spice rubs

🏮 THE "NEVER AGAIN" BANISHING HEX 🏮

A spell in two parts: a banishment to protect yourself from someone who has hurt you in the past, and a hex to be triggered should they try to breach the boundaries you set up. Created because I have reason to believe that an abuser from my youth has moved to my current city of residence.

THE SET UP

🏮 Perform during the waning phase of the lunar cycle at sunset. A Saturday is preferable.

🏮 You will need: an incense stick (dragon’s blood if possible), salt, black pepper, garlic, thyme, some twine/string/yarn, iron nails, paper and pen, a small offering, water that is preferably from a running source such as a river, bay leaves, nettles.

🏮 You’ll also need a poppet or representation of the wrongdoer you are binding. It can be as simple as a paper cutout with their name on it, or as complex and personal as you’d like.

🏮 As always, adjust and experiment to suit to your own craft, path and situation.

THE SPELL

🏮 Cleanse. Wash your hands thoroughly.  Light the incense. Imagine the smoke creating a protective barrier around yourself.

🏮 Create the poppet or representation of the person you are binding to the hex. Make sure to channel as much of them as you can into this representation, as well as the wrong they’ve done.

🏮 On a separate piece of paper, write a list of your terms. These are the conditions which they must not break, or else the hex will trigger. For example: “They will not look at me.” “They will not speak to me.” “They will not think about me.” “They will not cross me.” Always finish with the final condition: “They will never hurt me again.”

🏮 Take the twine/string and begin reading the conditions of the hex that you wrote aloud whilst tying knots into it. Tie a knot for every condition in order to seal it in as you read it aloud.

🏮 Fold up the list of conditions and tie it to the poppet with the knotted twine. Place the poppet down on a surface and sprinkle a mix of ground up salt, black pepper, garlic and thyme around it in a circle.

🏮 Lay down the iron nails around the poppet so that they “pierce” the circle, points inwards towards the poppet, one for each condition on your list. You can place a charged crystal at the head of each one for additional power if you wish. These are your hexes: you may rub spices or whisper malice into them as you will.

🏮 If it hasn’t already, focus on the binding of the hex until the incense stick goes out, layering up the energy. You may also use this time to focus on cleansing, healing, and moving on from the soon to be banished wrongdoer.

🏮 Lay out the small offering. I would recommend a shotglass of vodka, a egg cup of rice, or a tobacco cigarette. Depending on your path, the preferred offering may be different or an offering may be completely unnecessary.

🏮 Go to sleep. Let your mind be emptied of the one you are binding.

🏮 When the sun rises, the offerings will have served their purpose. Clean them away as appropriate. Then lift the poppet from the circle and dunk it in a jar of the water, followed by each of the nails. Add bay leaves and nettles. If it’s safe, you can detach the list of conditions and burn it instead of dunking it with the poppet.

🏮 Another cleansing of your hands to finish.

snowbell55  asked:

Thanks so much! I really appreciate it (especially the College Student's Cookbook), but I'm not so much looking for recipes as I am the processes and what things do, ie, how to cut up a chicken into pieces, what paprika does, how to fry things, which knife to use when you want to do "x", the difference between sauteing and frying, etc. Not so much "what to put together if you want to make X" but "if you do this then this will happen because of that". Do you have any resources for that?

Whoops, sorry I didn’t understand. I don’t have any resources for that, so I threw one together for you! My boyfriend has been a line cook for about seven years now, and he’s taught me so much about food. There are lots of simple things you can do to make food taste better- but let’s start with the basics.

College Cooking 101

Materials

Here is a list of materials that I believe are absolutely necessary to creating a quality product. Feel free to substitute anything based on your own personal preferences.

Cooking supplies:

  • Non-stick frying pan (cast iron pans are much more difficult to clean)
  • Pot (I would recommend a small pot that you can use to cook for just yourself, and a larger pot for cooking portions or for company)
  • Lid for said pot
  • Rubber spatula (much better than wooden spoons)
  • Tongs
  • Sheet tray
  • Strainer
  • Scissors (kitchen scissors)
  • A cutting board (I recommend plastic because they’re easier to wash)
  • Cutting knife
  • Bread knife (both knives should be sharpened every six months at least, you can take them to your local kitchen supplies shop)

Spices:

  • Salt
  • Pepper
  • Dried chives (or real chives if you can swing them. Throw them in your ramen, your tuna salad, sprinkle them on top of pasta, etc)
  • Thyme (dried or fresh… dried is 3x as potent, use to season soups or pastas)
  • Rosemary (dried or fresh, use to season meats and starches)
  • Cumin (use this spice to rub meat)
  • Cinnamon
  • Sugar
  • Garlic powder or onion powder (used for meat rubs and seasoning soups or sauces)
  • Paprika (I would recommend avoiding smoked paprika, it’s got a super aggressive flavor… use this in small amounts sprinkled over things like you would the chives)

Basic produce:

  • Parmesan cheese (for sprinkling over pastas, you can get it pre-grated)
  • Cheddar cheese (for making sandwiches and mac and cheese)
  • Tomatoes (whole, crushed, paste, whatever… just have some sort of tomato product in your pantry at all times)
  • Potatoes (you can’t buy them pre-cut because the oxidize and turn gray if not used immediately… you can still eat them, but they don’t look pretty)
  • Onions (you can get them pre-cut)
  • Garlic (use to make sauce or soup bases)
  • Romaine hearts (lettuce has a short shelf life, but romaine hearts literally last forever and are healthier than eating iceberg lettuce)
  • Protein of some sort (whatever you like- steak, chicken, tofu, etc)
  • Something salty (like pickles, black olives, anchovies, etc)
  • Your favorite veggies (I like carrots and squashes the best)
  • Pasta (whatever is cheapest or on sale at your store)
  • Bread (freeze half a loaf and leave the rest in your fridge)
  • Eggs (egg beaters or whole eggs, whatever you like)
  • Butter (or a butter substitute)
  • Oil (olive oil is the most expensive)
  • Chicken stock (or vegetable stock, in a carton or cubed)


Techniques

Basic (super duper duper basic) instructions on how to cook various items. I am not a trained professional- the information I’m providing is based off of personal experience only.

Meat

  • Steak (skirt steak or cube steak are easiest)
    • Cooking: Cook with oil. Outside of the steak should be grey. The inside should be light pink.
    • Seasoning: Create a simple spice blend and rub it all over the meat. Spice rubs always include salt and pepper, add whatever other spices you want.
    • Pair with: Starches or veggies.
  • Chicken (skinless and precut are easiest)
    • Cooking: Cook with oil. Outside should be starting to crisp, inside should be white and dry.
    • Seasoning: Salt and pepper work best. You can also coat chicken in panko bread crumbs.
    • Pair with: Starches, veggies, fruits, or pasta.
  • Pork (pork chops are easiest)
    • Cooking: Cook with butter or oil. Outside should be starting to crisp. Inside should be the same color as the outside, and should feel very dry and hard.
    • Seasoning: Create a simple spice blend and rub it all over the meat. Spice rubs always include salt and pepper, add whatever other spices you want. Meat should be completely coated in the spice rub, or it won’t taste like anything but the oil.
    • Pair with: Starches, veggies, or fruits.

Starches

  • Potatoes (little potatoes are easiest)
    • Cooking: Cook with oil. Outside should be starting to crisp, inside fork tender.
    • Seasoning: Rub (literally rub the potatoes with your hands) salt, pepper, oil and rosemary all over the potatoes.
  • Pasta (shapes are easiest)
    • Cooking: Boil water with a teaspoon of salt. Wait until the water is visibly boiling to add your pasta. I like my pasta al dente, so I always cook it for the shortest amount of time listed on the box.
    • Seasoning: Thoroughly coat pasta with whatever sauce you’re using, or it will taste dry. Good prepared sauce brands: Newman’s Own, Classico, and Barilla.
  • Orzo/Cous Cous/Pastina
    • Cooking: Cook in chicken or vegetable stock following package instructions. Stir every so often, and add additional stock as it is absorbed into the pasta.
    • Seasoning: I like to add dried herbs to the sauce as it reduces to add flavor. You can also add veggies early on and let them cook in the sauce.

Veggies

  • Carrots/parsnips/beets (chopped are easiest)
    • Cooking: These can be pan fried in oil, boiled, cooked in a sauce/stew, or put on a sheet tray to roast in the oven. The easiest way to cook them is to add them to a sauce that you are heating up, and allow them to soften until they can be pierced by a fork.
    • Seasoning: Rub the veggies with salt before cooking, unless you are adding them to a sauce or stew.
  • Green beans/asparagus/brussels sprouts
    • Cooking: These are best pan fried with butter. Cook them until they are slightly crisped and fork tender. If you want to be fancy you can blanch them before hand. How to blanch: Boil water, and throw the veggies in for literally thirty seconds. Pour them into a strainer and douse them immediately with cold water from your sink tap until they are cool to the touch.
    • Seasoning: Salt works best before cooking. Butter after cooking.
  • Squash/eggplant/sweet potato (chopped are easiest)
    • Yes I know that sweet potato is a starch, but it fits better here.
    • Cooking: These veggies are best roasted until fork tender. Time varies. These veggies should be cooked with their skin left on.
    • Seasoning: Rub these veggies with salt and cook in a little oil. Top with butter after they are cooked.


Resources

- My Pasta Sauce Post. Click here.

- College Student Cookbook. Click here.

- Broke College Kid Masterpost. Click here.

- Cooking on A Bootstrap. Click here.

- Good and Cheap. Click here.

- Budget Bytes. Click here.

- Meals On The Go. Click here. (Not a cookbook, but super helpful)


I hope this helps!

anonymous asked:

Do you have any tips for using seasonings when cooking? Or tips to help cook in general for some one new to it.

College Cooking 101

Materials

Here is a list of materials that I believe are absolutely necessary to creating a quality product. Feel free to substitute anything based on your own personal preferences.

Cooking supplies:

  • Non-stick frying pan (cast iron pans are much more difficult to clean)
  • Pot (I would recommend a small pot that you can use to cook for just yourself, and a larger pot for cooking portions or for company)
  • Lid for said pot
  • Rubber spatula (much better than wooden spoons)
  • Tongs
  • Sheet tray
  • Strainer
  • Scissors (kitchen scissors)
  • A cutting board (I recommend plastic because they’re easier to wash)
  • Cutting knife
  • Bread knife (both knives should be sharpened every six months at least, you can take them to your local kitchen supplies shop)

Spices:

  • Salt
  • Pepper
  • Dried chives (or real chives if you can swing them. Throw them in your ramen, your tuna salad, sprinkle them on top of pasta, etc)
  • Thyme (dried or fresh… dried is 3x as potent, use to season soups or pastas)
  • Rosemary (dried or fresh, use to season meats and starches)
  • Cumin (use this spice to rub meat)
  • Cinnamon
  • Sugar
  • Garlic powder or onion powder (used for meat rubs and seasoning soups or sauces)
  • Paprika (I would recommend avoiding smoked paprika, it’s got a super aggressive flavor… use this in small amounts sprinkled over things like you would the chives)

Basic produce:

  • Parmesan cheese (for sprinkling over pastas, you can get it pre-grated)
  • Cheddar cheese (for making sandwiches and mac and cheese)
  • Tomatoes (whole, crushed, paste, whatever… just have some sort of tomato product in your pantry at all times)
  • Potatoes (you can’t buy them pre-cut because the oxidize and turn gray if not used immediately… you can still eat them, but they don’t look pretty)
  • Onions (you can get them pre-cut)
  • Garlic (use to make sauce or soup bases)
  • Romaine hearts (lettuce has a short shelf life, but romaine hearts literally last forever and are healthier than eating iceberg lettuce)
  • Protein of some sort (whatever you like- steak, chicken, tofu, etc)
  • Something salty (like pickles, black olives, anchovies, etc)
  • Your favorite veggies (I like carrots and squashes the best)
  • Pasta (whatever is cheapest or on sale at your store)
  • Bread (freeze half a loaf and leave the rest in your fridge)
  • Eggs (egg beaters or whole eggs, whatever you like)
  • Butter (or a butter substitute)
  • Oil (olive oil is the most expensive)
  • Chicken stock (or vegetable stock, in a carton or cubed)

Techniques

Basic (super duper duper basic) instructions on how to cook various items. I am not a trained professional- the information I’m providing is based off of personal experience only.

Meat

  • Cooking: Cook with oil. Outside of the steak should be grey. The inside should be light pink.
  • Seasoning: Create a simple spice blend and rub it all over the meat. Spice rubs always include salt and pepper, add whatever other spices you want.
  • Pair with: Starches or veggies.
  • Cooking: Cook with oil. Outside should be starting to crisp, inside should be white and dry.
  • Seasoning: Salt and pepper work best. You can also coat chicken in panko bread crumbs.
  • Pair with: Starches, veggies, fruits, or pasta.
  • Cooking: Cook with butter or oil. Outside should be starting to crisp. Inside should be the same color as the outside, and should feel very dry and hard.
  • Seasoning: Create a simple spice blend and rub it all over the meat. Spice rubs always include salt and pepper, add whatever other spices you want. Meat should be completely coated in the spice rub, or it won’t taste like anything but the oil.
  • Pair with: Starches, veggies, or fruits.

Starches

  • Cooking: Cook with oil. Outside should be starting to crisp, inside fork tender.
  • Seasoning: Rub (literally rub the potatoes with your hands) salt, pepper, oil and rosemary all over the potatoes.
  • Cooking: Boil water with a teaspoon of salt. Wait until the water is visibly boiling to add your pasta. I like my pasta al dente, so I always cook it for the shortest amount of time listed on the box.
  • Seasoning: Thoroughly coat pasta with whatever sauce you’re using, or it will taste dry. Good prepared sauce brands: Newman’s Own, Classico, and Barilla.
  • Cooking: Cook in chicken or vegetable stock following package instructions. Stir every so often, and add additional stock as it is absorbed into the pasta.
  • Seasoning: I like to add dried herbs to the sauce as it reduces to add flavor. You can also add veggies early on and let them cook in the sauce.

Veggies

  • Cooking: These can be pan fried in oil, boiled, cooked in a sauce/stew, or put on a sheet tray to roast in the oven. The easiest way to cook them is to add them to a sauce that you are heating up, and allow them to soften until they can be pierced by a fork.
  • Seasoning: Rub the veggies with salt before cooking, unless you are adding them to a sauce or stew.
  • Cooking: These are best pan fried with butter. Cook them until they are slightly crisped and fork tender. If you want to be fancy you can blanch them before hand. How to blanch: Boil water, and throw the veggies in for literally thirty seconds. Pour them into a strainer and douse them immediately with cold water from your sink tap until they are cool to the touch.
  • Seasoning: Salt works best before cooking. Butter after cooking.
  • Yes I know that sweet potato is a starch, but it fits better here.
  • Cooking: These veggies are best roasted until fork tender. Time varies. These veggies should be cooked with their skin left on.
  • Seasoning: Rub these veggies with salt and cook in a little oil. Top with butter after they are cooked.

Resources

- My Pasta Sauce Post. Click here.

- College Student Cookbook. Click here.

- Broke College Kid Masterpost. Click here.

- Cooking on A Bootstrap. Click here.

- Good and Cheap. Click here.

- Budget Bytes. Click here.

- Meals On The Go. Click here. (Not a cookbook, but super helpful)

I hope this helps!

2

I don’t know what the deal is with rainy weather…it makes me so tired!  I had zero desire to work today, but I got to read exactly four posts before my day got crazy busy!  Fortunately, I was uncharacteristically proactive about packing breakfast and lunch last night, AND I pre-chopped the onions and jalapenos and mixed the spice rub for the shredded beef tacos I’m making in the crockpot, too.  This morning, prep took five minutes and I just got home to an amazing-smelling house!  And…as you can see…I’m EXTRA prepared with salsa for the tacos! That salsa is SO good, and they haven’t had it the last two times I went to Trader Joe’s.  So, I felt it necessary to stock up!  The guy at the checkout was like, “Wow…somebody really likes salsa.” Lol

I just don’t have it in me to go to the gym tonight.  I’m currently summoning the motivation to either go out for a rainy 65 degree run (LOVELY running conditions!) or do a yoga video.  I saw a super unflattering picture of myself from this weekend’s work event on Sunday.  I’m STILL trying to talk myself down about it (it keeps popping up on our work social media…UGH).  I was standing at an angle and wearing a rather flowy shirt, but for whatever reason, no amount of logical reasoning with myself has made me feel better and it’s been two days.  That nasty negative self-talk is such shit. :/

On a brighter note, I was looking for a couple of new maxi dresses for work for the warmer months and I ordered this one (in charcoal) from Amazon.  I don’t order a ton of clothes online but I took a chance on this one because it’s nice, cheap, and plain. Plus, I already have a belt that works with it (I’m wearing it in that picture).  I’m totally happy with the fit and the material. I’m 5′9 and it falls to the perfect length, too!  I ordered a second one in olive.  Yay!  I am not a fashionable person at all.  I love that maxi dresses are a complete outfit all on their own with minimal effort, and if they’re plain, I can match them to any number of shoes or sweaters.  I live in TX, so basically 99% of my wardrobe is sleeveless and I own a bunch of sweaters! Ha! 

Kitchen Witchery- Cooking With Intent

The fun thing about being a kitchen witch is that you can do it every day, you don’t need anything that you don’t already have, you can work it into your already busy schedule with barely any change in routine, and it is fun.

Here are some simple ideas you can use when Working in the kitchen.

1. make your own spice-rubs/seasoning blends. Go by your own nose and what you like to taste to create spices that are uniquely yours. You can raid the cheap $1 section of the spice aisle and spend some time mixing and matching. Don’t be afraid to add salt for protective qualities, as well. While you are making your blend, think about what you want it to accomplish every time you use it. My last mixture was a home-made Italian seasoning blend I put on breads before I baked them for the Lammas Holiday. I wanted the herbs to convey my thanks to the gods for a successful harvest season, and I wanted to ask for blessings for a warm and happy home. I use this seasoning every time I bake a holiday bread now…it just seems right.

2. I saw an idea another witch had on making homemade sugar cubes and I loved the idea.

http://love-thy-demons.tumblr.com/post/126232650844/broomcorner-these-are-for-my-daughters

I did some experimenting and found that you can also use sugar in the raw or any sugar that is not powdered sugar. You can replace the water with a mixture 2 parts vanilla extract/1 part water for vanilla sugar cubes. The spice aisle sells other extracts as well. There are probably several different flavors you could create for your coffee or tea. I use silicone candy/ice molds to shape my cubes and I bake them on 200 degrees for 1 hour, then let them cool and then pop them out. Do not go above the liquid solid ratio of 3 teaspoons liquid/1 cup sugar. If you do, you will get a gooey sticky mess when you bake as the cubes will boil and try to become candy.  If you do not want to go to the trouble of molds or cookie cutters you can also roll the sugar out flat on a pan to the thickness you want the cubes, use a sharp knife to draw lines in the sugar where you want the cubes to break apart, and bake.

3. When baking you have the opportunity to draw or cut sigils into most anything. You could add a sigil to a cake before icing it. You could hide sigils in the patterns of the icing on cake or cookies. You could give blessings this way, or use this to enchant your own food for good luck, or good health. Art in the kitchen is always fun. As seen here:

http://thevodkafairylovesmarshmallows.tumblr.com/post/127750320058/sweetoothgirl-diy-agate-cookies

4. Add a bit of salt to your mop water to help clean out negative energy. You can also experiment with making a deodorizing carpet powder- you know, the kind you pour down, then sweep up? Popcorn salt for spiritual cleansing, baking soda for deodorizing, essential oil for scent. mix in a bowl by whisk until the powder has absorbed the oil, add to a container you can shake out of, and voila. According to some online sources, adding Borax can repel fleas. You can do a search on homemade carpet powder for other ideas and recipes.

5. The important thing for a kitchen witch to remember is that anything can be made magical. In many places, the kitchen is considered the heart of the home. Where food and life comes from. Embrace that. Follow your heart and instincts.

YouFood Roulette

Title: YouFood Roulette
Authors: @copperbadge and @scifigrl47
Rating: General Audiences
Summary: Steve and Tony get trapped in a foodie YouTube hole, but not before arguing about Tony’s definition of “medical attention”.
Notes: Set in Sam’s foodieverse with a cameo by DJ of Sci’s Botverse.
Warnings: Lots of talk of food, some of it kind of gross. 

***

“I’m Sam Wilson,” Sam said, beaming at the camera.

“And I’m Bucky Barnes,” Bucky added, not quite as naturally cheerful, but Steve could tell he always made an effort.

“And this,” Sam said, as if he was about to say the usual is Cheap Eats, but instead Bucky reached under the counter in front of them and lifted a laughing, squirming DJ up to shoulder-height.

“Is DJ’s Cheap Eats!” they chorused in unison.

“Yay!” DJ added, throwing his arms in the air.

“You realize we sent DJ out with two babysitters tonight, and we’re sitting home watching him on YouTube,” Tony said, curled up under Steve’s arm on the sofa.

Steve, a bowl of green-onion popcorn in his lap, turned his head to kiss Tony’s temple as the video played. “We hadn’t seen his video with Sam yet. Anyway, you miss him when he’s not around.”

“I won’t admit it.”

“He’s having a good time out with Sam and Bucky, just like he did for the video,” Steve pointed out.

“Thank God,” Tony said. “Where did they say they were going, anyway?”

“It’s a secret,” Steve told him, as the Cheap Eats opening animation ended.

“DJ is on loan to us from his dad, who’s a friend of the show,” Sam said. Bucky propped DJ on his hip, and DJ gave the camera an especially cute smile. “Because we know that often the people who need cheap, easy eats the most are the ones who are worried about providing healthy meals their kids will actually eat. So today DJ’s gonna help us make some really easy meals your kids will love.”

“Milk and anything in milk,” Tony sighed.

“Hey, I was a picky eater too, and I turned out okay,” Steve reminded him.

“You’re a supertaster.”

“And you know DJ has some sensory stuff going on.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Tony rubbed his face as Sam, in the video, started talking about how to select good breads from the grocery store and what to look for in a cold cut. “It’s not his problem, it’s mine.”

“It doesn’t have to be a problem at all.”

“I just hate that I can’t feed him better.”

Steve rested his chin on the top of Tony’s head. “You feed him fine. Look at him, he’s adorable.”

“The camera adds ten pounds.”

(There is a readmore below! Read more!)

Keep reading

BBQ PULLED PORK

1 (5-pound) boneless or bone-in pork shoulder (aka pork butt), twine or netting removed ~ 2 medium yellow onions, thinly sliced ~ 5 garlic cloves, thinly sliced ~ 1 cup chicken stock ~ 1 tablespoon dark brown sugar ~ 1 tablespoon chili powder ~ 1 tablespoon salt, more to taste ~ ½ teaspoon ground cumin ~ ¼ teaspoon ground cinnamon ~ 2 cups barbecue sauce

Place onions and garlic in an even layer in the slow cooker; pour in stock. Combine sugar, chili powder, salt, cumin, and cinnamon in a small bowl. Wash pork and pat dry with paper towels. Rub the spice mixture all over it and place meat on top of the onions and garlic. Cover and cook until fork tender, 6 hours on high or 8 hours on low. Turn off slow cooker. Remove pork to a cutting board. Set a fine-mesh strainer over a medium bowl. Pour onion mix from the slow cooker through the strainer and return solids to the slow cooker. Set the strained liquid aside. If the pork has a bone, remove and discard. Using 2 forks, shred the meat into bite-sized pieces, discarding any large pieces of fat. Return shredded meat to the slow cooker, add barbecue sauce, mix to combine. If not using barbecue sauce, use a spoon to skim and discard the fat from the surface of the strained cooking liquid, then add ¼ cup of the liquid at a time to the slow cooker until the pork is just moistened. Taste and season with salt as needed.

If you thought rubs were just for meat or fish, you thought wrong. Tim Love uses his “bad ass” rub (made with guajillo chile powder, fresh rosemary, fresh thyme, salt, cracked pepper and Mexican oregano) for everything from margaritas to steaks to salad dressings. In this week’s episode of Mad Genius Tips, watch F&W’s Justin Chapple put Love’s rub to the test and discovered just how versatile it is.

Spice

I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and saw Collin rummaging through the refrigerator, pulling out a tub of Greek yogurt. I was wearing one of his button downs and my underwear. He was in just his underwear.

I approached him from his back and slapped him on his ass, giving him a startle, “Good morning,” I gave him a peck on the cheek.

“Morning, babe,” he answered, kissing me back, “Sleep well?”

“Well enough, I think you threw off my center of gravity last night.”

“Haha! You were pretty good too,” he smiled at me.

Collin had taken me home last night after some drinks with the rest of the office staff. I had never really taken notice in him, but he seemed to gain pounds and pounds of muscle just within a month and a half or so.

“Just Greek yogurt?” I asked

“Not too hungry, just need to get some nutrition in.”

“Come on, you have to present today. I’ll make you some eggs.”

He sighed and smiled, “Fine, just make it quick. I’ll be getting ready. Eggs in the fridge, spices in the cupboard.”

“I think I can find my way around the kitchen,” I remarked as he walked back into the bedroom chuckling.

I got the eggs out and started to fry them over the stove. As they cooked still runny, I looked through his spice cupboard for something to flavor them. Paprika, garlic salt, parsley… at the back of the cupboard was a big white jug with a loose white powder in it. It had a piece of tape with “GAINZ” marked across it. I got it out, opened it, and smelled it. It had no discernable smell. I licked my finger and touched it and put it to my mouth and tasted it. I couldn’t really taste anything. Thinking it might have been some protein powder with a really faint vanilla taste or something, I pinched a little between my finger and tried some more of it. Must have been some flavorless protein powder. I dumped about half a cup into the eggs, thinking Collin would like his protein in the morning and stirred, trying a bit of cooked egg in the pan to confirm I didn’t fuck it up too much with the powder. Nope, just right.

I continued cooking the eggs, making sure the runny parts got adequately cooked. Suddenly, my I felt a bit winded and a bit lightheaded. Then my body felt hot and like pressure was weighing down on it. I felt an extreme nausea mixed with the lightheadedness. My body felt paralyzed, as though if I were to move a muscle, I would either vomit or faint. From my vision, it seemed as though I was rising, as though gaining several inches in height suddenly. Then, I felt like all of the muscles on my body tensed, then pushed forward from my body, stretching my skin. It was incredibly painful but somehow felt intensely erotic as well. The constriction of Collin’s button down suddenly disappeared as I heard it shred in an exploding tear.  The pan in my hand felt like a feather now. Finally, I heard the elastic of my underwear straining as I felt my cock get heavier with girth and my testicles swell.

As soon as the intense pain and nausea occurred within me, it ended just as quickly. I was released from my paralysis and began panting, looking down at what I had become, marveling over the impossibility and beauty of my new body. I noticed Collin in the doorway of the kitchen in his business clothes, noticeably hard from what he had seen.

“What… the hell… was that?” I asked in between pants, hearing my new familiar yet booming deep voice for the first time.

“Well shit, I guess my secret’s out.” he gestured to the jug marked “GAINZ.” “How much did you use?”

“Shit… I don’t know… maybe like a tablespoon to myself?”

“Tablespoon?! Goddamn, you’re supposed to sprinkle that stuff on one meal per day!”

“Sorry… no directions on the jug.”

We both laughed, “So how much is in the eggs?” he asked.

“About half a cup,” I laughed.

“Even if we split that between the two of us, I don’t think we could fit in the apartment!” he laughed.

I looked up at the high vaulted ceilings in his apartments and felt myself getting hard thinking about it.

“I’ll get us some forks, then.”

“Woah, woah, woah, man. Let it brew. Maybe we could go camping and try that out, but not today,” Collin suggested, I felt pretty bummed out. How hot would that be?

“I tell you what,” he began loosening his belt, “How about we… break the new you in, and then see if we can find something that will fit you.”

“Sounds good. What about these though?” I asked, holding up the pan of eggs.

“Those are trash,” he took the pan and dumped it out the window into the ally below his apartment, “But you, baby, are far from that.” He dragged me by the front of my underpants and pulled me back into his bedroom, loosening his tie.

~~~

In the ally below, the pile of eggs landed on the pavement. A homeless man woke up from his sleep at the sound of them hitting the ground. Not hesitating, he started to move towards the eggs. He hadn’t had a bite to eat in three days. Hell, he bet he could eat the entire pile on the ground.