spill my heart

My heart needed a voice

The Unusual Beautiful

The unusual beautiful
Gets his heart broken
So many times
He picks up the pieces
Carrying them wearily
Dropping some on the way

The unusual ugly
Follows loosely behind
Unknowing, subconsciously
Picking up stray pieces
Progressing through life

They merge paths

The unusual ugly
Sees a broken and battered
But beautiful heart
She says,
“I’ve been down your path”
And repieces his parts

“My heart can’t be fixed, people tried to break it and succeeded…” I told her as I sit on the corner of her bed. “…so please don’t you ever make me feel complete.” I continued as I try to stare at the floor. “I’ll give parts of me to you. Eventually, we’ll be covering ourselves with strings. Eventually, we will be as one.” She replied as she lays her head on my shoulders. “Tell me your fears.” She continued. “I’m afraid when I wake up I won’t be the one you’re looking for. I’m afraid that when the sun shines I’d wake up to traces of you and not your body.” I replied. The rain started falling. The room got colder. “I have fears, too. They’re even worse. But when I met you, my fears suddenly turned into a blur of colors. They’re slowly fading. Now, I have a backdrop of fears I will never be afraid to look at.” She replied covering me with her favorite blanket. I still have fears but thank God I got her.
—  // the nights will grow cold but that’s okay, as long as you’re here with me and you’ll promise to stay

I’m not going to write about all the times you screwed me over.
I’m not going to make you out to be this bad person.
Because at some point you were what was right for me.
You rescued me when I was lost.
You helped me win the battles with my demons.
You made me feel beautiful.
And when you looked at me, I knew I mattered.
Those are the memories I will remember you by
At some point in time, you did love me.

So no, I won’t hate you
For outgrowing me
For lying
For leaving
But I’m not going to pretend I’m ok with it either…

I think once you move on, you start to see the person as less and you thought they where. They aren’t a hurricane of heart break or a glorious ocean any more. Their eyes don’t remind you of chocolate or the sky, and their presence doesn’t make your heart skip an extra beat. They just become a person who loved you a little less than you loved them.
—  11:02 - wish we were just strangers

I’m going to push you away,

I need you to stay,

but I wouldn’t blame you if you dont

—  God help me//kayla

You couldn’t look at me.

I was right there, and you couldn’t look at me.

Maybe it killed you to see that I could smile without you, that I could laugh with someone who wasn’t you. Maybe you finally realized that I could breathe and live, and that I didn’t need you after all.

Because at some point I got tired of chasing, chasing someone who was never going to come around. I was a fool, going back and forth playing your stupid, little game. The difference between you and I though, I tried to get through to your heart - I cared, I loved, and you didn’t. You could’ve let me in, you should’ve let me in, you needed to let me in.

But you made a decision, and your decision wasn’t me.

—  c.f. // “game over”