spam: ps

thestmagazine: This Sunday, @harrystyles is our cover star with his first ever solo, broadsheet interview. Don’t forget to buy The Sunday Times this Sunday to read the exclusive interview by @krissimurison in full. Photography by @maryamccartney Styling by @harry_lambert Grooming by @louteasdale . Harry wears a bespoke suit by @_charlesjeffrey and @rokeratelier boots. Art Director @danbiddulph Picture Editor @iameye

3

                                     Mr and Mrs Dursley,
                                     of number four,
                                     Privet Drive,
                                     were proud to say that
                                     they were perfectly normal,
                                     thank you very much.

                                    AESTHETIC MEME | eight stories
                                    ┖ harry potter
                                        and the philosopher’s stone (4.1)

6

harry potter and the philosopher’s stone by jk rowling

a breeze ruffled the neat hedges of privet drive, which lay silent and tidy under the inky sky, the very last place you would expect astonishing things to happen. harry potter rolled over inside his blankets without waking up. one small hand closed on the letter beside him and he slept on, not knowing he was special, not knowing he was famous, not knowing he would be woken in a few hours’ time by mrs. dursley’s scream as she opened the front door to put out the milk bottles, nor that he would spend the next few weeks being prodded and pinched by his cousin dudley…he couldn’t know that at this very moment, people meeting in secret all over the country were holding up their glasses and saying in hushed voices: “to harry potter ⏤ the boy who lived!”

I’m hungover enough to out and say it without really giving a fuck: Eleanor’s not even pretty, she’s just a skinny girl with long hair.

Add to that she’s willingly involved herself in this shitshow for a second time, all of the horrible things she’s said about Harry during the first go round and about Louis after their ‘break up’ and the fact that Louis always looks fucking miserable and dead in the eyes around her, she can go CHOKE.

I’m actively vengeful enough to say that I hope all of her “social media influencer” agreements get cancelled, her pointless blog gets deleted and in order to support herself, she has to spend the rest of her life working as a change room attendant for the Primark on Oxford Street, having to be polite to hoardes of customers and hanging up other people’s discarded fast-fashion and 5 or 6 times a day having to deal with teenagers asking her if she’s that bitch who deliberately tried to use Louis Tomlinson’s closet to make money.

Fuck off plain Jane, no one wants you here.