spide webs

safety first (a spideypool fanfic)

Hey, folks, this is Sci! After many people insisting I try my hand at writing a spideypool fanfiction, I’ve decided to give it a go. Please be kind, this is the first spideypool fanfiction I’ve uploaded. Here goes nothing! 


if you asked peter parker aka spider-man this morning if he’d expected to end up naked and accidentally making love to one deadpool aka the merc with the hot lips on the top of the empire state building then he’d probably laugh and punch you off the rooftop or something (except, maybe, now that i think about it, that probably wouldn’t be a very spider-manny thing to do)

(unless you were deadpool)

(because spider-man would, and has punched deadpool off of many rooptofs)

of course we wouldn’t have brought that up unless it did end up actually happening no matter how unlikely that sounds and it does sound pretty unlikely but i mean there you go

the day started like any other… with wade riding a motorcycle through the hectic streets of yew nork, meandering from the road to the pavement, while wearing a very tasteful ballgown, and, spider-man noted, not wearing a helmet, as he watched from the rooftops, his most favouritest vantage point.

not wearing a helmet is very hazardous, spidey thought with his big spider brain; not necessarily for the merc, who could heal from any injury the pavement could inflict upon his already pretty jumbled cranium, but rather, it was risky because of the possibility of the blood of said injury staining the beautiful white satin of what looked like to be a brand new dress, and spider-man could not have that on his conscience, (it may have also had something to do with the ridiculous speeds wade was driving into pedestrians at, but spider-man is no speeding cop), so high ho he followed the deadpool

“dEADPOOL WAIT UP, mister” spider called out with his shrill gross teenage voice even though he’s not a teenager he’s like what 30??

“what you want from me spider-man i’m under the speed limit” the mercenary said as he rammed yet another innocent bystander under the unforgiving wheels of his monster motorcycle

“you need to be MORE caREFUL” said the spide, landing on the back of the motorcycle with finesse, his beautiful rump sat on the back edge of the seat.

“you gotta wear a HELMET else you could bleed over this pretty pretty dress, and not only that but you’re setting a bad example to the kiddies”

“you’re right mr spider, what a fool i am” the handsome speedster wade wilson spoke, as he collided with more pedestrians, bodies seeming to pile up on the pavement. “but i don’t have a helmet, mr spider”

“WORRY NOT, i will web one up for you my friend, as there is nothing more important than safety” the parker man spoke wisely, and as promised, he webbed up a helmet for the mercenary, and just in time too, as the motorcycle crASHED into a building, fire everywhere, but deadpal was safe, thanks to the spider-helmet that spide-man webbed up for him. unfortunately, spidey didn’t have time to web himself up one, but fortunately when wade was sent flying, his ass doubled up as an airbag, spidey’s face landing square on the pool’s tushie.

“saved by the ass” man-spider said

“haha good one” dedpool say

“i hope you’ve learnt your lesson about just how important safety can be” spider-man said very wisely, because he was right, safety is very very important and you kids should remember that

“yes mr peter i’m very glad you taught me that lesson because it is very important and my life is far more much better now that i have learnt this important lesson” wade nodded a lot, like a little bobblehead, only he wasn’t really little, i think deadpool is quite a lot bigger than most bobbleheads, i wonder if you can actually get a person-sized bobblehead, i think that’d be creepy

“and good thing i could save that beautiful dress you’re wearing. may i say you look ravishing in it”

“you should see me out of it”

spider gasp

was wade flirting with him??????? peter always had a crush on wade for as long as he could remember, he just couldn’t resist those hot red cheeks (meaning wade’s ass) and that beautiful demi moore raspy voice (meaning wade’s ass) also wades hot ass, did i mention?

but spider-man could never confess his feelings for deadpool, no no, what would uncle ben say?? spider-man had a great responsibility to protect the people of yew nork, and so he couldn’t just elope with deadpool, settle down and have 6 beautiful spandex babies, no it couldn’t happen. spider shed a tear

“mr wilson, beautiful man, we need to talk” peterman said as he scooped deadpool up like ice cream in his strong spider-arms, and with a thwiPP carried him up to the rooftops, leaving the authorities to take care of the burning wreck of a motorcycle they left behind.

they landed on the empire state building right at the tippity top, landing so hard that they scared away all the tourists up at the top because there are always tourists on top of that damn building, no matter what movies say otherwise. but now they have the tippity top of the rooftop to themselves, spider webbing the door shut for privacy because privacy is important to him

“what’s this about spider-man” dedpool say, “is this a confession because i’ve seen in all the animes that confessions happen on the rooftops.” deadpool watches anime, spider-man becomes aware. suddenly spider-man is reconsidering the feelings he was feeling towards deadpool.

“but you didn’t leave a note in my locker, spider-kun” “SHUT UP deadpOLE”

deadpole shuts up.

“look wade, i have feelings––” spider begins, hand to his heart, looking very much like a flustered schoolgirl 

“who doesn’t?” wade respond

for you 

poor spider-man’s heart is beating like the bongos, and wade is so silent he may be having a stroke 

after a moment wade speaks up, shit-eating grin on his face and he repeat:

“who doesn’t?” 

spider-man nod, wade is right, he is goddamn irresistible 

within a moment, spidey’s sticky hairy spider-grip is all oVER wade, tearing off that beautiful white satin dress to reveal the gorgeous hunk of man within, kinda like a pie or sausage roll what’s got like a nice coating but inSIDE is where all the delicious bits are 

“oh yEA make love to me wade” the spider purred like a cat even though he is not a cat he is a spider 

“i will, mr spider, and it will be the best sex in the world” 

they sex on the rooftop, and, true to deadpool’s words, it is the best sex in the world. 

Fin 

Thank you for reading my first ever uploaded fanfic, I hope you enjoyed it.