speech and debate

i love debate children:

“can i use that tournament as an excuse to not go to a sweet sixteen even if i’m not going?”

“in my first round i accidentally said presidential erection”

“my partner thought john boehner was pronounced john boner”

“can i borrow a pad to blow my nose? i’m desperate”

“that is the most policy impact i’ve ever heard.”

“you’re really sassy during cross and it’s borderline bitchy” “thank you”

“i was trying to channel how petty you are in cross. do you think it worked?”

“what if someone said Okinawa instead of okie doke?” (my partner looked really dead when i said that rip)

“you make tournaments suck less bro.” “bro :’)”

“i strongly urge an affegative ballot thank you”

“they become bitter” “shut up we’re not talking about your coffee”

“i would just like to point out that my opponents are lying hypocrites”

“you two are getting along a lot better now” “i’m only nice bc i wanna be captain next year”

“get away from me you filthy memers”

“there’s gonna be a lot of anti-american sentiment if we don’t life the embargo” “buddy there’s already a lot of anti-american sentiment tell me something i don’t know”

“these heels make me feel like i’m stabbing my feet with my most hq g2s”

“what if you died to death?”

“i would stab you with my pen but it’s brand new”

“coffee is like the unicorn blood of the muggle world”

“you look like you’re really dead inside” “thanks it’s from debate”

me @ my partner “i don’t understand why debate partners wear identical outfits” (we wore basically the same outfit that day)

@satangela666: “venezuela is cuba’s sugar daddy”

“tribal sovereignty is that in which one is sovereign and exercises sovereign rights”

“we must plant the seeds of democracy around the world and watch it blossom into beautiful flowers” “shut your face”

“i’ve had enough of your depressing nihilist meme culture”

“just ask america why they want cuban doctors”

“i would take a bullet for you in a nonlethal area of the body” “bro :’)”

“i’ve learned so much about our team that i never wanted to”

“is the plural of sheep shoop or sheep?”

“i understand your argument do you have an actual question?” (vibha looked so dead when i said that but we won so it’s ok)

“just debate your date partner”

“if the source is from december 29, can i round it to the next year?”

i showed this to my coach and he started crying i feel so bad for him for having to deal with us


Speech and Debate Trailer [Darren a 1:00]

People every squad has (as based on my squad)
  • Squad mom: keeps a sewing kit, lint sheets, bandaids, and snacks in their bag at all times; will ask you if you've eaten between rounds; gives pep talks before finals and helps novices fill out ballots but will still make fun of you if you do something stupid; tells you they're proud of how you did after awards; most likely to use spit to smooth your hair down
  • Drunk aunt: tries to be encouraging sometimes but fails; always loud; brutally honest; always does well but for some reason looks pissed off during awards; most likely to make someone ugly cry while trying to be supportive
  • Problematic fav: everyone loves them but they're kind of extremely annoying; super full of themselves; flamboyant af; a show-off to the end; embarrasses the entire squad on a semi-regular basis; most likely to get scolded after every tournament
  • Cinnamon roll: too pure; nice to everyone; pretty much the human embodiment of a golden retriever; protect them; most likely to get votes in congress
  • Unproblematic fav: will defend you in fb arguments as long as you aren't being a dick; looks like a douche but is actually the best; everyone loves them but everyone forgets about them; the person you would want to be stuck with on a deserted island; most likely to make you laugh when you're sad
  • The auctioneer: could be SO GOOD if they could just slow the fuck down; all their ballots say things like "good analysis" but also say they're hard to understand; super smart but people assume they aren't; most likely to be left behind at a tournament by accident
  • Just problematic: everyone kind of hates them and wishes they would quit; overly confident; thinks they're above the law and does things that are clearly against the rules; most likely to get kicked off the squad
  • If only I gave a fuck: super smart, super cute, super unmotivated; has caught five (5) articles over the course of the entire season; everyone wants to date them, everyone wants to be them; unprecedented levels of adorably awkward; most likely to have tub access revoked
  • When did you get here: that one novice that just kind of slid right into the squad dynamic; does well in prelims but panics in finals; most likely to hear "wait, you're a novice? no way"

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What Broadway stars have to say about Speech and Debate

Watch Speech and Debate featuring Sarah Steele, Austin Mckenzie, and Liam James with cameos by Lin Manuel Miranda, Skyler Astin, and Darren Criss on Netflix or iTunes