spiled

You aren’t worth your own playlist of songs anymore. You aren’t worth nights spent staying up crying over our pictures and moments. You do not deserve the words “I miss you” written next to your name in my journal. I do not deserve the “you sized” hole in my physical and mental being. You aren’t worth me calling my friends at 2 in the morning; I should be asleep. You aren’t worth me being afraid to sleep in my bed. Or being scared of the box on the top shelf of my closet-the one that holds the remains of when we were us- fading faster than your breath when you exhale in late December. You do not deserve a single ounce of my energy. I gave you all of my secrets, all of my attention, all of my love; leaving none behind for myself. And you, you took it, and you gave yours to her. I didn’t deserve the lies. I didn’t deserve you, you who turned out to be someone different than I though you were, because I deserve better.
I think lately I’ve learned what maturity is.
Maturity isn’t about being a “lady” in your actions, nor having a good language or being qualified enough to deal with people, no.
Maturity is when you reach to the point where you ask yourself; “who am I and who I want to be?” When you start to realize that your existence was meant to be for a reason, that you have something specialized only for you to do. And most importantly, it’s when you start searching for the answers.
Maturity is when your realize that your happiness comes first, no matter how much things and people you have to cut off. It’s when you realize that your smiles and laughs must be there on your face before your tears.
When you learn that loving someone isn’t enough to stop them from hurting you and it’s never your fault, knowing when to let go before it’s too tight that it could suffocate you.
Maturity is when you become your own best friend, your own priority.
It’s when you know what is and who is good for you and to protect them, protect the people you love.
Maturity is when you know that you and only you can achieve what you want and to protect who you really are and no one is going to do that for you.
Maturity is stepping out of your comfort zone.
Maturity is embracing your faults and working around them.
Maturity is marking your thoughts in big words and bright colors.
Maturity is knowing that your dreams are worth the stars.
—  Know your worth.| Infinite excerpts. -JH
You say you hate your smile
You say you hate your hair
You say you hate your body
You say that you don’t care
You drown yourself in sorrow,
Self criticism and defeat
You do not accept yourself
So you never feel complete
One day these thoughts will end
This cycle cannot repeat
You must stop this destruction
And get back on your feet
I wish you’d see what I do
When I look in your eyes
A beautiful girl inside and out
Whose vanity is her demise
—  Julia DeLissio, Day 154, “Vanity Turned to Insanity”
I cannot keep reminding you
that I exist,
that I am here.
I do not take up enough space for you to notice,
I am empty promises and spiteful apologies.
I am stained in the words you say,
bathed in the persecutions laid upon me.
You are blameful and I am resentful.
Won’t you lay your hands and crucify me?
I cannot help but be angry.
—  and you won’t allow me to be
The problem is
I don’t know how to look into your eyes and not fall deeper in love with you.
When you laugh I think I forget how to breath.
I’m trying to love you from a distance,
From afar in the quietest way I know how.
I have notebooks completely filled with you.
I don’t think I’ll ever run out of poems to write about you because you’re my favourite piece of artwork.
I’m trying to be less.
Trying to be quieter and not suffocate you with my love
and I just hope that one day I can look into those blue eyes and still be able to breath
I hope that one day I can love you for real and not just in the pages of my notebooks.
I hope that one day I can put my hand in yours and smile knowing that all the pain you caused me was worth it.
To me, you are the brightest star in the sky and I hope that one day you will see that I shine only for you.
—  L.S.
I am not the same person I was when I was with you, so long ago. I’m not going to lie, I still daydream about you. How we were so good, and it ended right before my eyes. Just like that. There was so much more we could do, all of our plans gone to waste.
—  Life after you