speach

Squeaky Floors

During the final session of my campaign, my main NPC was giving his huge speach, revealing how he was about to summon a massive demon.

NPC: …“and you will all now witness as I bring back the demon known as…..”

His speach was interrupted when one of my players let out a loud and squeaky fart at the table

NPC: “That’s funny, I didn’t realize these dungeon floors creaked”

The group broke out laughing.

Later, during the battle, the demon himself was speaking

Demon NPC: “You puny creatures will all fall under my control as I….”

His speach was also interrupted by another loud and squeaky fart

Demon PC: “Huh, I never knew that stone floors creaked”

We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls, ‘You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful. Otherwise you will threaten the man.’ Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Now marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support. But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same? We raise girls to see each other as competitors – not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing, but for the attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are.

The types as stereotypical anime protagonists:

ENTP: Spiky-haired teenage boy who gets in people’s faces all the time, is the head of some kind of sport organization at school, is probably late for class daily and gives motivational speaches to the people in his sport team.

INTJ: The dark-haired, cool twentysomething who sits at home and is unwillingly dragged into a magical adventure.

ESFJ: The super populare girl with impossible long hair whom everyone likes and who keeps talking about the power of friendship.

ISTJ: The heir to the dojo, the hard-working, decent son of a great father who will do everything to restore his family’s legacy.

INFP: The library nerd who has secret crushes on all the guys around her and doesn’t act on them, is trying and failing at being an artist.

ENFJ: The overly emotional character who obsesses over a passion, also a part of the ‘gives great inspirational speaches’ club.

ENFP: The fast-talking magical girl with an abnormal hair color who can’t decide which guy she likes. Arranges study groups with her friends to pass the exams, barely passes the exam and overreacts emotionally to everything.

ISFJ: The helpful, collected older sister who is surrounded by rash and wild younger kids. She knows it all, and tries her best to stay out of the huge conflict waiting to happen. Despite great effort and a dislike for personal drama she gets dragged into it.

ISTP: The scarred badass who survived wars, witnessed slaughters, carries a huge sword and talks to people in a low rumble. Never cries but secretly sweet.

ESTP: The wild, jumpy, all-over-the-place adventurer who rushes off to build his latest invention or discover the next magical crystal.

ESFP: The artistic teenage girl who runs around, crying and being dramatic and making an impact on the life of the dreary, serious older boy she likes.

1989 problems
  • welcome to new york:
  • me: WELCOME TO NEW YORK
  • ppl: um we're not in new york..
  • me: um excuse me
  • blank space:
  • ppl: GOTTA LOVE THEM STARBUCKS LOVERRRSSSS
  • me: look i appreciate the sing along but its LONG LIST OF EX-LOVERS. god.
  • style:
  • ppl: i dont get this song
  • me: SHHHHHH you dont have to get it, just listen.
  • out of the woods:
  • me: OMG OOTW
  • ppl: oh my good u mean outfit of the week right????
  • me: no. out of the woods. god karin.
  • all you had to do was stay:
  • ppl: oh my god she uses auto tune, ovi she cant go that high on stay
  • me: GOD DONT U GET IT. ITS FROM A DREAM. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.
  • shake it off:
  • ppl: ew now shes rapping.
  • me: JAHSDFJKASHDFKJASDHFAKJSDFH JUST NO.
  • i wish you would:
  • ppl: why is it always 2am
  • me: BC IT IS. ITS A GOOD TIME.
  • bad blood:
  • ppl: yo, i heard this is about that girl-
  • me: IT DOESNT MATTER JUST LISTEN
  • wildest dreams:
  • ppl: this is sooo about-
  • me: AGAIN. I DONT CARE. WAIT FOR IT. AaaHhhHAHHHHHH.
  • how you get the girl:
  • ppl: who even listens to her directions of getting a girl anyway.
  • me: UH LIKE THE WHOLE POPULATION OF THIS EARTH
  • this love:
  • me: THIS LOVE IS GOOD THIS LOVEE THIS BAD
  • ppl: ugh too repeatitive
  • me: *shoves pillow in their face* THIS LOVE IS ALIVE BACK FROM THE DEAD OhhHhHh
  • i know places:
  • ppl: foxes? did she just say foxes? this song makes no sense.
  • me: LISTEN CAREFULY AND IT MAKES SENSE.
  • clean:
  • me: RAIN CAME POURING DOWNNNN
  • *no one says anything because it's too amazing*