So while I was flying out to the wedding, the guy beside me on the plane kept trying to make small talk and flirt. At one point he said, “You look like someone who’s into darker things.” Which may be somewhat true, but I have no idea why he said that since my outfit was a standard brown boots, leggings, and a plain sweatshirt. Anyway, my stranger-danger senses tingling (especially since he had previously mentioned a fondness for 4chan), I completely denied liking darker things and promptly plugged in my headphones to choose a movie… I later realized that choosing “Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children,” a Tim Burton film that includes slenderman-esque monsters eating the eyes of children, didn’t really support my earlier denial.
After claiming to have watched Felix Baumgartner’s famous Red Bull Stratos jump from the edge of space, recording artist B.o.B is furiously tweeting everything science says about the Earth being round is a total lie. Why is he doing this? We have an idea.
It wasn’t until years later that Melissa had realized she’d been trying to eat a single string of spaghetti from a never-ending spaghetti plate for so long that she was now traveling through space and time at an exponentially faster speed, never to see her family again, never to finish her meal. Sad.