special occasion dresses

Occasion to Live

My Grandma is always waiting for a special occasion to come and lit up her life. She would never wear a new pretty dress just for a regular day or an ‘average’ holiday, she would never use the exquisite old porcelain set just like that, would never use new things and presents but keep them locked in the closet. My Gran never allowed my Grandpa to wear a brand new stylish leather jacket because he might damage it. She never gave him our last Christmas present because why would he use new things without any special occasion if the old ones are still okay? And then he died. Died not even seeing or knowing that we remembered him, that we bought him a present, which became a pile of useless trash just one month after Christmas. The month, when he died.

Me and my mom, we are a bit of shopaholics when we spend time together. She loves buying me dresses saying that I look in them like a princess, her princess. I already have a collection of all those beautiful dresses labeled ‘for a special occasion.’ Occasion that never comes.

I often listen to my friends’ stories, and quite often I can hear those cursed words, ‘waiting for a special occasion.’ They wait for a special day or some time in the future when they can finally do what they want to do: start a diet, go to a theatre, get a post-graduate, go for a cup of coffee together.

When I look out in the window, I see a sea of people, sea of drawn ‘special occasions’ that never come. I can see my Grandpa and the jacket he never had a chance to wear; I see my new dresses with labels, covered in dust; I see a friend, who’s been waiting already for five years for a good occasion to tell a girl that he loves her and wants to date her, while she has already changed three boyfriends during that time; I see lots of people, who are not alive and not dead – dormant, waiting for That Special Monday or any other special occasion to start living. And I’m frightened.

I’m scared that what if I never wear those dresses? What if I never awake and die dormant? What if on my tombstone, and on many other millions of tombstones, someone’s going to write the same phrase ‘Never had an occasion to live?’

© illirein 2017