speaks to soul

You are perfection all of the way down
You’re my perfection all of the way down
I could be anything that you want
I wouldn’t mind if you handed me a loaded gun
Crack a smile while you turn the safety off
I’ll destroy anything that you want me to
Help me try and understand what you’re going through
Crack the door as you turn yourself away
—  Direction- Mat Kerekes

You can talk to somebody’s soul

at any age, if you can see it,

if you know what to look for.

Most people have forgotten

they have a soul,

so they speak from their ego,

and listen with their ego,

and it sounds like

a hummingbird injected

with cocaine

who has been told to fly South

before the hurricanes come.

But if you speak to their soul,

they become calm and wise,

and full of humor; there faces

light up, as if it is the first time

somebody has noticed them

in years.  

Monstrosity of the Nursing Soul

Nurses crave silence at the end of the day, a silence that to the outside world is misconstrued as angry, annoyed, aloof, but really, it’s the unspoken words of seeing what we cannot unsee in nursing.

When nurses group together at nursing stations in downtimes, it’s generally to laugh about ridiculous things patients have said, roll their eyes at the antics of families, frustrations of the job, but every so often, nurses gather and the conversation turns to the horrors of nursing, the untouched stories we hesitate to speak aloud of, the capacity and need to rebound the mind from the unspeakable, the torments we bury deep down and hope to God we never face again;  the gore, the emotional and physical trauma, the tales you sometimes hear from other nurses that rip into your soul as you realize you understand implicitly the impact the monstrosity they’re describing is what your own soul has been exposed to, over and over again….the people and events that tick over in your mind long after your loved one has gone to sleep….
The sounds of disconnected ventilators startling you out of your sleep, and you run down the hall only to realize you’re in your house, there are no alarms, and your patient hasn’t extubated themselves…..the confusion you sometimes feel when your sense of proprioception has vanished, but in your mind you’re in a room full of medical equipment that won’t be silenced, your heart pounding as you realize you haven’t checked on your patient, only to realize you’re in the safety of your own home…. The unmasked face of fear imbedded in your mind, screams of agony from patients you cannot unhear, the accusations of patients s/p LE amputation; ones who logically know their leg was removed by a surgeon, but each time they see their nurse enter the room fear they will hack off their other leg, fear they have got their old leg hiding somewhere…..the demons that haunt the patients when they are alone, the whispered confessions they can only tell their nurse….the gruesome visuals of a burn victim and the arduous task of changing dressings with a level face all the while trying to comprehend how a human body could succumb to such horrific injuries and still survive…burns that you still smell in the privacy of your own thought, away from the hospital, burns that haunt you, drown out conversations, overwhelming visuals of  terrified faces, exposed skin and cries of pain echoing through the corners of your mind when loved ones and friends are asking how you’re doing, at the end of the day, so you say, “fine.”

We write, we tell stories to others, of patients we know people can tolerate, we tell stories that sometimes make others laugh at the absurdity, stories that make people cry at the sadness of it all, stories designed to remind us of the hope and inspiration in nursing…but the stories that horrify us internally, the ones that have impacted us beyond reasonable articulation, the ones we can never erase from our minds or find a way to confront the PTSD of what we’ve seen and heard.

They say you can escape into entertainment, humor, pleasures of physical activities, but you cannot escape the mind, tales ingrained in you far more graphic than any halloween tale.
The next time you ask a nurse how their day was, be prepared that when they say “fine.”

.. It wasn’t fine.
It wasn’t fine, at all.

Is it weird I find it a little upsetting that out of all the Crystal Gems, Amethyst is still the only one that never had like a human love interest, like one human that likes her but she has no interest at all with them, like Pearl with Mayor Dewey, and Garnet with Jamie.
Maybe it just proves that really they could care less for her because after all they just really write her as the fat best friend and only use her to help Pearls story arcs move along.

when will renjun’s vocal skill be acknowledged n appreciated more

me at all times: where is hoshi is he smiling is he eating well is he resting is he happy is he warm n cozy is he being showered in love n kindness is everyone laughing at his jokes does he feel safe n secure is he wearing a jacket it’s cold outside i don’t want him catching a cold does he know how much i love him ..

Has anyone else wondered if the reason Allen is directionally challenged is because he should be wearing glasses like Past!Allen? He can’t see for shit and somehow it’s slipped his knowledge that glasses are correctional tools for the eyes and thinks they’re just fashion statements of dignity or something.

And like his arm when it was paralyzed, he just got use to living with everything a giant blur.  Timcanpy is always easy to keep track of, being such a bright gold. Cross’ red hair was always a beacon and Lavi’s too. Link’s blond is bright enough and the man’s usually in arm’s reach anyways.

Sometimes you meet your soulmate in the most random, bizarre way. You don’t expect them to come into your life, and you don’t necessarily realize it’s them right off the bat. But when you have them, you’re convinced that your love can move mountains, calm oceans, outshine fire, create windstorms, and last forever. You’re so consumed with them, and you can’t imagine a point in your life without them. Your life becomes colorful. Your soul ignites.
—  Eventually// Excerpts From a Book I’ll Never Write

concept: dan creating deep content and feeling comfortable sharing his thoughts on more complicated issues with us instead of negating all his accomplishments and hiding his feelings behind memes and jokes