I was watching some Dead Space 2 playthroughs and suddenly remembered that I too have a protagonist who’s on a mission to stop having horrible hallucinations of their possibly dead wife/girlfriend, so have this Dead Space Harper (Death Harp? Harp Space?)
-I’m pretty sure she’d still wear the dog tag even on her outer armour
-Ruthie pays a visit
-Harper finds that it’s true that in space no one can hear you scream
-And because it’s Harper, have some of her signature “Harperness”
On today’s episode of ‘why aren’t we talking about this because this definitely needs to be talked about’: andreil + kisses
Andrew kisses Neil’s cheeks after his face is mostly healed; he’ll be scarred and marked for the rest of his life, but the gentle press of Andrew’s lips to his face helps Neil come to turns with that
When he’s finally given permission (”yes or no?” “just fucking have your way, josten. i hate you irrevocably, by the way”), Neil leans down and presses his lips to Andrew’s forehead, usually before Neil goes for a run and Andrew, somehow, isn’t up before he is
They’re drunk (”c’mon neil, those crazy fuckers aren’t after you anymore! you an spare at least one night of total inebriation!”), and the scotch is low in Neil’s belly and Andrew just feels so good, and when Andrew has him pressed against the wall, hands on his hips and body trapping his, Neil leans into his space, hot breath over Andrew’s admittedly edible lips, and rubs his nose gently over Andrew’s; Andrew scoffs, presses bruising force into his hips and whips out a harsh “402% fucker” (neil notices that when the hate percentage is higher than usual, it means about the exact opposite; Neil counts this as a victory
One day they have an especially brutal practice (”kevin for fuck’s sake, if you don’t chill out with these goddamn drills, we won’t be alive to play the next game!”), after they’ve both showered and hauled themselves back to Fox Tower, Andrew wordlessly steers Neil to their bedroom and sits Neil on the edge of the bed, takes Neil’s calloused fingers in his own before gently pulling them apart and up to his mouth, one finger at a time, until each tender finger has been dealt with; Neil watches in bated silence
Eden’s Twilight is a living pulse in Neil’s veins; he’s allotted himself a few drinks when they come out, enough to feel the affects but not enough for him to lose his inhibitions; by some sheer act of god, Andrew is out on the dancefloor, and they’re not really dancing so much as slowly and hotly grinding against each other, and Neil licks a hot stripe across Andrew’s neck, Andrew visibly shudders, pushes Neil out of his space and harps about Neil being a “goddamn fucking vampire” but Neil only smiles in triumph
Neil says it first, not like he means to, but it slips out nonetheless; they’re alone for once, everyone else has fucked off and the two of them are spread out on the couch, watching something neither of them could honestly care less about. Neil feels so content, safe, happy, alive, and he’s saying I love you before he can stop himself; Andrew freezes immediately, body tense and a cold gaze on his face.
“what the fuck did you just say?” Neil sits up to look at him. “you heard me. i love y-” “shut up. shut your fucking mouth before i cut your tongue off and feed it back to you.” “i’m not scared of you.” “you should be.” Neil switches tactics. “andrew, you want to keep me safe, yes or no?” “why are you being stupid?” “stop deflecting and answer.” “yes.” “you’re happy that i didn’t leave when the fbi wanted me to, yes or no?” “’happy’ is a very tricky word to use.” “yes or no?” “yes.” “’this’ means something to you, yes or no?” “i haven’t gotten bored of you just yet, so, perhaps.” “you love me too, yes or no?” “323% and going strong” “yes or no?” “fuck you.” but they’re doing talking about this, done using words, when Andrew pulls Neil in by the back of the neck and answers him with a tongue in his mouth, a moan in his throat and a promise burning molten hot between them
Okay, but what of Obi wan IS jealous that Qui Gon doesnt make him friendship bracelets? Like i know Obi wan is forever suffering, but he does get love, yes?
I imagine Obi-Wan is aware that the friendship bracelets exist solely to fuck with Mace and he is perfectly fine with not getting one riiiiight up until the moment he’s suddenly aware of just how much Qui-Gon LIKES Mace and then is suddenly NOT, hahahaha. And of course then Qui-Gon is like “why is my padawan suddenly all grumpy and formal and not bantering lovingly with me anymore? D:” and PROBABLY GODDAMN SHMI has to descend from the ceiling with a space harp and taped-on moons-of-Iego angel wings like “people have feeeeeelings~ and that’s~ o~ KAY!~”
Obi-Wan is very disgruntled, but also now owns a Qui-Gon Jinn Special friendship bracelet.
Clint Eastwood recently said that we were living in what he called the “pussy generation” – an overly PC era of “walking on eggshells” and an inadvertent pitch for Kanye West’s next album title. As he puts it, the world’s definition of what’s considered racist has changed since his childhood – an apparent jaw-dropping revelation for the 86-year-old millionaire. But it isn’t only Space Cowboy who’s harping on the times. There’s a whole slew of old, straight, white comedians also complaining that people can’t take a joke anymore – as evidenced by a new documentary called Can We Take A Joke?
That’s right, guys. Even comedy innovators like Jim Norton, Gilbert Gottfried, Adam Carolla, Penn Jillette, and Lisa Lampanelli are speaking out about this totally new, in-no-way-indicative-of-the-natural-progression-of-society problem that’s never before plagued a nation. How else would you explain that the parrot from Aladdin isn’t knocking it out of the park anymore?
And it’s more than comedians from 20 years ago who are feeling the sting of PC-fascism, as many people on Reddit have also taken to reminiscing about the good ol’ days when shows like The Simpsons and King Of The Hill totally “nailed” the outrageous outrage culture that society has devolved into.