A Dinner Date with Depression
Is after dessert the proper time to tell somebody that you occasionally want to hang yourself in your closet? What about before the appetizer? Is that the proper time to tell somebody about the time you tried to asphyxiate yourself? I’m never just on a date with a boy; depression is always there too, lurking in the background, contemplating ordering something I can’t afford. I’ve never been able to decide what the proper time is for me to tell somebody that I have depression. Should I write up a contract right before they become my boyfriend? Dear –insert name here- please sign on the dotted line if you acknowledge that your potential girlfriend has depression and that you’re OK with it. Please initial here if you won’t mind that she has days where she doesn’t want to get out of bed, or even be alive at all. Print your name in the box if you won’t leave me, alone, crying, so frightened, on a day where I’m not sure if I can be with my own mind, but none of that’s fair, is it? I don’t know when the right time is, or if there’s ever a right time. Maybe I should just never tell anybody I fall in love with. This boy I dated once told me, “You seem like the last person who could ever be depressed.” I could take that approach. Never say anything, marry, have children, and then one day if they find me dead in the bathtub they could write about how happy I was in my obituary. What is the right time? Is there ever a right time? I hope if there is one I find it, and I hope whoever it is will love me anyway.