spilled-heart

The day he said “I hurt sometimes,” she could barely keep herself from saying “I hurt most times.”
The pain that he felt was the kind of pain that everyone felt, the kind of pain this people would feel when their friends left them out or when the guy doesn’t call you back. But the pain that she felt was the kind of pain that overwhelms you. It’s like you’re being suffocated by the darkness, except it’s inside you.
His pain he could escape from, but hers she never could.
—  Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #4, 4am
You say you love me?
Then love me enough to walk away.
Love me enough to let me go.
Love me enough to not answer those 2 AM texts
Love me enough to not come back
Love me enough to just walk away
if you love me, you will leave me
—  But we all know you only love yourself

Swept in a current, caught miles from shore, one day you’re going fall in love.

And it will hit you like a wave, knocking you off your feet. But you will come up laughing.

It will be sweet like ice cream on sunny bright afternoons, and your heart will flutter like hand-painted butterfly wings.

He will come in like a dream. Come in like April, May, and June. 
And this you should remember.

Remember sunshine on your back, the wind in your hair, that unshakeable crazy wonderful feeling. 

So when he leaves like a nightmare you will know that seasons are fleeting, but it was a lovely summer all the same.

And from time to time you will visit the ocean to feel the sand in your toes, to hear the bark of the gulls.

The waves might knock you down.
But you will come up laughing.

—  A scribbler // April, May, and June
You knew from the start how fragile I was and yet you still broke my heart.
—  This is innocence that has been corrupted, I thought because since I’d never do that to someone they would never do that to me. But the world has taught me a valuable lesson the day you deystroyed me. Keep your heart in locks and chains. Don’t throw away the key the wrong person might find it. Hold on to it until you’re as sure as the way the sun knows to rise and set each day.
You asked for the last of your things back. Begrudgingly, I gave them to you. Let me tell you, nothing hurts as much as watching you walk away with the only tangible pieces I had left of you. You struck a match and burned away my paper heart, leaving me with the ashes.
—  How do you sleep at night knowing you destroyed the best parts of me?
illusory heart breaker-

i’m not a heart breaker,
but sometimes i like to pretend 
that i am.
my confidence seems to 
be at its peak after two or 
three drinks,
when i am out with my friends
and they all keep telling me
that the dress i bought
for this exact reason
will make them fall like flies.
truth is,
i don’t really know how to
be that girl
who can draw in a pursuer
and then turn away
by the end of the night. 
i usually feel bad
and want to give them some
sort of consolation prize,
like my number.
i need to remember that this
is not a good idea.
all of these silly little boys
who hit on me and
my friends at the bar
only want one thing.
we all know it.
but then once i’ve let my guard
down and given them a
second opportunity
i feel obligated to see them again.
why would i do this to 
myself every time?
i’m still kind of vulnerable,
though they’ll never be able to tell-
i’m all high heels and 
brilliance at first,
but by the end of the night 
all i want is someone to take me
home and sleep next to me.
and that’s never 
how it happens,
is it?

worship at sunrise

colors such as these!
even the clouds
like bruises or burnt crosses
pink flesh of a grapefruit sky
plate orange and red
together bleeding
and on the other side
a misshapen moon
pulls tight a smokey shawl
on its way out the door
– for these O Soul!
i unhumblest of troubadours
with a cantata of crickets
and hymning birds thank
ah You ! Wonderous 

Hearts Out to Nepal

Hearts Out to Nepal

Lifeline buried, how bleak the reaping of disaster,
“lives forever altered or forever lost”
beneath the hollowed Earth.

Hush or we’ll be jinx’t.
“Gays are the reason”, one politician claims,
that disaster will follow to our lands.
Never in sights, that at the hands of greed, the voracious reaping of our lands gifts
could be sending ripples
from sites far away
The domino effect a mere dream
faced with truth,
eyes blind,
cross eyed,
contradictions in plain view.

Hearts out to Nepal,
in the aftermath of tragedy,
there’s always hope to rebuild,
but pain, never to be forgotten

I love you and I would have given you anything, hell I thought I did, but I guess it wasn’t enough and that’s okay, that’s okay.
—  Trying to convince myself I can do without your love / mistakenharmony

We underestimate the human ability to be able to hold another human being.

No one has properly hugged me in months and coming into your arms felt a lot like coming home.

This is where all emotions begin.
Home.

—  Zienab Hamdan -  The places people make home. 

If you’re going to break my heart, be gentle.
It doesn’t have to end in chaos and tears, there doesn’t need to be raised voices and slamming doors.
Stop the roaring fires, stop the traffic and quietly give my heart back to me.
Time isn’t a guarantee, and forever is a big promise to make, one I never expected you to keep.
Don’t be in a hurry to forget me, we taught each other so many things over the years, things that changed my point of view, things that changed me.
We walked this road together for a long time my love, but sometimes life leads us apart. I won’t soon forget the look in your eye when you woke up in the mornings, or the way you held my hand. Years from now I’ll smell your aftershave on the street and I’ll search for your eyes. Hopeful and heavy hearted I’ll hope to see you standing there, looking every bit as beautiful as the bright eyed nineteen year old you were when I met you. But you’ll be gone, long gone.
Maybe one day we can make this right, and live the life we dreamed of together. But as for right now, there’s lessons in this life we have to learn alone.
And while this hurts so much more than I ever thought it could, I’m grateful that I lived a part of my life with you.

Wild, crazy and unconditionally I loved you. So I leave you saying thank you, for making me a better person, for showing me what real love was.

You were my best three years.

—  Please, don’t go. Please baby, stay.