spiderman is a boss

I’m the Boss (Scott Lang x reader)

Request: kissofvenom922 said:could I please request a Scott Lang one with “I was just trying to sound tough.”

“I’m the boss, I’m the boss, I’m the BOSS!” Scott yelled out as he leapt onto Rhodey’s suit, holding on for his life with one arm while carefully adjusting his regulator to deliver the surprise that no one would ever expect.  You heard his groan from your position on the far side of the tarmac from him, but before you could comprehend the noise, the shadow that he was suddenly casting over you told you exactly what was happening.

Keep reading

  • What she says: I'm fine
  • What she means: Motherfucking Jessie Eisenburg Jesus Christ fuck dude Motherfucking Facebook movie bullshit jesus can you fucking believe this shit God damn creative facebook and fucking lawyers and shit right fucking winkle boss twins god damn rowing the boat fuck your shit I can’t even fucking believe this shit are you seeing this shit fuck I just watched this shit fuck Jessie Eisenburg man. Mother fucking spiderman spiderman put in the time fuck put in the time mother fucking built shit with his bare hands mother fucking best friend shit Jessie Eisenburg. No man I’ll just talk about the facebook movie all day shit man you have to be so interested in the shit I have to say about the facebook movie fuck dude I just watched it a year and a half ago fuck Jessie Eisenburg man he fucked over spiderman crazy wrinkle boss twins rowing trent resin or did the soundtrack fuck this guy who invented facebook I don’t like die I can’t think of who the fuck invented facebook all I can think of is the guy who played the guy who invented facebook who the fuck invented facebook. MARK ZUCKERBURG
You’re Not the Boss of Me (Part 1/?) (Clint Barton x reader)

Imagine: The reader is a teenage girl with two older brothers. One works for shield and the other doesn’t. The agent is killed on a missions. No parental rights were in his will. The reader and Clint have always had a father daughter relationship and he wants to adopt her. The reader’s boyfriend is Peter Parker. Since both Clint and the readers one brother want to have rights a court has to get involved. The reader ends up with Clint because her brother is an ass plus there’s a danger of her being taken by hydra

It was a terrible thought that kept running through your head.  Sure, staring at a casket for the last hour had been messing with your mind, and you were an emotional wreck, but you couldn’t allow that to be an excuse for the repetitive mantra that wouldn’t give you even a moment of reprieve.

Why couldn’t it have been the other one?

Keep reading

(i couldnt resist)

“Alright. Ya have any preferences to do the meetin’ this weekend or the next weekend?”

“MotherfuCKIN JESSE EISENBERG JESUS CHRIST FUCK DUDE MOTHERFUCKING FACEBOOK MOVIE BULLSHIT JESUS CAN YOU FUCKIN BELIEVE THIS SHIT”

“..I have no idea what we’re talkin’ about right now.”

“GOD DAMN CREATED FACEBOOK AND FUCKING LAWYERS AND SHIT RIGHT FUCKING WINKLE BOSS TWINS GOD DAMN ROWING THE BOAT FUCK YOUR SHIT I CAN’T EVEN FUCKING BELIEVE THIS SHIT HAVE YOU SEEN THIS SHIT FUCK I JUST WATCHED THIS SHIT FUCK JESSE EISENBERG MAN.”

“..Schmidt, you’re scarin’ me.”

“MOTHER FUCKING SPIDERMAN SPIDERMAN YOU PUT IN THE TIME FUCK PUT IN THE TIME MOTHERFUCKING BUILT SHIT WITH HIS BARE HANDS FUCKIN BEST FRIEND SHIT JESSE EISENBERG.”

“I’m very tired.”

“No problem, Mike, I’ll… I’ll do most of th’ talkin’ at the meetin’ today.”

“NO MAN, I’LL JUST TALK ABOUT THE FACEBOOK MOVIE ALL DAY SHIT MAN YOU HAVE TO BE SO INTERESTED IN THE SHIT I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THE FACEBOOK MOVIE FUCK DUDE I JUST WATCHED IT A YEAR AND A HALF AGO FUCK JESSE EISENBERG MAN HE FUCKED OVER SPIDERMAN CRAZY WINKLE BOSS TWINS ROWING TRENT REZNOR DID THE SOUNDTRACK FUCK THIS GUY, WHO INVENTED FACEBOOK I DON’T LIKE DYING I CAN’T THINK OF WHO THE FUCK INVENTED FACEBOOK ALL I CAN THINK OF IS THE GUY WHO PLAYED THE GUY WHO INVENTED FACEBOOK WHO THE F U C K INVENTED FACEBOOK”

“MARK ZUCKERBERG”

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINY!

I know you probaby read some of them (hopefully not all of them), but anyway, you will have your favorite trope rec list in one place, so great? ;)

OFFICE AU

1) Alpha Magazine ‘Verse by WhoNatural - the classiest and the best office au there is AKA, the Ugly Betty AU where Stiles is totally Betty

Notes: It was great! Perfect office au <3 Stiles was an asisstant, Derek a grumpy boss and there was a Spiderman suit, okay? Also Lydia and Danny <3 And the feels, so many of them!

- Not Like Bond & Moneypenny

Summary: Stiles thinks he’s finally getting a break when a job at the sleek, sophisticated, Alpha Magazine opens up - but soon realises he’s not going to be writing anything and instead is playing tutor-slash-babysitter to their new Editor-in-Chief. Derek’s spoiled, grumpy, in way over his head…and so painfully attractive it makes Stiles want to lick his face. So there’s very little choice in the matter.

Word count: 30k

- What Bond Did Without Moneypenny

Summary: The lost months in Not Like Bond & Moneypenny, in which Derek pines, Laura tries not to meddle, Stiles blogs, and everything works out in the end.

Word count: 11k

- After Bond Got Moneypenny

Summary: After all they went through to get here, it should be plain sailing from now on, right?

Word count: 5k

2) My Taco Sparkles by butyoureyessaidyes

Summary:  The first time he sees Stiles Stilinski, the kid’s on his hands and knees in Derek’s office.

Or the one where Derek has to battle corporate espionage, meddling family members, clothing turned choking hazards, and inappropriate feelings for his obscenely attractive new intern.

Word count: 37k

Notes:I think I’ve died several times reading this, it was hilarious! And then a little bit more sirious but still great and I liked it a lot!

3) total system failure by Halffizbin

Summary: In which Stiles is the world’s most inappropriate entrepreneur, Erica is a menace, and Derek is terrible at his job no matter how hard he tries.

(Or, the Harrowing Saga of the Gay Porn Doppelgänger.)

Word count: 3k

Notes:  HIS FIC. Beyond awesome. Hilarious, hot and made of pure awesomness.

4) Sideways and Slantways and Longways and Backways by hologramophone

Summary: “I called you a slave-driver!” Stiles cried hysterically. “I called you an ogre! I stole all the blue paperclips!”
Derek raised an eyebrow at him.
“That’s company property!” he shouted, waving his arms madly in distress.
Derek ran a hand over his face. “It’s not theft if the vice president of the company gives you permission.”
 
(Otherwise known as the Elevator AU)

Word count: 8k

Notes: The only thing I need to say about this fic is this:

“If Derek rode the elevator up and down for nearly an hour that evening, well, nobody needed to know.”

5) i wish i had a river by thepsychicclam

Summary: Derek is the editor of a successful publishing firm, and is horrible to all his employees, including Stiles. On Christmas Eve night, he gets visited by three spirits and has to take a look at his life.

aka A Sterek Christmas Carol

Word count: 16k

Notes: I know it’s July and it’s a Christmas fic, but save it for Christmas maybe? We all need Christmas carols sterek versions, okay.

TEACHER/STUDENT AU

1) You Can’t Dodge Stiles Stilinski by stilinskisparkles

Summary: “And this is it?” he points at the first girl. “I saw you in first period, you barely bothered to catch any of the balls you were tossed. I’m pretty sure you spent more time on your cell.”

The girl rolls her eyes, and looks completely unashamed of the fact she had her phone out in class. Derek knows Finstock would have stepped on it.

“And you,” he points at the second girl, taller and with eyes that meet Derek’s coolly. “You can’t throw anything worth half a damn. And what are you,” he points at the boy, trying not to look him in the eye, and failing. “A hundred and fifty pounds wet?”

The boy smirks at him, and Derek looks resolutely away. He’s now desperately trying not to picture him wet.

“I can’t work with this.”

Word count: 27k

Notes: Funny, cute, adorable and awesome. Which mean you can reread it, because I’m sure you know that one ;)

2) Circle Yes or No by blacktofade

Summary: Stiles is a TA for Professor Morrell’s class, where Derek happens to be a mature student.

Word count: 23k

Notes: The summary says it all I think :D

3) Intro To Art For NonMajors by otatop

Summary: Derek has one more class to pass before he can finish his degree but he can’t bring himself to give a shit about art. He can, however, give a shit about his professor.

Word count: 13k

Notes: A quote once again, but just look:

“I’m not gonna lie,” Stiles started (because he was one of those ‘hip’ professors that went by his first name. Derek loved and hated it). “I’ve never had a meeting with a student that looked like they wanted to eat me.”

4) Reach Out by weathervaanes

Summary: Or, In Which Stiles Falls in Love Twice…With the Same Person.

Word count: 20k

Notes: It was great and funny and I keep reading it while walking (not safe, don’t do that!) and the ending was a little bit too much, but who cares, Stiles was awesome :D

5) DELETE ME by trilliath

Summary: Stiles is trying very hard to finish his final paper for his Advanced Human Sexuality course with Professor Derek Hale, but he has a major problem. He can’t stop thinking about banging his professor instead of actually writing his paper about sexual taboos like… students banging their professors.

Lydia’s advice to write down his thoughts is helpful… but dangerous in the hands of sleep-deprived Stiles when he forgets to remember two very important words before turning in his paper: DELETE ME

Word count: 5k

Notes: Only Stiles can do something like that and get lucky ;)

bonus aka librarian Derek and grad student Stiles :D

sparks by thepsychicclam

Summary: Derek is a librarian at one of the few supernatural universities in the country, and his student worker turns out to be none other than grad student Stiles. And it doesn’t take long before they start dating. Stiles is a gifted spark, but he keeps hanging out with people who are into dark magic, and Derek’s worried.

Word count: 17k

Notes: Perfect for an evening!

And 3 more, which mean high school au, oblivious Derek and bamf Stiles (I don’t really have canon recs or royalty au, so you have to stick with these three ;))

1) But Then What… by Stoney

Summary: Senior year is almost over, and all Stiles needs to do is keep his head down to survive. A teacher calls in a favor, leaving him stuck tutoring Derek Hale, one of the most popular jocks in school and a member of a group of douchecanoes who have bullied Stiles for years. He’s someone Stiles totally hates. Totally. Like, doesn’t like him even a little bit. DEFINITELY isn’t attracted to him.

Except that is a total lie. Fuck his life, seriously.

Word count: 24k

Notes: High schol au, nerd Stiles, jock Derek, ALWAYS.

2) Anything to make you smile by Oywiththepoodlesalready

Summary: In which Derek gets a new roommate whose best friend takes to practically living on their couch pretty quickly.
Which wouldn’t be a problem except for the fact that said best friend is the same guy who’s been holding Derek’s table at the library hostage for the better part of a month.
And, oh yeah, there’s also this thing where Derek might maybe be the tiniest bit in love with him.
Easy peasy.

Word count: 38k

Notes: Derek needs to buy a clue. OR TEN. Oblivious Derek, college feels and humor, good combination!

3)There’s Monsters at Home by calrissian18

Summary: “How did you get past the wards?” Derek had put them up, with Peter’s grudging assistance, after the Alpha pack had made themselves at home a few times too many.

The guy pulled a face. “You mean the wards a five-year-old girl with the mental ability of a goldfish could deconstruct?” He blinked wide eyes at Derek. “Gee, I don’t know. It’s bound to go down as one of life’s great mysteries.”

Derek despised him.

Word count: 84

Notes: Just fnished reading this one yesterday and I loved it! It was so good and original and Stiles was bamf and Derek was oblivious a little bit and the character development was really good and seriously, one of the best stories I’ve read recently.

So, that’s it, hope you will like it! :)))

  • Danny: Hey Arin.
  • Arin: What?
  • Danny: Can I share something with you from earlier today?
  • Arin: What is it, Dan?
  • Danny: Well, I sent you a text early in the morning because I have to go out of town for one weekend this month.
  • And so I was like, I won't give specific dates but I was like,
  • "Do you have any preference whether I go this weekend or the next weekend?" And your response...
  • Arin: *begins laughing uncontrollably*
  • Danny: At 9:30 in the morning...
  • Arin: *continues laughing*
  • Danny: *reading from the text* "Motherfucking Jesse Eisenburg Jesus Christ Fuck Dude
  • Motherfucking Facebook Movie Bullshit Jesus can you fucking BELIEVE this shit" No punctuation.
  • Arin: *still laughing* You just made me die...
  • Danny: Random capitalizations.
  • Arin: *laughing* U-Uh-huh...!
  • Danny: So I respond, "I have no idea what we're talking about right now."
  • Forty-five minutes pass, I get a text from you,
  • "Goddamn creative Facebook n' fuckin' lawyers and shit and right fuckin' winkle boss twins
  • goddamn rowin' the boat fuck your shit I can't even fuckin' believe this shit have you seen this shit
  • fuck I just watched this shit fuck Jesse Eisenburg man."
  • Arin: *cannot breathe*
  • Danny: I respond, "Arin you're scaring me." An hour passes, you respond:
  • "Motherfucking Spiderman Spiderman you puttin' the time fuck put in the time
  • motherfuckin' Bill Chip with his bare hands fuckin' best friend shit Jesse Eisenburg! I'm very tired."
  • Arin: *asphyxiating due to laughter*
  • Danny: And I'm just like, "No problem man I'll, I'll do most of the talking at the Grump session."
  • IMMEDIATE like response, I'm talking like five seconds later, "No man I'll just talk about the Facebook movie all day
  • shit man you have to be so interested in the shit I have to say about the Facebook Movie
  • fuck dude I just watched it a year a half ago fuck Jesse Eisenburg man
  • he fucked over Spiderman crazy winkle boss twins rowing Trent Resin or did the soundtrack
  • fuck this guy who inventeds Facebook I don't like dying I can't think of who the fuck invented Facebook
  • all I can think is the guy who played the guy who invented Facebook who the fuck invented Facebook?"
  • And then in all capital letters, two hours later, "MARK. ZUCKERBURG."

9:30

Arin - Motherfucking Jessie Eisenburg Jesus Christ fuck dude Motherfucking Facebook movie bullshit jesus can you fucking believe this shit

Dan - I have no idea what we’re talking about right now.

10:15

Arin - God damn creative facebook and fucking lawyers and shit right fucking winkle boss twins god damn rowing the boat fuck your shit I can’t even fucking believe this shit are you seeing this shit fuck I just watched this shit fuck Jessie Eisenburg man.

Dan - Arin you’re scaring me.

11:15

Arin - Mother fucking spiderman spiderman put in the time fuck put in the time mother fucking bill chit with his bare hands mother fucking best friend shit Jessie Eisenburg.

I’m very tired.

Dan - No problem man, I’ll just do most of the talking at the grump session today.

Arin - No man I’ll just talk about the facebook movie all day shit man you have to be so interested in the shit I have to say about the facebook movie fuck dude I just watched it a year and a half ago fuck Jessie Eisenburg man he fucked over spiderman crazy wrinkle boss twins rowing trent resin or did the soundtrack fuck this guy who invented facebook I don’t like die I can’t think of who the fuck invented facebook all I can think of is the guy who played the guy who invented facebook who the fuck invented facebook.

1:15

Arin - MARK ZUCKERBURG

  • Dan: Do you have any preference whether I go this weekend, or the next weekend?
  • Arin: Mother fucking Jesse Eisenberg Jesus Christ FUCK DUDE motherFUCKING Facebook movie BULLSHIT JESUS CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE THIS SHIT?!
  • Dan: I have no idea what we're talking about right now
  • [45 Minutes pass...]
  • Arin: God damn created facebook them fucking lawyers and shit right fucking winkle boss twins god DAMN rowing the boat fuck yo shit i can't even fucking believe this shit have you seen this shit fuck I just watched this shit fuck jesse eisenberg man
  • Dan: Arin you're scaring me...
  • [One Hour later...]
  • Arin: motherfucking spiderman spiderman you put in the time fuck put in the time mother fucking built shit with his bare hands fucking best friend shit Jesse Eisenberg
  • Arin: i'm very tired
  • Dan: No problem man, I'll do most of the talking at the grump session today
  • [5 seconds pass]
  • Arin: No man I'll just talk about the Facebook movie all day shit man you have to be so interested in the shit i have to say about the Facebook movie fuck dude i just watched it a year and a half ago fuck Jesse Eisenburg man he fucked over spiderman crazy winkle boss twins rowing trent resin or did the soundtrack fuck this guy who invented facebook i don't like dying i can't think of who the fuck invented facebook all i can think is the guy who played the guy who invented facebook who the fuck invented facebook????
  • Arin:
  • Arin:
  • Arin:
  • Arin:
  • [2 hours later]
  • Arin:
  • Arin:
  • Arin: MARK ZUCKERBERG