember that everything you write, people are hearing your words in their heads, and punctuation matters for that.  I read sentence structure like that as “He frowned at the suggestionhejustwasn’tthatkindofperson.”  Mostly because the comma isn’t enough of a pause to give the second clause any weight.  It just blends into the first and makes the whole sentence seem clumsy.  Rhythmless, like I said.

Specifically, it ruins the rhythm because this is actually two separate sentences stuck together when they really, really need to be two.  

“He frowned at the suggestion.  He just wasn’t that kind of person.”

Which reads to me as “He frowned at the suggestion. [BEAT] He just wasn’t that kind of person.”  Much more dynamic.

In general, if you have two independent clauses (ie two sentence segments that work as their own sentences), they have more impact if you separate them.  A comma, while perfectly functional, indicates a brief pause in speech that doesn’t nearly have the gravitas that your gorgeous writing deserves.  (Or comedy, as the case may be).

There are other things you can do to spice things up.  Semicolons are designed for this kind of sentence structure.  They live for this kind of sentence structure.  They are dying without our attention and that, my friends, is a goddamn tragedy.

“He frowned at the suggestion; he just wasn’t that kind of person.”

To me, semicolons are both a vocal inflection and half a beat.  The combination means that there’s still a distinction between the two clauses, but their still connected into one sentence.

Semicolons are super useful in that they imply that two separate sentences are actually related.  It’s not quite a colon, where the second clause essentially explains the first; more like a colon, a comma, and a period had a lovechild together*.  You can say the two sentences together, but they function a lot better together.

*Please make sure when you use this the two clauses are actually independent, otherwise it won’t make any sense

Em-dashes are my personal favorite for connecting independent clauses.  For example:

“He frowned at the suggestion– he just wasn’t that kind of person.”

Just like the semicolon, em-dashes make the second sentence related to the first, but to a bigger extreme.  They make the second clause actually dependent on the first, and give it an air of an aside in a play.  It’s all very Shakespearean, which is why I like it.  (Parentheticals do the same job, but like you’re doing the aside in a whisper.)

So many alternatives to a comma split!  And I mean, there’s also a few lessons in here about rhythm and how it affects your writing; on whether this example I’ve used is anything I would want in a finished product (depends on the point of view, I guess, but generally no, I would not want that anywhere near even my second draft); and on the ways that narrative writing can be both very experimental and informal when it comes to grammar, but also very strict, and it all depends on what emotions you’re trying to get across.

But the point is, comma splits are not doing your writing any favors.  Just… take a look, see if they’re working, and take them out if they’re not, because it’s driving me crazy.

Skewered

Summary: You’re a doctor for the avengers and when Bucky comes in with a hunk of metal in his side you find that it’s not his injury that’s making you sweat.

Warnings: Description of wounds/blood, Bucky being shameless

Note: I’m overwhelmed by the feedback I got on my last fic! You guys are great! So for my second fic I though I’d try out Bucky, again I’d love any constructive comments/criticism.


“Incoming! Incoming!” Odette, the surgical tech assigned to you rushes into the room.

“How many?” you ask, looking up from the table where you’ve laid out your tools.The tech flushes. You sigh. “What type of injuries?” 

“Uh-hm..” the tech stutters. You turn around so you can hide your eye roll. “Dr.Cho’s been called in..” Odette says. 

“Thank you, Odette” You say and head to the sink to scrub your hands again. You are a top scientist working for Fury, and besides having your degree in engineering you’re an MD who specializes in general surgery. So whenever the reinstated avengers go on mission you’re put on call, which basically consists of you waiting in the med bay in case anyone needs to be treated. Usually the injuries are minor, the team are unparalleled in what they do, and you just end up patching up deep scrapes or bullet grazes. Because of this and the fact you have daily work at the Avenger’s compound you’ve become very friendly with the team.

Your palms start to sweat. Today’s mission was supposed to be high risk and it’s a bad sign that Helen’s been called in. With you and one other doctor on call her and her technology are only called in for severe injuries. The door opens and a battered looking Steve supporting an even more battered looking Bucky walks in. Steve helps Bucky sit on the examination table.

“Any more injured?” You ask, pulling on gloves.

“Scrapes all around, except for Sam. He’s badly burned.” Steve blows air out of his mouth. You look at him, his brow is creased in worry. 

“How badly?” You look at Bucky, he has a chunk of what seems to be jagged metal in his side, about two inches thick, protruding several inches from his gear. It seems to be a simple extraction job.

“Badly. But Park’s seeing to him”  Samuel Park is the other doctor in the compound “Dr.Cho’s supposed to put him in the new Cradle.I hope she gets here soon.”

You walk to the table and pick up scissors and a knife. “Odette, You should go assist Dr.Park.” the tech nods, and scurries out the door. Steve goes to follow but looks back at Bucky.

“He’ll be fine, go,” You say, and with that Steve leaves.


You look at Bucky. His eyes are already trained on you. It reminds you of the time Steve came in for stitches. His forearm had been split open. Bucky leaned against the wall in the corner of the room, he remained silent but his eyes followed your every move. Even when you looked at him he didn’t break his gaze. You assumed he was just being protective over his best friend. Bucky hasn’t said more than two words to you in the time that you’ve known him. Even after he started opening up and joking around with the team he remained oddly silent around you. You assumed you annoyed him. He had no problem talking with the others and even flirting with the research techs. 

You step up to him and start cutting away his gear. ‘Oops probably should have asked before I started cutting off his clothes’.Heat flushes down your neck and you stop your actions.

“Sorry, do you mind  if I cut away your gear?” 

“ ‘S fine” he says, voice low. You look up and you swear there’s a hint of smile on his face. You nod and continue. He smells of something metallic mixed with blood and sweat and a hint of….cologne…? As you cut away more of his gear you catch more of it. You try not to think about it. He’s handsome, the type of handsome that makes people do a double take. You try to ignore the broadness of his shoulders as his gear falls away, leaving him in a damp wife-beater. 

“Ain’t even the first date and you’re already tryna get me outta my clothes.” He rasps, startling you. You stutter and stammer, before deciding not to respond.

“Okay,” you say, taking a breath. “I’m just going to  take a look at this” You step in between his legs and inspect the metal shard. It looks worse than what you first thought it was. The shard is about the size of your hand and sticks out right below his rib cage, there’s a possibility that it might have hit some organs. There’s no exit point. Your heart rate goes up. Can a super soldier die if his major organs fail before his body can repair them? 

You wheel over your table of tools. You wish you hadn’t sent away Odette.

“Can you lay down for me?,” You ask.

“Of course sugar.” He says, piercing you with his stare.

You take a deep breath, feeling flustered. Did this man want to die on the operating table?

You cut away his undershirt and prepare some local anesthesia.

“I’m going to try to numb the area, but I don’t know how well this will work. I’m sorry I don’t have anything else on hand.” You don’t even know if anesthesia would work on him.

“ ‘S alright, darling I’ve been through worse,” He says giving you a small smile. You feel your face fall as you think about how true his statement is. You numb him and take a deep breath.You move to start extracting the shard when his hand shoots out and grabs yours. You stop yourself from jumping.

“You know there is something that would make me feel better.” Bucky says, voice gravelly.

“Of course, what is it?” You place your tools back on the table. ‘Maybe a special painkiller?’ you think.

“A kiss,” Bucky’s face stretches into a wide smirk.

You splutter “James…!”

“Bucky.” he supplies, smirk not leaving his face.

“Bucky….I uh….I don’t think that would be necessary for minimizing your pain.”

Oh I beg to differ darlin’“ He says.

You clear your throat and start to grab your tools again. Bucky says your name, pleadingly.

“Come on, ya really gonna deny a dyin’ man his final wish.” You roll your eyes at his dramatic tone. You fix him with your gaze.

 “You’re not gonna die Bucky.” 

“Here I am,bleeding out on your table, and all I’m askin’ for is one little kiss. Just one little kiss, from the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” He looks at you from the corner of his eye “….before she slices me open.”

You sigh. One thing you know about Bucky Barnes is that he’s stubborn as a bull. Before you can talk yourself out of it, you lean over and press a kiss to his cheek, his stubble prickling you in a not unpleasant way.

For a moment Bucky just looks at you, it seems like he’s crawling underneath your skin with that stare. Then he groans “Really sugar? Ya gonna try and cheat a man with a chunk of metal in his side?”

“I-I, uh” You stammer

“You really are heartless.” He sighs dramatically, closing his eyes.

You war with yourself for a split second, before leaning down and pressing a quick kiss to his lips. As you start to pull away Bucky’s hand comes up and stops you, and he deepens the kiss. His lips are surprisingly soft, his stubble scratches your face deliciously. Remembering the fact that he has a piece of metal in his side, you slowly withdraw. Bucky tugs on your lip with his teeth as you do so, which makes you have to turn around in order to regain your composure. When you turn back around, Bucky’s face is split in an ear to ear grin.

“Alright beautiful, cut me open, I can now die a happy man.”

You swallow, “Shut up James,” you snap, hating how your voice shakes. You pick up your tools and start to remove the metal. It comes out surprisingly smoothly, except for the last few inches. As you pull them free, Bucky starts to bleed. Way too much. The end of the shard is jagged. You try to contain the blood. But there’s just so much, you call for assistance and try to repair the damage.

By the time you finish you’re covered in blood. “Bucky, Bucky can you hear me?” You say, stepping close and touching his face, he looks drawn, pale.

“His pulse is faint. But it’s there.” Odette says. You jump, you forgot she had come in.

“Alright,” you sigh, blowing hair back from your forehead. “Guess we’ll wait.”


Bucky’s moved to a different hospital bed in another one of the rooms, and fitted with IVs. Steve understandably freaks out, with two close friends gravely injured within 24 hours it’s no wonder. Sam’s healed now, resting. You tell Steve to do the same and sit in a chair in Bucky’s room. The others wander in and out of the room.You know with his regenerative properties he’ll recover, but when six hours pass you can’t help but worry. ‘Why hasn’t he woken up by now?’ .


You blink your eyes open as a sliver of sunlight passes across your face. You squint, looking at the clock on the wall: 7 am. Damn. You finished patching Bucky up at about 4 pm last night. You had fallen asleep in his room. ‘I’m terrible at keeping watch’ you scold yourself. ‘What if he had worsened during the night?’ You look over at Bucky, only to find him watching you. You jump.

“Man you need to stop doing that.” Your voice is thick with sleep. You lick your dry lips, feeling self conscious. Standing you hear your joints cracking as you walk over.

“How can I help it when you’re always lookin’ so gorgeous?” He smirks.

“Shut up,” You say, pulling back the covers and inspecting his wound. It looks nearly healed. “How do you feel?” you murmur.

“Alright,” He says wincing slightly as you put pressure on his wound. He sits up, and you try to ignore the way the muscles in his chest and stomach flex. “I’d feel better if you’d let me buy you dinner, though” He looks up at you through his lashes. You click your tongue.

“You really are shameless,”

“Come on, it’s the least I can do after bleedin’ all over ya.” You look down at yourself, your scrubs are crusted in dried blood. You start replacing the dressing on his wound.

“You say that to all the girls who stitch you up?” You quip, avoiding his gaze.

“Nope. But then again I don’t spend six months building up the courage to ask those girls out either.” You look at him for a long while,saying nothing, and notice how red starts to tinge his ears and creep up his neck.

“Alright,” You answer finally giving him a smirk of your own.

Bucky lets out a huge breath, and chuckles  “Damn sugar, you really know how to make a man sweat, don’t ya?”


Tags : @stephie-senpai