speech impediments are funny

Remus gets a bit, well, Moony when the full moon nears. His skin itches and pulls as his hair follicles begin to produce thick wolf fur instead of body hair. His joints ache, even dislocating some days, as his skeleton prepares to disassemble and rearrange its parts into the sum of an entirely different species.

Strangely, these are not the worst parts of his pre-moon affliction. The worst is actually the the growth of his canine teeth the day before the full. Or, rather, the worst part is Sirius’ laughter that results from the unfortunate speech impediment caused by these canines.

“Thiriuth! Really, ith not that funny!” he argues, only to cause said friend to collapse into breathless wheezes of laughter.

“Please, Padfoot, can we just go to breakfatht now?”

Still howling in laughter, Sirius sat up. “Hah, n-no, Moons, not until you say it!”

“Padth, we go through thith every month. Do I really have to thay it again?”

“Yes! C’mon, for me?” Sirius batted his eyelashes, pouting childishly.

Remus sighed, ready to give up his dignity for yet another month. He took a deep breath.

“Thiriuth Black ith the thexietht guy in Hogwartth.”

His boyfriend’s face split into a grin so blinding it almost made the humiliation worth it. “You bet your bollocks I am, Moony. Now let’s go get the wolf fed.”

Later that day, Sirius had to put a silencing spell on himself to keep from laughing out loud as Remus was asked to read The Benefits and Dangers of Potions Containing Sassafras aloud in potions class.

Speech

Request: Can you do a Peter Pan imagines were the reader is very quiet and doesn’t talk much bc she has a speech impediment that gets in the way when she talks but Peter and Felix think it is the cutest thing ever when she talks.

Warnings: none

You were a quiet girl. Very quiet. The quietest on all of Neverland. Only because you had this major speech impediment. You couldn’t pronounce words correctly, and you stammered quite a bit. It made you always sound nervous. You hated it, and couldn’t stand it. Therefore, you rarely spoke.

Another reason why you hardly said a word was because the Lost Boys would tease you. It was harmless teasing, but you hated it. It reminded you of when you were back home. But there were only two boys on the island who didn’t tease you. Peter and Felix. The two scariest and tallest boys on the island. They adored your speech problem. They thought it was the cutest thing.

“Y/N, come here,” Peter called for you. You quickly stopped what you were doing, running over to him.

You only looked at him, saying nothing. Only a closed-mouth grin was on your lips. “I have a question for you. What’s your favorite food? I’m trying to think of new things to have for supper.”

You made a face.You tried explaining your favorite food with hand motions, but it was no use. You had no other choice but to speak. “I-It’s, um, su-suusee.” 

You wanted to smack yourself. Why couldn’t you pronounce words correctly? You meant to say sushi, but you just couldn’t pronounce it right. Peter chuckled though, finding it adorable. He made a note, writing down sushi

A groan left your throat. He was laughing at you. He was teasing you, wasn’t he? You hated that, and you furrowed your eyebrows at him.

“What?” He asked innocently, smiling.

You rolled your eyes. “Yo-you’re laapheen a-at me! It’s n-not funny!”

Peter looked at you. He had a silly side-smirk playing on his lips. “Hey, I’m not laughing at you. I laughing because you’re so cute.” Instantly, you blushed.

“I agree with Pan. It’s cute. We’re not laughing at you, more like laughing with you.” Felix had joined the conversation now. You were still blushing like crazy. These boys liked your speech problem? Why? It was terrible and you sounded awful.

You refused to speak. You didn’t want to. You speech impediment was so embarrassing. You sounded funny and weird. Sometimes you wanted to cry from it because you became so frustrated. You didn’t know why you had this problem, but you did.

“Hey, Y/N,” Felix caught your attention. “It’s okay to talk. I love hearing your voice. It’s a nice sound.”

“Exactly. And your impediment makes it better.” Peter grinned.

You looked at both boys. “Y-Yeah, but its ma-makes me sou-sound weerd. I want i-it gone.”

Peter and Felix looked at you. They hated the fact that you were insecure about your problem. You shouldn’t be. Plenty of people have speech impediments. Everyone stammers and everyone has a word they can’t exactly pronounce correctly. You shouldn’t be insecure about it.

“Love, it’s perfectly okay. I love your speech impediment,” Peter rested a hand on your shoulder.

“As do I. Again, it’s cute.” Felix agreed, offering you a smile. You returned.

“Bu-But the Loss Boys ma-make fun of me.” You looked down at your bare feet. You were wiggling your toes so they buried in the soil.

Peter and Felix both told you not to pay attention to the Lost Boys. They were just messing around, but to you they weren’t. You hated the teasing. Hated it so much. You could not stand it for the life of you. And as if on cue, a few Lost Boys walked by as you spoke. They mimicked you, stammering and pronouncing words wrong, only to laugh afterwards.

You glared at them, but didn’t want to say anything. You knew you’d stammer and mispronounce things. That would make the situation worse. So all you did was get up and storm off. You walked to your tent, plopping down on your bed, and puffing out air through your nose. Tears entered your eyes, but you refused to let them fall. It’s just, you were so overwhelmed. 

“Y/N?” Peter and Felix said in unison.

“D-don’t come i-in!” You shouted at them, annoyance clear in your voice.

Peter appeared inside your tent. His arms were folded over his chest as he looked at you. “You know you can’t escape me,” he said.

Peter moved, sitting down next to you. You didn’t dare look at him. 

“See? They ma-make fun of me! I ha-hate this, Pee-ter.” You groaned instantly after speaking. You couldn’t even pronounce Peter’s name correctly. Your fist clenched in frustration. Peter frowned.

“Y/N, darling, don’t fret over it. It’s normal for people to stammer and mispronounce words.”

“No, Pee-ter! No-not like me! Peepole don’t stru… stru… struggle as much as m-me!” Angry tears were coming down your face. You felt like you couldn’t be taken seriously.

Peter grabbed your hands, looking you in the eyes. He lifted your chin, so looking a you would be easier. “Y/N, calm down. It’s okay. I find it absolutely cute. You’re a beautiful girl, and this impediment makes you even more beautiful. The Lost Boys are just children, they make fun of everything.”

“Th-They don’t make fun o-of you.”

“That’s because they now I can end their life at the snap of my fingers,” he said rather bluntly. “But listen, I’ll tell the boys to knock it off with the teasing. Only if you promise to talk more.”

You looked at him as he wiped away a few stray tears. You were still breathing through only your nose, the air making sounds when you exhaled. But then you finally nodded. Just a little head nod.

“See? Not that hard. I promise, if any of them tease you, they’ll deal with Felix and I. Okay?”

“Okay.”

Peter smiled at you, and you smiled, too. He stood up, you next to him. “Let’s get back out there.” Again, you nodded. Peter wrapped his arm around you in a comforting way as you two exited the tent.