Some days life is hard. One way I’ve found that helps me deal with the world is the regular application of nail polish. The effect is like an immediate +2 to my charisma stat.
Today I tried something different. Taking advantage of some new colours I got recently, and a gold nail art pen, I had a go at the Captain Marvel design.
The Kree stars are far from perfect - I rushed it a little and I need a lot more practice with the nail art pens - but I’m quite happy with how it turned out. And besides, this helps serve as a (temporarily) constant reminder that what I do doesn’t have to be perfect to feel satisfying - and be awesome. (Just what I need this month.)
Now I’m ready to punch a hole in the sky!
… or, you know, just deal with the rest of the week or whatever =)
[Featured: Butter nail polish (knees up, scouse), Natio (clear top coat), Manicare Glam nail art pen (metallic gold - not a recommendation).]
Episode 79: The Triumphant Return of both Yami Bakura and Sparklefists Watches YGO
So, the location of the KaibaCorporation Domino City Battle City Tournament Finals has Final-ly been revealed, via extremely high-tech hologram that comes out of the Duel Disk when you insert 6 valid Puzzle Cards because OF COURSE IT DOES
But also, again, why hide the location? Seven people are learning this information, from a single set of Puzzle Cards. Just being in possession of 6 cards is the “ticket”, in practical terms, so why does the location have to be–
NEVERMIND the answer is “because Seto Kaiba is a massive fucking nerd” and really I should know by now not to ask “why is Seto Kaiba doing this really nerdy thing?” questions
ANYWAY, while our heroes bicker about where, exactly, that big red yoke actually is (the perils of showing a holographic replica of the building instead of giving people a fucking address), let’s go get started on our Yami Bakura Murder Adventure
Bakura is dreaming. This is what Bakura - specifically Yami Bakura, although he and Ryou might have a shared dreamscape - dreams about.
An infinite city
Turns out Marik is not a dream but is instead a fragment of actual Marik, literally IN BAKURA’S DREAMS
See, if it was a threat, he would explicitly threaten him, because he’s really fucking upfront with his threats usually. #flawlesslogic
… I swear, like, I’m not TRYING I’m no longer trying to recap this whole scene with a shipper spin on it, but YOU CANNOT TELL ME THOSE ARE NOT BEDROOM EYES
and he’s talking about DESIRING HIS ROD FFS
Smirky McSmirkface over here is also not helping, like look at that smirky little grin.
Bakura is amused, until the point where Marik says if Bakura wants the Rod, he’ll have to DUEL FOR IT in the Battle City finals and also chop chop better get your stabbed ass out of hospital to get those Puzzle Cards since there aren’t many slots left in the finals also sorry for [stabbing you edit:] getting you to stab yourself as a probably-unnecessary step in a plan that didn’t even work anyway lol
tbh if I was consciously manifesting in someone else’s dreams, I would 100% fly everywhere so you go for it, Marik, babe
Literally the most accurate thing anyone’s ever said about Marik.
At this point, Bakura is shaken awake by Grandpa because…
“It wasn’t because my boyfriend manifested his consciousness firmly into the innermost reaches of my most intimate subconscious if that’s what you’re wondering, old man.”
“… Well I am NOW.”
In order to avoid any further awkward questioning, and upon hearing Yugi and Jounouchi have qualified for the finals, Bakura unconsciousnesses Grandpa with the Ring (he could have killed him and doesn’t, which is a little OOC but he did just wake up from dreamsex) and riPS THE IV OUT OF HIS ARM
“… I’ve made a huge mistake.”
First item on the agenda? (After knocking someone unconscious and carelessly yanking a needle from his own flesh). Beat someone up for their duel disk and Puzzle Card. He goes all in; the guy has a nosebleed.
(I would so do this if I wasn’t a Duelist. Like this is a Big Fucking Deal, the city’s been almost at a standstill because of this. I would want a cool memento.)
I’m amused that Bakura says, when he pockets the Puzzle Card, that now that he has one, he has the right to play. Like it would be wrong to duel someone if he didn’t have a Puzzle Card to wager, but it’s totally fine in his book to beat someone up for one.
He takes a moment to give the guy some feedback on his deck.
Then heads off to find some real duelists.
shouldn’t be spending so much time with Marik then
He coerces sweet-talks a tip-off from some guys that there are still duelists hanging around the cemetery for some fucking reason, so he goes to murder them and take their cards challenge them to a friendly duel. (He doesn’t murder the guys he gets the tip from. On screen. I cannot guarantee he doesn’t murder them anyway, but he is in a rush, so if he does, he probably makes it quick.)
At the cemetery, some poor eegit discovers that some people would rather take the ~easy way out~ and instead of playing a children’s card game, they’ll cheat and…
BURY THEMSELVES IN THE GRAVEDIRT WITH NO VISIBLE BREATHING APPARATUS FOR INDEFINITE PERIODS OF TIME TO SCARE DUELISTS INTO DROPPING THEIR DUEL DISK SO THEY CAN TAKE THEIR CARDS
Who is bad enough at dueling but invested enough in dueling for this to seem like a legitimate strategy?
Sadly for him, the next “victim” to come walking into their trap is not disturbed by either of Ghostface’s faces, or by his friends’ faces either. In fact, he’s more mildly bemused.
Until they make to jump him, whereupon he pivots from bemused to fucking ice cool street fighter LIKE A BOSS
He’s got his EYES CLOSED ffs
“Incapacitating you is so trivial I’m bored sick.”
You may remember Ghostface and his less-memorable buddies from Duelist Kingdom, when they were Bandit Keith’s, um, “muscle”, I guess.
They remember Bakura as “that kid who hung out with Yugi” and recall that they never saw him duel. And then make the literally fatal mistake of assuming the reason they didn’t ever see him duel is because he’s a beginner who’s taken it up in the interim, and not because his preferred modus operadi is to duel people when there are no witnesses present because he then murders them. ^-^
But I’m sure this is going to go just fine for them.
“I call this move Murdering Three People At Once Using Nothing But A Children’s Card Game.”
So, now that she’s no longer tied into Game of Thrones, I would like to repeat:
Natalie Dormer as Carol Danvers/Captain Marvel/Princess Sparklefists 2kForever.
Go ahead Marvel. You can have this one. I don’t need any credit for it. Just do the right thing here.
Please and thank you.
(and yes, I know. “But she’s already been in the MCU so she can’t play Carol!” Tell that to Alfre Woodard who was in “Civil War” and is playing an entirely different character in Luke Cage.
Not to mention, she was in “Captain America” for all of one minute, and you can use that to actually tie into her backstory. That was Carol’s grandma, who worked with Captain America, and told Carol stories about it, and that’s what drove Carol to join the Air Force. BAM. Fuckin done.)
Bakura decides to play tourguide while facing Ghostface in - what he did not make at all clear is - a Duel to the Death
I have to presume (if he’s not making this up) that he knows Domino City Cemetery trivia from Ryou, who seems like EXACTLY the sort of person who knows Domino City Cemetery trivia.
Or, you know, he’s lying and just came up with some bullshit based on the first monster in his hand he wanted to summon, because he summons a headless knight, see, tying in the tourguide facts with the game, what fun!
THIS IS MY “HAVING FUN” FACE
So Yami Bakura probably thinks he’s being really very upfront about the lethal nature of this card game…
But tragically (for Ghostface et al, not for Bakura), the fucking rhetoric of this card game is SO OVERBLOWN that they think Bakura’s just, like, being melodramatic. “Death” in this case being interpreted as “loss of a card game”, and not in fact, literally being killed.
I blame Kaiba, to be perfectly honest. I feel like Kaiba was probably the one to normalise outlandishly dramatic metaphorical trash talk during televised duels. Ghostface could probably sue, if he wasn’t soon-to-be-deceased.
Oh and speaking of dramatic trash talk!
It’s not translated the same, but he totally says “sore wa dou kana?” aka Yami’s catchphrase. I love parallels between this stylishly violent Ancient Egyptian ghost dork and the other one.
Ghostface starts off pretty strong (although the headless knight does freak him out) but is thrown off his game by Yami Bakura’s … ah … unconventional strategic attitude.
For example, Ghostface summons Golden Elephant Skeleton (actually “Golden Elephant” but it’s a fucking skeleton, fight me Pegasus) (also, fun fact! it’s thought that elephant skulls were the origin of the myth of the Cyclops - a giant with a single eye in the centre of their face - because of their trunk-hole, and the animators really went in for it here) …
And uses a magic card that does 300 LP for each card sent to the graveyard.
“I call this the Immediately Stabbing Myself As The Opening Move To Any Plan technique. Violent, unprompted masochism really throws people off!”
Things Bakura is almost certainly sexually aroused by:
his own pain
other people’s pain
auto-erotic asphyxiation (I have no evidence for this one but, like. amirite.)
Ghostface And Pals’ fear:
Kaiba: aroused by card games
Yami: aroused by playing card games with certain people
Bakura: aroused by people being afraid of playing card games with him
please keep it in your pants mister
Turns out Bakura has a magic card I’m calling I Can’t Believe It’s Not Kul Elna:
that allows him to boost his own monster’s attack for every card he discarded, so he wasn’t just doing it to freak Ghostface out / get a rush from the pain of taking damage in a Dark Game.
At this point, these idiots are like “so when you say we’re going to die if Ghostface loses, you don’t really mean…?”
“Teehee, my bad!”
“… also his friends and/or card game associates.”
He says “World of Darkness” but he clarifies he literally means hell itself, as in, they will be for-reals-dead, not trapped in some shadow-y World of Darkness netherrealm.
There are actual ghosts involved now.
OR there are manifestations of Bakura’s Dark Game, taking the form of ghosts because that’s how he’s chosen this Dark Game to play out in order to fit the cemetery #aesthetic.
And I gotta say, aside from his Ryou-approved stripes and trainers and pastels, he has this aesthetic NAILED.
He also means that literally; one of them tries and just vanishes into the mist to appear running back towards the duel from the other direction. Just like the nerd herd trying to get into Pegasus’s Dark Game.
Ghostface tries to buy some time with Nightmare Steel Cage
… or Demon’s Iron Cage now I guess. #shrugemoticon #fightmePegasus
And for a moment it looks like it’s working…
LOL JK HE’S JUST PISSED OFF BECAUSE HE’S ENJOYING THE PANTS-FEELING HE’S GETTING FROM THEIR PALPABLE FEAR OF THEIR OWN IMMINENT DEATH SO HE DOESN’T WANT THE GAME TO END BUT IT HAS
… and they do. (I see why this got censored tbh. Grim.) They are dragged bodily beyond the veil of death, conveniently leaving behind the Duel Disk.
CAN YOU IMAGINE if the next episode was Bakura exasperatedly descending into the underworld to retrieve the Puzzle Cards he’d accidentally banished to beyond the mortal realm, like “Hades, long time no see, listen, I’m in a hurry to get back to a card game tournament…”
Because indeed, he better hurry, everyone else is in a race to the location of the finals as though there’s some time limit, which there isn’t, but these people are all really fucking excited about their card games.
Mai’s giving the nerd herd a lift when they’re overtaken by…
… IT’S YOUR TOURNAMENT AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN QUALIFY FIRST AND TECHNICALLY YOU’RE FOLLOWING THEM, WHICH, LIKE, YOU WERE ONLY BEHIND BECAUSE YOU STOPPED TO GO GET YOUR BACKUP HELICOPTER BECAUSE YOU CRASHED YOUR FIRST HELICOPTER INTO THE SEA AND ALSO THEY CAN’T HEAR YOU???
Jou wants to try race Kaiba. Mai has to be the adult.
And look. There is. SO MUCH. To unpack here.
Otogi is #posing and I have NO IDEA how he and Honda managed to convince Anzu that this was a good idea especially GIVEN HOW MAI DRIVES (i.e. like she’s got road rage from being rejected as a stunt driver for a The Fast and the Furious movie for “being unnecessarily showy and reckless”) but it looks like Anzu has just realised the likelihood of their death in an action-movie car-fireball
Jou’s the one griping about the competition already and I think Shizuka’s just coming to terms with just how much card game talk there’s going to be over the next 48 hours
Mai is internally berating herself for being stupid enough to offer Shizuka a lift “you KNOW they’re like a particularly needy gaggle of ducklings you HAD TO KNOW they would ALL get in your car goddammit Mai”
and Yugi is DEFINITELY thinking about how the side of his butt is touching the side of Anzu’s butt
Oh no. Oh nonononono I was not expecting that response D: I've been trying not to make a Ms Marvel but your response has been really encouraging and oh crap the desire to properly make her is growing stronger DAMN YOU TONY-MUN ;A;
apparently ur mom’s already preparing 2 take me to court for custody so