space is not fair

2

“You’re getting so pale…”

“I know… my skin will start turning green soon.”

“Did you ever tell the kids about what will happen when your life ends?”

“I briefly mentioned it to them, but they understand that I’ll regenerate back into a full alien and leave this planet.”

“God, the thought of not being able to rest beside you for the rest of eternity kills me inside. How am I going to manage without you?”

“And how am I going to manage without you and our family when I’m back in outer space? This isn’t fair, Adam…”

anonymous asked:

yoonkook!!! (be brutally honest)

bEST SHIP EVER, and I’m really biased here, but like, they have such similar personalities, I can’t help but think they’d have a really smooth, healthy and loving relationship.

They’re both introverts, really quiet but can be extremely loud if they feel comfortable enough, they also care deeply about the other member and respect each other’s spaces, granted they also tease each other a fair amount, but everything’s in good nature, and they either don’t say anything about it, like yoongi every time jungkook teases him, or they somehow stay on good terms, like that bowling run episode where yoongi was teasing jungkook nonstop and jungkook was absolutely fine at the end even though he looked kinda pissed/upset during half the episode.

Also have you ever seen how yoongi just thinks jungkook is the most amazing person to ever exist? He looks at the kid as if he’s one of the seven wonders of the world, if they’re asked to do something yoongi always jumps in to say jungkook can do it perfectly, regardless of what it is and regardless of jungkook thinking yoongi is out of his mind (then jungkook just goes and does it anyway, but I mean, even if he fails yoongi will still say he did great, so why not try anyway). And jungkook has such a huge admiration and respect for yoongi, he looks up to him so much it’s ridiculous.

I could talk about jungkook picking up on yoongi’s habits and yoongi starting to pick up on jungkook’s too, but nah, this is too long already lol.

Honestly, yoonkook just fits perfectly together, they look at each other with such adoration and they’re so soft and precious 😭💘

What if we are both the Space Orcs and the Space Hippies of the Galaxy?

I absolutely love the idea that humanity will turn out to be the Space Orcs of the universe with our innate violence and toughness but what if we turn out to be the space hippies as well?

Like every other species that has reached Space fairing status has slaughtered every predator, every dangerous insect, every poisonous plant ….even viruses  and bacteria have been exterminated. Basically everything that can be a threat to them on their planet has been removed and it’s functions in the cycle of the planet have been replicated through scientific means. Sanitizing your Homeworld  like this is considered a mark of progress and civilization. Only barbaric species have natural dangers on their world. In advanced societies only lifeforms which are useful are allowed on your planet

And then we appear on the scene and although we are intimidating and and violent the other species welcome us. And then on our first meeting the alien ambassador notices a beautiful painting of a jellyfish on the Captain’s wall

“What an intriguing creature. Is it native to your planet? What is it function?” asked X’thio of the Kril

“Oh this? Yeah. The Box Jellyfish. Nasty piece of work. It’s poison targets your pain center and you literally spend weeks in excruciating pain. You can die very easily if you don’t get help quickly. My third cousin got stung by one. She said it was so painful it made child birth look like a fun day at the park“

“These things still exist on your world!? How horrifying. We would gladly help you exterminate them if you don’t have the capability”

“Exterminate them!? Mate we are trying to save them. They are severely endangering due all the pollution in the ocean!”

“What!? Why?”

“Well we used to throw out a lot of garbage  in the ocean and….”

“I understand how pollution works. Why would you want to save such a horrid creature?”

“Well  isn’t it obvious? It’s because it’s endangered. Besides they barely killed any people. Now snakes..let me tell you about snakes. There this snake that climbed through toilet and bit my uncle right in the…….”

And that’s when the Ambassador knew that they wouldn’t be leaving their Embassy on Earth

more humans are weird...

Okay, so we’ve talked about inanimate objects like Stabby the space roomba. Fair enough, the aliens think, after adjusting their mental frameworks a little. It moves around, it’s got some intelligence, humans just aren’t very good at distinguishing ‘animate’ and 'inanimate’ and will pack-bond with anything that moves. Weird, but okay.

But then:

Human Sashi: What are you doing??!

Alien fusid: …Eating the first meal of the day? I believe you call it 'breakfast’?

Human Sashi: No, I mean… you’re using my cup!

Alien fusid: Dishes were provided by the space station.

Human Sashi: Well, some of us brought our own – my friend doesn’t like them; too standardized. But that’s not what I was talking about. That’s my cup!

Alien fusid: I apologize, but it looks exactly like the other cups.

Human Sashi: No it doesn’t.

Alien fusid: …What?

Human Sashi: It’s got a chip in the corner, see?? I mean, it’s fine, but just… don’t do it again, okay.


Alien fusid: I had the strangest interaction with a human today.

Alien Wimu: The humans are quite odd. What occurred?

Alien fusid: It had pack bonded to a cup.

Alien Wimu: …a cup?

Alien fusid: Yes. It is a regulation cup, but it has a chip. Apparently, we are not to touch it.

Alien Wimu: …

Alien fusid: …

Alien Wimu, meditatively: The humans are certainly very, very odd.

I often wake up in the morning and have a deep, long thoughts about how I can be most pleasing and acceptable to every strange man I encounter as I walk in public spaces.

It’s only fair.

I wouldn’t want them to feel sad that every person around then isn’t consistently working towards their sense of satisfaction with life.

A better commissioner than Gary Bettman

Sidney Crosby
Pros: rich and doesn’t care about making more money, stays away from drama.
Cons: too superstitious, doesn’t like the spotlight, running the NHL would take away from playing the game, refuses to wear shoes other than skates or crocs, Philadelphia is mysteriously left out of the schedule for the season, is found dead after choking on a mozzarella stick.

Jonathan Toews
Pros: smart guy, fair, doesn’t hold grudges, likes to teach people and take them under his wing, serious and stays on topic
Cons: would be too focused on promoting vegetables instead of hockey.

Auston Matthews
pros: mature, good candidate for making the sport of hockey more diverse.
cons: all of his clothes have rips in them. rappers everywhere will make rap songs about him and none of the players would take him seriously. Every team’s goal song is a rap song about Auston Matthews.

Phil Kessel
pros: nice guy, works hard, loves the game. A Stanley cup champion.
Cons: can’t deal with reporters.

Johnny Gaudreau
pros: went to college.
Cons: only eats skittles and Nutella and drinks bottled water. A bad influence on children.

Connor McDavid
Pros: smart, nice, good leader, respected, won’t blame you if you break his collar bone.
Cons: no one pays attention to what he’s saying because they can’t get over how fast and talented he is and the fact that he’s CONNOR MCDAVID. None of the announcers ever talk about the game. All they talk about is their beloved commissioner. They can’t get over how amazing he is.

Joe Thornton
pros: been in the game a long time. He loves to assist people. Loves it. Joseph Eric Thornton lives to serve.
Cons: grabs random guys’ beards to compare them to his. No one has a better beard than Jumbo. Children mistake him for Santa Claus and cry because he’s too skinny and they think he doesn’t eat their milk and cookies.

Tyler Seguin
pros: lots of females suddenly become huge fans of hockey.
Cons: always naked, giggles too much, spends too much time taking selfies, covers everything in pink glitter.

Jamie Benn
Pros: good leader, wants things fair for everyone Cons: spaces out too much. Gets rid of all the music in the arenas and replaces it with elevator music. Spends most of him time thinking about how to work an elevator. He only knows how to go up in them because he doesn’t go down.

Conclusion:
Carey Price takes care of boring, behind the scenes stuff. Alex Ovechkin is the front man. He talks to the press and promotes the league. Team North America comes back. Former Team Europe is split up by individual country, and Team Europe becomes 23 year olds and younger players from countries in Europe and Russia. Everyone is happy. The End.

I’m so happy about the “Keith is actually a very happy person inside” thing bc like, it has always been my headcanon that he just doesn’t vary his tone/expression much but he isn’t actually a grump & that if you see him staring off into space he is not brooding he’s just thinking about how the plot of Frozen makes no sense or how weird it is that there are so many different types of sand.

anonymous asked:

Eey could you recommend me some podcasts?

My friend I could recommend you many podcasts! Seeing as I don’t know what you’re particularly looking for I’m going to separate them into rough groups :)

Obviously this isn’t a comprehensive list and there are DEFINITELY crossovers. If you want more info on any let me know and I’ll go more in depth!

SciFi
- Inkwyrm
- Wolf 359
- The Penumbra Podcast
- EOS 10
- The Strange Case of Starship Iris
- The Bright Sessions
- ars Paradoxica
- Hush
- MarsCorp
- LifeAfter
- SubverCity Transmit
- Within the Wires
- The Elysium Project
- You Are Here
- Radiation World
- Sayer
- Space Log
- Adventures of MechaBetty
- Our Fair City

Horror
- The Shadowvane Podcast
- Archive 81
- Small Town Horror
- The Magnus Archives
- Mabel
- We’re Alive
- The NoSleep Podcast
- The Lift
- The Deep Vault
- Spines
- Darkest Night
- The Meat Blockade
- Help Me
- Sable

Surreal Shit
- The Orbiting Human Circus (of the air)
- Welcome to Night Vale
- The Bridge
- Uncanny County
- Greater Boston
- Return Home
- Alice isn’t Dead
- Charlie’s Mailbox
- The Behemoth
- The Alexandria Archives

Comedy
- Tales of THATTOWN
- Kakos Industries
- King Falls AM
- Wooden Overcoats
- The Rogue’s Gallery
- Supervillain Corner
- Spire
- Qwerpline
- Thrilling Adventure Hour

Journalists Getting into Trouble
- Rabbits
- The Black Tapes
- Passage
- Drywater
- Tanis
- Augustine
- The Tunnels Podcast
- Limetown

The Future is Fucked
- Rover Red
- Liberty: Critical Research
- Freed

Non-Fiction
- Astonishing Legends
- The Night Time Podcast
- Bizarre States
- Myths and Legends
- Anything Ghost Show
- Lore
- Flash Forward
- The Generation Why Podcast
- Detective
- The Mythology Podcast
- Strange Podcast
- Unexplained
- Stuff to Blow your Mind
- Mysterious Universe

I love magical realism about traveling carnivals/funfairs. It writes itself. It’s not just that they are these mysterious liminal spaces that come and go from your town. But they are so evocative of memory. The smell of sugar and motor oil. Flashing lights and dance hits just a few years out of date. Screaming, and laughing, screaming laughing and laughing until you’re screaming. I dare you to go on the big one, the really big one! I double dare you.

 Maybe you were a little kid, the taste of popcorn on your tongue, standing up as straight as you can because you are tall enough for that ride, you are you promise. Or it’s a first date and your trying not to get candy floss stuck in your braces. Their sweaty fingers grab your sweaty fingers and pull you towards a rollercoaster you’ve been on before but this time it seems so much more exciting. You scream enough for two. When you failed your driving test your friends took you on the bumper cars where you could crash all you wanted. You snarled and laughed. Come and get me world, I don’t care today. The first time you take a kid, watching that they don’t get sick, keeping their shoes out of the mud, and you watch the lights reflected in wide eyes.

Tell me that isn’t magic already, I dare you.