I thought you weren't going to be a bitch!?

Me: I’m going to do my best to not play a total bitch character this time.
DM: alright sounds good.

*in session, 4 PCs meet. Their parents have known each other for years. Many of them having sexual relations during their travels*

*my Tiefling gets into an argument with the half dragon, while 2 others watch*

Tiefling: Well I know that your mom was kinda crazy. So you looking as scary as you do makes a lot of sense.
Half Dragon: Who the hell do you think you are talking to me about my family like that? You don’t know my parents?
Tiefling: What are you talking about? My mom has fucked your parents!

Everyone (out of character, to me): WHAT THE FUCK!!
DM: You said you wouldn’t be a bitch!
Me: I’m sorry guys…..

The DM got up and walked away shortly after.

it’s such a strange thing that we care about what we look like. like have you ever just considered that cavemen didn’t have mirrors or cameras or anything to see themselves up close with and they didn’t even care about what they looked like? we literally come from the universe, all of us, and we have most of the same basic parts/appearance but otherwise we look different. our skin and eye colours change based on where we live to protect us from harm and ours cells join together different to give us our other differences in appearance. we’re just built the way we are to survive as every other animal is. when did we go from recognizing our bodies for their health and grace and strength and resiliency to picking them apart and criticizing them and starving ourselves to eliminate parts of them and comparing them to others? when money became the vital part of owning anything and therefore critiquing bodies and selling products to combat these new flaws was a new marketing technique to make tons of it. they made something so unimportant a crucial part of life and i think it’s pure bullshit. don’t even just love your body but realize that its appearance is actually such a stupid thing to waste your energy caring about.

Rogue: Say something mean to me.
Ranger: *Sigh* Just do whatever you’re going to do.
Rogue: No, say something mean! That way this will be easier!
Ranger: What if I tell you you’re wasting my fucking time with this stupid conversation?
Rogue: That’ll work. *Proceeds to reopen a bad wound from the prior night.*
Ranger: Why do you do these things?
Rogue: What, it needs to look realistic! *Coughs up blood* …That’s not blood.
Ranger: Just. Stop and hurry up so I can heal you and then smack you again.
Rogue: Fair enough!

I’m imagining what Dylan would ask Tex if she ever got to meet her and I just realized that Tex would probably be so baffled by Dylan

like, she’d poke her and be like “what is this. what do you mean you’re a civilian. what’s a civilian” 

Dylan: Agent Texas what are your thoughts on AI rights–

Tex: why don’t you have a gun, you’re not a medic