space ork

Rings Of The Cosmos

That title is just the coolest way I could think of to sum up this idea

So basically I just read through a literal Shit ton of the humans are space orcs stuff and I got to thinking all the aliens already are in contact with eachother before they find us right so here is my theory as to why this is

The closer to the Center you get the more inhabitable planets you find all these dudes found eachother really quickly and were like “let’s become homies” (friendly reminder that these guys are from REALLY mineraly rich plants so war to them is a foreign policy) they keep on doing this eventually have to fight some wars and gather a military

Eventually they start to notice that the further out they go the more dangerous planets get and consequently the tougher the inhabitants get. so they do some math and are like “Kay so intelligent cannot be found this distance away from the Center” this place becomes known as the Dead Zone

They get proven wrong a bunch of times the first time they find a creature in the Dead Zone it’s a zaxxo (I just made that name up give me a break) which are essentially a really fucking big single cell organism they survive on sunlight and can adapt to anything except temperature which is fine for them as they live in THE FUCKING VACUUM OF SPACE.

Anyways language barriers were a Bitch with these guys but eventually a solution was reached

So then people start going “hey if one thing can live in the Dead Zone why can’t another”
Which is pretty sound logic you know

So then they find the drakeks (look I’m bad with names okay) which are these super tall armor plated motherfuckers with poisonous spikes emitting from every orifice I mean sure they’re not the smartest but they don’t need to when they can survive the gravity of their planet which is only THE SIZE OF OUR SUN yeah they’re fucking op. eventually peaceful contact is established and most of them are enrolled into the military (tho there is one REALLY popular drakek musician)

They keep on exploring for maybe a thousand more years and then everyone goes “okay that’s it we already going
Found two species capable of jumping from one planet to another (turns out that if you put a drakek on a normal planet they’re even more terrifying, what gives?)”

it’s a bit after the Dead Zone exploration program is shut down that humans show up and there’s the normal “OH MY DEROG THESE FUCKERS CAN’T BE KILLED” then after ages and ages humans are kinda normalised and integrated like they’re still REALLY fucking handy to have around and really cute and all the other goodness that is associated with the humans are space orcs stuff.

This is the setting for an idea of mine that I may or may not end up posting I honestly don’t know if you read to the end of this I love you. Bye

Humans are cute

So for that humans are weird or humans are cute what if aliens thought humans were cute but because of the crazy shit we do.
Like two alien crew members just talking about a human.
“Yeah so human jerry decided to grab a hover cart and ride it down the hall. He had human Steve push him. Then Steve rode the cart.”
“That’s adorable.”
Like aliens just find our curiosity and our ability to entertain ourselves with anything adorable. Like how we see kittens playing with yarn.

A very human thing

The aliens figured out very early one that if you tell a human that a thing can be done and they’ll agree with you. They may or may not do the thing, but they will accept your word that it’s doable.

However, should you tell a human that something is impossible, and they’ll likely want to check for themselves.

Which would be fine, if they didn’t keep having the temerity to do impossible things that we all were absolutely certain in several universes couldn’t be done.

humans are weird Dementia

okay bit of a sad one i know imagine an alien species that treasures its memories going to a care home or meeting a human with dementia to that species that must be like that aliens religion version of hell and how humans even though the people with dementia are going the family and care home still do their best to care of the sick humans cause in the aliens eye “the old humans are part of the pack and will never be forgotten”


Hit ‘em ‘ard and hit ‘em low!

More akin to an airborne plague of locusts than a proper squadron in the eyes of the Imperium, Reapa Skwadron is a rag-tag group of Ork attack aircraft that have managed to become somewhat proficient in not crashing* every sortie, enough to become a credible threat. Their ranks include an eclectic collection of aircraft, including:

- Da Thundabolt, the current skwadron command craft.

- Da Blitza, a strike bomber equipped with heavy ‘boom bomms’. 

- Jagtoof, the former skwadron command craft. A rare breed of Dakkajet with a turret.

- Zog Off!, ‘Mad’ Zoggins’ personal death machine. Prone to ramming things its guns can’t damage, to varying effect.

- Da MiG, the skwadron’s ‘yoof’, yet to acquire kills in battle.

- Da Krimsun Komet, Big Mek Wagznabul’s magnum opus and personal Wazbom Blastajet.

- Orkbird**, a Voidraven looted in unknown circumstances, though the pilot looks suspiciously like a Kommando…

- Flamin’ Mork, a Burna Bommer so haphazardly made that not even the Mekboys know how the thing works properly.

- Da Flyin’ Wing, a looted Necron Croissant Night Scythe turned into a fast Blitza Bommer.

- ‘elldiva, another Blitza Bommer, distinguished by its ‘U’ shaped tail.

- Flamebelcha, a Burna Bommer, juuust about visible at the back of the last picture (I ran out of uploads).

They’re not all finished by any stretch, and you’ve all seen the Blastajet before. Nevertheless, here’s the Orky Air Horde in all its magnificence. The group shots are from a mass Aeronautica game where I formed an entire team by myself, and promptly lost horribly because of Tau Barracuda shenanigans and the fact that Ork airplanes are made of wet paper.

*Excluding when landing.

**A reference to the Arkbird, not the Orkney Islands as someone once suggested.


Evil Sunz Ork Boy

With 8th edition less than a month away I have decided that I would paint my Ork collection and expand it. I’m liking the sound of the new rules and look forward to getting some of those nasty deffrollers and wrecking balls to crunch in combat!

I’ve only ever painted two orks and the other one was over ten years ago. I’ve tried to emulate the ‘oldhammer’ pallet but bring it a bit more into the 21st Century. Let’s see how many I can get done!