Remus gets a bit, well, Moony when the full moon nears. His skin itches and pulls as his hair follicles begin to produce thick wolf fur instead of body hair. His joints ache, even dislocating some days, as his skeleton prepares to disassemble and rearrange its parts into the sum of an entirely different species.
Strangely, these are not the worst parts of his pre-moon affliction. The worst is actually the the growth of his canine teeth the day before the full. Or, rather, the worst part is Sirius’ laughter that results from the unfortunate speech impediment caused by these canines.
“Thiriuth! Really, ith not that funny!” he argues, only to cause said friend to collapse into breathless wheezes of laughter.
“Please, Padfoot, can we just go to breakfatht now?”
Still howling in laughter, Sirius sat up. “Hah, n-no, Moons, not until you say it!”
“Padth, we go through thith every month. Do I really have to thay it again?”
“Yes! C’mon, for me?” Sirius batted his eyelashes, pouting childishly.
Remus sighed, ready to give up his dignity for yet another month. He took a deep breath.
“Thiriuth Black ith the thexietht guy in Hogwartth.”
His boyfriend’s face split into a grin so blinding it almost made the humiliation worth it. “You bet your bollocks I am, Moony. Now let’s go get the wolf fed.”
Later that day, Sirius had to put a silencing spell on himself to keep from laughing out loud as Remus was asked to read The Benefits and Dangers of Potions Containing Sassafras aloud in potions class.