split remedy

Pukwudgie headcannons

- they are over the top drama queens about everything but mostly their home remedies
- everything might as well be a drug transaction
- “hey, pshh, hey you, you want some drugs?” “are you talking about those pills that get rid of my cat’s allergy” “man you really know how to kill the mood”
- “i got the stuff” “just give me my damn ibuprofen”
- feeling ill??? drink tea, lots of tea, with honey,
- “do you want a jar of honey?” “why???” “fucking flu season, it’ll kill you if you don’t get your shit together”
- they have an endless supply of everything
- pocketfulls of homemade cough drops
- current theory is that the real pukwudgies act as suppliers for anything the pukwudgie students need
- “why don’t you just buy the stuff instead?” “not everyone has there ass full of money kevin, plus i profit off of this”
- they are sharks, if you borrow money or owe them anything they will hunt you down
- a thunderbird went missing
- they were found and still in one piece but still
- the older pukwudgies will fucking murder anyone who makes their younger housemates cry
- they know alot about poison, stuff that’s not even allowed at ilvermorny
- the wampus house has a betting pool and if there’s trouble getting money they call a pukwudgie
- they are all about ‘good vibes’
- “you’re really killing my vibes”
- except the ones who aren’t who respond with “are you fucking high or something, what are you gonna do next??? start throwing peace signs around”
- they do, ironically of course (it’s not ironic, at least not any more)
- contests on who can drink the most coffee, no one ever really sleeps after that
- late night conversations that are so random
- “once a penguin bit my finger” “ what the hell???”
- “who thought chocolate and peanut butter was a good idea??? bc man were they right"
- “how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?” “378” “what the fuck?”
- “im really gay” “that’s nice, me too except im really bi”
- they always end up laughing so hard that their sides hurt
- pukwudgies who tell you to get your shit together and don’t sugarcoat anything
- “my boyfriend wants to go out but im not feeling it” “then dont”
- “there’s just so much going on” “then take a break”
- putting their foot down and telling you to take care of yourself first, that it’s okay not to hang out with friends and it’s okay wanting to be alone
- they give the best advice but that’s only bc the real pukwudgies have a soft spot for daytime tv and the student pukwudgies end up hearing about all the morals of the story
- some pukwudgies are not really into the whole home remedy thing and instead get hella cool archery lessons from real pukwudgies and watch over their younger housemates
- profits from selling home remedies are split evenly throughout the house (there’s a lot of money to go around), or used to buy things for the common room like a tv so when real pukwudgies visit they can can watch all the tv they want
- the pukwudgies are really fond of the other pukwudgies, both sides deny this but it’s the truth

SARAH/MITCH'S BEAUTY FACE HAIR TIPS THING

WHAT’S THAT I HEAR

YOU GUYS WANNA KNOW HOW I TAKE CARE OF MY FACE AND HAIR?????????

WELL OF COURSE I’LL SHOW YOU

first thing imma do is show you how to take care of your face skin

i usually use a face mask from the gods and it’s called Mask of Magnaminty and you can get it from Lush which you can probably find at your mall or you could google it

it covers up my terrifying black heads and clears up my acne and shit (also it fills in my pores…which are so deep you could fall into them)

because my skin kind of gets angry when i eat too much junk food

it’s like

you know

having satan for a face

THIS SHIT LOOKS LIKE GUACAMOLE BUT DON’T EAT IT IT DOESN’T TASTE VERY GOOD

it smells like the inside of a candy cane factory but with more OOMPH

be careful not to get it in your eyes when you’re putting it on because i did that once

*cue flashback*

OH MY FUCKING GOD IT BURNS HOLY MOTHER OF JESUS SOMEONE SAVE ME 

*end flashback*

it says to leave it on for 10 to 15 minutes and i usually do 15 because like i said my face is satan

and then scrub it off your face using warm water

but don’t scrub too hard because your face will get angry at you

(hello cat butt)

TO CLEAN UP THE FACE MASK SHIT I USE GENERIC STORE BOUGHT FACE CLEANER BECAUSE I SPENT ALL MY MONEY ON THE FACE MASK

it looks like…

…semen

i lather this up in my hands so i just don’t have one singular glob

and then i smear it on my face

so then my face is gooey

and so are my hands

the bottle says to dab at it with a towel until there’s a thin film left on your face but i don’t have a towel with me so i’ll just use a napkin

now you know how to do your face like mou

NOW WE MOVE ON TO HAIR

when i wash my hair afterwards i usually use some of this tresemme leave in condition shit

the split remedy stuff

‘cause i get split ends like a motherfucker

i sprays a lil bit in my hair (or a lot bit it depends on how i’m feeling)

and then i lather the fuck out of it

until my hair is beautiful

then i follow that up with some of this…generic goopy stuff

i think i got it at sally hanson’s beauty supply i don’t remember

it looks like…

…day old semen

i lather THAT sticky glop up in my fingies

and then lather my mane with it

until my hair is shiny and my hands feel like i just dipped them in jello

on days where i DON’T wash my hair i use this suave moroccan dry shampoo stuff

i lift up chunks of my hair and spray at the roots 

THEN I LATHER THAT FUCKING SHIT

and then my hair is beautiful

and that’s it

now you can be gorgeous just like me

thuggersbbygirl  asked:

can u give me a list of cheap deep conditioners / protein treatments that aren't diy please

Affordable Deep conditioners are:-
1)Aussie 3 min miracle moist deep conditioner $3.99
2)tresseme flawless curls moisturizing conditioner $3.98
3)garnier fructis hair are sleek shine $3.99
4)trader joes nourish so a balance moisturizing conditioner $ 2.50
5)herbal essence hello hydration $ 3.99 small & big $7.99
6)vo5 moisture milks conditioner strawberries & cream $0.99
7)suave naturals tropical coconut $1.50
8)suave moisturizing conditioner almond & Shea butter $3.49
9)white rain sensations hydration tropical coconut $0.99
10)cantu Shea butter leave in conditioning repair cream$4.99

Best protein treatments are
1)apHoogee keratin 2 minute reconstructor- for mild breakage or color treated.
2)tresseme split remedy conditioner- for damp detangling or heat styling
3)organic root stimulator replenishing pak- for strength without moisture loss

Sorry I can’t find cheaper protein treatments because when it comes to protein, you need the best in order to reap the benefits but those are some of the best & since you can only use them once a month, I think it’s ok to spurge on them.