Those nights- are you familiar with them? The ones where you numbly shut the door and slide down your bedroom wall. Staring down at your hands or at yourself in the mirror and after long minutes of silence, you start breaking? You start breathing heavy, gasping for air as though you're drowning. Your head feeling light and your sobs are quiet. Sobbing about everything that has gone wrong in the moment.
Everything wrong with you, and everything you just can’t deal with. And you deal with it the only way you know how- you take slow, deep breaths as you quietly cry yourself to the brink of exhaustion, sleep.
The next morning, you awake with puffy red eyes and a pounding headache. But you get up anyways, like all other days
—  those nights have been hitting hard

anonymous asked:

How do you know the real from the fakes? Coming from a place everyone you open up to just takes advantage of you and you just wish you to settle cause it seems people are unjust? Where do you go when everyone vents to you but you can't vent to them? Who cares is the question even when those care for you, care for themselves

This how i know the real from the fake when it. Comes to that, so pretty much people who constantly vent to you but it seem like you can’t vent to them vice versa, you’ll know they’re fake or more so selfish cause those kind of people never ask how you’re doing even after venting about all their problems, people who genuinely care about you wanna make sure you’re good to even after spilling their heart out they still wanna know everything good over on your end & they’re willing to share advice as well & then you have people who never tell their business but constantly wanna know what’s going on with you just to be nosey gotta watch out for them people that keep their shit secretive but be all up in your business or tell everybody else business but their own them be the fake people, nowadays you just gotta keep shit to yourself unless you have someone you trust to talk to

i love you. god i love you. you are literally this person i never imagined that i would get to meet. you are so wonderful i can’t even express it in words and sometimes that’s a bit frustrating but i think it’s pretty rad that you go far beyond words. you can’t be explained in just a few sentences and metaphors strung together. but you are this lovely human that i get to know and i am so grateful for that. you are so effortlessly kind and compassionate and strong willed. oh god. how could anyone not fall in love with you the moment they meet you? i have no idea how anyone could feel anything but pure happiness around you. you know how people have that one person they want to call whenever they get news? or when they’re having a bad day and there’s that one person who makes it feel so much more weightless? or that person that you can’t even believe you came across in this lifetime but you’re so incredibly happy that you did? that’s you. you’re that person for me. you make me smile until my cheeks hurt. you make my heart beat so fast. you give me so many butterflies, i feel like a little kid with this big silly crush on a boy. i love you so much my heart cannot even contain it. just being around you is the greatest thing. whether we sit there and talk about whatever is on our hearts, whether we sit in complete silence, whether we just listen to the music playing - everything is so much more beautiful when i’m with you. i want to see the world with your hand in mine. i want to go to art museums in different cities. i want to go to concerts. i want to go on road trips with no destination. i want to stay up to watch the sunset, and then stay up even later to catch the sunrise. but i also want to lay in bed all day with you. i want to watch your favourite movies. i want to lay there on your chest and just listen to you sing. i have never had someone in my life who i wanted to really explore or do life with until i met you. this feels like what a first love is supposed to feel like. new and exciting, not toxicity and lies. there is so much love i don’t even know what to do with all of it. i know things aren’t always easy. i know sometimes things hurt. i know it can be scary. but it’s beautiful. it’s always beautiful. i know you’ve been hurt. so have i. you deserve the entire world and i want to give you that. i need you to know that i love you with everything i am and everything i have. i need you to know that i’m not going anywhere. you’re stuck with me. i will be here for you on good days when everything feels light and i will be here for you on bad days when everything feels dark and heavy. i’ll be here supporting you. cheering you on. through everything. i’m your number one fan and i always will be. you’re the strongest and most intelligent person i know and i’m so excited to be able to be by your side while you take on your dreams. and no matter what happens, i’ll always cheer for you. i will always love you. if the future doesn’t have us together, just know that i will look back and just smile. because you’re this special person that exists at the same time as me and i somehow got lucky to be yours. so if things don’t work out, just know that somewhere out there, there’s an alternative universe where we ended up together and that’s enough for me. and i love you. i love you i love you i love you. that will never change.
—  i’m in love with you and i don’t want to be anything else
You know the thing is I spent a lot of time wishing we would’ve been together. I always wished that you’d walk back into my life, with a ‘baby I’m back’ kind of smile, and just whisk me away. You didn’t though, and that’s okay. So here’s me wishing you the best. I hope your life is full of everything you want it to be. I hope you find that you don’t ever need me, and I’ll do the same for you.
—  m.n // “Closure”
And as much as I hate to say it, I just realized that as I grew older, I already accepted that some people will not always be there for me every time I need them. That no matter how wide I opened my door, they would never come in. That no matter how loud I shouted their names, they wouldn’t turn around and face me. I already accepted the fact that they also have their own problems—to solve. That sometimes they need to save themselves first. It wasn’t being a bad friend nor a selfish one. But it was just us human beings wanting and searching for a mean to survive. And yes, I understand, even if it broke my heart not only once but too many times.
—  ma.c.a // Cold feet, warm heart
Please be kind with me, some day’s I will be hard to love, and others I will love too much, but love is something I always have to give.
—  to my future love
We talked about the first conversation we had and both of us have a different memory of it, and we will never know who is right or who is wrong but I don’t fucking care as long as you remember me, as long as I have you in whatever way it can be.
I am just glad that you have the remembrance of our first talk. I am glad I am that important to you
My heart is already broken because guys like you don’t go for girls like me.


We didn’t even start. 

“Tell me. What is love like?” she whispers to him under the stars. He stares off before the words fell from his lips like embers.

“Love. It’s like fire.

It’s so beautiful to look at. It is wonderful to make and have… but if you aren’t careful it, then it will burn you.

It will engulf your soul and leave nothing but dark ashes behind.

Love is both a warm fire on a cold night and a terrifying wildfire when exploring. Beautiful from afar, but a horror when too close.

I guess, simply put, love is something that with just enough distance could keep you warm and alive through the darkest winters in your life.”
His voice drifted off into the darkness and she knew he hadn’t kept enough distance before.

His dark eyes were ashes of a burning love.

He had been burnt.

—  Excerpts from a book I’ll never write #66
I could write an entire novel on this boy. The way he makes my head spin and my heart ache. The way he says my name. The way he smiles against my lips when he kisses me. The way he squeezes my hand tighter every single time he holds it. The way he gets super excited out of nowhere and will yell and terrify me while I’m driving. The way he sings along to songs quietly as if no one can hear - but I can hear and he’s amazing. The way he makes everything a little less sad. I have no idea what I’m doing with my life, I don’t know what my future holds, but I do know that he makes it all seem a lot less scary. Nothing feels as heavy as it used to, I’ve lived my whole life with this constant ache in my chest but I don’t feel it anymore now that he’s here. He’s the purest, brightest, most kindhearted, genuine, loving, caring, radiant, and passionate soul I have ever met. He is a warm, relaxing day at home but also an adrenaline-filled adventure. He calms me down yet makes me crazy in the best way. He’s my best friend. I want to know everything about him - what makes him happy, what makes him sad, what makes him angry, what terrifies him, everything. I want to be able to just look at him, or hear the tone of his voice, and know what he’s thinking and how he’s feeling. I want to know his family and love them and have them love me. I want him to take me to all his favourite places. I want to watch the sunrise with him, and then the sunset. I could listen to him talk about the things he loves forever. Art. Music. Nature. He’s so insanely talented and I know he’s going to go so far in life and I can’t wait to support him through it all. He has my entire heart and I wouldn’t want anyone else to have it. My friends have told me so many times that I become a smiling mess when talking about him. That my eyes become a little brighter. I have so much love for him. No matter how bad my day is, all I have to do is think about him and remind myself that life has been good to me. He makes me happier than I’ve ever been. He’s the best person I know. All I want to do is make him happy. All I want to do is love him. God I can’t wait to fall in love with him. I’ve always been terrified of love, but he makes me want to risk it all. I’m going to fall in love with him.
—  it’s 4:44am and you’re all i can think about. you’re all i want to think about. (unluckyones)