Fruit puns
  • Bokuto: why did the banana go to the doctor?
  • Bokuto: because it wasn't peeling well!
  • Kuroo: why was the strawberry upset
  • Kuroo: because it was in a jam!
  • Both: *look at Kenma excitingly*
  • Kenma: ask me if I'm an orange
  • Bokuto: ARE YOU AN ORANGE?!?!
  • Kenma: Nope, I'm a depressed person stuck in a Wal-Mart parking lot because two idiots had to sell our car keys to a random person for some book full of stupid fruit puns.
  • Bokuto: that isn't in the book
The Lifeguard

“You’re paler than milk…”

Jim glared at Sebastian after making that comment “Shut up,” he grumbled under his breath and tossed his top to one side and then began to set up his beach towel on the sand. “Anyway milk bottles can enjoy the sun too!”

“Yeah but watch you don’t get burnt because last time you did I was almost tearing my hair out with the amount of complaining you were doing.” Sebastian lay down on his own towel and placed on his sunglasses “I’m going for a sleep, wake me up if you need me.”

Jim sat on his beach towel with his knees to his chest. His eyes scanned over the whole area and that was when he finally saw the person he came here for.

The lifeguard.

Jim bit down on his lip and watched Greg walk across the sand in those cherry red shorts that almost made Jim’s heart stop every time he saw them. “You’re staring,” Jim jumped at Sebastian’s voice.

“Weren’t you going for a sleep?!” Jim snapped and Sebastian let it a snort of laughter, propping himself up on his elbows.

“I was but this is much better…why don’t you just talk to him?”

Jim rolled his eyes and huffed out air “No.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes “So stubborn. I’m going for a swim.” Jim was left on his own and angrily grabbed the sunscreen next to him, slapping the pale cream on his even paler skin.

He struggled to put some on his back and was becoming more and more frustrated. “Need some help?”

Jim froze hearing that knee weakening voice. He slowly turned around and saw his favourite lifeguard standing there with the most radiant tan and most chiseled chest he’d ever seen. Jim couldn’t even speak but he nodded with a gaping mouth, not quite believe that this was happening.

“Sit up,” Greg smiled and Jim was wondering if it was just the sun that was making him feel this hot. He let out a small groan of delight feeling Greg’s hands roam up and down his back, massaging the sunscreen into his skin. “That should do it.”

Greg stood in front of Jim “If you need anything ask just come and find me,” he winked and returned to the nearby lifeguard watchtower.

Jim let out a dreamy sigh and felt a grin spread from ear to ear.

“That was the weirdest fucking lifeguard erotica I’ve ever seen.”

“Moran!” Jim jumped on the spot and screamed from sheer shock “Don’t sneak up on me like that!” He growled.

Sebastian chortled and sat back down on the towel “You’ve got it baaaadd” he sang. Jim shoved him slightly and glanced up to Greg “You know,” Sebastian began “I bet the doggy paddle isn’t the only the style of doggy he likes…” He trailed off with a smirk.

Jim looked at him with a disgusted expression “You’re filthy. I also do not ‘got it bad’” he quoted Sebastian.

Sebastian nodded, unconvinced “Sure boss. Hey it’s a good job he’s a lifeguard because you’re always drowning in his eyes!” He laughed at his own joke while Jim sat there with a deadpanned expression “Oh no wait! I’ve got another one…you wish his whistle wasn’t the only thing he’s blowing today.”

Jim felt his cheeks burn “You really suck Moran…”

Sebastian held onto his stomach as he laughed “A-and you swallow…” He could barely speak from laughing that much.

“That was a low blow…”

Sebastian burst out laughing again “Yeah? It’s funny because you’re usually on your knees doing the low blowing.”

Jim let out a breathy growl and stood up, walking his way through the hot sand to the sea. “Oh come on boss!” He could hear Sebastian shout “Don’t be such a…a beach!” He roared with laughter again.

The laughter in Jim’s ear was soon replaced with the sounds of the soft crashing waves as he stood next to the sea. He walked in a little deeper and let out a deep breath as the cool water relaxed him.

“Stupid Moran…” Jim muttered out and kept walking, starting to feel the weightlessness of the sea.

That’s when it happened, it was almost instantaneous feeling the current swooping from under him and dragging him out to sea.

Greg dropped his binoculars and instantly rushed to Jim’s aid, it looked like he was running across the sand in slow motion. He swam to him and securely wrapped his arm around him while he used the other to swim back to shore. Greg settled him on the sand and Jim coughed up some water “You scared me!” Greg’s voice trembled with worry.

“S-sorry…” Jim spluttered out. It was only then that he realised Greg’s big, brown, beautiful eyes were looking down on him like he was an angel “Sorry…” He whispered out, repeating the word again.

“It’s alright,” Greg smiled and sat him upright “I like your shorts.” He smiled and Jim looked down at his turquoise swim shorts with turtles on them.

“Th-thanks,” Jim stuttered out with a smile “I love yours. They really, really suit you.” Greg smiled and glanced down to the sand before his attention was captured by Jim once more “How can I thank you for saving me?”

“Well…” Greg trailed off “How about dinner?”

“I’d love that,” Jim smiled before it quickly disappeared as soon as he heard Sebastian.

“I’ve got another one!” He laughed, not realising the situation that had just happened “The tide isn’t the only thing that rises when you’re on this beach Jim- oh…” Sebastian looked down at the two men on the sand “Uh…did I miss something?”

Jim glared at him before a joke came into his head and he sent a devilish smirk his way “It must be good to know that you’re not alone when it comes to having crabs Moran. The sea also has them too.”

Sebastian stood there, sightly taken aback, as Jim and Greg walked off arm in arm into the sunset.

So many sea and beach innuendos…

These are the two responsible for this 😂

@wcsteland @damnitman-jamlocked-inthetardis

🔮Bones And Animal Parts In Magick🔮

WARNING:This is a post about using bones and animal parts in magick. If your against this or uncomfortable there is no need to read on. Also always make sure to obtain animal parts and bones in a humane way.

Beginning Note: Never bleach bones it breaks them down. I like to wash and scrub them with hot water and soap then set them in the sun to dry. Everything in this post is from my personal experiences and some research I did a very long time ago.

I personally love using parts in protection spells and curses. For example I like to use snake parts for curses. If you make a snake mad it will strike at you just like if you make a witch mad in the wrong way we will strike back. Or sometimes chicken bones cuz they can hurt you with their nails. I use a lot of chicken bones and snake parts for protection as well cuz I feel chickens are protective of their young, and snakes are always blending in or hiding to protect themselves. You can find bones in nature, the butcher, or a meal you eat such as chicken wings or ribs.

🔮More examples:
Chickens: protection, curses, love
Fox: spells for if you need to be cunning
Snake: renew, change, strike, use for curses
Owl: see in the dark, wisdom
Butterfly and pecock: get noticed
These animals have other meanings accosted with them. Also always go with what you feel, think of what the animal means to you.

🔮Bones can be used for divination and a witches ladder.

🔮You can use the parts as an ingredient in your spell or use the parts to call upon the spirt of the animal to aid you in your magick.

🔮You can add certain parts to salves or tinctures. DO YOUR RESEARCH FIRST BEFORE ATTEMPTING THIS.

🔮You can put different parts together of different animals to get a mythical creature. For example mix snake or lizard parts with bird feathers to get a dragon.