spiled

I think me and you can live in a fairytale in my head
where you send me roses everyday
and I kiss your head every time he hurts you.
You never moved away and I couldn’t count all of the hours that I spend sleeping
that you spend awake.
I didn’t have to worry about waking up one day and you not being here,
and for you, with me, the same.
I never left you,
we never cried over each other on lonely nights,
I never broke your heart and you never broke mine.
We could love each other as loudly as we wanted,
not caring who would hear,
you wake up in my bed
and I realize we have nothing to fear.
But this can only keep me safe for so long,
you’re slipping like ash through my palms
and I dream of you,
then wake up to an empty bed and a broken heart all over again.
So I’ll tell everyone about you,
and you’ll remind yourself that distance is only a few miles.
I’ll find religion again and pray for you
and you’ll promise me that everything will be alright.
Except maybe this time I’ll believe you.
I think lately I’ve learned what maturity is.
Maturity isn’t about being a “lady” in your actions, nor having a good language or being qualified enough to deal with people, no.
Maturity is when you reach to the point where you ask yourself; “who am I and who I want to be?” When you start to realize that your existence was meant to be for a reason, that you have something specialized only for you to do. And most importantly, it’s when you start searching for the answers.
Maturity is when your realize that your happiness comes first, no matter how much things and people you have to cut off. It’s when you realize that your smiles and laughs must be there on your face before your tears.
When you learn that loving someone isn’t enough to stop them from hurting you and it’s never your fault, knowing when to let go before it’s too tight that it could suffocate you.
Maturity is when you become your own best friend, your own priority.
It’s when you know what is and who is good for you and to protect them, protect the people you love.
Maturity is when you know that you and only you can achieve what you want and to protect who you really are and no one is going to do that for you.
Maturity is stepping out of your comfort zone.
Maturity is embracing your faults and working around them.
Maturity is marking your thoughts in big words and bright colors.
Maturity is knowing that your dreams are worth the stars.
—  Know your worth.| Infinite excerpts. -JH

i.
I think you find heaven in me too often
where hell resides.
You’re finding beauty in my pain,
but when the tears fall
you can’t even look me in the face.

ii.
I think I thought it would be different this time.
Maybe the fire would be tamed,
maybe things wouldn’t live in this dark place
but I’ve fallen flat in a disgrace.

iii.
If this is a race
I’ve fallen behind.
If you search for salvation in me,
if I pray to you,
we’ll both fall to our knees.
Tempting God, a repeat of history.

iv.
I think maybe we better shut the lights off
and look away.
If your hands find me in the dark,
I’ll shy away.
If my fingers brush your skin,
you’ll scream in pain.

v.
In these circles of hell,
things remain this way.
Until one of us changes,
until one of us breaks.
But we’ll continue to play this game anyway.

your eyes is an enigma that i can’t solve
your gaze is a contradiction of my paradox
your mouth is a dazzling acid that rot me
your voice is a soothe flux that drown me
your body is a mirage that i imagine everyday
your touch is a fantasy that keep enfeeble me
your heart is a chronosphere and your soul is a void
and i love you and i love your chaos.
—  Yoko
Sometimes it takes being on the other side of the world from somebody to realize just how far you’ve drifted apart… Perhaps it’s the idea that they are living in an opposite time from you… that your night is their day and that they’ve been living their life whilst you were asleep… It’s that feeling that the whole world has turned upside down and each of you are on opposite ends of it and yet somehow life went on without it making any real difference to either of you.
Sometimes it takes that literal physical distance to highlight just how much of an emotional gap there is between you now…
And of course… remind you of just how close you used to be.
—  Ranata Suzuki | I wrote this while you were sleeping
when it is 2am and you ask me what I am doing, you can bet that I will wake up.

It is going to take a lot more than a broken heart for enough to be enough.
—  Repost from January
You say you hate your smile
You say you hate your hair
You say you hate your body
You say that you don’t care
You drown yourself in sorrow,
Self criticism and defeat
You do not accept yourself
So you never feel complete
One day these thoughts will end
This cycle cannot repeat
You must stop this destruction
And get back on your feet
I wish you’d see what I do
When I look in your eyes
A beautiful girl inside and out
Whose vanity is her demise
—  Julia DeLissio, Day 154, “Vanity Turned to Insanity”
Synonyms For Great

A:

Admirable
Amazing
Arresting
Astonishing
Astounding
Awesome!
Awe-inspiring

B:

Beautiful
Breathtaking
Brilliant

C:

Capital
Captivating
Clever
Commendable

D:

Delightful
Distinguished
Distinctive

E:

Engaging
Enjoyable
Estimable
Excellent
Exceptional
Exemplary
Exquisite
Extraordinary

F:

Fabulous
Fantastic
Fascinating
Finest
First-rate
Flawless
Four-star

G:

Glorious
Grand

H:

I:

Impressive
Incomparable
Incredible
Inestimable
Invaluable

J:

K:

L:

Laudable
Lovely

M:

Magnificant
Marvelous
Masterful
Mind-Blowing
Mind-Boggling
Miraculous
Monumental

N:

Notable
Noteworthy

O:

Out of sight
Out of this world!
Outstanding
Overwhelming

P:

Peerless
Perfect
Phenomenal
Praiseworthy
Priceless

Q:

R:

Rapturous
Rare
Refreshing
Remarkable

S:

Sensational
Singular
Skillful
Smashing
Solid
Special
Spectacular
Splendid
Splendiferous
Splendorous
Staggering
Sterling
Striking
Stunning
Stupendous
Super
Superb
Super-duper
Superior
Superlative
Supreme
Surprising

T:

Terrific
Thumbs up
Thrilling
Tiptop
Top-notch
Transcendent

U:

Unbelievable
Uncommon
Unique
Unparalleled
Unprecedented

V:

W:

Wonderful
Wondrous
World-class

X:

Y:

Z:

I feel like I’m at the end.


Tomorrow seems like a burden and the day that follows. I just want to melt into my mattress, fade out into the darkness. Walk without a destination for hours until I find something worth stopping for. Find something worth taking a moment to appreciate.

But I’m feeling hopeless and time doesn’t stop. And I have trouble getting out of bed, trouble breathing. I want to become someone new. I want to become someone that fails to exist, that disappears without a trace. Someone far away from here, someone far away from myself.

I live in hell when I live with myself. She scares me. I need out. And I feel as though I’m suffocating in my skin. I need a shot. I need a hit. I need to bleed. I need to feel something, anything, other than this dread and brooding sadness.

I need to make it hurt, it’s the only way I can live comfortably. Only way I can see tomorrow, only way I can breathe.

Please do not remind me of my existence. Because tomorrow seems like an eternity and I only pray to God for death, but as all he never listens.


Nothing holds me anymore.

It’s funny. When someone falls in love with someone they undo the stitching it took them years to complete. They leave themselves open. Exposed. Their vibrancies of color that has been decorated inside of them wide open for the other to see. How easily one can relinquish all convictions just to feel. But then again it isn’t funny at all. It’s dangerous. It’s ignorant. Yet, so exciting.
—  a. eun
You’re the only boy in the whole wide world but to you I am just another girl.
—  One In A Million And A Million In One
i tend to look up to the sky
when i am sad, hoping that
this sorrow will fly so high to
the clouds and let my tears be
the heavy rain in a sunny day–
and i tend to get lost in space
by counting countless stars;
and by wishing the impossible
dreams i always ask to the stars,
should i give up or should i still
continue painting constellations
freely on my own space alone,
and will dance myself with the
calm river where i see the reflection
of myself under the pale moonlight
—  L., Mess and Confusion